Affair

[MissTake]

Similar story to many others I"m sure. I met someone online, we started talking, we got close. I always knew he was married, but since we were "just virtual" it didn't seem that important. He told me his wife didn't care that much what he did online because it was "only text" but I think I believed that because I wanted to.

Flash forward, we've gotten VERY close. We share almost everything with each other and now see one another often despite living a ways apart.

It's a real affair and I went into it with my eyes open. I never thought I'd be sorry for this choice, but I am.

I love him but I don't like the person I've become because of this.

I do think he loves me, our relationship has a sexual component, but it is more friendship and caring.

He's my best friend. I could give up the affair part, I know I could. I've broken with boyfriends and have a failed marriage from my youth as well, but I am unsure how to give up the person who has become my best friend.

I realize that I can't have both. I am going to try and make some hard choices and I hope that I can find some support here as I do so, as very few of the people in my life know the full situation.

[FusionCutter]

Similar story to many others I"m sure. I met someone online, we started talking, we got close. I always knew he was married, but since we were "just virtual" it didn't seem that important. He told me his wife didn't care that much what he did online because it was "only text" but I think I believed that because I wanted to.

Flash forward, we've gotten VERY close. We share almost everything with each other and now see one another often despite living a ways apart.

It's a real affair and I went into it with my eyes open. I never thought I'd be sorry for this choice, but I am.

I love him but I don't like the person I've become because of this.

I do think he loves me, our relationship has a sexual component, but it is more friendship and caring.

He's my best friend. I could give up the affair part, I know I could. I've broken with boyfriends and have a failed marriage from my youth as well, but I am unsure how to give up the person who has become my best friend.

I realize that I can't have both. I am going to try and make some hard choices and I hope that I can find some support here as I do so, as very few of the people in my life know the full situation.

 

If you need to make some hard choices, its better to do it sooner than later. The longer things go on, the more pain it caused to everyone, including yourself.

 

So what is it that you are trying to accomplish? It's a tough feeling to give up on something and that feels really unnatural, especially if the feelings are there.

 

Something you have to ask yourself is, for the greater good on the situation as a whole, what is the best/right way to act?

[anika99]

When you say you can give up the affair part, do you mean the sexual part? As long as this is a relationship that is in secret and carried out behind people's back, it will be an affair, sex or no sex.

 

 

Still it would be a good idea to stop making it sexual because it will help you to detach. Stop sharing everything with him, stop looking to him to meet your emotional needs because that keeps you attached to him but it also leads to nowhere.

[MissTake]

I meant it's easy to cut someone out of your life if they are only there for sex, or if they are just someone you are dating or involved with, it's harder to remove your best friend, and I had to give up both when I ended things.

I did it, though not until this weekend.

I feel like I'm dying of loneliness, but it needed to happen.

Now to find a way through it.

[Ronnie33]

I can so relate to this. He was my bestfriend too and if I could erase the affair and go back to when we were just friends I would do it in a second.