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I was in an affair for 6 years. I was only seeing xMM for 3 of those years but we always knew through social media what was happening with each other.

 

I went NC 6 months ago.... that is complete and one hundred percent NC.

 

Recently I have been dating a bit. I do wonder if I will ever feel really attracted to a man again. At the moment, I find I like the men I date and would love to be friends with them but that's it. No physical attraction or wish to get into an intimate relationship.

 

Perhaps I am still processing the last 6 years.

 

Has anybody successfully gotten over a long affair and now has a normal relationship? Some thoughts please???

 

Thanks,

Poppy.

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eye of the storm

What you are going thru is natural. You are grieving the end of a 6 year relationship.

 

6 months may be good for someone else to get past it, it may take you a bit longer.

 

But you will one day start enjoying going out again, and meeting new people and one of them will click with you and poof, you will be in love again.

 

Don't worry, it will happen.

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For being involved for so long, I wouldn't be surprised if it takes you one or even two years to get out of this. When you are engaged in a long-term affair, you become emotionally broke.

 

You spend all the emotional energy and you have none left. MM/MW intrinsically cannot pay it back since they are with someone else.

 

The key to getting it back, is not dating other men, it's to be up to love yourself to be to be recovered. I would think that it would be better to spend time withloved ones and close friends, heck even a dog. It will be up to fill your emotional bank up, because your MM wiped it clean.

 

Perhaps it's too soon. Don't fill one void with another. If you feel alone, perhaps it is the perfect time to feel alone and heal. Surround yourself with people that you know care about you. Once you're fully recovered you'll be able to love another man. If you do meet someone new, be sure to tell them what you went through. It's not fair to them if they are just a rebound or something to "mask the pain. "

 

Good luck. :)

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i agree with the other who say 6 months is not nearly enough time to totally be over it and that you shouldn't rush it, just let the natural healing process take place.

 

For me what i found hindered my new relationship after the affair was expecting the new relationship to replace the affair, immediately. In both intensity and emotion. I dunno why. I think theres such a big hole left after an affair that one seeks to immediately fill it without realizing that if you just give the other person time and opportunity it will eventually happen. And it won't be the same, it'll be different but in a great and peaceful way.

 

The high won't be the same, so don't just go NC and then chase the same high. Dating guys and expecting them to immediately give you that same type of fix. Understand that you can feel better than that without all the using and emotional drudgery of an affair.

 

Give the other person time. Expect something different. Remember you want something different. Its going to be different. and maybe you'll get to the same intense emotional place you were when you were in the A or it'll be so much better but you have to understand and accept that it will be different and thats not just okay but exactly what you want. just my exp. much love poppy. you're doing great!!!!

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Mouse,

 

I am not looking at another relationship yet. I am just having a few dates because I enjoy male company. I realise the attraction in A sex is not the same as in a real relationship as I have had several of those.

 

JUst wondering if I will ever feel any kind of attraction for a man again.

 

It would be unfair and usesless. on myself or anybody else to do a rebound thing.

 

It will all swing back into balance in time. It will take a long time since the

A went on and off for 6 years.

 

Unfortunately the aftermath is a consequence we don't consider at the time!

 

Thank you and kindest wishes,

 

Poppy.

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I wish you all the best. After having an affair for nearly 3 years and ending it a couple of months ago I find that a single man from work appears to be showing an interest in me. It scares me because I find myself attracted to him. We are now friends on facebook. I have enjoyed some banter between us. Hes fun but shows me respect. I don't know if anything will develop but I think I could make a friend of him. We are both busy people at work so there's not much chance to talk. I wanted to tell him a joke yesterday but didn't get the opportunity. I messaged him last night. He did respond laughing but today I feel embarrassed because hes not said much to me today. So even a non affair relationship can be tricky at times but as someone has mentioned above, they will be different. I just feel I've got a boost in confidence and I feel great.

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I wish you all the best. After having an affair for nearly 3 years and ending it a couple of months ago I find that a single man from work appears to be showing an interest in me. It scares me because I find myself attracted to him. We are now friends on facebook. I have enjoyed some banter between us. Hes fun but shows me respect. I don't know if anything will develop but I think I could make a friend of him. We are both busy people at work so there's not much chance to talk. I wanted to tell him a joke yesterday but didn't get the opportunity. I messaged him last night. He did respond laughing but today I feel embarrassed because hes not said much to me today. So even a non affair relationship can be tricky at times but as someone has mentioned above, they will be different. I just feel I've got a boost in confidence and I feel great.

 

Are you really over your AP, or are you using this guy as a rebound? 5 years into 3 months seems a little fast...

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INo Im not on the rebound after ending a three year affair. Im not sure what is going on with th guy at work. It was only a couple of weeks ago he hinted he wanted to go for a drink with me. I didnt take that any further at the time. Maybe Ive missed the boat and hes found someone else? I have decided not to message him again and just to sit back and see if he makes another move.

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