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Being a mistress hurts too.


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A letter which I will not send, but still explains my pain and struggle as a Mistress who has fallen deeply with a man..

 

To my Man’s wife,

 

They call you the wife, but to me you will always be my man’s other woman. In my fantasy, I am his queen and not just his younger, beautiful mistress. I like to fantasize about him being MY husband. But in reality, it wouldn't work out. That would take all the fun away. I am his secret. I am his girl to play with when he is working, on a businesstrip etc.

 

He never spoke about me to other people the way he talks about you. His businesspartners and workers know about me. But they don't see me as a person. I am the sexy and beautiful young woman, who just moved out her parents house. And no way they would even think or care about my inside. Dumb, naive, easy, but also a girl with a poor selfesteem. Easy to take advantage of.

 

And I want to say to you, I don't mean to hurt you. Your husband knows how to play with my feelings. He knows how desperate I am for attention, mainly from men. I wish I could claim innocence and say to you that I didn’t know I would be causing a woman tremendous pain in loving him. Don't think I am only blaming your husband for this, for playing and maybe even taking advantage of me. But my only excuse being that I fell in love with him. Doesn’t love explain it all?

 

Recently you gave birth to your third child. I am very happy for you. I can assure you that he loves and cares about you and your family so much. You are his everything, his real queen. You probably will ask me why he would cheat on you, if he values you so much.

 

That is not the kind of question I would dare to ask him. If I did, he would put his finger on my lips and tell me "ssshh" with that mysterious smile of him. That's what he does when our conversation goes too deep, or when I talk about things other than my looks or his pleasure and pride. He for sure likes to get his ego stroked and that is probably why he has me, his armcandy and his fun young thing. And I am not denying that I don't enjoy him showing me off like a trophy, all the other men admiring my beauty. But sometimes I do need a good conversation, or really just interact like you do with him.

 

And I also just want to tell you, this is nothing personal. It seems like all the businessmen here have or had a mistress, or cheat with one night stands. I had been told that cheating businessmen who travel very, very often can't be stopped. So, this is really nothing personal towards you.

 

I may will sound ignorant now, but I think the men having a mistress, to spend time and play with, is better than them being with women who could be a possible real relationship or wife material. Because most of the mistresses will NEVER be a first choice, or even getting thought as wife material.

 

Don't fear me and I am sorry. For now I can't let him go and will still be his mistress.

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JessicaChoi,

 

I'm not sure what response you expect to your posting but I would put your tin hat on, if I were you....

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JessicaChoi,

 

I'm not sure what response you expect to your posting but I would put your tin hat on, if I were you....

 

I don't really know too. I think I am curious about how people will react and what they think about. I do not think people will have respect for me haha. But maybe I do need some harsh words or critic, maybe someone could knock some sense in me.

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skydiveaddict
A letter which I will not send, but still explains my pain and struggle as a Mistress who has fallen deeply with a man..

 

Why are so weak that you cannot face the truth?

 

Don't fear me and I am sorry. For now I can't let him go and will still be his mistress.

 

Well, I guess I know the answer. nvm

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most_distant_galaxy

I'm sad that you have such a low opinion of yourself and don't do something to respect jessicachoi. It's better to face the issues hiding behind your choice of men before you turn 40 or 50. It's better to face them now, because you are wasting your time in superficial relationship and feeling second best.

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Lernaean_Hydra

Before I say anything else, I think the mods may want to move this to the other man/woman boards.

 

Anyway, that being said, if you are conscious enough to acknowldge your flaws - in your own way - why are you still unable to make moves to get yourself out of this situation? There's literally nowhere you can go from here with this man but down.

 

You may be young, you may be pretty - and yes, hi, there are millions of attractive young women so join the club - but what does that actually buy you in the long run? Wouldn't you rather not be wasting the few prime years of youth and beauty you have on a man whom you know will never commit to you and won't even pay you the courtesy of having a meaningful conversation with you once in a while?

 

Trophies sit on shelves and are only brought out and dusted off when it's time to show them off to other people. Is that really all you're worth? Is that really what all you want in life? That, to me, sounds really empty and sad.

 

The situation with your self-esteem won't exactly improve by being constantly reminded you aren't good enough for a guy to love and be proud of out in the open for reasons beyond your looks.

 

I don't think there's a single other woman who ever lived that looks back on her youth and thinks "boy am I glad I spent the best years of my life being some man's secret plaything." It just doesn't happen. For god's sake, want better for yourself!

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That letter is patronizing to no end isen't it enough you disrespect the women by sleeping with her husband behind her back? its almost like your trying to play yourself off as the victim here when clearly your not.

 

You yourself say you enjoy the attention he gives you im not even so sure your self easteam is that low with how many times you call yourself "young and beautiful"..im sorry I see right thu your pity party comments.

 

Its not normal for people in healthy relationships to cheat no matter what profession they are in. But feel free to continue making excuses for his and your poor behavior.

 

Really if anything you are his foolish play toy and nothing more..his wife and kids are the only victims here..

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Lernaean_Hydra
That letter is patronizing to no end isen't it enough you disrespect the women by sleeping with her husband behind her back? its almost like your trying to play yourself off as the victim here when clearly your not.

 

You yourself say you enjoy the attention he gives you im not even so sure your self esteem is that low with how many times you call yourself "young and beautiful"..im sorry I see right thru your pity party comments.

 

Its not normal for people in healthy relationships to cheat no matter what profession they are in. But feel free to continue making excuses for his and your poor behavior.

 

Really if anything you are his foolish play toy and nothing more..his wife and kids are the only victims here..

 

 

Right. This is a little harsh but it's spot on. Thankfully she has stated she has no intentions of sending this letter but yeah...

 

OP, I have to add, I mean, he's not even the kind of MM who future fakes or tries to convince you one day he'll leave his wife. He's made it abundantly clear that he's only interested in one thing - maybe two if you count the fact he gets to show you off now and then - and that's it. You're basically little more than a call girl who doesn't get paid. You're a glorified fleshlight.

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While you may think it's your 'beauty' that caught him and keeps him coming around, the sad truth is that it's your inability to know any better that allows him to continue using you.

 

agree with ladyLuck 110% ^^^^

 

I'm sorry to be the bearer of bad news JessicaChoi but you aren't special you're just available :rolleyes:

 

Instead of focusing on loving him, focus on loving yourself - and get yourself out of this mess.

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A letter which I will not send, but still explains my pain and struggle as a Mistress who has fallen deeply with a man..

 

To my Man’s wife,

 

They call you the wife, but to me you will always be my man’s other woman. In my fantasy, I am his queen and not just his younger, beautiful mistress. I like to fantasize about him being MY husband. But in reality, it wouldn't work out. That would take all the fun away. I am his secret. I am his girl to play with when he is working, on a businesstrip etc.

 

He never spoke about me to other people the way he talks about you. His businesspartners and workers know about me. But they don't see me as a person. I am the sexy and beautiful young woman, who just moved out her parents house. And no way they would even think or care about my inside. Dumb, naive, easy, but also a girl with a poor selfesteem. Easy to take advantage of.

 

And I want to say to you, I don't mean to hurt you. Your husband knows how to play with my feelings. He knows how desperate I am for attention, mainly from men. I wish I could claim innocence and say to you that I didn’t know I would be causing a woman tremendous pain in loving him. Don't think I am only blaming your husband for this, for playing and maybe even taking advantage of me. But my only excuse being that I fell in love with him. Doesn’t love explain it all?

 

Recently you gave birth to your third child. I am very happy for you. I can assure you that he loves and cares about you and your family so much. You are his everything, his real queen. You probably will ask me why he would cheat on you, if he values you so much.

 

That is not the kind of question I would dare to ask him. If I did, he would put his finger on my lips and tell me "ssshh" with that mysterious smile of him. That's what he does when our conversation goes too deep, or when I talk about things other than my looks or his pleasure and pride. He for sure likes to get his ego stroked and that is probably why he has me, his armcandy and his fun young thing. And I am not denying that I don't enjoy him showing me off like a trophy, all the other men admiring my beauty. But sometimes I do need a good conversation, or really just interact like you do with him.

 

And I also just want to tell you, this is nothing personal. It seems like all the businessmen here have or had a mistress, or cheat with one night stands. I had been told that cheating businessmen who travel very, very often can't be stopped. So, this is really nothing personal towards you.

 

I may will sound ignorant now, but I think the men having a mistress, to spend time and play with, is better than them being with women who could be a possible real relationship or wife material. Because most of the mistresses will NEVER be a first choice, or even getting thought as wife material.

 

Don't fear me and I am sorry. For now I can't let him go and will still be his mistress.

 

Aren't you one of the posters that constantly bashes men? It's very ironic that you do this, seeing as how you have such a lack of morals that you would have an affair with a married man when his wife is at home pregnant.

 

Stay classy.

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Right. This is a little harsh but it's spot on. Thankfully she has stated she has no intentions of sending this letter but yeah...

 

 

Op herself asked for "harsh" really I just imagined how the wife would feel if she found out I mean three kids to this piece of garbage. And now here is the OP almost gloating about things and trying to paint herself as a woe is me victim.

 

I do hope she wises up and really listens for her own sake as well cause its not some "magical tragic love story" as shes kinda hinting to. This man is playing them both for fools and laughing all the way for all the OP knows shes one of many young and beautiful "mistresses" all easily replaced by the next flavor of the week...

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Aren't you one of the posters that constantly bashes men? It's very ironic that you do this, seeing as how you have such a lack of morals that you would have an affair with a married man when his wife is at home pregnant.

 

Stay classy.

 

She was also only posting in August about being pregnant and that her fiancé was cheating on her during his business trips. Something is not stacking up here.

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Ninjainpajamas

A LOT of married men do this OP so I wouldn't take this entirely personal...you're simply another young woman caught up in a very regular but taboo situation.

 

The reality is a lot of men wouldn't be able to hold together that picture-perfect-family-life scenario at home...where they pay the bills, take care of the kids and far beyond that honey-moon phase of excitement and exhilarating experience of being with someone new, young and "fresh"...it gives them an outlet and much needed break from their home life where they can indulge and be selfish again, and without getting into the matter of whats "fair" to the wife, the reality is he has his needs and yet still desires to take care of those responsibilities...just not in the way that his wife would desire of course, so he knows it's not just about YOU, he knows what this is and that's why he keeps it simply and doesn't take it to another level where no answers are going to be good enough or change anything with this situations.

 

When he goes home, it's all about responsibilities and serious life business. Even if he's on "vacation" with his wife and kids, he's only really on vacation for himself when he's with you...that's his vacation from life. Because life is very regular, mundane and although it has it's place as men love their kids, many men can feel like they're caught in a trap.

 

You're not hurting his family as much as he is. You're not the one to blame here, even though you have questions that you should ask unto yourself of why you are there, you are responsible for your actions and behavior.

 

But from the OW's perspective it's a bit comical to see so much of the anger and backlash directed at the OW when it's really the man's responsibility, almost nearly entirely...I don't even know what to blame you for in this situation other than simply being available which I'm sure this man already knows how to pull at your emotional strings like many men do.

 

The reality is you're getting something out of this and so he is, you're just in it for different reasons and at least you acknowledge those reasons (but this all sounds a bit made-up to be honest so I'm just talking about this topic in general). It'll be up to you to decide when you're done subjecting yourself to this because of your own personal issues and void.

 

The truth about this all though at the end of the day is this is what happens all of the time, with tons of men who just go home and put on the family face and go back to taking care of responsibilities...if you were to take that away from many of these married men, a lot of them wouldn't be able to cope and handle the situation at home, you're the stress-release and decompression tool from that lifestyle, you keep the man going on with his real life.

 

*BTW I've never personally been in this situation, I've just known a lot of men who have..it's quite common, so I don't really blame you but I do judge you of course as well, but I don't think you are a bad person for it just a very weak one with issues, but I understand you'd change it if you could, that makes you be apart of this*

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chimpanA-2-chimpanZ

Dear Jessicachoi,

 

You think I don't know what my husband is up to? Do you think you're his first secret toy? Oh, you're adorable. You have no idea what my marriage is like or what we've been through. This man has been coming home to me for years; I know when he's been out with the side piece du jour.

 

I don't fear you. I know he will never leave me. Because at the end of the day he needs the stability our relationship provides, he needs me as a status symbol in his life, and he values our children together. If anyone decides to end this marriage, it'll be me. Whether we work out or not you're still going to end up alone and forgotten on the roadside. I don't fear you---I'm just sorry for you.

 

Good luck with that,

 

The Wife

 

PS: I'm the one with a ring on it.

PSS: If I decide to work through this, I'll still be the one with a ring on it.

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Ninjainpajamas
Its not normal for people in healthy relationships

 

Nobody is "normal" or "healthy", it just depends on what kind of f**ked up they are.

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MissMoneyPenny

How do you think this will end?

Do you think you are his only mistress? If he's sleeping with another young woman or women, would you be ok with that?

He is a liar and a cheat, and someone who clearly cannot be trusted.

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Nobody is "normal" or "healthy", it just depends on what kind of f**ked up they are.

I was commenting on healthy relationships not people in general of course everyone has some sort of issue that doesn't mean they all use those issues as a excuse to cheat on their spouses.

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I agree completly with TigerLilly78.

 

What an awful disrespectfull letter. Insulting his wife, telling her you won't let go of him.

 

Op, you chose to be the other woman, to a man who doesn't care about you.

 

Its obviously easy to "blame" and "hate" the wife for her existance, but the true source of your pain is the man you are sleeping with, not her. In fact she is the victim in all this mess.

 

You degrade yourself by loving a man who won't give 2 cents about you. But that is your choice.

 

Insulting, hurting, an rubbing your sexual affair on her face might make you feel better about yourself, but that proves just how much in denial you are, that you would rather hurt her, than leave the man who hurts you.

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skydiveaddict
Nobody is "normal" or "healthy", it just depends on what kind of f**ked up they are.

 

Not true. If that's your description of a relationship, you should reconsider

 

There is still such a thing as two people who love and cherish each other

Edited by skydiveaddict
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I havent read it. Just told you that you lack self respect and no men will take serious a woman who does not have boundaries.

If youre happy with your situation, go on. Just know that men dont fall in love with women like you. They fall in love with strong women, like the wife. Youre just an easy girl.

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Oh sweet Jesus child, I want to pack your things and move you back into your Parents home. You don't seem mature enough at all to be living on your own making the poor decisions that you are. You are causing yourself and soooo many others a kind of pain and scarring hurt that I wouldn't wish on anyone.

Why don't you tell your parents what your doing and how this older man is using you?! I believe they would go to the ends of the earth to help you end this and get Her cheating Husband away from harming you more!

You sound SO young. My gosh this old MM is a creepy POS! And HIS Wife just had HIS 3rd Baby?! Ugh. He's sick honey!! And if you're as pretty as you say, find a 'real' man who will treat you as a number one not the last one.

CiH*

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Ninjainpajamas
I was commenting on healthy relationships not people in general of course everyone has some sort of issue that doesn't mean they all use those issues as a excuse to cheat on their spouses.

 

They just do other things that they feel are less "immoral".

 

Everybody justifies their issues by the actions they take or that result from it, not the issues they have.

 

The consequences are merely shades of different colors and everybody says their color is better than the others...and those who agree and "understand" because they can relate, simply jump on the bandwagon.

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A letter which I will not send, but still explains my pain and struggle as a Mistress who has fallen deeply with a man..

 

To my Man’s wife,

 

They call you the wife, but to me you will always be my man’s other woman. In my fantasy, I am his queen and not just his younger, beautiful mistress. I like to fantasize about him being MY husband. But in reality, it wouldn't work out. That would take all the fun away. I am his secret. I am his girl to play with when he is working, on a businesstrip etc.

 

He never spoke about me to other people the way he talks about you. His businesspartners and workers know about me. But they don't see me as a person. I am the sexy and beautiful young woman, who just moved out her parents house. And no way they would even think or care about my inside. Dumb, naive, easy, but also a girl with a poor selfesteem. Easy to take advantage of.

 

And I want to say to you, I don't mean to hurt you. Your husband knows how to play with my feelings. He knows how desperate I am for attention, mainly from men. I wish I could claim innocence and say to you that I didn’t know I would be causing a woman tremendous pain in loving him. Don't think I am only blaming your husband for this, for playing and maybe even taking advantage of me. But my only excuse being that I fell in love with him. Doesn’t love explain it all?

 

Recently you gave birth to your third child. I am very happy for you. I can assure you that he loves and cares about you and your family so much. You are his everything, his real queen. You probably will ask me why he would cheat on you, if he values you so much.

 

That is not the kind of question I would dare to ask him. If I did, he would put his finger on my lips and tell me "ssshh" with that mysterious smile of him. That's what he does when our conversation goes too deep, or when I talk about things other than my looks or his pleasure and pride. He for sure likes to get his ego stroked and that is probably why he has me, his armcandy and his fun young thing. And I am not denying that I don't enjoy him showing me off like a trophy, all the other men admiring my beauty. But sometimes I do need a good conversation, or really just interact like you do with him.

 

And I also just want to tell you, this is nothing personal. It seems like all the businessmen here have or had a mistress, or cheat with one night stands. I had been told that cheating businessmen who travel very, very often can't be stopped. So, this is really nothing personal towards you.

 

I may will sound ignorant now, but I think the men having a mistress, to spend time and play with, is better than them being with women who could be a possible real relationship or wife material. Because most of the mistresses will NEVER be a first choice, or even getting thought as wife material.

 

Don't fear me and I am sorry. For now I can't let him go and will still be his mistress.

 

Love is a powerful thing. Something that we cannot always control..did you know

he was married before you fell in love with him? I have never been a mistress, rather I've been on the flip side of this. It hurts tremendously to find out that your husband is having an affair. I don't fault you for falling in love, as I've said; it happens, but you can take a step back and see the hurt and pain that you are causing a family. Have some self respect, and leave him. Why would you want to be second best? Why would you want to be an option, his plan B? Take care of yourself, and let him take care of his family. He owes you nothing at this point, but you owe yourself some; pride, self respect, and dignity! I hope that you figure this all out.

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Ninjainpajamas
I have never been a mistress, rather I've been on the flip side of this. It hurts tremendously to find out that your husband is having an affair.

 

And did you think of your relationship before that? including your husband.

 

but you can take a step back and see the hurt and pain that you are causing a family. Have some self respect, and leave him.

 

She is not doing anything to the family, nor is she inflicting hurt and pain on anyone directly. She is merely involved with the man, and she is not responsible for his family, his choices or the way he respects you.

 

Her self-respect is only in question on her own behalf. She is not the one dragging this guy into this relationship, if anything he is taking advantage and manipulating her emotionally...while I do not say she's simply the victim because she is aware of what is at stake for him and what he is doing, I don't see the connection where women always attack the OW...if he wanted to make that choice, he could end it...that's it.

 

Why would you want to be second best? Why would you want to be an option, his plan B? Take care of yourself, and let him take care of his family. He owes you nothing at this point, but you owe yourself some; pride, self respect, and dignity! I hope that you figure this all out.

 

Because some women don't feel they deserve first place, do women even need to explain this to anyone? how is this not common for you. Nearly every woman has done something stupid with the wrong guy where they knew they should have walked away but did not...it's about self-control, self-esteem, and emotions.

 

He is taking care of his family, most married that cheat at least that I've seen are actually pretty good family guys when they're in that mode. You wouldn't be able to distinguish or point them out as "bad men" because except for their side-action they are otherwise not.

 

Her sense of pride, self-respect and dignity are all overshadowed by the infatuation and gravitational pull of this man for her...is that really that hard to understand? because at least when she's with the man, she feels like he loves her and is number 1, even if she's coming to the sobering reality that he will not choose her...after all, who else would love her?

 

this is very basic stuff people, I expect more of you.

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