Where are you today?

[Lady2163]

Hey, gang! Everyone check in....

 

I'm several months done with sex with Married friend. We are in a comfortable LC situation. Friendly, flirty, tease, but no face-to-face contact. I think my body has shut down, no hormone surges or ache in a while.

 

I have a couple options for some local singles gatherings. I am getting closer each week to calling and getting information.

[RickFox]

A bit over three years and indifferent and a half. Ran across xmw and felt not a thing. Good riddance.

[Poppy47]

Rick, I remember you from a couple of years ago. So glad you are indifferent now.

Poppy

[Poppy47]

NC for 6 months. Have destroyed all memorabilia, deleted every photo of him or things we did together.

 

I have NOTHING from the A in my house, phone or on my computer.

 

Sometimes, I cannot even remember what he looked like.

 

However, if I met him again, I have no idea how it would be. The feelings have died down and I aim to keep it just like that. It's not likely we will meet again as he lives in another part of the city.

 

Sometimes I will drive past a place or go to a restaurant that reminds me, but it's just memories now.

 

NOT going there again. It would have destroyed my heart and soul and he wasn't worth it.

 

Poppy.

[glow worm]

I'm at 91 days of absolute NC. The fact that I know exactly how many days it's been is probably an indication of how much I still feel for exMM. I still get that pang of sadness and missing him whenever thoughts of him cross my mind (which is more often than I would like), but the sadness of ending things with him doesn't affect me as much as it used to. It's such a cliche but I think the only thing that's really going to make things better is the more time that goes by.

 

As far as the singles group thing, dating post-MM has been such a challenge! I just haven't been "into" anyone I've dated recently. I wonder how long it's going to be before I can feel the kind of connection I had with exMM again. I'm interested to hear other people's stories on the subject!

[FusionCutter]

I'm at 91 days of absolute NC. The fact that I know exactly how many days it's been is probably an indication of how much I still feel for exMM. I still get that pang of sadness and missing him whenever thoughts of him cross my mind (which is more often than I would like), but the sadness of ending things with him doesn't affect me as much as it used to. It's such a cliche but I think the only thing that's really going to make things better is the more time that goes by.

 

As far as the singles group thing, dating post-MM has been such a challenge! I just haven't been "into" anyone I've dated recently. I wonder how long it's going to be before I can feel the kind of connection I had with exMM again. I'm interested to hear other people's stories on the subject!

 

You don't feel that connection because you are still emotionally invested in MM.

[Lady2163]

I'm at 91 days of absolute NC. The fact that I know exactly how many days it's been is probably an indication of how much I still feel for exMM. I still get that pang of sadness and missing him whenever thoughts of him cross my mind (which is more often than I would like), but the sadness of ending things with him doesn't affect me as much as it used to. It's such a cliche but I think the only thing that's really going to make things better is the more time that goes by.

 

As far as the singles group thing, dating post-MM has been such a challenge! I just haven't been "into" anyone I've dated recently. I wonder how long it's going to be before I can feel the kind of connection I had with exMM again. I'm interested to hear other people's stories on the subject!

 

Glow, time does help, but only you know the timetable. It will happen. Go through the grieving process. Be good to yourself.

[cocorico]

Happily M to my fAP several years on

[Sassy Girl]

Very much in the A.

 

 

Had a dose of reality yesterday as the OW. MM and I were supposed to catch up yesterday. I got a message early in the morning saying he couldn't make it because of a "medical emergency".

 

Later on in the day he tells me the emergency was him, rushed to hospital with chest pains and going through tests. Finally at the end of the day I get word that he's OK, just really overdid it on the weekend.

 

 

Back in good spirits last night. But yeah, that kind of sucked.

[Nattie]

Head over heels in love. In the process of making arrangements, although I'm very scared of the rough road ahead, he's my rock, and is supportive through every step.

[FusionCutter]

Head over heels in love. In the process of making arrangements, although I'm very scared of the rough road ahead, he's my rock, and is supportive through every step.

 

What kind of arrangements?

[Nattie]

What kind of arrangements?

 

We're working towards making a life together. Right now we're discussing details. He has given me a timeframe, and I'm trying to respectfully follow that. I know that I love him, and want to be with him, but pulling the plug on the M is scary for me, not because I want to cake eat, but I struggle with change, even if the end result is happiness. The one thing I do know, is that my H deserves to find someone wonderful, who loves him unconditionally. Despite the common trend on this forum, my MOM is not future faking. He wants this and he's ready for it. I've spoken with a close family member for support and advice, and I know what I have to do, but (and this is 100 % honesty here) Christmas is right around the corner, and there are children involved. I don't think right now is an ideal time to make a move. Throw stones if you must. I know what he and I mean to each other, and I can't do this to two families right before the holidays.

Edited November 10, 2014 by Nattie

[Daisy2013]

Acceptance that "we" will never be. We are basically now just friends. He still tells me he loves me and will come up at church and tickle my shoulder as his public "hug." He will call once or twice per week. When I'm feeling strong, I decline to meet when he asks. He sets the meetings at his comfort and convenience. When I'm feeling weak, I will meet with him. But no longer am I distraught when I'm missing him or knowing we won't be together. It just "is." I'm slowly dying of this on the inside and hope to reach indifference soon (getting there), so I can say no all of the time, and be happy when I see him at church, publicly, and not wishing for more, although I will always love him. I have accepted that he refuses to divorce and stay where he says he is miserable, because it would be his 3rd divorce and he refuses to go through it again. Oh well, his loss. I had a lot to offer him (not sex-wise), and wanted to give my all to him. I have learned that love is letting go, for the better of the one you love, and I'm trying. In sum, I've become a shell of my former self. I want to laugh and enjoy life again.

 

Congrats to those of you who made it to a real relationship! Only those of us who have been here understand.

[sunburned]

]I'm at 91 days of absolute NC. The fact that I know exactly how many days it's been is probably an indication of how much I still feel for exMM. [/b] I still get that pang of sadness and missing him whenever thoughts of him cross my mind (which is more often than I would like), but the sadness of ending things with him doesn't affect me as much as it used to. It's such a cliche but I think the only thing that's really going to make things better is the more time that goes by.

 

As far as the singles group thing, dating post-MM has been such a challenge! I just haven't been "into" anyone I've dated recently. I wonder how long it's going to be before I can feel the kind of connection I had with exMM again. I'm interested to hear other people's stories on the subject!

 

Complete NC for a year plus and A over for even longer. I don't want him, I'm not pining, I don't love him and I don't respect him. But I still feel a bit shell-shocked this happened to me. Here I am still rattling around on LS, like some sort of ghost. I wish sometimes we could still be friends, that "this" never happened.

 

Glow worm, I finally stopped counting days and weeks at about the 4 month mark. Maybe you will too but as Lady said everyone's time table is different. I believe you have passed through the hardest phase (3 mos), so keep up the good work! It does get easier. As you yourself said, time WILL make it better. And, no, it's not cliche. It's fact!

[sunburned]

Acceptance that "we" will never be. We are basically now just friends. He still tells me he loves me and will come up at church and tickle my shoulder as his public "hug." He will call once or twice per week. When I'm feeling strong, I decline to meet when he asks. He sets the meetings at his comfort and convenience. When I'm feeling weak, I will meet with him. But no longer am I distraught when I'm missing him or knowing we won't be together. It just "is." I'm slowly dying of this on the inside and hope to reach indifference soon (getting there), so I can say no all of the time, and be happy when I see him at church, publicly, and not wishing for more, although I will always love him. I have accepted that he refuses to divorce and stay where he says he is miserable, because it would be his 3rd divorce and he refuses to go through it again. Oh well, his loss. I had a lot to offer him (not sex-wise), and wanted to give my all to him. I have learned that love is letting go, for the better of the one you love, and I'm trying. In sum, I've become a shell of my former self. I want to laugh and enjoy life again.

 

Congrats to those of you who made it to a real relationship! Only those of us who have been here understand.

 

Sorry for the t/j but ...

 

Daisy, you will continue to be a "shell" on the slow (perhaps never-ending) march to indifference unless you cut this man out of your life. You really need NC, not to be "just friends." This guy, who purports to be a man of God, is just awful to you. In your own words, "love is letting go, for the better of the one you love." You are not doing that. He is not doing that. Step up to the plate. Find another church. At least stop hanging around him, sitting with him, taking his calls, letting him touch you (even on the shoulder). You are still holding out hope and it's sad to "see" you like this.

[KismetGirl]

Didn't talk to MM for almost three years until last week. Had mostly not thought about him and was doing my own thing-- i moved halfway around the world, started new work, dated new people. Almost tempted to email him once in a while but didnt. Thought about him once in a while.

 

He tracked me down last week out of no where. We started talking again. Im only in town for a couple months before I go back and I guess Im curious about how he is these days so I've talked to him the last couple days.

 

Maybe it's a bad idea but i rationalise im leaving soon anyway so not much can happen. He's been begging to see me but I havent done it. Just keep talking for now. i miss him in many ways but inwardrly know nothing normal with him is ever possible

[MayP]

Acceptance that "we" will never be. We are basically now just friends.

 

Daisy: Your first few sentences spoke to me.

 

Where am I? 10mth into long distance tangle with him. Low probability of meeting up- very very long distance. My emotions are much calmer now, learning to live my own life. Acceptance that we will never be is key. We will always be affectionate towards each other, care for each other. Just separately in our own lives. I remind myself that we are just friends.

[Lady2163]

Acceptance that "we" will never be. We are basically now just friends. He still tells me he loves me and will come up at church and tickle my shoulder as his public "hug." He will call once or twice per week. When I'm feeling strong, I decline to meet when he asks. He sets the meetings at his comfort and convenience. When I'm feeling weak, I will meet with him. But no longer am I distraught when I'm missing him or knowing we won't be together. It just "is." I'm slowly dying of this on the inside and hope to reach indifference soon (getting there), so I can say no all of the time, and be happy when I see him at church, publicly, and not wishing for more, although I will always love him. I have accepted that he refuses to divorce and stay where he says he is miserable, because it would be his 3rd divorce and he refuses to go through it again. Oh well, his loss. I had a lot to offer him (not sex-wise), and wanted to give my all to him. I have learned that love is letting go, for the better of the one you love, and I'm trying. In sum, I've become a shell of my former self. I want to laugh and enjoy life again.

 

Congrats to those of you who made it to a real relationship! Only those of us who have been here understand.

 

Daisy, I rarely ever suggest no contact, I think it is cruel. But in your case, it just sounds so wrong for you to take the crumbs he gives. It really sounds like cake eating on his part. What about setting a goal for no contact? Are you,able to get away for a time? Go someplace without phone reception? Add me to the list, I think when you're ready, switch churches.

 

It might help to do a bit of a revamp. My married friend was so much a part of my daily routine, I did have to change my schedule around. It was an adjustment and some days I was miserable (screwed up my sleep schedule) but it did help.

[Back2WhatUKnow]

3 months and some days NC. I have been doing great cut it all..delete it all. Even had my grieving moment. Yes it was a 4.5yrs affair and it has changed my entire perspective. I realized I am alot happier without it and even started dating just to go lite with single men. I felt my confidence come back and just feel lighter of drama. Not sure how I would feel if I actually seen exMM probably rage..anger. Yet I dont want to find out.