I really lost it last night..

[Donesharing]

I don't know what came over me. My emotions were all over the place. A big stressful day at home. My teenager son was giving me attitude and I just basically fell apart alone in my room last night. Then I got angry and I called xMM and he didn't answer, and it didn't go to VM, so I googled the recording I got and I guess he has blocked my number or changed his number. I also blocked my number and called again and the same thing happened. Then I text his other phone, he usually keeps it at his office. I told him off in the text and asked him Why he strung me along and how mean it was. It's an Iphone and it showed he read it this morning at 0645. I'm sure he now blocked me from that number. I just feel so out of control and stupid. Now I look like the freaking crazy OW. I hate losing control like that. I can't believe I am still having these bad days and more and more moments of weakness.

 

When I think about it logically, I don't want him to think I even care or think about him! Then I go and do something stupid and he probably thinks he is some big prize in my eyes.

 

I don't know what is wrong with my emotions sometimes that I let them get the better of me.

 

Darn it.

[Ronni_W]

Now I look like the freaking crazy OW.

Yeah...a little bit . But the good part is that at least you got it out of your system, at the time.

 

I'm sorry you had such a rough and out-of-control day. You will get to do better next time.

Hugs, and wishing you a relaxing weekend.

[Donesharing]

Yeah...a little bit . But the good part is that at least you got it out of your system, at the time.

 

I'm sorry you had such a rough and out-of-control day. You will get to do better next time.

Hugs, and wishing you a relaxing weekend.

 

I do huh? Ugh. Thanks for the support. I am glad I can come to this board and confess my craziness...

 

I will do better next time. Thank you!

[ComingInHot]

He did you an incredible kindness by not responding. Think of the turmoil you would have gone through AFTER had he responded either kindly with words/lies/half thruths of affection OR cruelty.

Hopefully he deleted the text and His Wife won't have to endure that either.

Take a deep breath and know that the next time you craze out, will be an opportunity to Not contact him.

The sooner he realizes or thinks You don't care, the better cause his arrogance will eat him alive... hahaha

[still_an_Angel]

We all have nutty days like that and not having anyone to talk to can drive us up the wall. I hope you have a relaxing weekend.

 

((hugs)) Angel

[Donesharing]

He did you an incredible kindness by not responding. Think of the turmoil you would have gone through AFTER had he responded either kindly with words/lies/half thruths of affection OR cruelty.

Hopefully he deleted the text and His Wife won't have to endure that either.

Take a deep breath and know that the next time you craze out, will be an opportunity to Not contact him.

The sooner he realizes or thinks You don't care, the better cause his arrogance will eat him alive... hahaha

 

You are so right! What if he would have responded, either way would have been bad news. Very good point!

 

The bold part is really helpful!!! LOL I like the idea of him thinking I could care a less and letting that bother him! I will picture that in the front of my mind.

[Donesharing]

We all have nutty days like that and not having anyone to talk to can drive us up the wall. I hope you have a relaxing weekend.

 

((hugs)) Angel

 

Thank you!!

[whatatangledweb]

I understand being hurt and angry. You are hurting yourself when you contact him. It helps to vent to him but then you have this hope he will reply back. When he doesn't it hurts.

 

You are going to seem obsessed if you continue to do this. I don't say it to be mean but my husband's OW kept finding new ways to try to contact my husband then me. Neither of us replied back and she was blocked after each attempt. One more attempt and we were going to a lawyer..It had been over a year of it. It only annoyed my husband and made him despise her. Maybe some MM get an ego boost from it but not all do. There is something wrong with a man that would enjoy a woman's pain like that.

 

You deserve better than a man who lied to you all this time. It was cruel of him to lead you on. Nothing you say to him or text to him will help you and it keeps him in your head. Block and delete his number so you don't do this. You can't fix the past nor change it but you can create your future. I am sorry you are hurting.

[Donesharing]

I understand being hurt and angry. You are hurting yourself when you contact him. It helps to vent to him but then you have this hope he will reply back. When he doesn't it hurts.

 

You are going to seem obsessed if you continue to do this. I don't say it to be mean but my husband's OW kept finding new ways to try to contact my husband then me. Neither of us replied back and she was blocked after each attempt. One more attempt and we were going to a lawyer..It had been over a year of it. It only annoyed my husband and made him despise her. Maybe some MM get an ego boost from it but not all do. There is something wrong with a man that would enjoy a woman's pain like that.

 

You deserve better than a man who lied to you all this time. It was cruel of him to lead you on. Nothing you say to him or text to him will help you and it keeps him in your head. Block and delete his number so you don't do this. You can't fix the past nor change it but you can create your future. I am sorry you are hurting.

 

I understand. And when I think about it rationally, I don't want anything to do with him. But, I am mourning the idea of what we had planned. Does that make sense? I'm still in shock that it was all BS. I am still having more good days than bad, but something last night just sucked me back on the crazy train...

Thank you.

[spiderowl]

You are human, you have feelings. You are not a robot. I'm sure there are many times when you think logically about the situation and make wise and considered resolutions. Like all of us, there are also feelings which have a life of their own. You will work through them gradually and then they won't have the power they had. You feelings are letting you know you have needs for intimacy, emotional and physical, and that you have been hurt. None of that is your fault, it's being human. Perhaps better to let the feelings flow in a safer place rather than on the phone, then they can lose their power.

[veryhappy]

You are angry and it is normal. Two years ago I opened a thread about staying sane, you can look at the answers.

 

 

Just focus on ways to stay away from doing anything. It will get easier. I was ready to show at his door to speak to the wife if he didn't leave me alone, and that's something that had never interested me. Anger is a very powerful force and anger will eventually get you through it.

 

 

You are traumatized and betrayed. The source of the trauma will not get it or help, otherwise he would have done it.

[justmebev1]

Donesharing - I'm soooo sorry. I went through that same thing, then I gave up its been weeks close to a month since I tried to contact him. And what I kept telling myself was if he wanted to talk to me, he knows how to reach me. We can't make them talk to us or want anything to do with us. And I said to myself why am I trying so hard to talk to someone who doesn't want to talk to me? And that really solved it for me. I also thought what the hell would I say at this point. It's such hatred, remorse, pain, disappointment, shameful and other descriptions what could either of us possibly have to say to one another.

 

Think about that! I know exactly what you are going through and I'm so sorry! It's a horrible place to be the person who was always there for you is no longer, the trust you gave and received no longer there, and the friendship gone too. It's like a death...many have said that to me and I agree!

 

We are mourning!

[whichwayisup]

I told him off in the text and asked him Why he strung me along and how mean it was. It's an Iphone and it showed he read it this morning at 0645. I'm sure he now blocked me from that number. I just feel so out of control and stupid. Now I look like the freaking crazy OW. I hate losing control like that. I can't believe I am still having these bad days and more and more moments of weakness.

 

You gave him one last blast! Don't worry about it. Because really who cares what he thinks, you have no control of what he feels. Doubtful he's gonna see you as crazy, more like :"that's one pissed off woman that I hurt and lied to."

 

Next time though, if you have an urge to blast him again, post it here or write a letter to him, then burn it afterwards. Vent it out.

 

You're strong and it's okay to have bad days and weak days. Just know that better days are around the corner and you'll have much more of those than bad ones. Can guarantee it!

[herself]

You gave him one last blast! Don't worry about it. Because really who cares what he thinks, you have no control of what he feels. Doubtful he's gonna see you as crazy, more like :"that's one pissed off woman that I hurt and lied to."

 

Next time though, if you have an urge to blast him again, post it here or write a letter to him, then burn it afterwards. Vent it out.

 

You're strong and it's okay to have bad days and weak days. Just know that better days are around the corner and you'll have much more of those than bad ones. Can guarantee it!

 

In the years together I did that a few times.

It does feel bad.

He probably blocked you so he didn't have to see the truth of his hurt he caused you.

Your greiving and hurt and hey, it happens.

You will be able to look at this and laugh someday as you slowly forget.

People say move on with your life..I say change your life cause only then can you move on...

By that I mean little and big changes.

You can rearrange furniture and get new bedding and paint...

God knows you need to see new fresh pretty things to make a new start.

You can apply for a new job to get a whole new life and routine.

You can deactivate your FB account and empower yourself to create some distance.

You can move away if possible, or trade in your car, or change your look.

Whatever brings you comfort and a new start.

But just go to the gym...move on...they aren't doable.

Theres gotta be some changes, as much of them as humanly possible.

In the meantime dont beat yourself up over this lying jackass, he's made his bed.

Let him rot in NC! Chin up!

[Donesharing]

You are angry and it is normal. Two years ago I opened a thread about staying sane, you can look at the answers.

 

 

Just focus on ways to stay away from doing anything. It will get easier. I was ready to show at his door to speak to the wife if he didn't leave me alone, and that's something that had never interested me. Anger is a very powerful force and anger will eventually get you through it.

 

 

You are traumatized and betrayed. The source of the trauma will not get it or help, otherwise he would have done it.

 

I will look at it! Thank you!

[Donesharing]

 

Think about that! I know exactly what you are going through and I'm so sorry! It's a horrible place to be the person who was always there for you is no longer, the trust you gave and received no longer there, and the friendship gone too. It's like a death...many have said that to me and I agree!

We are mourning!

 

Exactly! I feel like my best friend died after he threw me under a bus. Seriously, that is how crazy I feel and how irrational it all seems at times. Thanks everyone for the kind replies.

[Donesharing]

You gave him one last blast! Don't worry about it. Because really who cares what he thinks, you have no control of what he feels. Doubtful he's gonna see you as crazy, more like :"that's one pissed off woman that I hurt and lied to."

 

Next time though, if you have an urge to blast him again, post it here or write a letter to him, then burn it afterwards. Vent it out.

 

You're strong and it's okay to have bad days and weak days. Just know that better days are around the corner and you'll have much more of those than bad ones. Can guarantee it!

 

Thank you. I hope I get to the point where I stop thinking about this mess. I hope he realizes how much he hurt me and understands that it isn't something that just goes away. I also hope his BW doesn't make it too easy for him on her end. He doesn't deserve either of us to forgive and forget very quickly.

[Donesharing]

In the years together I did that a few times.

It does feel bad.

He probably blocked you so he didn't have to see the truth of his hurt he caused you.

Your greiving and hurt and hey, it happens.

You will be able to look at this and laugh someday as you slowly forget.

People say move on with your life..I say change your life cause only then can you move on...

By that I mean little and big changes.

You can rearrange furniture and get new bedding and paint...

God knows you need to see new fresh pretty things to make a new start.

You can apply for a new job to get a whole new life and routine.

You can deactivate your FB account and empower yourself to create some distance.

You can move away if possible, or trade in your car, or change your look.

Whatever brings you comfort and a new start.

But just go to the gym...move on...they aren't doable.

Theres gotta be some changes, as much of them as humanly possible.

In the meantime dont beat yourself up over this lying jackass, he's made his bed.

Let him rot in NC! Chin up!

 

Thanks! I have been doing new things bit by bit. I did a DIY project that I found on pinterest. It turned out really well. I think I am going to try to find other fun projects on there and start doing things around my house that I make and enjoy. I have also gone to the movies this past week 3 times with 2 different friends. Little by little I am moving forward. I had my hair highlighted last Saturday....little things and they are helping. I also applied for a few new jobs. I need a change there anyway, and since I am a nurse, the beauty of nursing is the ability to change your job, but still be a nurse. So, I guess I am doing these things! Seems to help. Last night was a big slip up...oh well, right?

[Miss Clavel]

i can't just delete the ex from my phone, so i changed his name to PAIN. if that name comes up it reminds me: NC.

[brightonrock]

I can so totally relate to that losing control feeling and the emotions you feel afterwards when it makes you feel like you've made yourself look stupid and desperate. I've done that big time on more than one occasion with the same man. It makes you feel so totally out of control while they appear to stay calmly in control, a horrible feeling indeed. But there will come a time when you are more able to keep yourself in check, it took me a very long time to stop having feelings like that and acting on them but I got there in the end. Good luck and stay strong.

[solostand]

When I get angry I immediatly go to the wife. I sent her an anonymous text message just last week! I get mad and think she should know everything!!

 

Lately though I have been doing a lot of work on detaching......

[Goodbye]

((Done))

 

 

I've had those frenzied moments in the past. You think you are fine and then the ANGER hits you. People will try to tell you that you aren't entitled to feel anger because you were the OW, you "knew" what you were getting into. Regardless of how you got there, your feelings of bitterness are normal. Unfortunately the only way to move on is to move on. And the only real revenge is living a good life. Remind yourself that you are a good woman, not some disposable thing like he made you feel.

[justmebev1]

Hi! I joined here for a month 2.50 it allows you to private message. Did you join?