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How to handle this???


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I'm a woman with intimacy issues...so, my relationships have been "casual" over the years. I never married, never had kids, never even got pregnant...

 

So, cuz I have intimacy issues, these "casual" things I've had usually don't last long. The longest I had was about six years and he had a live-in gf the whole time. Things fizzled out with him cuz I moved away (to another country) and while he came and spent time with me, he went back to the country we met at. He also had a kid with the live-in gf.

 

I "think" I met someone who would be ok being in a casual thing with me and "seems" like he's ok with it...but problem is he is committed to someone.

 

I didn't know he was committed to anyone until I finally decided to chat him up (I've seen him around, but wasn't looking/ready to talk to any guy).

 

I "think" he is trying to get to know me, but not sure if he wants something on the side or might change things in his current RL.

 

Another problem is that like me - I think he's cautious about showing interest (but then again, he has a chick), so while we appear to be interested/attracted, we are hesitant to do much about it cuz we already have self-defeating beliefs about whether or not we would click...And, why should he give up on the chick he has for someone he barely knows.

 

Also, as much as I want to get to know "him", I'm not some cold person who would want to take him away from someone - who appears to make him happy (and vice versa).

 

Problem "is", I think the way he's going about trying to know me isn't gonna give him the full picture about me and I don't want to miss out on an opportunity to be with someone who appears to be cool with what I'm looking for.

 

So, how do I handle this? Should I just let it go? Or how do I get him to get to know me well enough to see whether or not he would be happy with what I can offer him?

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Tell him to call you when he's single and available to date and take time to get to know you. Do NOT waste your time or emotionally investing and getting to know someone who is already in a relationship. It really is that simple. Keep your boundaries strong and respect yourself that you deserve a guys full attention. He is unable to provide that to you and down the road if you choose to pursue him, you're gonna get hurt badly.

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This is where I throw in the double standard, even though I'm involved with a MM, I didn't initiate the A, he did. I think you should leave him alone until he approaches you on the subject, otherwise you really are trying to make someone stray on purpose and that's the greater of the two evils.

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