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Letter from the other woman?


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I haven't spent much time in this forum, but have any of you had a letter from the other woman? If so did you believe her side or did you see it as just trying to cause trouble?

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It depends on the letter. I will say this. Give the majority of the weight to the person sending the letter, than the person that cheated on you. You know dang well he/she(spouse) is a liar. You don't have anything to judge the other AP with yet.

Edited by Realist3
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I am the other woman... Dont judge. But if I were to write his wife a letter I would be completely honest while trying to leave out the sexual aspect of things.

 

I have no reason to lie.

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It depends on the letter. I will say this. Give the majority of the weight to the person sending the letter, than the person that cheated on you. You know dang well he/she(spouse) is a liar. You don't have anything to judge the other AP with yet.

 

Actually, you do have some information.

 

First, you know that the person will willingly engage in behavior they know will cause hurt to someone they may not even know. Second, you know that the person wll likley rationalize their behavior until the cows come home, if only to themsleves.

 

Third, and most importantly, read the tone of the letter. If it comes out as apologetic and factual, not gloating, cruel or an attempt to make you feel bad, then it may well be an honest letter. Though the person may not be a saint, at least they had the integrety to be honest with you without rubbing your nose in it.

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I received an email from the ow. She just apologized for her part in the affair. This was about 8 months after dday. I didn't think she was trying to make trouble, just maybe trying to relieve some of the hurt she was feeling. I don't think it helped me. I think how the letter is received depends on a couple of things. The first being how far along she is in the healing process and the amount of time since dday. (If there was one.) Secondly, does she know you?

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I don't really want to say too much because I cant actually be sure it's her. Only one friend in real life knows any of this happened. A lot has happened. My partner usedto work with her and she resigned after he went to management saying she was harassing him. She resigned and sent a packet to head office and there was an investigation which was found inconclusive without proof but they said they weren't rejecting her claims. We've been together nearly 10 years and 2 kids

 

He proposed on Saturday, a week after the verdict was found. My friend said the timing wasn't a coincidence and today I received a letter from someone who say they work with him but I don't know if it's just her causing trouble and trying to ruin my life

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I didn't mean I was being vague, I don't know why I phrased it like that. I've said all thats relevant information in my above post?

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I don't really want to say too much because I cant actually be sure it's her. Only one friend in real life knows any of this happened. A lot has happened. My partner usedto work with her and she resigned after he went to management saying she was harassing him. She resigned and sent a packet to head office and there was an investigation which was found inconclusive without proof but they said they weren't rejecting her claims. We've been together nearly 10 years and 2 kids

 

He proposed on Saturday, a week after the verdict was found. My friend said the timing wasn't a coincidence and today I received a letter from someone who say they work with him but I don't know if it's just her causing trouble and trying to ruin my life

 

 

What is the rush? Take the time you need to find out the truth.

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I don't really understand what you mean. There's no way I can find out, I'm not in contact with her or anyone he works with

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I don't really understand what you mean. There's no way I can find out, I'm not in contact with her or anyone he works with

 

Then assume it is true and go from there. Why would they be sending you a message??? Just to stir up something? No.

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They say they work with him and weren't a friend of hers but that he cheated on me and how when they saw on facebook he'd proposed they couldn't say nothing and they hoped I didn't mind them getting my address off his file

 

Why would someone he works with do this two days after he proposed???

 

I don't know to believe that or if it is her just trying to ruin my happiness

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whatatangledweb

I received a scroll of texts from the OW at 15 months after d-day. She lied repeatly. I had read all their texts and emails and going by dates, she lied. Why? I would guess she was either pissed at him because he had never contacted her after d-day or she was still hoping I would kick him out.

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They say they work with him and weren't a friend of hers but that he cheated on me and how when they saw on facebook he'd proposed they couldn't say nothing and they hoped I didn't mind them getting my address off his file

 

Why would someone he works with do this two days after he proposed???

 

I don't know to believe that or if it is her just trying to ruin my happiness

 

People use this kind of negative language when they are lying. In other words, there is no useful purpose in someone who is truly not her friend spelling that out for you. IMO it is either the OW herself or one of her friends who wrote to you.

 

 

How many people have access to your partners files. He should know that.

 

 

What her motive is is irrelevant. The more important thing is whether or not your partner cheated.

 

 

There are some whack job women out there who take very little innocent attention and turn it into an obsession which ends up with management involved and harassment charges, but that's pretty rare. And, even if there is not proof of harassment(which usually there is something), it is pretty clear when someone is a few fries short of a happy meal.

 

 

The odds are much higher that your partner cheated and somehow the A became so messy management became involved.

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I would check this out any way you possibly could. Have no doubts.

 

I plan to check out/hire a private investigator with the next man I get serious with. I'm going to do whatever I can.

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I don't really want to say too much because I cant actually be sure it's her. Only one friend in real life knows any of this happened. A lot has happened. My partner usedto work with her and she resigned after he went to management saying she was harassing him. She resigned and sent a packet to head office and there was an investigation which was found inconclusive without proof but they said they weren't rejecting her claims. We've been together nearly 10 years and 2 kids

 

He proposed on Saturday, a week after the verdict was found. My friend said the timing wasn't a coincidence and today I received a letter from someone who say they work with him but I don't know if it's just her causing trouble and trying to ruin my life

 

Where there's smoke, there's fire.

 

She may just want you to know the truth, especially if their affair or whatever it was that happened between them is over and sending you a letter is her way of letting go and also informing you. Though with that said, she could be just trying to cause problems, hoping you'll break up with your partner and she'll have him to herself.

 

Was the letter addressed or with a name? Do you know the OW? you could just get a hold of her and talk to her.

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You know he's cheated and you have been unwilling to look at the evidence because you know you'll never leave him no matter what. Even when his OW sued the company because of his inappropriate behavior.

 

From your history and a ton of posters pointing out the obvious you have just turned a blind eye to all of it - the while time.

 

He cheated. Now someone is notifying you formally.

 

Everyone has asked you for months why you stay with him yet you never answer.

 

 

And why would you be happy he proposed when he's told you he loves her?

 

I'm just shaking my head...

Edited by beach
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They say they work with him and weren't a friend of hers but that he cheated on me and how when they saw on facebook he'd proposed they couldn't say nothing and they hoped I didn't mind them getting my address off his file

 

Why would someone he works with do this two days after he proposed???

 

I don't know to believe that or if it is her just trying to ruin my happiness

 

Did you actually ask him or show him?

 

Poppy

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You know he's cheated and you have been unwilling to look at the evidence because you know you'll never leave him no matter what. Even when his OW sued the company because of his inappropriate behavior.

 

From your history and a ton of posters pointing out the obvious you have just turned a blind eye to all of it - the while time.

 

He cheated. Now someone is notifying you formally.

 

Everyone has asked you for months why you stay with him yet you never answer.

 

 

And why would you be happy he proposed when he's told you he loves her?

 

I'm just shaking my head...

 

 

 

A little bit of history goes a long way, doesn't it?

 

 

But, doesn't Bonnie acknowledging the term 'other woman' imply she knows it happened (as was obvious to all here)? Bigger question, what's in the letter and how does it affect the proposal? Is OW trying to stop the marriage?

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Vagueness won't help you get any advice.

On one hand, I know we're supposed to reply within the context of the thread, but there's a huge amount of backstory available here (15 pages, and my profile is set to 40 posts per page...), and it's really spinning wheels just to treat this like an isolated letter from a potential OW. As beach points out, there's a lot of detail in the backstory.

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Even if the letter IS from the OW, she has plenty of reasons to feel vindictive--

 

You left out the part about HIM lying to you about her obsession with him when, in fact, he was acting like a needy puppy around her.

 

And you failed to mention that after you attacked her in public, that SHE went to HR first & he was told to leave her alone...which he DID NOT do.

 

The motive of whoever wrote the letter isn't what's important here. What IS important is that even after he has TOLD you that he loves the other woman & you have a plethora of proof that he had an affair, you still won't take heed of the fact that he can't be trusted!

 

I can only think of one good reason to marry this guy...to get a good pre-nup in place so you'll be better protected when the divorce happens. (He IS willing to sign one, right???)

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gettingstronger

Yes, I would believe the big picture that he cheated but probably not all the details- from my experience our OW tried to make herself look better in her communications with us so the details were a lie, but the thing that mattered most-the fact that he cheated-was true-

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Is this the same person that was feeding you info from inside his workplace?

 

Either way, (given your history) it's crazy to think you would marry him much less stay with him. But you will - as evidence by your last thread ( why doesn't it show on her profile?).

 

Every poster asked you to leave him yet you never indicated you intended to leave - even though you weren't married then - given all evidence that he cheated and covered it up.

 

Why settle for such a man?

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I do know he cheated and don't know the other woman, for those who asked

 

beach, it's not the same person they moved to Australia and for your second question, I love him, we have nearly 10 years and two young children together

 

The letter was a page long said that he cheated on me, doesn't give details of anything physical bar them seeing him holding her hand and serving her using his credit card. Said how they didn't know how I could trust him and how humiliated I must feel walking into the place he cheated on her in and they hope I don't mind them getting our address as they'd want saving from marrying a cheat

 

Everyone would have access as it's a facility we're members off too so that doesn't narrow it down

 

Survivor, I don't know why she'dfeel vindictive now after this long.The investigator told my partner that she said she didn't want to ruin his life, just what was fair...If it is her, could I get the police to give her a warning or do anything?

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