His Wife Told My Husband [updates]

[bambiwboone]

I was doing great. Finally, stopped trying to be in his life. I gave up. Then I was out for a friends bachellorett party and low and behold he walked in alone. I ignored him and left. I happen to notice he messages me 4 times on fb. Asking me why I run. Why I can't look at him. Then when I don't answer he he text ANSWER ME!! I replied this is what u wanted. He went on to ask if I was single over and over. Told him that was not his business. Then he sends out of the blue.."miss you. . ". I didn't react to it. Then I blocked him ( he had me blocked as its a requirement) I didn't want her seeing he did this. Then hed get in trouble.two days later I unblocked him so she could reblock me and I'd be on the list if she looked. He never responded to me. A couple days later he messages me out of the blue "I'm soo sorry" begged me to talk to me the next day when he was sober. He had questions to ask me. So the next day he never said a word. Then I asked him what he needed and all he replied was can't remember. Then never said a word. I don't understand him. He just comes and goes and each time I never know if I'll ever talk to him again. Its torture. Will it ever end??

[Shadowburn]

It ends when you end it. Block him and under no circumstances DO NOT unblock him. He is an idiot to demand "answer me!!" like he is somehow entitled to your attention, and looks like he has problem with drinking as well. What a loser.

[whichwayisup]

I was doing great. Finally, stopped trying to be in his life. I gave up. Then I was out for a friends bachellorett party and low and behold he walked in alone. I ignored him and left. I happen to notice he messages me 4 times on fb. Asking me why I run. Why I can't look at him. Then when I don't answer he he text ANSWER ME!! I replied this is what u wanted. He went on to ask if I was single over and over. Told him that was not his business. Then he sends out of the blue.."miss you. . ". I didn't react to it. Then I blocked him ( he had me blocked as its a requirement) I didn't want her seeing he did this. Then hed get in trouble.two days later I unblocked him so she could reblock me and I'd be on the list if she looked. He never responded to me. A couple days later he messages me out of the blue "I'm soo sorry" begged me to talk to me the next day when he was sober. He had questions to ask me. So the next day he never said a word. Then I asked him what he needed and all he replied was can't remember. Then never said a word. I don't understand him. He just comes and goes and each time I never know if I'll ever talk to him again. Its torture. Will it ever end??

 

Delete and block him on facebook, block his number from your phone or if possible just change your cell number. Change your email address.

 

He is playing a game with you, he doesn't care for your well being. Cut him out of your life, ignore from now on. You owe him NOTHING. He likes the ego feed of knowing he can push your buttons and then cave, so he can walk away smirking. Get MAD, get fed up! It'll end when you walk away for good and close the door.

[bambiwboone]

He's been playing the game for two years. He would tell me he love me. Then tell me he didn't. Tell me he was ready to leave three different times. Then turn on me and treat me like dirt. Then we would fight and she would find out. No contact, then he would come back. Telling me he loved me. I would cry beg him to not say it if he didn't mean it. He assured me that he did. Start seeing eachother once again, then when I put preassure on him he would fade away again. I remember making him talk to me. And sitting in his car and asking/stating, " You told me you loved me, I made you promise it wasn't a lie, I told you not to say it if you didn't mean it." Followed by, "do you love me." I remember clear as day his words, " No, my name, I don't love you." I remember just staring straight with tears running down my face. It hurt so bad. I don't know how to move on. I don't know how to stop. I can't stop letting him back in. I love him.

However, sometimes I feel so sorry for him. He is so tortured, hurt, and broken. I just want to hold him. Then other times, like now, I feel like he is evil. Truely, evil. I wonder does he even really care if I hurt? Is he a sociopath? Can he love at all?

She blames me for everything. I sent her his messages and she blamed me for contacting him one night when I was drunk. I mix his emotions up. And wont leave him alone. I admit I do contact him time to time. But he doesn't tell me not to. And when **** really hits the fan and he says go, I do. But he comes back. It's like a pattern.

We start seeing eachother, he starts to get scared , throws me out to the trash. I get pissed tell on him. War ensues . Complete and sudden no contact. For months usually.

Then he will come back around, this time if the fight was small he will just say he wants me as a friend. Then it all falls back to a relationship until another war ensues.

If he was particularly hurtful to me: For example he is a name caller ( ugly, crazy, manipulative , C word, b word...) He will cry, tell me he loves me, misses me.

What I don't get when he contacted me a couple weeks back. He kept apolagizing to me. How he was sorry for destroying me. Then he goes and does it again:( I'm so broken right now. This was suppose to be our year. We were suppose to be together, first Thanksgiving, Christmas..New Years.

Edited November 28, 2014 by bambiwboone

[bambiwboone]

I read a conversation between my husband and his wife about how she would leave if she had a place to go. That she didn't want to stay with him and that she doesn't believe she loves him anymore. She said that she believes we will be talking again within two weeks.

IF she feels like this, why can't she just go? Let him move on with me. I believe deep down she knows why he is there and knows it's only so much time before he comes back to me for good. Or maybe i'm just as dellusional as her.

I think I have officially lost my mind. I have never had a person drive me insane like this person. He's destroying me.

Should I move on? Give up finally?

[bambiwboone]

Meaning for the purpose of moving on. Not punishing the affair partner, or blocking them out to prove a point. Or with hopes they will come back due to the no contact????

I want to feel, " i'm getting better, forgetting over it."

Not, "this will show him, he will be crawling back soon enough":confused:

[dreamingoftigers]

I read a conversation between my husband and his wife about how she would leave if she had a place to go. That she didn't want to stay with him and that she doesn't believe she loves him anymore. She said that she believes we will be talking again within two weeks.

IF she feels like this, why can't she just go? Let him move on with me. I believe deep down she knows why he is there and knows it's only so much time before he comes back to me for good. Or maybe i'm just as dellusional as her.

I think I have officially lost my mind. I have never had a person drive me insane like this person. He's destroying me.

Should I move on? Give up finally?

 

"Why can't she just go? Let him move on with me?"

 

Same question to you......

 

If you obviously can see that he's back with his wife whom he never really left in the first place, why can't you just move on and let him be with her?

 

Because it seems that he plays you both. And since you aren't married to him and have no viable, stable history to build from, the investment in the relationship is rather senseless. You see how he treats his relationship partners. That's what adulterers do. Just like you are playing your own husband, or else she wouldn't have bothered to tell him.

 

"before he comes back to me for good."

"I think I have officially lost my mind. I have never had a person drive me insane like this person. He's destroying me."

 

Take a long look at that......this person, whom you feel drives you insane and has destroyed you......is going to eventually "come back to you for good."

 

That is so unhealthy, wow. I don't mean that in a super-rude way. But it is really unhealthy for YOU. YOU.

 

It sounds more like a drug than a relationship with a stable, loving, reasonable partner. Whether or not he is, isn't even the debate or question. Your reaction to him is like a very bad drug. It is destroying you, but you want more because it feels good, but if you got all of it that you wanted, it would wreck you. Seriously, think about it.

 

Think about how much your affair is an addiction.

[eye of the storm]

You just do.

 

You can't quit smoking until you get tired of it. No drugs, patches, gum, or therapy will help you, until you just say, "I'm done".

 

That is how you initiate NC for the right reasons. Because you are done. You are tired of the drama, the push/pull, the secrets.

 

It is a tool to help you heal. It is for YOU. Not for them. You do it for you and it has nothing to do with them.

 

Hint, if you do it, do it all the way. Block numbers, FB, any other apps you used with him, Delete his number so you cant just call it. Don't unfriend, block.

 

Good luck

[IfWishesWereHorses]

Maybe she intends to use him to meet her needs the same way he's used her.

[FusionCutter]

Meaning for the purpose of moving on. Not punishing the affair partner, or blocking them out to prove a point. Or with hopes they will come back due to the no contact????

I want to feel, " i'm getting better, forgetting over it."

Not, "this will show him, he will be crawling back soon enough":confused:

 

How about just being honest with them? Just an honest talk. That's what I did with my MW. Your MM likely doesn't know how you feel.

 

"Out of respect of what we shared, I'm telling you I need to go NC with you. I need to do this for myself and move on. Please don't contact me again. I wish you the best."

Edited November 28, 2014 by FusionCutter

[herself]

If you're asking this you aren't done with him. You aren't ready. Because when you're truly at the end and you've had enough...you won't question it. You will just do it.

You have to be cruel to be kind...even to yourself. Turn your heart cold. Shut it down for him.

His life is a mess right now, his W wants out...your life is a mess, your H knows...

See what the A creates? Chaos.

Is this how you imagined it w ould become?...seems all innocent, fun, sexy, risque, crush like cloud nine but now....what an awful mess.

Unless you like drama and hurting everyone and chaos and confusion...its time to close this chapter. Take a hard look at you...what this has cost you and him.

[truncated]

If I were you, i would print out th portion of your post where you describe how you feel like he is maing you crazy and destroying you in as large a format as posisble. Make several copies, and stick ethem in rpominent places where you'll see them and rmeind yourself of why being with this guy is no good for you.

 

The situation reminds me of those ads from the 80's with the egg, fryingpan and tghe creepy voiceover" this is your brain on drugs"...

[Artie Lang]

i read one of your previous threads describing "abuse". is this the same man... is this the same man who left you on the bathroom floor when you took all those pills and drank that bottle??? if so, are you telling me this is the same man you've been clamoring for? the one you want to run off into the sunset with?

 

 

if it is, you have some serious self-esteem issues because this SOB is toxic.

 

 

seek counseling.

[elaine567]

I think I have officially lost my mind. I have never had a person drive me insane like this person. He's destroying me.

 

He kept apologising to me. How he was sorry for destroying me. Then he goes and does it again I'm so broken right now.

He's been playing the game for two years. He would tell me he love me. Then tell me he didn't. Tell me he was ready to leave three different times. Then turn on me and treat me like dirt. Then we would fight and she would find out. No contact, then he would come back. Telling me he loved me. I would cry beg him to not say it if he didn't mean it. He assured me that he did. Start seeing eachother once again, then when I put preassure on him he would fade away again. I remember making him talk to me. And sitting in his car and asking/stating, " You told me you loved me, I made you promise it wasn't a lie, I told you not to say it if you didn't mean it." Followed by, "do you love me." I remember clear as day his words, " No, my name, I don't love you." I remember just staring straight with tears running down my face. It hurt so bad.

 

This is what emotional abusers do, you need help to get away from this toxic man ASAP.

[GirlStillStrong]

After reading your descriptions of him, the relationship, etc, I do not understand why you want to be with him. He does not sound attractive or worth your time at all. You must be very young. Addicted to the drama. Believing in soul mates or destiny. Putting up with a whole lot of nonsense and crap for SOME GUY. Why? This guy sounds like a royal pain in the ass. And if his own WIFE, who lives with him and probably has known him intimately for years longer than you, doesn't want to be with him, what make you think YOU are going to like being with him?

 

You are wasting precious time chasing your FEELINGS. When you're ready to stop hurting, you'll step off the crazy train and lose this dead weight who does nothing but drag you down.

[prettyeyes87]

Delete by mistake. Wrong thread

Edited November 30, 2014 by prettyeyes87

[whatcanitellyou]

Why exactly are you referring to him as your hb? Are you in a polygamous marriage? Because if not he's not your hb and you're not his wife. You're his booty call and plan b in case his wife does leave him. If he wanted you more he would've left her already..... he tells you what he needs to in order to keep you on the hook. You'd probably see that if you cut him off completely.

[jellybean89]

I read a conversation between my husband and his wife about how she would leave if she had a place to go. That she didn't want to stay with him and that she doesn't believe she loves him anymore. She said that she believes we will be talking again within two weeks.

IF she feels like this, why can't she just go? Let him move on with me. I believe deep down she knows why he is there and knows it's only so much time before he comes back to me for good. Or maybe i'm just as dellusional as her.

I think I have officially lost my mind. I have never had a person drive me insane like this person. He's destroying me.

Should I move on? Give up finally?

 

You need to move on/give up.

 

You expect his wife to just step aside for you? And why in the world would you want to be with a man who verbally abuses you? Men doesn't call women they love the hateful names he has called you. That isn't love. That is lust and infatuation. Definitely not love.

[elaine567]

And why in the world would you want to be with a man who verbally abuses you? Men doesn't call women they love the hateful names he has called you. That isn't love. That is lust and infatuation. Definitely not love.

 

Emotional abuse is not something to take lightly, remove yourself from the situation ASAP.

 

Counseling Center » Emotional Abuse

[Versailles]

Please leave the man who calls you names and abuses you emotionally since he is not even your husband and you are free to leave him. It sounds like he freely uses emotional blackmail on you too. Imagine how this will go on for the rest of your life as long as you remain with him..

 

I've been there with H as the abuser and i can't begin to tell you the depths it may sink to. It may take you years to recover from everything and even then, you might still feel somewhat broken. If it wasn't H, I would have left and I really, really, REALLY encourage you to leave anyone who abuses you. He can go have some other equally terrible person who deserves him, and that's not you.

[Versailles]

Sorry, remove the word encourage and change it to insist. I INSIST that you leave someone who calls you names and other things.

[bathtub-row]

The second a man calls me the 'c' word, it's over with. It has only happened once in my life and he was someone that had to be dealt with by police. Not mentally sound by any stretch. Normal and mentally stable men simply do not do this.

 

I don't know much about your situation but I can spot abusive personalities a thousand miles away, and this guy fits the bill. They jerk you around emotionally and you feel like you're on a roller coaster ride. Stop wasting your time hurting and trying to figure him and his wife out. You're mistaking his attention for love. The truth is, he enjoys hurting you and he enjoys baiting you. Others have said this, too, but you're just not believing it. This is why you have become his victim. Because you insist on believing that he's someone he's not and you think that love is an excuse for whatever he does. And don't even bother bringing this up to him or expect him to give you honest answers because he is incapable of the truth. The only thing he is good at is acting. He can and will do anything to keep you sucked into this mess. And obviously it's working.

 

The fact is, this guy is abusive and you and his wife are both ensnared in his game. How long will you let him run your life?

[bambiwboone]

Two months after dday.....I don't even know what this is anymore. I've seen around lately allot. This morning he was at the gas station when I was there.I just looked down. Avoided eye contact. The night before he was at the bar I go to ( I know this is strange but it's a small town) he does not normally go here as his wife does not allow him. By himself. My sister was there, normally I ride there with her. But I did not go out. He drives by my house at night.

He hurt me so badly. I wish he wouldn't insist on rubbing it into my face. He didn't want to be friends. His last words were, " lets make this very clear, the only reason I EVER talked to you again was because I was drunk." He's been so hurtful and mean to me I am unsure why I even care anymore.

Does anyone have any insight as to why he keeps doing this? Why would you end things with someone over and over again. Say mean horrible things. But them come back around. It's like he is taunting me. It hurts, I need him to stop.

[GoldieLox]

If I had to take a stab at it, it's because he has such a large, inflated ego, that he's looking to incite a response from you. Don't let that ruse work. I know you want him to stop, but in this case saying something to him might actually make it worse (not to mention emotionally set you back a whole lot). Just do your best to ignore him.

[bathtub-row]

Next time you run into him, you should look him straight in the eye, don't say one word and don't smile. And then look away. Do not bow your head to this man ever again. This is not a person you should ever let have any power over you. What he did was horrible. End of story.