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hes back again playing with me


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hi people, its my first post here and Im sorry its this long and i will appreciate anyone who reads it and tries to cheer me up somehow. Theres a guy I fell in love with 3 years ago, but hes had a GF for like 7 years I think. Ive known him for 6 years, he attended the same college. He was always only a friend to me the first two years. Later I fell in love because he started to suddenly flirt with me, started to be too nice and changed behaviour and I fell pretty easily. We made out couple of times he used to tell me how much he likes me and so on and after some time we ended up in bed too. I know thats bad, but I couldnt help it and he was the one who kinda started but I know its not an excuse.

 

that was actually the year he finished college, he is older than me but next year he was still visiting us, we have a lot of mutual friends and it was just going on he was playing with me until he got me to bed and I was always stupid and full of hope of course. He already kinda figured hes hurting me so he started apologizing pretty often but at the same time he kissed me or something like that. so at the end of that year I texted him saying I have feelings for him and asking why is he doing that to me if he knows hes hurting me and I asked him for some explanation and i told him to be honest and not to be scared to tell me hes just using me or whatever I dont care...he replied : I really do like you but I hurt you and I cant take that back but now I hurt my GF too so if you wanna blame someone its me.

 

Im sorry, I cant be with anyone right now for what I did, Im sorry and I dont want to take excuses in alcohol ( because I told him I know it all happened only when he wasnt sober) I dont know why he lied, hes still with her but I didnt expect anything else.Then the next year we were almost in no contact, he stopped joining our gatherings, only from time to time and sometimes I had a feeling hes trying to get my attention but it wasnt like before and I thought he finally realized he cannot be doing it. This year he texted me on my birthday saying he only wishes me well and I started crying, it was actually nice I thought it was really honest and we texted a bit just how am I, if i already have a job etc, nothing serious.

 

But this last month he kinda started to come around more often and he hugged me once saying hes really sorry - that was after one little party when he and a friend of mine he is living with went back to their apartment and had a party there with couple of my other friends too and i didnt go so he hugged me when he was leaving but right after he started texting me like why didnt I go, putting sad faces there and just emotionally playing with me. I made a big mistake there, replying to one of his texts with a kiss too ( I wasnt sober either). Last week a similar situation happened with the party and me not going and him texting me why but I just told him I couldnt. This friday I went to a pub with the friend he lives with and suddenly he showed up.

 

He wasnt supposed to, at least the friend didnt tell me and I knew right away he hes something up his sleeve, because last year he never came like that. We had couple of beers and then they persuaded me to go with them and we were drinking a bit in their apartment. and then he said hes going to bed and I knew whats going to happen. after like a minute he texted me : will you come?. I said : where? he said : here. I didnt reply so he said good night and sent a kiss, I just said good night, then again he was like : will you come? and I just didnt reply and after some time I went to sleep too, I slept in their other room which was free and i woke up in the middle of the night and he was sleeping next to me.

 

In the morning he got up, covered me with a sheet and went back to his room. When i woke up I went back home and I got a text from him saying where am I, I said Im on my way home and he said btw i dont know how did I end up in the other room and I hope I didnt snore there. I said : i dont know either. I was playing cold the whole time and its just killing me how can he be such an *******? what is going on in his head? Im slightly regretting I didnt text him something like why, what do you want again, I just ignored him, but I think its obvious he just wanted to have sex with me again and right now I feel so bad and depressed because I thought he was really feeling sorry but now I have a feeling those were just empty words and he wants to wrap me around his little finger again :( how can a guy be like that? does he have no feelings at all?

 

Is that even possible? when he knows Im hurt really bad and hes the reason, but still he is playing with my feelings. I know noone has the answer i just wanted to vent a bit cause i feel really empty. I cant understand how can my heart be so stupid and be in love with such an ass. Im actually proud I didnt fall for his trap again but at the same time I regret not going there and confronting him. Because maybe he thinks I want it too, because I am replying to his texts and as I said I once sent him a kiss too but it must be obvious to him Im hurt and I dont wanna be his toy anymore.

 

I would kill for a chance to be in his head and know what hes thinking. I would really appreciate if someone could just post some feedback, maybe someone who experienced something like this, or even a guy who did the same thing to someone, i just really need someone to "talk to" :( I feel souless, I am not enjoying life at all and its killing me.

 

Why cant I just let it go? I know its my fault too, I should have kicked him in the ass long time ago but if theres someone who knows the situatuon, that person will understand its hard when youre in love, you always hope, you always dream, you always tell yourself what if , but I kinda stopped hoping anymore I just want some closure, I just want to know what is he thinking and its killing me that I will probably never find out

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hey,

 

there's no need to complicate the story sweetie, he's obviously an a**hole for treating you and his girlfriend like this. He's just a young selfish guy trying to get laid with you and he tries to make sure you don't cause trouble in his serious relationship. What you should do is ignore him from now on, and do not believe he is sorry, as you said he's playing with you emotionally, he doesn't want someone like you as an enemy..imagine you tell his ex everything.

 

Move on, take care of yourself as he takes care of himself.:)

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You aren't "in love" with him. You don't know him. You are attracted to him and lusting after him, but not in love.

 

He is a young adult, doesn't know what he wants....but he knows when a girl is into him and he uses that to his advantage. You allowed him to use you because you knew he was already in a relationship. You are young - you will realize that just cause a dude kisses you or has sex with you, it doesn't mean he is into you....just means he is horny.

 

asking why is he doing that to me if he knows hes hurting me and I asked him for some explanation and i told him to be honest and not to be scared to tell me hes just using me or whatever I dont care...he replied : I really do like you but I hurt you and I cant take that back but now I hurt my GF too so if you wanna blame someone its me. Im sorry, I cant be with anyone right now

 

He told you this to let you down easy, to make you feel as if he was sorry and to possibly keep you hanging on for later down the road when he was horny. I don't mean to imply you aren't worth more - but you have to realize you are worth more than a booty call. Him having sex with you is just what young men do -- they are only interested in getting their needs met.

 

My advice? Stop letting him use you. Stop falling into situations - where there is alcohol - and using that as an excuse for sleeping with him. You talk about being persuaded to go back to his apartment -- you didn't need to be persuaded - you wanted to go and had he flirted more with you, you most likely would have slept with him. You are putting yourself in harms way. I also advise you to stop drinking so much that you make stupid decisions. Again you are better than being the drunk girl that people sleep with.

 

He isn't into you like you are to him. So stop obsessing about him. Stop trying to get him to 'like' you. Stop flirting with him. Of course if you are okay with being "that" girl, continue what you are doing...but word will get around that you are someone to call for a 'good time'. Don't be that person.

 

He also could be trying to ensure that if word does get out that he cheated on his g/f with you, he can point to these incidents where you where he was, the texts you are sending him (this whole sending him a kiss is very junior high), the drinking with him...he will be able to tell his g/f that you came after him, he only wanted to be friends, etc.

 

Time to grow up and realize your dignity and self respect are more important that being his booty call/sex partner. If he really cared about you, he would never, EVER want you to be his other woman. He would respect you enough to not put you in that position. He needs to grow up too.

 

Let go of your infatuation with him. find someone worthy of your time and someone who isn't involved with someone else.

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You talk about being persuaded to go back to his apartment -- you didn't need to be persuaded - you wanted to go and had he flirted more with you, you most likely would have slept with him.

 

yeah i kinda wanted to go but I had this planned that if he starts trying to get me to bed again I will refuse, and I did, I wouldnt go no matter what, I just wanted to finally show him I dont want to be his toy anymore. 2 years ago I would have jumped right into his arms, so Im proud I didnt this time.

 

Its just killing me that a guy whos almost 30 could behave like this. How am I supposed to have hope that there are normal mature guys?

 

Whats killing me the most is that he started with it again. Last time we had something together was more than a year ago, he stopped manipulating me and he started again and I dont know why, I didnt text him fisrt, nothing, even when he came first time this year I wasnt talking to him, I was avoding him, he was the one who came and asked me how am I and blah blah, I can talk to him, thats fine but honestly Im not flirting with him, Im not even good at it, Im not that type of a girl. Even when he joins us I always try to sit at the other end of the table, Im not trying to be close to him, hes the one whos doing it when he has the chance.

 

What dissapointed me the most is that I would have never guessed he is such an *******, nobody actually knows, everybody thinks he is a good guy, and I thought that too, you know, there are some guys who are typical players and you know it but this one hides it so good that I cant even believe :(

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I think this is a tad more serious than you seem to think.

 

You were sleeping in your bed, you made it clear you weren't going to sleep with him and in the middle of the night he comes into your bed and sleeps next to you. If he doesn't respect your decisions do you really think he respects you?

 

You did well. Even though your heart says otherwise, you know he just wants to get laid when his GF is not around.

 

Don't let yourself be a side piece. You deserve so much more. Hope you cut him out of your life. Lots of good guys out there!

 

Good luck!

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I think this is a tad more serious than you seem to think.

 

You were sleeping in your bed, you made it clear you weren't going to sleep with him and in the middle of the night he comes into your bed and sleeps next to you. If he doesn't respect your decisions do you really think he respects you?

 

You did well. Even though your heart says otherwise, you know he just wants to get laid when his GF is not around.

 

Don't let yourself be a side piece. You deserve so much more. Hope you cut him out of your life. Lots of good guys out there!

 

Good luck!

 

 

 

exactly. I think he just couldnt take the fact that I refused him and came to me but I was asleep and didnt wake up. The only thing I regret right now is that I didnt reply to his text asking why is he doing that again or what does he want. Just to show him its actually pissing me off. He was probably thinking I didnt read the last message or I dont know, but this has never happened before, also he never texted me the day after, now he did just telling me he doesnt know how did he end up there. Who is supposed to know, if not him? I dont know what mind games is he playing and its making me sad. Ive been alone my whole life but I used to be so happy and now Im angry at myself that I cant just let it go and be happy again. I try, but its not working

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