Did you ever hear from affair partner again?

[chrissy78]

Had an affair with MM. I know I probably deserve all this pain im in...but for those that have insight on how you moved on, and if you ever heard from AP again...would like to know your thoughts on my situation.

 

I knew him for 4 years, first time things got flirtatious, I put a lot of distance between us..just an occasional run in or email here and there over three years. Until we both moved into the same suburb, 10 minutes away. He heavily pursued me...calls, texts, dinners, gifts, time, attention, i love yous (and yes eventually i gave in...to a full blown affair). To cut it short, the reason i didnt think it was "just sex" was 1)he never made me feel like it - we openly went out in public, restaurants, traveled, took me to dr appts 2) he eventually introduced me to his 3 year old son, who i used to spend time with weekly...and i kind of took that to mean he must be somewhat serious if he introduced me to his talking child. I also introduced him to mine.

 

Three months ago, his wife found an email (him asking me if i got home safely from a trip). It was not concrete evidence of a full blown affair and i dont know if he confessed. Even after her finding out, he contacted me and told me he loved me the next day. I also got a call from the wife, who openly told me that they have a bad/no sex marriage. I didnt call him since that day...neither did he...but a few weeks later learned from some mutual friends he had changed his number and his wife told friends they were working it out.

 

Three months later...I dont feel anything but love for him and I terribly miss him. He was my best friend (although i think i may be delusional because he didnt once turn around to see if i am ok). I just dont understand, if it was just sex, why bring our children into it? If it wasnt just sex, couldnt he have said bye or given some closure, and not just ran away like a coward and changed his number. And will i ever hear from him again??? or is this just the reality of how all affairs end when a spouse finds out no matter how bad the marriage. Can men just forget everything and move on.

[Mal78]

The "meeting the children" could easily be explained away especially since you have one yourself. Potential play date friends.

 

Although it seemed like the affair was open he, in his brain had an explanation for every moment if caught. He could then keep both worlds happy.

 

He sounds very manipulative and the "meeting of the children" was another active pon to keep you in the game. I'm sure you made it aware you, yourself adored your child and he used his child to play on the same emotion.

 

For you, you had nothing to lose showcasing your child to him, he was able to use the fact he did to keep you interested and wanting to romanticize the happy family you both could have. He ONLY intended to entertain the thought.

 

You have been had. Move on, like you said... "He never looked back". He showed you what he really feels... listen!

 

His wife is not forcing him to stay, I promise.

[whichwayisup]

Are you married as well?

 

His wife probably found out more about the affair and made him choose. And she was probably very hurt and angry that he brought their child to hang out with you and your child.

 

Let him go. As painful as it is, better to go through this now and move on than go through more ups and downs, sneaking around and lying. You'll only get more hurt and have an awful roller coaster ride.

 

If you are married, then reinvest in your husband and forget about this (ex)MM.

[chrissy78]

I have been trying to get myself to believe that his child was a pon in all this...because this is what my therapist suggested. That he probably scored points with wife by being good dad and taking his child out and points with me by also showing me what an attentive dad he was...which obviously worked on me...because he sure did seem like a great dad.

I just cant wrap my head around someone using a child like this...esp not him. He was so good with my kid too! Brain vs heart...sigh.

[GirlStillStrong]

He sounds like an absolute child. He's been running around all this time, keeping it a secret from his wife because he knew that if she found out she'd make him stop. What is beyond me is how many men are like this, that is, living with their "moms." So immature.

 

Look, you see him as a man, using his child, when in fact he himself has the mind of a child, to him you all were just having fun. She put a stop to it. It's like the mom has told the kid down the street (you) that Johnny can't come out and play because he is punished. Introducing you to his child didn't mean anything.

 

He's just going to continue being this way, and running around. Sooner or later she is going to get sick of it and throw him out. Or not. Do you really feel like sitting around waiting and having hurt feelings until she gets sick of him, and then do you want someone else's old garbage?

[Bryanp]

He clearly used his children as a pawn to use you for sex.

Your therapist is spot on. Are you married as well?

[FusionCutter]

Had an affair with MM. I know I probably deserve all this pain im in...but for those that have insight on how you moved on, and if you ever heard from AP again...would like to know your thoughts on my situation.

 

I knew him for 4 years, first time things got flirtatious, I put a lot of distance between us..just an occasional run in or email here and there over three years. Until we both moved into the same suburb, 10 minutes away. He heavily pursued me...calls, texts, dinners, gifts, time, attention, i love yous (and yes eventually i gave in...to a full blown affair). To cut it short, the reason i didnt think it was "just sex" was 1)he never made me feel like it - we openly went out in public, restaurants, traveled, took me to dr appts 2) he eventually introduced me to his 3 year old son, who i used to spend time with weekly...and i kind of took that to mean he must be somewhat serious if he introduced me to his talking child. I also introduced him to mine.

 

Three months ago, his wife found an email (him asking me if i got home safely from a trip). It was not concrete evidence of a full blown affair and i dont know if he confessed. Even after her finding out, he contacted me and told me he loved me the next day. I also got a call from the wife, who openly told me that they have a bad/no sex marriage. I didnt call him since that day...neither did he...but a few weeks later learned from some mutual friends he had changed his number and his wife told friends they were working it out.

 

Three months later...I dont feel anything but love for him and I terribly miss him. He was my best friend (although i think i may be delusional because he didnt once turn around to see if i am ok). I just dont understand, if it was just sex, why bring our children into it? If it wasnt just sex, couldnt he have said bye or given some closure, and not just ran away like a coward and changed his number. And will i ever hear from him again??? or is this just the reality of how all affairs end when a spouse finds out no matter how bad the marriage. Can men just forget everything and move on.

 

Isn't it funny how the dynamic of everything changed when she found out? It's no coincidence.

 

Care for yourself. You fell in love with a broken man who mostly cared for his own selfish needs.

 

Once his wife found out, he was forced to consider her needs too.

 

You're best to move on. But I promise you, unless he's a sociopath he still thinks about you everyday.

[anika99]

I have been trying to get myself to believe that his child was a pon in all this...because this is what my therapist suggested. That he probably scored points with wife by being good dad and taking his child out and points with me by also showing me what an attentive dad he was...which obviously worked on me...because he sure did seem like a great dad.

I just cant wrap my head around someone using a child like this...esp not him. He was so good with my kid too! Brain vs heart...sigh.

 

 

Your therapist is right. Bringing his child around you was just another way for him to make himself look good and to keep you believing that the affair had the potential to become more. It is kind of sick that he did that with his kid but he's not responsible for you involving your own child. That was your choice.

 

 

Someday you will see this guy for the creep he is and then you will be happy that he walked away from you.