hello234 Posted October 13, 2014 Share Posted October 13, 2014 This post is mainly directed toward Married Ladies... So, MM is all lovey dovey with me, the usual, I love you, I wish I can be with you, I wish I can hold you, bla bla... nowadays, it is starting to get irritating. (FYI, I am married too.) Its irritating because, its like what is the point of telling me all this? Not like he is going to take any action on it.. I don't expect him to leave his wife also but I am just frustrated that he talks all these things to me, thinking that he is smart, sweet and charming, gets physical affection and expects love and care from me, says how he fights with his wife at home and has anxiety issues and etc.. but then still sleeps in the same bed with her and then I see on FB their pictures together(which is all just fake BS, they are not happy) and people commenting how they are an awesome couple..I know I cannot prevent them having sex or putting whatever they want on FB, but Ladies, tell me, wouldn't this irritate you??? AUgh I don't know what my problem is, I am just deeply affected and feel disturbed at him talking all these lovey things to me but eventually, she gets all the good stuff..Now I shouldnt feel bad cuz my hubby is no less.. He is in fact better, he is great with me, doesn't look at other women(Now please don't ask me why I am in an affair)... I don't know what to do. I tried to cut MM off, it didn't work out . he kept coming back and I also got depressed, so we started talking again, but this time, I don't want to cut him off, I just want to somehow deal with the fact that he has a wife that he goes to, he has another life, etc.. and accept whatever pics they put together, know they sleep together and not feel disturbed.. and then when I mention how fake FB is, his reply is "Let people think we are an awesome couple But u only know the truth" Ugh... Perhaps if I also spoke high of my hubby and posted our pics, would I feel a little more confident and better? that's what I was thinking. Ladies(MARRIED ladies ) do you get jealous of MM and his wife? I am sure many do... How do you cope? what do you do to make urself feel better ? Do u show off ur relation with ur husband to ur MM too? Does ur MM get jealous of the relation with u and ur husband? Link to post Share on other sites
Author hello234 Posted October 13, 2014 Author Share Posted October 13, 2014 Like , right now , for example, he is sick.. so he will text me and tell me how he wishes I can be there to make tea, etc.. and cuddle with me.. It just irritates me to hear this.. because its like Ok u want me for all that, but then in the end, u still have a wife and she gets to see u , spend time with u and enjoy all the stuff u plan..Ugh.. I don't want him to leave her.. but it just disturbs me.. What do I reply to these kind of texts? I don't want to sound all lovey to him and be like aww poor baby.. I just thought of being like Ok.. take care or something detached.. what do you guys think? Link to post Share on other sites
Lurkeraspect Posted October 13, 2014 Share Posted October 13, 2014 Hello It sounds to me like you're really overthinking things. You may believe his marriage is horribly unhappy, and the facebook posts are fake and all for show, but that's likely not the truth. His wife has no idea about you. She's just living her life oblivious to you or the snake she's unfortunately married to. So, she is living her life (with him) posting pics of their activities, making funny status updates, loving him, making a life, she's totally unaware. He on the other hand, knows exactly what he's doing. He probably chose to have an affair with you precisely because you're married too. You have just as much to lose as he does, so you're a safe bet. He can have sex on the side, have you stroke his bottomless pit of an ego, then go back and play happy husband with his wife. All the while knowing that you'll keep the secret because you don't want your marriage to implode, just like he doesn't. He may like you, he may love you, who knows. But he does love himself the most. This isn't a big mystery, he knows exactly what he's doing, and you just eat it up and play along. Essentially, just ask yourself why you're involved with him, because it's the same thing. 12 Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted October 13, 2014 Share Posted October 13, 2014 You are correct about his wife. Why would she make up lies to post on her FB. She is happy whether he is or not (which I highly doubt). He is probably very happy because he has his lover on the side which helps relieve pent up frustration so he is in a happy mood at home which the wife loves. I've heard of affairs that have actually improved peoples marriages. OP, is your affair with the MM making things pleasant between you and your husband? I've heard that this mostly happens with the men because they are able to compartmentalize. Link to post Share on other sites
Author hello234 Posted October 13, 2014 Author Share Posted October 13, 2014 I know all of the above you stated.. heard it many times. Just wanna know how I can ease up on the jealousy over him and his wife and just take things easy.. take it easy when I see pics of them, take it easy when he lies to me about how no one cares for him, and then at the end of the day, still does things for his wife and sleeps with her and pampers her.. I mean this stuff is disturbing when he is proclaiming love for me on side.. How do I deal with this? Link to post Share on other sites
Lurkeraspect Posted October 13, 2014 Share Posted October 13, 2014 I know all of the above you stated.. heard it many times. Just wanna know how I can ease up on the jealousy over him and his wife and just take things easy.. take it easy when I see pics of them, take it easy when he lies to me about how no one cares for him, and then at the end of the day, still does things for his wife and sleeps with her and pampers her.. I mean this stuff is disturbing when he is proclaiming love for me on side.. How do I deal with this? Stop looking. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted October 13, 2014 Share Posted October 13, 2014 First stop snooping. Don't look at FB or anything else that will give you insight to their marriage. Second, don't ask any questions about their marriage. Make talking about your marriages off limit to you both. 3rd, spend so much time with your H having fun you could care less what MM does with his wife. If you don't do these things your jealousy will eat you up. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
DKT3 Posted October 13, 2014 Share Posted October 13, 2014 I just don't get what you're looking for. Your thread in general read like that of someone unstable. In one you go on and on and on about him not doing these things and talking about your spouses, now your complaining because he is. YOUR BOTH MARRIED, you are not his wife, yet you expect to be the center of both his and your husbands life. You are really coming of like a very immature, selfish woman who actually cares nothing for others feelings as long as YOU get from them what you want. What do you want? 9 Link to post Share on other sites
Author hello234 Posted October 13, 2014 Author Share Posted October 13, 2014 stillafool, Yeah it could be that I am actually helping their marriage..UGH. FOr me, its opposite.. I noticed that when I am involved with MM, I am more irritated at home with hubby, cuz MM plays the great, admirable, perfect lover and I go home and compare all that to hubby.. how come for MM, he doesn't do the same? why doesn't he go home thinking how pretty and better I am than his wife and then get irritated with her? maybe he does, what do I know.. Anyways, im so frustrated.. I donno how to get over this jealousy.. Like right now, he is complaining to me how he is sick and everyone left him..and he has no1.. UGH..shut the H up already.. I donno what to reply to this.. hes playing the sympathy card, when who knows, his wife is gonna return home from work with a medicine bottle for him and make him coffee.. then why say all the BS? HOW SHOULD I REPLY TO THESE KIND OF THINGS? Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted October 13, 2014 Share Posted October 13, 2014 I know all of the above you stated.. heard it many times. Just wanna know how I can ease up on the jealousy over him and his wife and just take things easy.. take it easy when I see pics of them, take it easy when he lies to me about how no one cares for him, and then at the end of the day, still does things for his wife and sleeps with her and pampers her.. I mean this stuff is disturbing when he is proclaiming love for me on side.. How do I deal with this? Even though MM is at the top of his own love chain he still loves his wife. You just have to accept that. If he was as in love with you as he says, he would demand you two tell your spouses, get divorces and marry. He is having the time of his life being loved by two women. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
gettingstronger Posted October 13, 2014 Share Posted October 13, 2014 You sound a lot like our OW- she was way overly invested in my husband and our marriage- when dday hit and he did as he said and cut all contact, she fell apart- she had lost herself in us- I found out she not only stalked my FB account but other professional online forums I am involved in, heck she was even on my sons HS football team booster club email list- the bottom fell out for her and she lost it- You need to take stock in where you are heading- how much you worry about them, how invested you are- you need to get out while you still have some time to pull yourself together- read your posts, is this who you want to be- is this worth it-? Best of luck in healing- Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted October 13, 2014 Share Posted October 13, 2014 Like , right now , for example, he is sick.. so he will text me and tell me how he wishes I can be there to make tea, etc.. and cuddle with me.. It just irritates me to hear this.. because its like Ok u want me for all that, but then in the end, u still have a wife and she gets to see u , spend time with u and enjoy all the stuff u plan..Ugh.. I don't want him to leave her.. but it just disturbs me.. What do I reply to these kind of texts? I don't want to sound all lovey to him and be like aww poor baby.. I just thought of being like Ok.. take care or something detached.. what do you guys think? Then tell him to stop saying stuff like that! Bolded - And you have a husband. Stop investing so much into your affair. And stop lurking her and his facebook pages, no good can come of that. He is living his life, so should you. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted October 13, 2014 Share Posted October 13, 2014 stillafool, Anyways, im so frustrated.. I donno how to get over this jealousy.. Like right now, he is complaining to me how he is sick and everyone left him..and he has no1.. UGH..shut the H up already.. I donno what to reply to this.. hes playing the sympathy card, when who knows, his wife is gonna return home from work with a medicine bottle for him and make him coffee.. then why say all the BS? HOW SHOULD I REPLY TO THESE KIND OF THINGS? He's a big baby who can't be without attention for one moment. You are right his wife will be home with meds and his favorite foods as well. He wants you to keep him occupied until she gets there. Just ignore him. No, tell him you have to meet your husband for lunch. Let him stew in his sickness for a while. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
2sunny Posted October 13, 2014 Share Posted October 13, 2014 stillafool, Yeah it could be that I am actually helping their marriage..UGH. FOr me, its opposite.. I noticed that when I am involved with MM, I am more irritated at home with hubby, cuz MM plays the great, admirable, perfect lover and I go home and compare all that to hubby.. how come for MM, he doesn't do the same? why doesn't he go home thinking how pretty and better I am than his wife and then get irritated with her? maybe he does, what do I know.. Anyways, im so frustrated.. I donno how to get over this jealousy.. Like right now, he is complaining to me how he is sick and everyone left him..and he has no1.. UGH..shut the H up already.. I donno what to reply to this.. hes playing the sympathy card, when who knows, his wife is gonna return home from work with a medicine bottle for him and make him coffee.. then why say all the BS? HOW SHOULD I REPLY TO THESE KIND OF THINGS? No reply is sufficient. Or a reply that states he is married and capable of asking his wife to care for him. Honestly he's looking for attention. He is selfish remember? 3 Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted October 13, 2014 Share Posted October 13, 2014 What do I reply to these kind of texts? How about "suck it up buttercup. Be glad you don't have ebola!" or "my god, you have a cold, you're not dying." or just "feel better soon." 3 Link to post Share on other sites
MissBee Posted October 13, 2014 Share Posted October 13, 2014 This post is mainly directed toward Married Ladies... So, MM is all lovey dovey with me, the usual, I love you, I wish I can be with you, I wish I can hold you, bla bla... nowadays, it is starting to get irritating. (FYI, I am married too.) Its irritating because, its like what is the point of telling me all this? Not like he is going to take any action on it.. I don't expect him to leave his wife also but I am just frustrated that he talks all these things to me, thinking that he is smart, sweet and charming, gets physical affection and expects love and care from me, says how he fights with his wife at home and has anxiety issues and etc.. but then still sleeps in the same bed with her and then I see on FB their pictures together(which is all just fake BS, they are not happy) and people commenting how they are an awesome couple..I know I cannot prevent them having sex or putting whatever they want on FB, but Ladies, tell me, wouldn't this irritate you??? AUgh I don't know what my problem is, I am just deeply affected and feel disturbed at him talking all these lovey things to me but eventually, she gets all the good stuff..Now I shouldnt feel bad cuz my hubby is no less.. He is in fact better, he is great with me, doesn't look at other women(Now please don't ask me why I am in an affair)... I don't know what to do. I tried to cut MM off, it didn't work out . he kept coming back and I also got depressed, so we started talking again, but this time, I don't want to cut him off, I just want to somehow deal with the fact that he has a wife that he goes to, he has another life, etc.. and accept whatever pics they put together, know they sleep together and not feel disturbed.. and then when I mention how fake FB is, his reply is "Let people think we are an awesome couple But u only know the truth" Ugh... Perhaps if I also spoke high of my hubby and posted our pics, would I feel a little more confident and better? that's what I was thinking. Ladies(MARRIED ladies ) do you get jealous of MM and his wife? I am sure many do... How do you cope? what do you do to make urself feel better ? Do u show off ur relation with ur husband to ur MM too? Does ur MM get jealous of the relation with u and ur husband? I'm not married, but I'm just curious...what's the end game here? It just seems childish and a waste of time in my opinion for you to play these tit for tat, okay I'm gonna be fake and gush about my marriage too on FB to one up the MM and all this. I don't think you're cut out for this whole affair thing given all your threads essentially about the same thing, your raging jealousy and just dissatisfaction with the fact that he's married. You're married too and I just don't really see why you're putting yourself through this. If your husband finds out will it be worth it? It doesn't seem like it. I'm just saying, if your husband is "great" and you're cheating on him, then why is it hard to believe that maybe the MM thinks his wife is great too even though he is cheating??? Seems quite plausible. If you're not leaving and he's not leaving, what exactly do you want to happen?? If you cannot be okay with him having a wife, then maybe you should figure out why you're in this affair and how you can come up with a PERMANENT solution to these feelings. All your threads have been asking for some kind of quick-fix, self-deluding pill you can take to "feel okay" with things but that isn't going to happen as most people have said. You're either naturally more casual about it and know where your emotional boundaries are or not...and it seems you're on the not side of things where you're already way caught up in MM and his wife and their life and cannot be detached. I know you'll probably keep making threads asking the same question, but unfortunately, the answer remains the same: you already care too much. That ship has sailed. You can't trick yourself into being okay with it. If you aren't okay, deluding yourself by playing games like tit for tat on FB is not only very selfish and childish but TEMPORARY, you'll still feel badly about it. So you need to come up with a more permanent solution to your problems. 10 Link to post Share on other sites
ComingInHot Posted October 13, 2014 Share Posted October 13, 2014 Maybe think of it like this... He actually means everything he says to you EXCEPT not in the way he says it... like this: "I LOVE the way you make ME feel" "I LOVE how when I Want you, you are there" "I LOVE when you get jealous because it means I AM Awesome as 2 women want ME" "I LOVE when you stalk around MY Wife's FB because I know you will call ME MORE for the next few days" Everything about you make ME love ME more because I AM Awesome and you and MY Wife remind ME of that everyday so thank you... OP Strip it down to that because he is obviously not leaving and what have you got? Look at him... He's a DOUCHE! Y.U.C.K.!! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
whatatangledweb Posted October 13, 2014 Share Posted October 13, 2014 If you care about him then I would say I am sorry you are sick and I hope you feel better soon. Are you jealous that his marriage appears to others as though it is good and your marriage is not?( That's only if your marriage is not good) Do you want him to be mean to his wife and post rude things about her? Your marriages should not be discussed in your affair especially since neither of you are divorcing. Block the FB page of his wife. Link to post Share on other sites
MissBee Posted October 13, 2014 Share Posted October 13, 2014 I know all of the above you stated.. heard it many times. Just wanna know how I can ease up on the jealousy over him and his wife and just take things easy.. take it easy when I see pics of them, take it easy when he lies to me about how no one cares for him, and then at the end of the day, still does things for his wife and sleeps with her and pampers her.. I mean this stuff is disturbing when he is proclaiming love for me on side.. How do I deal with this? Why do you need to be okay with this??? Have you ever asked yourself this? If your friend were telling you this same thing, what would you encourage her to do? I'm sorry, but I can't encourage anyone to be okay with knowing someone is lying to them. If you KNOW he is lying to you and proclaiming love but doing other things, WHY do you need to be okay with it????? I'm just puzzled at the actual desire to want to actively delude yourself. You don't have to be fine with it if you aren't....you can decide you're not okay with it and if this relationship makes you do more analyzing and you need to "cope" versus be happy, why is it worth it??? Coping with your relationship means it's not good but you're making the best of a bad situation. Relationships shouldn't be things you have to cope with IMO. This man isn't even your husband so it's not like you HAVE to stay with him and cope. If the relationship is causing you so much grief you can end things with him. At the end of the day all the issues come down to you and your own choices. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author hello234 Posted October 13, 2014 Author Share Posted October 13, 2014 You know what.. from now on, I am just gonna give him distant reply's... Just keep it distant and detached.. No more, aww baby, wish I can be there to cuddle you, etc... Cuz its like wat the H? I say that and then his wife prolly comes home with his fav food while they both eat and she massages him..UGH... So from now on my replies to him when he says "he wants to cuddle me"he is so sick" "he wants me to take care of him" is going to be .." Ok, feel better", or should I also mention something about my husband to make it look like he(MM) is not as important? like .. My husband, that poor baby had the same thing.. he took this medicine.. try it.. bla bla... SO what do you guys think?What other detached replies can you think of? Remember, I don't want to let go of his contact.. just be like casual friend but also not talk romantic that's all.. Link to post Share on other sites
Sub Posted October 13, 2014 Share Posted October 13, 2014 The guy's lying to you about his marriage. First step is accepting it, and telling him you know it. He sleeps with her, pampers her, does things for her, they pose for happy photos on vacations they take together, and their friends - people that know them and probably hang out with them - think they're a great couple. Obviously, there's an issue within him, as he's having an A and trying to sell how bad he has it at home. But he's a total bullish*tter. I don't mean to sound harsh, but the reason you're "special" to him is because you're buying it. He loves the jealousy. It probably gasses his head up even more because you're just proving your H isn't enough for you. Seriously, what an ego stroke: a guy who has the love and focus of his wife AND the wife of another man, no matter what he says. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
MissBee Posted October 13, 2014 Share Posted October 13, 2014 You know what.. from now on, I am just gonna give him distant reply's... Just keep it distant and detached.. No more, aww baby, wish I can be there to cuddle you, etc... Cuz its like wat the H? I say that and then his wife prolly comes home with his fav food while they both eat and she massages him..UGH... So from now on my replies to him when he says "he wants to cuddle me"he is so sick" "he wants me to take care of him" is going to be .." Ok, feel better", or should I also mention something about my husband to make it look like he(MM) is not as important? like .. My husband, that poor baby had the same thing.. he took this medicine.. try it.. bla bla... SO what do you guys think?What other detached replies can you think of? Remember, I don't want to let go of his contact.. just be like casual friend but also not talk romantic that's all.. This isn't going to work. You don't genuinely feel this way but are merely pretending and playing games. You cannot "be like" a casual friend. You are a casual friend or you're not so simply pretending you are and the whole fact you are on here looking for strategies on how to pretend already shows how NOT casual you are. I'm sorry hello but I keep saying this and you don't really say anything, so I'm wondering if you don't understand the difference between pretending to feel casual and being casual and how they aren't the same. Also: perhaps you should hide MM and his wife's FB page and stop checking it so at least if you want to delude yourself it's easier if you have no way of seeing what he's doing when he isn't with you or talking to you. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author hello234 Posted October 13, 2014 Author Share Posted October 13, 2014 So he texted me and said how he would love it if I were there with him, to massage him, fix him tea, shower him, etc... UGHHH. omg.. I am going nuts.. I Just want to scream back "what is that woman living in ur house doing?? Why should I be responsible for all this??? What is she doing sitting there and not doing all this for u??? " But I cant type this.. Whats a more calm and subtle way of conveying that he should expect this from the wife , she should know and be responsible for all this and stop talking like this to me??? Ugh Link to post Share on other sites
Sub Posted October 13, 2014 Share Posted October 13, 2014 Well, since he's a grown man and not a second-grader, he shouldn't "expect" it from anyone. Why be subtle in your response? How about "I just threw up in mouth a little."? Honestly...."shower" him? 3 Link to post Share on other sites
purplesorrow Posted October 13, 2014 Share Posted October 13, 2014 So he texted me and said how he would love it if I were there with him, to massage him, fix him tea, shower him, etc... UGHHH. omg.. I am going nuts.. I Just want to scream back "what is that woman living in ur house doing?? Why should I be responsible for all this??? What is she doing sitting there and not doing all this for u??? " But I cant type this.. Whats a more calm and subtle way of conveying that he should expect this from the wife , she should know and be responsible for all this and stop talking like this to me??? Ugh Exactly, he has a wife. What does he need you for? And why can't you honestly express what you are thinking? Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts