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How are all the NCrs' doing? Strong? Weak?


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I am feeling a mixture of emotions, but I am feeling adamant and empowered mostly. I am focusing on those that do reach out to me and acknowledge me and compare the dialogue and intention to that of exMM. These people truly love me and care for me. They are real and genuine. This realization has made me appreciate others light years more than my appreciation of the ex.!

The hardest part I am experiencing now, is self hate. I hate and I am beating myself up for allowing this man who did not give one sh*t about my well being into my world. My anger has been misdirected from exMM onto myself. I hope this passes soon.

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I am working on sculpting my body and focusing great attention to exercise, a type of therapy. I am going to buy a boxing bag set up and razor kick it hard while imaging it is exMM. I am hopeful this will relieve the stress and flood me with feelings of elation and total satisfaction. :laugh:

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RegretfulAlways

Sounds like you're doing great! I'm not in NC (although on the receiving end of a 14 day cold shoulder, so I guess same difference) and your post is inspiring me to make a change, support myself, and not let this guy take up any more space in my head or in my life! Keep up the good work!

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Sounds like you're doing great! I'm not in NC (although on the receiving end of a 14 day cold shoulder, so I guess same difference) and your post is inspiring me to make a change, support myself, and not let this guy take up any more space in my head or in my life! Keep up the good work!

 

Thank you! Support helps and some big kicks in the caboose. Cold shoulders are used as a punishment. That is not the type of man that are beneficial to our lives. I hope you find peace.

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Hi Lovely!

 

I'm on NC been almost 3 mos. I'm doing the same as you self-hate, and hate MM, hate his W, all negative energy. It comes and goes. I like you can't believe the person I trusted and cared about so much and supposedly vice versa flushed me down the toilet like a piece of **** once his W found out.

 

It is good we have places like this to vent. I'm with you gf!

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I am feeling a mixture of emotions, but I am feeling adamant and empowered mostly. I am focusing on those that do reach out to me and acknowledge me and compare the dialogue and intention to that of exMM. These people truly love me and care for me. They are real and genuine. This realization has made me appreciate others light years more than my appreciation of the ex.!

The hardest part I am experiencing now, is self hate. I hate and I am beating myself up for allowing this man who did not give one sh*t about my well being into my world. My anger has been misdirected from exMM onto myself. I hope this passes soon.

 

You are doing great, except for the self hate. Please don't do that. Forgive yourself. Be proud of yourself for not wasting any more time on him. Celebrate that you are no longer in an affair. Love yourself so that your heart is healed for the next person.

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I've discovered a certain power in being the one to walk away, I am the one with options now. I hope everyone can find it as well.

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I've discovered a certain power in being the one to walk away, I am the one with options now. I hope everyone can find it as well.

 

Has she reached out yet?

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Hi Lovely!

 

I'm on NC been almost 3 mos. I'm doing the same as you self-hate, and hate MM, hate his W, all negative energy. It comes and goes. I like you can't believe the person I trusted and cared about so much and supposedly vice versa flushed me down the toilet like a piece of **** once his W found out.

 

It is good we have places like this to vent. I'm with you gf!

 

 

First a bit of harshness, isn't that what you did to your husband? Flushed him.

 

Now for the other. I honestly didn't think you would do it. You were making so many excuses to attempt to maintain some level of contact. With the whole "I have to see him, I owe him money" business. Not that it means much but I proud of you and excited about you moving past this. Have you been trying to work things out with your husband? Or is that over?.

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Hi Lovely!

 

I'm on NC been almost 3 mos. I'm doing the same as you self-hate, and hate MM, hate his W, all negative energy. It comes and goes. I like you can't believe the person I trusted and cared about so much and supposedly vice versa flushed me down the toilet like a piece of **** once his W found out.

 

It is good we have places like this to vent. I'm with you gf!

 

This is exactly how I feel. Exactly! I did break NC yesterday and now I am so mad at myself. He didn't reply to my email. I didn't say anything that would make him want to email back. It was just a three line email telling him how hard it is to get over this hurt and how mad I am at him. Then I said, hope he is happy. He didn't respond, so that is good.

 

I am still so mad at him and how he turned on me like he did. It's the worst part. He had to protect his lying, cheating, butt. I do keep thinking I am sure glad I am me and not his BW.

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Hey DK!

 

Well, flushing my husband down the toilet not exactly, lots of bad blood between us, we were just existing, he had cheated on me many times early in the marriage I dealt with it, he had more trouble dealing with it than I did. We talk, whether we will get back together I doubt it, and that was with or without what I did. I am doing better, holding my own, just mad hope that goes away soon too.

 

Hi DoneSharing! Yes, unfortunately seems as if ev1 in our shoes feels the same way, IT SUCKS! It will make us stronger in the long run not to believe all the **** that comes with an A, very hard to see properly once the rose colored glasses are off. My MM won't respond to me either, I gave up weeks ago, and whatever, he chose his W over me and I have to accept that. It's all the lies that was told, all the fake love, like living out a play or fairytale that's the hardest part accepting deciphering the truth from the bull****.

 

I wish you luck.....

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Hey DK!

 

 

 

Hi DoneSharing! Yes, unfortunately seems as if ev1 in our shoes feels the same way, IT SUCKS! It will make us stronger in the long run not to believe all the **** that comes with an A, very hard to see properly once the rose colored glasses are off. My MM won't respond to me either, I gave up weeks ago, and whatever, he chose his W over me and I have to accept that. It's all the lies that was told, all the fake love, like living out a play or fairytale that's the hardest part accepting deciphering the truth from the bull****.

 

I wish you luck.....

 

I agree with you. I really am still struggling with the fact that it was all bulls***t to him. A game, a type of entertainment. I was in it for real, and thought he was genuine. Spending my time waiting for someone that was never going to leave and he allowed that. I asked him over and over if he wasn't genuine to please let me go. He insisted he was going to leave her and he loved me.....I just couldn't mess with someone's heart like that.

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after a year and a half of NC from me I responded to xMM. Now I am at less thn a week. All that time and I threw it away. It sucks doesn't it that we so this to ourselves? Why? I was never involved in any behaviour close to this before him. And now here I am, a cheat and a lie. For what? But, I will hold on to NC again even though I feel I will fail.

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after a year and a half of NC from me I responded to xMM. Now I am at less thn a week. All that time and I threw it away. It sucks doesn't it that we so this to ourselves? Why? I was never involved in any behaviour close to this before him. And now here I am, a cheat and a lie. For what? But, I will hold on to NC again even though I feel I will fail.

 

Well, like they say in AA relapse is part of recovery.... Right?

I think when we relapse we have to forgive ourselves and keep moving forward. It's the same thing here.

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Donesharing - that's right gotta rid the addiction.

 

I'm going through a FB game with the MM wife. She won't talk to me personally she sends subliminal messages thru FB. She blocked me but kept reading what I was posting, now I blocked her. I have been venting my feelings on FB as a way of coping and letting it out and she has been mocking me back on her page. Now of course I don't have to look at her page but when you know in the back of your mind that someone's taunting you, it's kinda hard to ignore.

 

What are your suggestions?

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Donesharing - that's right gotta rid the addiction.

 

I'm going through a FB game with the MM wife. She won't talk to me personally she sends subliminal messages thru FB. She blocked me but kept reading what I was posting, now I blocked her. I have been venting my feelings on FB as a way of coping and letting it out and she has been mocking me back on her page. Now of course I don't have to look at her page but when you know in the back of your mind that someone's taunting you, it's kinda hard to ignore.

 

What are your suggestions?

Delete your facebook. Seriously. Take healing seriously and delete all together.

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My NC isn't going all that well. I had a real bout of depression. Just as I was coming out of it, about 2 weeks into NC, exMM started contacting me, telling me how I had it all wrong. He loves me. He needs me. He still wants to see me in Nov. He is leaving his wife SOON. It has been an emotional tug of war. I know if I had been serious about NC, I would have blocked his phone numbers and routed his emails to spam. I didn't. Now I have his pleading, my fragile heart, and the realization that while he claims things HAVE changed on his end, I don't see that. There isn't any evidence of change. So, I remain a passenger on this emotional rollercoaster by choice, I suppose. I am gathering my supports and starting counseling again. I will embark on this NC effort with a better sense of resolve in the near future.

 

 

Wishing all of you OW's in NC the best. Not easy, but unfortunately a necessary evil in the emotional recovery process.

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Yup,done with the FB game. I put up a serene water pic no reason for her to comment on that, therefore no reason for me to look to see if she commented.

 

I wish ev1 well with the NC too. Hardest thing in the world but the best thing for yourself.

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I am feeling a mixture of emotions, but I am feeling adamant and empowered mostly. I am focusing on those that do reach out to me and acknowledge me and compare the dialogue and intention to that of exMM. These people truly love me and care for me. They are real and genuine. This realization has made me appreciate others light years more than my appreciation of the ex.!

The hardest part I am experiencing now, is self hate. I hate and I am beating myself up for allowing this man who did not give one sh*t about my well being into my world. My anger has been misdirected from exMM onto myself. I hope this passes soon.

 

I have been NC for more than a year. It really took more than 6 months to lose the urge to contact. Kinda had to sit on my hands for 3 months. My resolve and my instincts for self preservation are what go me through. If you are feeling adamant and empowered, that is great. I wouldn't say your anger was entirely misdirected. Though he's certainly deserving of your anger, you are right to be angry at yourself too. I was and that anger is harder to shake.

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Donesharing - that's right gotta rid the addiction.

 

I'm going through a FB game with the MM wife. She won't talk to me personally she sends subliminal messages thru FB. She blocked me but kept reading what I was posting, now I blocked her. I have been venting my feelings on FB as a way of coping and letting it out and she has been mocking me back on her page. Now of course I don't have to look at her page but when you know in the back of your mind that someone's taunting you, it's kinda hard to ignore.

 

What are your suggestions?

 

I would just ignore it. Hopefully, your own FB friends are people that care about you and that's why you choose to vent to THEM. Who knows why she is doing that. Don't stoop to her level. Ya know?

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DoneSharing - TY, yes I do have good friends on FB. I was discussing the situation with a friend, I said geez I can't even vent without getting a comment, so the best thing to do is not vent, then no comment. It's ok I'm dealing with it, better off, cause then I don't look on her FB page, if I don't vent there's nothing to respond to.

 

I know what your going through, its very painful, hurtful, depressing. But you know what, I am the one who pushed the button, MM and W think it was my H but it was me. I anonymously told his W over FB, of course it did not go as expected as he repeatedly said to me over the 3 years if she ever found out it would be instant divorce, NOT. I must have known when push came to shove he would eff me over! So at least, I can say I was the one who officially ended it, I gotta have a little piece of pride right?

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DoneSharing - TY, yes I do have good friends on FB. I was discussing the situation with a friend, I said geez I can't even vent without getting a comment, so the best thing to do is not vent, then no comment. It's ok I'm dealing with it, better off, cause then I don't look on her FB page, if I don't vent there's nothing to respond to.

 

I know what your going through, its very painful, hurtful, depressing. But you know what, I am the one who pushed the button, MM and W think it was my H but it was me. I anonymously told his W over FB, of course it did not go as expected as he repeatedly said to me over the 3 years if she ever found out it would be instant divorce, NOT. I must have known when push came to shove he would eff me over! So at least, I can say I was the one who officially ended it, I gotta have a little piece of pride right?

 

Yes!! I agree! I feel the same way. At first I felt like I betrayed my MM by telling his BW. But, once I realized that he threw me under the bus and flat out told me everything completely opposite than he had during the A, I was glad I blew it out of the water. He was being deceitful to his BW and to Me! I hope he has to pay for this for a very long time from her. I really don't care about his pain or his feelings. He did this! He betrayed her, and he lied to me. He deserves whatever pain he gets. Honestly, I would have never stuck around if he didn't lie so well and promise me a future, as well as promise me that his BW knew he was leaving once the kids were in college. I too have that satisfaction that I was the final straw that broke the camels back in his world.

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Yes!! I agree! I feel the same way. At first I felt like I betrayed my MM by telling his BW. But, once I realized that he threw me under the bus and flat out told me everything completely opposite than he had during the A, I was glad I blew it out of the water. He was being deceitful to his BW and to Me! I hope he has to pay for this for a very long time from her. I really don't care about his pain or his feelings. He did this! He betrayed her, and he lied to me. He deserves whatever pain he gets. Honestly, I would have never stuck around if he didn't lie so well and promise me a future, as well as promise me that his BW knew he was leaving once the kids were in college. I too have that satisfaction that I was the final straw that broke the camels back in his world.

 

Well, you guys certainly had guts. I left my MW alone and just happy there was no Dday. It's no fun to drop a nuke on someones marriage. I would advise perhaps the most graceful way is just leave on your own without disturbing them.

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Well, you guys certainly had guts. I left my MW alone and just happy there was no Dday. It's no fun to drop a nuke on someones marriage. I would advise perhaps the most graceful way is just leave on your own without disturbing them.

 

I tried that. He didn't let me go. I know I was weaker than I should have been when I tried that. But, in hindsight, she needed to know! He was betraying her and she was in the dark about it. How can that be OK? The nuke was already dropped and he had a blindfold on her. Anyway, I really don't think there is a right or wrong way. I just did what my gut told me to do.

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DoneSharing - OMG I can't believe we have almost identical stories. Same with me he would not let me go, I tried many many times to break it off, and just got suckered back in. I couldn't stand the cake and eat it, she was totally oblivious to what he was doing, I had to drop the A bomb. And, like you said I got in return just what I thought I would NOTHING. I'm gonna give you my email, email me and I will give you my cell # so we can chat, it's good therapy! [email protected]

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