solostand Posted October 31, 2014 Share Posted October 31, 2014 So the BS wants to go to marriage counselling, and his grown children are pressuring him to go as well. However, he refuses to go because its simple - he's in love with me and no amount of marriage counselling will change that. The other day, he wanted to meet my father. I put him off but what would I say to my father? Hey Dad, here's my married boyfriend. Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted October 31, 2014 Share Posted October 31, 2014 If I were you I'd say . . . Go straighten out your life. Get counseling or get a divorce but don't come back here until you are officially free & single. 12 Link to post Share on other sites
jellybean89 Posted October 31, 2014 Share Posted October 31, 2014 So you are back with him? Link to post Share on other sites
Author solostand Posted October 31, 2014 Author Share Posted October 31, 2014 Yes, he is not living with her anymore. It all came after a week long trip he took to visit his daughter. When he got home he was a different man - couldn't stop telling me how much he missed me and thought of me every minute of every day. That's when she told him to leave - on the drive home. She said if he's not happy leave, so he did. But she is not happy about it at all. Since then he has been acting like a lovestruck teenager. Link to post Share on other sites
HermioneG Posted October 31, 2014 Share Posted October 31, 2014 You cannot possibly want this to be your life. You just cannot. I refuse to believe that deep down, you think any of this is okay. 7 Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted October 31, 2014 Share Posted October 31, 2014 Since then he has been acting like a lovestruck teenager. Seriously stop letting him act like a teenager. Make him be a man. He needs to go to a Divorce attorney, now. Not tomorrow. Not next month. Not at the new year. Now. If his marriage is really over, he's back with you & doesn't want the counseling that his BW wants, what's the hold up? 6 Link to post Share on other sites
Sassy Girl Posted October 31, 2014 Share Posted October 31, 2014 How old is he? 60s, right? Ex alcoholic, health issues... You'd be mad to take that on in your 40s...but hey, to each their own. Link to post Share on other sites
Author solostand Posted October 31, 2014 Author Share Posted October 31, 2014 He is 65. I am 50. Link to post Share on other sites
adna89 Posted October 31, 2014 Share Posted October 31, 2014 He is 65. I am 50. How long has your affair going on? Link to post Share on other sites
BrokenPrincess Posted November 1, 2014 Share Posted November 1, 2014 Has he spoken to a lawyer? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Ronni_W Posted November 1, 2014 Share Posted November 1, 2014 The other day, he wanted to meet my father. I put him off but what would I say to my father? Hey Dad, here's my married boyfriend. No, you would say to the effect of, "Dad, here's the man I am in love with, and who is saying that he is in love with me. Dad, please put him on the proverbial grill, and help me...and us, for that matter...figure this out." YOU have him in the box as ONLY your "married boyfriend". If there is anyone else out there who can help you with anything, it is your own Dad. No? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Hope Shimmers Posted November 1, 2014 Share Posted November 1, 2014 Oh Solo. You are setting yourself up to be hurt very, very badly. Even more so than you have been in the past. Please don't do this. It's like watching the approach of a train wreck in slow motion. 9 Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted November 1, 2014 Share Posted November 1, 2014 (edited) Oh Solo. You are setting yourself up to be hurt very, very badly. Even more so than you have been in the past. Please don't do this. It's like watching the approach of a train wreck in slow motion. I agree. And the fact that you and MM have such an unhealthy dynamic too, doesn't help. It's like you're toxic for one another! Even though you love him and he loves you, this doesn't mean he's the 'right' one for you. You've had a long affair with him and now that he *could* be divorcing, are you really prepared to have him full time? ALL the good/bad and the ugly? Are you ready to be outcast from his kids? NO way will they ever accept you. He's middle aged and has major health issues. Anyway, wish you luck because the shi.tstorm hasn't stopped. It's going to get worse and be really stressful so I do hope you are looking after yourself, putting you first and not putting all your energy into him. Solo is he living with you? Edited November 1, 2014 by whichwayisup 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Hope Shimmers Posted November 1, 2014 Share Posted November 1, 2014 I agree. And the fact that you and MM have such an unhealthy dynamic too, doesn't help. It's like you're toxic for one another! Even though you love him and he loves you, this doesn't mean he's the 'right' one for you. This is SO true Solo. Please listen to this. I loved my ex-MM (or thought I did!) and vice versa - we both did very much. But it was horribly toxic in almost every way. "Love" does not overcome all - and this situation is not the right one for you! You've had a long affair with him and now that he *could* be divorcing, are you really prepared to have him full time? ALL the good/bad and the ugly? Are you ready to be outcast from his kids? NO way will they ever accept you. He's middle aged and has major health issues. He is 65!?! Way past middle aged. She is 50. What do you see in this old man, Solo? And yes... his kids will never accept you. Please don't do this. At 50 you still have much life ahead of you (he doesn't, so much). Please don't waste it on him. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Sassy Girl Posted November 1, 2014 Share Posted November 1, 2014 He is 65. I am 50. Again, why would you want to take that on?... you'll spend the next 15 years playing nursemaid to an aging alcoholic. Serious.... is that the future you want? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author solostand Posted November 1, 2014 Author Share Posted November 1, 2014 He doesn't have major health problems. He had a tough few months last year but it was something anyone could come down with - in fact I had the exact same thing in my early 40's (bowel blockage and sepsis). He hasn't had a drink in five years. He works out and doesn't look or act like what you would imagine a 65 year old would, in my opinion. He is not living with me. I do see him every day however. Yes he has seen a lawyer. Link to post Share on other sites
Arieswoman Posted November 1, 2014 Share Posted November 1, 2014 ss, He is 65. I am 50. He may not have any health issues now but they could be just around the corner at his age. You could end up as a caretaker and not a partner, and, going by statistics he'll die a long time before you will. So you're going to lose him via the inevitable sooner than you think. Surely you can see this isn't a good idea?? Link to post Share on other sites
adna89 Posted November 1, 2014 Share Posted November 1, 2014 (edited) ss, He may not have any health issues now but they could be just around the corner at his age. You could end up as a caretaker and not a partner, and, going by statistics he'll die a long time before you will. So you're going to lose him via the inevitable sooner than you think. Surely you can see this isn't a good idea?? Oh well but she is 50 ,its not like she is a youth either.By 55 she is most probably in same situation ...55-65 are same almost But when she is 55 she is probably not as interesting to him,he might consider returning to good old wife after all?old age is when you want to be around family,grandkids...especially if the "other woman" is not a youth anymore herself Edited November 1, 2014 by adna89 1 Link to post Share on other sites
herself Posted November 1, 2014 Share Posted November 1, 2014 But at 65 if he can't say "I'm not happy, I'm in love with someone else and I want a divorce" then even in 65 years he never grew a set of balls. Life is short and he's stringing everyone along. At 50 you should know this isn't how love is supposed to be. I believe you already decided deep down that your dating life is over. You put all bets on mm, your all in. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted November 1, 2014 Share Posted November 1, 2014 Yes he has seen a lawyer. Seeing a lawyer is not the same as hiring a lawyer & filing for divorce. Until & unless he does that he's lying to you about his intentions. Proceed with caution. Link to post Share on other sites
cif Posted November 1, 2014 Share Posted November 1, 2014 Solostand, is this just entertainment for you? I'm in the creative field as well and my best work comes out when there's drama in my life. I say its all out in the open so just carry on until you're bored. And for the sake of being transparent, my advice would differ if you all were half your ages. Link to post Share on other sites
Tullyseptember Posted November 1, 2014 Share Posted November 1, 2014 Solo, Not any of this situation is simple. Not going to marriage counselling because he is in love with you really isn't the reason. Having you is a coping method to not deal with his existing issues that have never been resolved. Just as you have him to cope with your issues. I recongnize some of the coping signs as I too have used other things to replace the real issue at hand. As far as your ages well myself wouldn't put as much emphasize on that. It takes a lifetime in my opinion to obtain wisdom through experience. And the growing of balls comments? You "have" what it takes to see yourself through this! "Why do people say "grow some balls"? Balls are weak and sensitive. If you wanna be tough, grow a vagina. Those things can take a pounding." Link to post Share on other sites
Lovebug66 Posted November 1, 2014 Share Posted November 1, 2014 I really don't think it matters how old he is, what matters is he is a world class jerk. Just my .02. Link to post Share on other sites
Mount Posted November 1, 2014 Share Posted November 1, 2014 I believe it is quite entertaining, or Solo is expecting another 30 pages post coming along, to convince her it is a more worse disaster going to happen. The truth is when anyone makes mind doing sth, any external influence or talking is useless or wastes time anyway. Not sure why people here do not realise it. Solostand, is this just entertainment for you? I'm in the creative field as well and my best work comes out when there's drama in my life. I say its all out in the open so just carry on until you're bored. And for the sake of being transparent, my advice would differ if you all were half your ages. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
MissBee Posted November 2, 2014 Share Posted November 2, 2014 Since he won't get marriage counseling because he's in love with you, does this mean he is moving towards a divorce? Link to post Share on other sites
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