I just permanently deleted my Facebook account (Updated)

[nikki76]

I know most of you are sick of my posts. But I feel like I need to post.

 

I just permanently deleted Facebook account that me and my "AP" shared. That was our only means of communication. Ive tried NC a million times, but he would always text me just a few days after and then began the rollercoaster ride. I never did it true NC. So i feel like by actually deleting, its done for good.

 

I didnt give him a goodbye or anything. Just deleted facebook and blocked his cell number on my cell phone.

 

Hes friends with my H.....and lives in the same neighborhood so I know we'll be seeing each other and that will be so hard.

 

I feel like I cant breathe and that I'm spinning in circles, but I feel a little sense of relief.

 

I want to delete him from my H Facebook too. So I wont be tempted to look at him and I dont want him to know whats going on in my life.

 

I'm on my way down a long path of grief. I deserve every bit of it.

 

Looking back at my posts from a few months ago, I'm in the same place. I dont want to be looking back in a year from now, and be in the same miserable place. Its soon a new year, I want it to also be a new life with my H and family.

 

Thank you for reading.

[spanz1]

we are rooting for you!

[jbrent890]

You mean to tell me there is a possibility you are still going to bring this guy around your husband. Wow. I understand you want to keep up appearances in order to keep lying to your husband, but you are playing with fire as well. If this gets discovered (and I have a feeling it will), this will be the end of you. Deleting the FB is a good step, but I still think you are flirting with danger by keeping this guy in your life. This is the last time I'm going to recommend this, but you need to get on top of this by confessing. I understand why you don't want to. Let's be honest, your husband will more than likely leave you. But you need to ask yourself what do you think is going to happen when he finds out you have been screwing his friend by some other means. Your cheating will be overshadowed by the numerous lies you told to keep up appearances. Not to mention the fact that you continued to allow this guy in your lives after you ended the affair. This will sound a lot better if it was coming from you, and not because you were about to get caught. I also advise that you start thinking about what will happen if you get busted. Are you going to tell him about the other AP as well or are you going to TT? Are you prepared for an even worse fall out as opposed to the one that would happen if you confessed? These are questions you need to strongly consider.

[nikki76]

You mean to tell me there is a possibility you are still going to bring this guy around your husband. Wow. I understand you want to keep up appearances in order to keep lying to your husband, but you are playing with fire as well. If this gets discovered (and I have a feeling it will), this will be the end of you. Deleting the FB is a good step, but I still think you are flirting with danger by keeping this guy in your life. This is the last time I'm going to recommend this, but you need to get on top of this by confessing. I understand why you don't want to. Let's be honest, your husband will more than likely leave you. But you need to ask yourself what do you think is going to happen when he finds out you have been screwing his friend by some other means. Your cheating will be overshadowed by the numerous lies you told to keep up appearances. Not to mention the fact that you continued to allow this guy in your lives after you ended the affair. This will sound a lot better if it was coming from you, and not because you were about to get caught. I also advise that you start thinking about what will happen if you get busted. Are you going to tell him about the other AP as well or are you going to TT? Are you prepared for an even worse fall out as opposed to the one that would happen if you confessed? These are questions you need to strongly consider.

 

I dont understand what you are asking. Hes friends with my H...what am I supposed to say, don't answer my husbands phone calls?

I get the part about confessing. You can tell me that until I'm blue in the face, but I'm not going to.

[blue963]

You have to make your own decision about confessing. You are the one that has to live your life, no one else.

[nikki76]

I made the selfish decision to have an affair (s) , but if I confess, is it fair to my three young girls, to deal with their parents going through a divorce?

I know, I shouldve thought about all this 9months ago. But I didnt and Im sure most people dont when they are in the fog. thats why i dont want to confess. I know, it will probably eat me inside to live with the guilt, but i deserve that. im hoping to figure out why I strayed, and never cause this harm to anyone again.

[jbrent890]

I made the selfish decision to have an affair (s) , but if I confess, is it fair to my three young girls, to deal with their parents going through a divorce?

I know, I shouldve thought about all this 9months ago. But I didnt and Im sure most people dont when they are in the fog. thats why i dont want to confess. I know, it will probably eat me inside to live with the guilt, but i deserve that. im hoping to figure out why I strayed, and never cause this harm to anyone again.

 

At the end of the day it's your decision. I really do hope that you know what your doing. Last question. If your husband ever suspects, would you tell him or continue to lie?

[nikki76]

At the end of the day it's your decision. I really do hope that you know what your doing. Last question. If your husband ever suspects, would you tell him or continue to lie?

 

I dont know. If he suspects I would probably tell him.

[Decisiontomake]

Hey Nikki!

 

Well done on the FB - that's a great start. Keep it up - I know only too well though that "actions" such as deleting the FB and actual "decisions" such as stopping for good, are two different things. The actions need to be made though so it's a good step forward. Well done

[cif]

What's different this time?

 

Don't confess if there's no proof lying around.

Delete all your communications even from trash and FB archives, etc.

Block him every where.

Get tested for STDs.

Pay more attention to your husband, get new clothes, hairstyle, color, redesign your house, so if he does hear things he won't believe them.

Edited December 21, 2014 by cif

[nikki76]

You don't think screwing strangers off the internet is not going to hurt your 3 daughters? You have no idea if you have brought an STD to your H. These men know where you live. And becacause of your past posts, I highly doubt you transmitted cheating on your H. You haven't done any work on yourself to discover what is so broken inside you that you actively seek out sex from strangers and endanger your family with this behavior!

 

When this all comes out, because it most likely will, then maybe you will see the damage of your actions. You want cheers for deleting a fake FB account, but that doesn't solve the issues. You have out a wet bandaid on the issue and it will come off.

 

Thanks jellybean for your input. First, I did not have unprotected sex. And just an FYI... you dont have to have sex with a total stranger to get an std. i know this is WAAY tmi, but years ago, my H had a cold sore and we were uneducated about it, therefore, transmitted the Herpes virus to me. So wish people would stop assuming that STDs were only for

whores. Its not until YEARS later that I started sleeping around!!!!

2nd....the short term AP has no idea where I live....doesnt even know my real name. So I'm not worried about that.

And no, I dont want a cheers...I was feeling anxious at the time I posted and feel like

it helped to get it out.

[cif]

Protection as in condoms? They are not 100% protection from STDs. Wasn't your OM sleeping around? So yeah get tested to be sure.

[nikki76]

What's different this time?

 

Don't confess if there's no proof around.

Delete all your communications even from hih and FB archives, etc.

BIlock him every where.

Get tested for STDs.

Pay more attention to your husband, get new clothes, hairstyle, color, redesign your house, so if he does hear things he won't believe them.

 

Whats different this time is I'm finally done with the rollercoaster of emotions. Hurting my family. Causing my family to turn upside down....the list goes on.

 

Unfortunately, getting my house redesigned is how my A started. Then i started doing my hair, new clothes, lost 30 lbs, because i felt on top of the world with all the "attention" AP

was giving me. My husband never once told me how beautiful I looked

after losing that weight, or my new hairstyle, or my eyelash extensions.

 

But, thats ok. I know my H loves me.

[I'mBatman]

Unfortunately, getting my house redesigned is how my A started. Then i started doing my hair, new clothes, lost 30 lbs, because i felt on top of the world with all the "attention" AP

was giving me. My husband never once told me how beautiful I looked

after losing that weight, or my new hairstyle, or my eyelash extensions.

 

But, thats ok. I know my H loves me.

 

You cheated on your husband and three daughters because he didn't give you the attention you wanted. Sounds very childish. You know you could have just been like "Hey you know I havn't really felt very loved anymore." Would that have been too hard? If he was a jerk about it then divorce him.

 

Take my harsh words and learn from it. You may be weak-minded and childish for your actions but you can change yourself for the better.

[nikki76]

You cheated on your husband and three daughters because hyou e didn't give you the attention you wanted. Sounds very childish. You know you could have just been like "Hey you know I havn't really felt very loved anymore." Would that have been too hard? If he was a jerk about it then divorce him.

 

Take my harsh words and learn from it. You may be weak-minded and childish for your actions but you can change yourself for the better.

 

Yes, I admit, my actions were/are very childish. But believe me... (which i know you wont)

I've told my husband MANY MANY times, that I feel like he doesnt give me attention, that I dont feel that spark anymore, etc.. He never was able to see what I was talking about. So for a day or two, he would give me a bit more attention. And thats about as long as that lasted.

I wish it was that easy. ..that all I need was more attention.

But im finding out, from being in therapy, thats its much deeper then needing a hug from

my husband.

[Satu]

I deleted my Facebook/NSA account a year ago, and don't miss it at all

[Toodaloo]

I understand where you are coming from OP. I just think you need to cut this guy from your life as much as possible.

 

The good news is that people do move on. It does get easier. Just give yourself time and concentrate on your marriage. If you need compliments from your husband tell him. Tell him that it makes you feel loved and special when he notices that you have made an effort. Ask him if there are any particular clothes he thinks you look good in so you can wear them for him more often etc.

 

Good luck and well done. Keep going.

[nikki76]

I understand where you are coming from OP. I just think you need to cut this guy from your life as much as possible.

 

The good news is that people do move on. It does get easier. Just give yourself time and concentrate on your marriage. If you need compliments from your husband tell him. Tell him that it makes you feel loved and special when he notices that you have made an effort. Ask him if there are any particular clothes he thinks you look good in so you can wear them for him more often etc.

 

Good luck and well done. Keep going.

 

Thank you. I deleted our Facebook account that we used for messaging.

I blocked him from my real Facebook and from my cellphone and I block his

private Facebook from my real one too.

 

I'm nervous that I'll run into him in the neighborhood. And being that he's friends with my H,

I'm sure I'll come in contact with him. But hopefully, it wont be for awhile.

 

I'm staying busy and that helps so much. I also registered at our local community college for a few classes.

[nikki76]

I should be enjoying the morning with my family. I snuck away for a minute to check emails and such. And for the heck of it...i went on facebook and decided to do a search for exAP Facebook page (the private one we had together) and its gone.

 

I deleted mine on Saturday. And blocked him in everyway. I guess I just had that small glimpse of hope, that maybe he actually cared about me and would miss me and try to contact me.

 

But he never did. I think if he tried texting me I will get a notification from a blocked number.

 

Ive been doing really good, but just having a weak moment. Strange how someone you thought was such a big part of yout life, can just vanish.

 

Its bittersweet, I guess. I'm sad thats its finally over yet I'm grateful at the same time. there will be no more temptation and I can move on completely.

[nikki76]

Or I guess what I was hoping for was that he would have kept his Facebook active incase I decided to contact him again......

[Popsicle]

I should be enjoying the morning with my family. I snuck away for a minute to check emails and such. And for the heck of it...i went on facebook and decided to do a search for exAP Facebook page (the private one we had together) and its gone.

 

I deleted mine on Saturday. And blocked him in everyway. I guess I just had that small glimpse of hope, that maybe he actually cared about me and would miss me and try to contact me.

 

But he never did. I think if he tried texting me I will get a notification from a blocked number.

 

Ive been doing really good, but just having a weak moment. Strange how someone you thought was such a big part of yout life, can just vanish.

 

Its bittersweet, I guess. I'm sad thats its finally over yet I'm grateful at the same time. there will be no more temptation and I can move on completely.

 

He thought all these same things about you.

 

It's best just not to go there in your thoughts and just let it go.

[nikki76]

He thought all these same things about you.

 

It's best just not to go there in your thoughts and just let it go.

 

Thank you

Ugh. Today is the first day I have cried over this

[elaine567]

I should be enjoying the morning with my family. I snuck away for a minute to check emails and such. And for the heck of it...i went on facebook and decided to do a search for exAP Facebook page (the private one we had together) and its gone.

 

I deleted mine on Saturday. And blocked him in everyway. I guess I just had that small glimpse of hope, that maybe he actually cared about me and would miss me and try to contact me.

 

But he never did. I think if he tried texting me I will get a notification from a blocked number.

 

Ive been doing really good, but just having a weak moment. Strange how someone you thought was such a big part of yout life, can just vanish.

 

Its bittersweet, I guess. I'm sad thats its finally over yet I'm grateful at the same time. there will be no more temptation and I can move on completely.

 

Going NC works because yes, "there will be no more temptation and I can move on completely"

[Josmatjes]

I have told my husband numerous times also what I need,but sometimes people just aren't capable of giving us what I need. I also have 3 kids and I'm in my marriage for them.

OM told me he snt ready or willing to leave his family for me and truth be told I would never want him to. But it is a rollercoaster so definitely try no contact... And stay busy with your kids, friends, go work out, read a book.... Anything to stay focused!

I'm with you!!

[nikki76]

Should I delete xAP from H Facebook? I did this the last time we went NC (but didnt do properly as I never deleted or blocked from anything). It was the time of that ice bucket challenge and AP wanted to tag H and realized they weren't friends. H was clueless and figured it was one of our kids playing with his phone and deleted friendship. Ooops.

 

I feel like its just added temptation, to log into my H account and see what xAP is doing. But on the other hand, I want him to see pictures of my H and I, looking happy. Childish, I know.

But I wanted to get opinions.

 

The only way H would notice , is if xAP or H needed to tag each other in something, which would be a rare occasion. They havent spoken to each other in quite awhile.

 

Thanks!