dskins Posted November 20, 2014 Share Posted November 20, 2014 I am not in the mood to date, have no desire to at the current moment. I decided to detox from men; meaning no sex and no looking for quick hook ups. I have decided to get rid of all the men I have been talking too. All my requirements for any form of S.O. is honesty and respect. The only two things I never get from these guys! I have gotten rid of all my men except one I can not seem to shake. We have been fooling around for about a year and I am the other woman. I don’t love him and don’t believe any of the sweet nothings he says to me. I am having trouble shaking him off because he talks to me everyday and calls me so he now has become a habit I have to break (which was probably his plan) Does anyone have any advice to shake this guy? Or past experiences? I can’t quit him cold turkey because where he lives is a prime location. He lives 5 minutes away from me, which means it is very easy for us to see each other. I was thinking a gradually distancing myself from him. Has anyone tried that? Does it work or only cold turkey seems to work?? Link to post Share on other sites
Decisiontomake Posted November 20, 2014 Share Posted November 20, 2014 Cold turkey all the way I'm afraid. Sucks but if you're honest in what you're saying about not having feelings for him but it merely being a habit - then habits like that are pretty easy to break. Distraction. Going out with friends. Reading. Going a different route. Not going where he may be etc. you've got this id the feelings are not there 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author dskins Posted November 20, 2014 Author Share Posted November 20, 2014 I had a feeling I should do that. I think I more have a lust for him than any true feelings. He seems like a nice person but sadly he doesn't really show that with me unless he wants something. My other question was if I do end it, should I tell his girlfriend? I get mixed answers with that; most people say she has a right to know. Other say don't tell her because I need to protect myself as I don't know what she will do with that information Link to post Share on other sites
Decisiontomake Posted November 20, 2014 Share Posted November 20, 2014 I'm in the "do not tell" camp regarding the girlfriend or wife. I would only tell if I contracted some kind of sexual disease from a partner and her health was at risk OR if I knew/found out he was a serial cheater and was messing her around continually. Other than that I would walk away quietly. Link to post Share on other sites
me85 Posted November 20, 2014 Share Posted November 20, 2014 Cold turkey. If you don't want to just vanish without reason, simply send him a message telling him your taking some much needed time for yourself and that if he doesn't hear from you then that's why. Best of luck to you! I've sworn off men since June. I'm not going to lie, I really am in need of some affection right about now but I'm not giving in just because of loneliness and hormones. Link to post Share on other sites
AlwaysGrowing Posted November 20, 2014 Share Posted November 20, 2014 I had a feeling I should do that. I think I more have a lust for him than any true feelings. He seems like a nice person but sadly he doesn't really show that with me unless he wants something. My other question was if I do end it, should I tell his girlfriend? I get mixed answers with that; most people say she has a right to know. Other say don't tell her because I need to protect myself as I don't know what she will do with that information The tell/don't tell stances almost to a "T" fall exactly down the same lines on which one is standing. Most BS say tell. Most WS say don't tell....except for those that can not look at themselves each day lying to someone who just got them a bowl of soup because they are sick. Most AP say don't tell...except for those who want the affair to stop and the WS won't leave them alone or those that tell out of anger. I find it interesting when an AP says only in the case of STDs would I tell. Everyone deserves choice in who/what they expose themselves to sexually. An AP knowingly assumes the risk....and sits back while they allow those same risks to be foisted upon another. You yourself will have to live with your conscience. Whether or not someone else can carry on with themselves does not answer your own question in regard to you. Keep in mind....in the future....when you are betrayed...you might want to remember how you yourself conducted yourself in regard to betraying another. Do you want to be a hypocrite...okay for me but not for you. Or do you want to be able to say....I know it was hard but I did the right thing and expect others to do as well. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
me85 Posted November 20, 2014 Share Posted November 20, 2014 I had a feeling I should do that. I think I more have a lust for him than any true feelings. He seems like a nice person but sadly he doesn't really show that with me unless he wants something. My other question was if I do end it, should I tell his girlfriend? I get mixed answers with that; most people say she has a right to know. Other say don't tell her because I need to protect myself as I don't know what she will do with that information It's not your place to expose him to her. You are guilty as well. I say, don't tell his girlfriend. Stay out of their RS all together. Period. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author dskins Posted November 26, 2014 Author Share Posted November 26, 2014 (edited) I'm in the "do not tell" camp regarding the girlfriend or wife. I would only tell if I contracted some kind of sexual disease from a partner and her health was at risk OR if I knew/found out he was a serial cheater and was messing her around continually. Other than that I would walk away quietly. Sadly he is. I'm not his only one as far as I know he has two others. He has been upsetting me and hurting my feelings more lately. I am becoming rather bitter towards him and now I wanna tell his girlfriend out of anger. Maybe if I'm mean and pick fights he will start to leave me alone haha or maybe I'll just threaten to tell and he will leave on his own Edited November 26, 2014 by dskins Link to post Share on other sites
todreaminblue Posted November 26, 2014 Share Posted November 26, 2014 be straight up and blunt...you dont want to be with him anymore you dont feel good about it.....and dont contact him again......deb Link to post Share on other sites
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