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So its been almost 6 weeks no contact with the lying MM (in which I have to remind that I did not know he was married). I was debating about telling his pregnant wife, but decided against it. I found out about her and looked her up, she has pictures all over the net of them getting married 7 years ago, her pregnancies and most recently her baby shower (she is 35 weeks currently), which just happened Saturday. I feel like complete garbage. I feel used. I feel abused. I feel disguarded. They look so happy, a pretty family. I NEVER SAW THIS COMING!!:sick::sick::sick::sick::sick::sick:

 

As soon as I found out 6 weeks ago, I broke of contact immediately, but I hurt everyday. I am destroyed. I ache daily. I thought it would be getting easier, but it is only getting harder. I love him (still do) and we shared many things together.

I actually feel sorry for her that she loves him so and that she thinks that he is the world's best husband and father, not knowing that he cheats with everyone in site and that he has had a 2 year relationship with me.

 

I don't want to hurt her because she is innocent in this, but I have so many text message, letters, cards, clothing. I have messages where he is calling his "ex-wife" everything, but a child of God...if she only knew...

If she only knew that he has another woman currently pregnant now, she is 7 months...if she only knew....

 

As sick as it may be, I love him, but I did end it, but I am tortured everyday. I am kind of jealous in a way. She has and has always had him and I don't. I guess I was just a distraction for him.

I dont understand why wouldn't he just couldn't be up front from the beginning and say, "this is physical and nothing more", instead he pushes the relationship into existance, with prior knowledge of what I have been through with my last relationship (he promised he would never hurt me), "loves me", wine and dines me, cooks for me (breakfast, lunch and dinner), flowers everyday, very attentive and even discussion of marriage/wedding planning...

 

My world is falling a part. :sick::sick::sick:

 

The funny part is that I am a mental health physician assistant and I cant even help myself. I take care of people and prescribe therapy and meds for these people daily. I make it through the day, but I am not eating, as I should (I can't eat without nausea or diarrhea), I cant sleep, I am moody and irritable. It consumes my mind, body and spirit.

 

This is my little secret that I keep with me. The 2 friends that do know, suggest I get over him and move on, not understanding that he took a piece of my heart and soul and buried it).

 

How do I move on???? I've done all the necessary things. I am just left alone to ruminate with these thoughts.

Edited by Loveless77
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I cannot believe you are making yourself so miserable over this piece of garbage.Don't you find his actions revolting?

 

You sound as though you are sliding into depression. Would you consider counselling. I am not suggesting with your boss but with a reputable professional?

 

Two years is a long time. I was in an A for 6 years and it has left me with considerable issues to deal with. Please get out now before you waste anymore time and before you are damaged irreparably.

 

Poppy

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I do. I find it sickening...physically. I am trying to move forward honestly, I didn't stay and try to work anything out, I left immediately, but I can't deny that I am deeply hurting.....I'm tortured while awake, when I'm sleep.

 

I made the first step and got rid of him and haven't spoken to him since. It's supposed to get better, but instead it's getting worse

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You have to stop loving him- that is the answer. You still love him, and you have to figure out why.

 

You know he is not a good person. He lied to you and used you. He did the same to other women and his wife. So why do you value the love a person like this? You logically know he is a bad guy- why do you love him? If we have friends that lie or use us, we cut them off. We normally don't like people that betray us, that hurt us, that lie and use people. We usually save that kind of unconditional love for our kids. You need to realize that he is a piece of crap, and therefore unlovable.

 

You need to feel that he is not worth loving. You need to see the reality- you cannot trust this man. He straight up lied to you repeatedly. He has no regard for the feelings of his wife, you, or the other women. So why do you love him?

 

My guess is that it's about the way he makes you feel. He has a gift for inspiring feelings of love, connection and attachment. You feel a connection to him in spite of what he does to you and others.

 

But this is really all an illusion, as he does not have your best interests at heart. He makes you feel good but has no respect, no feelings of responsibility towards you. No problem making promises he knew he'd break.

 

If you want to get over this, you have to allow those truths to really sink in, so that you stop loving him. Stop focusing on the feelings and emotions, and focus on the truth, the facts, the reality of the situation. He is a serial cheater with no regard or respect for others. You can't really love a guy like this if you look at his real character. No amount of being funny, or cute, or liking the same music could ever overcome the horrible traits you have seen in him. There is no reason for you to love him.

 

Give it time, your emotions just have to catch up to your logic.

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gettingstronger

OK- so I am a BS and was told in therapy it could take 3-5 years to move past this- for me, its the betrayal that really stings- I am thinking its the same for you- the betrayal-rather than going in with eye wide open, you were mislead- its a punch to the gut that takes time to heal-

 

Stay strong-

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Ok. So he lied to you. That makes it not your fault AT ALL. I am so sorry you hae been so hurt.

 

I am going to quietly.encourage you to tell the wife. Esp. Being pregnant. Who knows what he is out there dipping into.

 

So sorry, again. Truly it just.

sucks.

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whatatangledweb

You're grieving, That is normal. You will go through the stages while you are healing from this. It will be painful, I'm sorry to say. Try to keep busy and push thoughts of him away. I know that is hard to do. Have you thought of taking ADs ?

 

Please don't tell his wife this late in her pregnancy. That could be dangerous for her and the baby. Wait till the baby is born.

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You're grieving, That is normal. You will go through the stages while you are healing from this. It will be painful, I'm sorry to say. Try to keep busy and push thoughts of him away. I know that is hard to do. Have you thought of taking ADs ?

 

Please don't tell his wife this late in her pregnancy. That could be dangerous for her and the baby. Wait till the baby is born.

 

 

I was going to try the natural route like herbal supplements instead of taking ADs. I try to keep busy as possible. Ughh, it's difficult to rid myself of these thoughts, feels like I am going backwards instead of forward. Yeah, I decided just not to tell her at all...that may open up a whole new can of worms.

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You have to stop loving him- that is the answer. You still love him, and you have to figure out why.

 

You know he is not a good person. He lied to you and used you. He did the same to other women and his wife. So why do you value the love a person like this? You logically know he is a bad guy- why do you love him? If we have friends that lie or use us, we cut them off. We normally don't like people that betray us, that hurt us, that lie and use people. We usually save that kind of unconditional love for our kids. You need to realize that he is a piece of crap, and therefore unlovable.

 

You need to feel that he is not worth loving. You need to see the reality- you cannot trust this man. He straight up lied to you repeatedly. He has no regard for the feelings of his wife, you, or the other women. So why do you love him?

 

My guess is that it's about the way he makes you feel. He has a gift for inspiring feelings of love, connection and attachment. You feel a connection to him in spite of what he does to you and others.

 

But this is really all an illusion, as he does not have your best interests at heart. He makes you feel good but has no respect, no feelings of responsibility towards you. No problem making promises he knew he'd break.

 

If you want to get over this, you have to allow those truths to really sink in, so that you stop loving him. Stop focusing on the feelings and emotions, and focus on the truth, the facts, the reality of the situation. He is a serial cheater with no regard or respect for others. You can't really love a guy like this if you look at his real character. No amount of being funny, or cute, or liking the same music could ever overcome the horrible traits you have seen in him. There is no reason for you to love him.

 

Give it time, your emotions just have to catch up to your logic.

 

Thanks and I am trying so desperately to stop loving him. As I looked at the pictures of their life from the last 7 years of their life, from the wedding, through her previous pregnancy, past Christmases, trips to Disney World and other family vacations and now her current pregnancy-- it makes it all real for me...shows me what a sociopath he his.

 

I try to look at these pictures (its like over 250 of them) to remind myself, this is who you love....then I get angry. I'm hoping that after seeing them enough times that my heart and brain will be in sync and will despise this scum bag and never look back or care again..

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How did you not know for 2 years he was married?

 

If you read another post I've written called I didn't know I was the OW, you will get the full story. Long story short, he worked (with me) at a company hours away from his wife. He lives in the same city I do and his wife and family lived hours away, it's easy to keep up another life when u don't live at home or even in the same city as your family

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Picture this: you and this man are married. It is a Monday night. He said he has to work late and will be home early evening. 9:00 o'clock turns into 10 and 10 turns into 11. You can't track him down on his phone because he has it shut off. You have this sick feeling in your gut because you KNOW he is not working. You call his work and are advised he left hours ago. After all, you two started off as an A so you are fully aware he is capable of this behaviour.

 

That would be your life with this liar and cheater.

 

Loveless, you are only hurting yourself going through the family photos and reminiscing about the good times. Try to set aside a few moments a day to feel the pain and then when that time limit is over, wipe away the tears and then do something good for YOU until one day goes by where you hardly thought about him.

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I do. I find it sickening...physically. I am trying to move forward honestly, I didn't stay and try to work anything out, I left immediately, but I can't deny that I am deeply hurting.....I'm tortured while awake, when I'm sleep.

 

I made the first step and got rid of him and haven't spoken to him since. It's supposed to get better, but instead it's getting worse

 

Have you sought out counseling for yourself?

 

This man isn't who he portrayed himself to be. You're in love with a version of him that he created. The man you "love" doesn't actually exist. He is sick in the head, not normal, having you and his wife (and you say he is with other women as well? Do you have proof of that and this other woman who is 7 months pregnant with his child?) to himself and lying about it. He is a farce, full of shi.t and the sooner you let this reality be accepted, you'll love him less. Don't be jealous of his wife, be glad he isn't yours.

 

After his wife gives birth to their child, you have to tell her about you, how he led you to believe he was divorced. Tell her he has impregnated another woman. God, who knows what disease he's brought home to her..And to you as well! I certainly hope you've been checked out for STD's.

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Thanks and I am trying so desperately to stop loving him. As I looked at the pictures of their life from the last 7 years of their life, from the wedding, through her previous pregnancy, past Christmases, trips to Disney World and other family vacations and now her current pregnancy-- it makes it all real for me...shows me what a sociopath he his.

 

I try to look at these pictures (its like over 250 of them) to remind myself, this is who you love....then I get angry. I'm hoping that after seeing them enough times that my heart and brain will be in sync and will despise this scum bag and never look back or care again..

 

You did nothing wrong here, it's all on him. Use that disgust and anger to push yourself to get through this. You can and will get over him. Fight hard to make sure your head is the thing you're listening to, not your heart or emotions.

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You're grieving, That is normal. You will go through the stages while you are healing from this. It will be painful, I'm sorry to say. Try to keep busy and push thoughts of him away. I know that is hard to do. Have you thought of taking ADs ?

 

Please don't tell his wife this late in her pregnancy. That could be dangerous for her and the baby. Wait till the baby is born.

 

 

This.. no need to put his wife through the hell discovery unleashes as well just now, but after she has given birth to his child, then it would be a kindness on your part to let her know in a sensitive way that her husband is a pig of enormous proportion. She may already know, but you will have relieved yourself of the burden of 'what if's' perhaps.

 

 

The longer you perpetuate viewing his 'happy family' the longer you will sit in the mire. Don't do it.

 

 

The man is poison, and you need to cleanse yourself of the toxicity.

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You move on by telling his wife which is the morally correct thing to do. Because if you do not he will have gotten away with it and he will certainly attempt to reignite your affair and use you some more.

Is the real reason you are not telling his wife because you know that after that he will be lost to you for good. He has lied to you so why are you protecting him?

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You did nothing wrong here, it's all on him. Use that disgust and anger to push yourself to get through this. You can and will get over him. Fight hard to make sure your head is the thing you're listening to, not your heart or emotions.

 

That's what I am intending to do while looking at the pictures of him with his family. I tell myself often throughout the day, Yeah she has him and they have a family, but look how he treats her and she probably has no clue."

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You move on by telling his wife which is the morally correct thing to do. Because if you do not he will have gotten away with it and he will certainly attempt to reignite your affair and use you some more.

Is the real reason you are not telling his wife because you know that after that he will be lost to you for good. He has lied to you so why are you protecting him?

 

trust me I am not at all wanting to rekindle anything with him, that I'm sure about! I want to tell her but I do not want to be in any unnecessary extra drama that I didn't ask for. She may become angry at me and I am known in my community...This is why I suffer silently. He is also a sociopath from what I believe. .. Things like this are a catch 22. I'm just hoping that one of the others come forward. I'm sure there are many many more.

 

I've asked some friends and they asked me, " what good would it do for you to tell her, leave it alone and move on, telling her will not make you feel any better. " " Don't stoop to his level, let God and Karma give him what he deserves."

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Picture this: you and this man are married. It is a Monday night. He said he has to work late and will be home early evening. 9:00 o'clock turns into 10 and 10 turns into 11. You can't track him down on his phone because he has it shut off. You have this sick feeling in your gut because you KNOW he is not working. You call his work and are advised he left hours ago. After all, you two started off as an A so you are fully aware he is capable of this behaviour.

 

That would be your life with this liar and cheater.

 

Loveless, you are only hurting yourself going through the family photos and reminiscing about the good times. Try to set aside a few moments a day to feel the pain and then when that time limit is over, wipe away the tears and then do something good for YOU until one day goes by where you hardly thought about him.

 

Yes this is what I tell myself. He has the type of job where he is on call 7 days/wk 24 hours day 365 days a year. I know this because we worked together. He really had the perfect alibi. He lives another life as a single man, while his family is 200 miles away thinking he is such a great man:sick::sick:

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Please tell his wife. I could have had such a different and better life if someone had told me.

 

Remember Lacy Peterson who was murdered by her husband? His new girlfriend had no idea he was married. He killed his wife and unborn child because of wanting to not be trapped.

 

What if you could stop something like this.

 

Once she knows, it will be her choice to decide whether to stay with him or not but without the facts, she is living with a psycho and so are her kids.

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Please tell his wife. I could have had such a different and better life if someone had told me.

 

Remember Lacy Peterson who was murdered by her husband? His new girlfriend had no idea he was married. He killed his wife and unborn child because of wanting to not be trapped.

 

What if you could stop something like this.

 

Once she knows, it will be her choice to decide whether to stay with him or not but without the facts, she is living with a psycho and so are her kids.

 

With that being said, I woke be putting myself at risk. I am a mother, I can't risk him retaliating against me. .. It's very difficult to be in my position. ... i didn't ask for this. ..

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i don't even know the guy, only what you've told us and i find him scary. i wouldn't do a thing to him, wouldn't go near him or his wife. stay away. if he could do this to the mother of his kids wtf would he do to you if you tried to tell her?

 

off the top of my head i suspect he would tell her you are a crazy stalker and all your evidence is phony.

 

i have to tell you that there are people in my life that i love, but they're not good for me, so i avoid them.

 

the way i got to a place of not letting them effect me is by using a mantra, a phrase i repeated 100 times a day.

 

my first one was "it's over, it's over, it's over".

 

later i would i would look at my reflection, which is hard to do with a straight face and repeat, "i love you, i love you, i love you.

 

make up one of your own, use it. it will help.

 

in the mean time, eat something bland, eat the same bland thing three times a day, anything that doesn't alert your nose or stomach that it's "arriving". then work on falling and staying asleep.

 

you're in a fight for your life, show up, try, you're important.

 

he, on the other hand, is not important, he hasn't got guts, a soul or a heart and the best revenge, if you still need some is SHE gets to keep him. hahaha

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i don't even know the guy, only what you've told us and i find him scary. i wouldn't do a thing to him, wouldn't go near him or his wife. stay away. if he could do this to the mother of his kids wtf would he do to you if you tried to tell her?

 

off the top of my head i suspect he would tell her you are a crazy stalker and all your evidence is phony.

 

i have to tell you that there are people in my life that i love, but they're not good for me, so i avoid them.

 

the way i got to a place of not letting them effect me is by using a mantra, a phrase i repeated 100 times a day.

 

my first one was "it's over, it's over, it's over".

 

later i would i would look at my reflection, which is hard to do with a straight face and repeat, "i love you, i love you, i love you.

 

make up one of your own, use it. it will help.

 

in the mean time, eat something bland, eat the same bland thing three times a day, anything that doesn't alert your nose or stomach that it's "arriving". then work on falling and staying asleep.

 

you're in a fight for your life, show up, try, you're important.

 

he, on the other hand, is not important, he hasn't got guts, a soul or a heart and the best revenge, if you still need some is SHE gets to keep him. hahaha

 

Thanks for the advice. Yes, I tell myself daily, probably hourly, that he is a narcissist and that he portrays this well liked character to his job, the people that he manages, me and others. He is likeable, patient, I've never seen him get angry or upset....

 

I wouldn't be surprised if his wife never knew. He is an awesome and convincing liar to the point he is convincing. He had me fooled big time in two years. I can only imagine the B'S he has told her in the 7 years they've been married.

:sick::sick:

 

I sure hope she finds out... i hate that he gets away with hurting people. I'm left hurting and he is off happy, wife and kids looking for his next victim. ..:sick::sick:

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whatatangledweb

You said he had gotten another woman pregnant and she is 7 months along. When she goes after him for child support his wife will end up knowing.

 

Looking at her pictures will hurt you more than help you. It will show you what he led you to believe you would have with him. Please don't look. If it is something that draws you to do make yourself slowly stop doing it. If you look every day, do it every other day, then once a week, etc.

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