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I forgot how torturous NC is...


earlymorningshakes

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earlymorningshakes

I gave an ultimatum to my OM and now am on Day 3 of NC. This is incredibly painful!

 

 

I was pushed into NC in a previous relationship and it tore my heart to pieces. This time I was the one who imposed the NC and it is a rollercoaster ride. One minute I feel strong and empowered by it and the next I am in a fit of tears and ready to crack. I can only hope that he is in as much pain as I am.

 

 

Just needed to vent to others who may have gone through the same thing....

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I have failed NC 3 times and I'm the one who initiated. I think it's almost worse when we initiate it because we blame and second guess ourselves because of the pain we are in. I made it two months once and broke. I am a MW but it was torture and I'm still in the affair a year later and it's still torture. Stick with NC or you will be here a year from now going thru the same thing. I'm getting ready to try and do it for good this time so I understand how you feel.

 

Good Luck

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Same as Ronnie33....I've tried NC I think 4/5 times. We are both married. I dont think weve made it past a week before he contacts me. I know for sure, its way harder on me.

Its so hard when you're married, trying to hold back the tears.

 

Like Ronnie said, be strong. I wish I could. I dont know why we do this to ourselves. It is NOT worth it!

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Focus on all the negative aspects of the relationship.

 

When we are missing someone, we only think and obsess about all the good qualities we are missing, but what about all the really crappy things associated with the relationship?

 

List them out. Look at them. Tell yourself over and over again that you want to feel better and deserve better.

 

Put each day behind you. Focus on the moment and don't look too far ahead.

 

Stay busy, scream, cry and let it out.

 

Be strong.

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And truthfully, when we break NC, we are doing that as in impulse to ease our immediate pain and suffering. Right? We want to feel better, so when we contact them we feel less pain...but the cycle continues and it's a temporary ease of pain.

 

We are trying to avoid the loss, but the loss is unavoidable. At some point, we need to face the music and the harsh reality of our choices, which includes the pain.

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Try to think of NC is not about the pain of losing the person, but rather a chance at detaching. Detaching from the agony of involvement rather than detaching from the person you care about.

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Try to think of NC is not about the pain of losing the person, but rather a chance at detaching. Detaching from the agony of involvement rather than detaching from the person you care about.

 

So true! From what I read in your post, think of it as a "relief" also. A relief from your rollercoaster ride, the lies, and also from the hiding. Once you think of it this way, hopefully you will feel a little lighter.

 

 

Hang in there :)

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earlymorningshakes
And truthfully, when we break NC, we are doing that as in impulse to ease our immediate pain and suffering. Right? We want to feel better, so when we contact them we feel less pain...but the cycle continues and it's a temporary ease of pain.

 

We are trying to avoid the loss, but the loss is unavoidable. At some point, we need to face the music and the harsh reality of our choices, which includes the pain.

 

You are so right!! It's a temporary relief when we break the NC, but someday, somehow it is going to happen anyway. Why not do it now, stick with it and see it through so we don't have to continue experiencing the pain over and over again.

 

 

Thank you so much for the support and kind words, everyone!!!

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acrosstheuniverse

It's funny, I've gone NC twice, both times at the end of relationships with guys I was in love with, who left me. Both times I found it incredibly liberating and empowering. Knowing that I wasn't going to speak to them, had no reason to hear from them, even that they couldn't get through to me if they called or texted (I blocked everything) was lovely. It allowed me to really breathe and find myself again, knowing that they were gone for good. The thought of breaking NC filled me with anxiety because I just knew I didn't want their presence in m life again.

 

It broke about a year later with both, the first I saw him walking down the street and pulled over, we had a ten minute chat. The second, I knew I was at high risk of running into him so I unblocked and messaged him to kinda clear the air rather than our first contact being walking into the same bar unexpectedly (actually that guy reached out to me first, I just chose to reply a few weeks later). It felt okay, the hurt had gone because seeing their name on my phone didn't make me anxious.

 

But I certainly wouldn't be unblocking them online or adding them on Facebook or meeting up with them or anything. Past is the past.

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