Donate Posted December 23, 2014 Share Posted December 23, 2014 So me (a married man) and this younger female (a married woman) had a very short fling...maybe a month tops. I took several steps back explaining that even though we work different shifts we still work for the same company and can not fool around at work, plus I just don't have the time to text all day long, meet every time I have a day off or otherwise give her the attention she needs. Before she caused attention at work because she followed me around all the time, now she causes attention because she acts like I am not there...yet still tries to be in my line of sight. I think she is crazy. Your thoughts??? Link to post Share on other sites
Satu Posted December 23, 2014 Share Posted December 23, 2014 (edited) Things like this never end well. Edited December 24, 2014 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Link to post Share on other sites
Author Donate Posted December 23, 2014 Author Share Posted December 23, 2014 I have not said a word to her in over a month....I'm cool with that. I wanted us to just be on speaking terms like nothing ever happened and not see each other or fool around. Now she is acting weird by not saying anything when before people saw us talking Link to post Share on other sites
violet1 Posted December 23, 2014 Share Posted December 23, 2014 It sounds like she's playing games. She's trying to pretend you're not there. Maybe that's how she deals with things. What you need to understand is that it's not easy for everyone to pretend that nothing happened and go back to the way things were. Let her be and don't let her reactions bother you so much. This is probably why you shouldn't dip your pen in company ink. Good luck! Link to post Share on other sites
CALOVELY Posted December 23, 2014 Share Posted December 23, 2014 You play, you pay. Time to pay the piper. Hopefully this doesn't blow up in your face. At 48, I am surprised nobody told you that having an affair with a co-worker is a really, really bad idea. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Scarlet2 Posted December 23, 2014 Share Posted December 23, 2014 She's not crazy. You ended it therefore she stopped following you around, it's pretty cut and dry. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
SoftViolin Posted December 23, 2014 Share Posted December 23, 2014 (edited) Not knowing any detail of your story and affair aside from what you posted here - your attitude is that of very self-centered man. Affair at work = very bad idea. You both had it, you both are at fault. Now you want to go back to behaving like nothing ever happened, because it was just that for you - nothing. Fair enough. But it's selfish to expect her to feel the same. Maybe she is in a bad marriage? Maybe she was clinging on to your attention/affair looking for something missing? Maybe she really has feelings for you? I don't know and point is - neither do you, really. Not from a month's worth of an affair. And even with that, she is not saying anything to anybody (that you know of), she is just processing the end of the affair and she needs some space. Since you work together, space and not seeing each other might be hard. Let her be and really, I think the person attracting attention to the situation, is you, because you are all nervous about it - what if somebody notices, what happens then? Trust me nobody cares - for all they know you had a fight, or weren't that good of friends to begin with. People are usually concerned with their own problems. So - and I mean this respectfully- get your head out of your a&&, leave her to process what happened and make peace with the fact that yes, there's a miniscule chance somebody will somehow see/find out, and no amount of your worry or calling her crazy will change those odds. Edited December 23, 2014 by SoftViolin 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Popsicle Posted December 23, 2014 Share Posted December 23, 2014 You got what you wanted now stop thinking about her so much. Link to post Share on other sites
Satu Posted December 23, 2014 Share Posted December 23, 2014 I have not said a word to her in over a month....I'm cool with that. I wanted us to just be on speaking terms like nothing ever happened and not see each other or fool around. Now she is acting weird by not saying anything when before people saw us talking What would your wife think about this? Her husband? I hope you do get found out, and I hope you get to face the full consequences of your actions. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Donate Posted December 23, 2014 Author Share Posted December 23, 2014 What would your wife think about this? Her husband? I hope you do get found out, and I hope you get to face the full consequences of your actions. Sorry to burst your bubble but your scenario is not likely to happen. Link to post Share on other sites
Satu Posted December 23, 2014 Share Posted December 23, 2014 Sorry to burst your bubble but your scenario is not likely to happen. No conscience. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Donate Posted December 23, 2014 Author Share Posted December 23, 2014 No conscience. Sure, but I accept being human. No need to try to live up to unrealistic expectations. Sometimes men and women are naturally 'physically, emotionally etc.' attracted to each other. Sometimes the attraction is acted upon, most times its not. If it happens, its best to get back to 'normal' ie a monogamist relationship asap...else bad things happen. But no need to feel guilty or beat yourself up about it. Link to post Share on other sites
beach Posted December 23, 2014 Share Posted December 23, 2014 You used her - she used you. Now you intend to act like she wasn't used. Did you explain this to her? Most people don't like being used. She most likely thinks she's a fool for having sex with you and being ignored. Can you show some compassion toward her and explain that you didn't intend to harm her? Have you learned anything from this about seeing people in your work place? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Donate Posted December 23, 2014 Author Share Posted December 23, 2014 Yup. Just as true as yours. Yes dear, of course she is....That would make her about 2..... I didn't realize I stepped into a pile of evanescentworld....let me grab a stick and scrape you off my shoe. Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted December 23, 2014 Share Posted December 23, 2014 I would think since she is married also she would know that your affair was just a fling. She knew what she was getting into. At 28 she ain't no baby. You both are just cheaters who are selfish and only care about yourselves. I don't feel sorry for what she is going through one bit and I hope your wife and her husband find out what they are married to ASAP. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Donate Posted December 23, 2014 Author Share Posted December 23, 2014 I would think since she is married also she would know that your affair was just a fling. She knew what she was getting into. At 28 she ain't no baby. You both are just cheaters who are selfish and only care about yourselves. I don't feel sorry for what she is going through one bit and I hope your wife and her husband find out what they are married to ASAP. First time I 'fooled around' on my wife in the 10+ years we been married, not likely to happen again....no need really I get everything I need at home and the wifey is better looking than most. As for the young lady, she is not happy at home, married to a long haul trucker who pays her no attention. She is liable to continue looking for 'something' and eventually get caught up in a mess. With that said, I really find nothing wrong with two consenting adults sharing a moment or two, single or not. These days I really don't have the time or energy to be messing around. Link to post Share on other sites
beach Posted December 23, 2014 Share Posted December 23, 2014 Any gal looking to mess around will want time and attention. These are the qualities (deficiencies) that most cheaters find inviting - that little radar that tells a perpetrator that they spot a victim. She needed something from you - you gave it as a primal offering. Now that you know she wanted more than what you're willing to offer now - she has her feelings hurt. To HER it wasn't primal intent, she was expecting you to be warm and fuzzy (which you're not). What conversation can YOU have with her to settle this down so her feelings aren't so hurt? Link to post Share on other sites
Sub Posted December 23, 2014 Share Posted December 23, 2014 With that said, I really find nothing wrong with two consenting adults sharing a moment or two, single or not. So you'd be cool with your W having a little fling of her own, then? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Donate Posted December 23, 2014 Author Share Posted December 23, 2014 What conversation can YOU have with her to settle this down so her feelings aren't so hurt? None. She is married I am married She is an adult who knows 'nothing' could have become of a fling...I made it clear from the beginning and the end. She needs to just get over it and move along. Instead of going out of her way to get into my line of sight all the time. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Donate Posted December 23, 2014 Author Share Posted December 23, 2014 So you'd be cool with your W having a little fling of her own, then? I will repeat a post of mine Sure, but I accept being human. No need to try to live up to unrealistic expectations. Sometimes men and women are naturally 'physically, emotionally etc.' attracted to each other. Sometimes the attraction is acted upon, most times its not. If it happens, its best to get back to 'normal' ie a monogamist relationship asap...else bad things happen. But no need to feel guilty or beat yourself up about it. Don't ask/Don't tell....I do not expect the wife to be any more perfect than me or any other human being. Link to post Share on other sites
beach Posted December 23, 2014 Share Posted December 23, 2014 Sheez dude, show some courtesy and have a conversation. Use your words to convey a clear message to her. You owe her a decent conversation, at the very least. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
CALOVELY Posted December 23, 2014 Share Posted December 23, 2014 With that said, I really find nothing wrong with two consenting adults sharing a moment or two, single or not. These days I really don't have the time or energy to be messing around. The problem is that there are four people involved in this and only two of them are consenting. How is that fair to the two that are left out of this decision making? Link to post Share on other sites
Sub Posted December 23, 2014 Share Posted December 23, 2014 I will repeat a post of mine Don't ask/Don't tell....I do not expect the wife to be any more perfect than me or any other human being. I can respect that. I guess as long as you're up to dealing with the consequences of these sorts of things, who am I to judge? Thing is, you probably could have seen this coming with the girl from work. Like beach said: use your words. Link to post Share on other sites
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