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married man pretending to be single


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Long story short i met this cop, he helped me out with an issue and i was so grateful. It was my fault i kinda threw myself at him after that i dont know why, maybe because he seemed like my fantasy come true, my sexy knight in shining armour and i just wanted to flirt and have some fun.

 

i didnt know anything about him but i figured it was very obvious that i was flirting with him and if he was taken he would have told me to stop. but he flirted right back so i assumed he was single.

 

anyway after i did some facebook stalking, i made the sickening discovery that he is married. i remember bursting into tears and feeling so sad and disappointed.

 

i didnt know what to do, i had mixed feelings for him after that discovery but i was still very very attracted to him. i really liked him alot and he seemed like the nicest guy. we have talked alot about our lives and jobs and he has never ever mentioned a wife or anything. just seemed like s single guy going about his business.

 

he continued talking and flirting with me and keeping me in the dark. I told myself that he didnt tell me he was married at the start because he didnt't know if i was just friendly or flirting, and after a while it was too late to tell me and now he's scared to tell me. i dont know if i should bring it up with him or not. but i know i will have to end it if it's out in the open.

 

he came to see me the other day, he was working and his work partner came as well. i knew he really wanted to see me or he wouldnt have come, yet he only came for a quick hello, wasn't trying to squeeze in a sneaky one with me since he even brought his partner with him. when we talk he always tells me how much he is attracted to me and if he gets the chance, he'd do all these things to me. his not sleazy but very respectful. he said he wants to catch up again soon, but i feel that he is actually avoiding been alone with me.

 

He hasn't tried to get me alone although he has hinted at me going to the gym with him, i know he doesnt want to cheat on his wife. i dont think his a bad guy and i think he really is struggling with it. that's why he keeps talking to me but just keeping it at that.

 

i dont know what is my point with this post. im just finding it so hard. i just wish i had a chance with him but he already belongs to someone else. the universe seems so unfair.

 

i stopped talking to him and i thought he would follow up and ask me whats wrong? like he has so many times in the past. but i haven't heard from him for 4 days. im resolved to not contact him anymore as i know it is wrong and wont go anywhere. but im just so sad. i cant shake this sadness.

 

finding this forum has helped me so much, at least i dont feel so alone. i guess i just wanted to vent.

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i stopped talking to him and i thought he would follow up and ask me whats wrong? like he has so many times in the past. but i haven't heard from him for 4 days. im resolved to not contact him anymore as i know it is wrong and wont go anywhere. but im just so sad. i cant shake this sadness.

 

 

What ever you do - DO NOT contact him. If he does contact you ignore the call. It will only take you twice as long to get over him if you do speak to him...

 

Good luck.

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He didn't tell you that he was married because to him you were somebody he met on the job (a job where he comes into contact with criminals) it was none of your business.

 

While he may be a flirty boy, he has not crossed any lines. You admit he hasn't asked you out, hasn't touched you, hasn't tried to get you alone.

 

He's what I call am arm's length harmless flirt. He's happy to flirt but he doesn't mean anything by it.

 

Enjoy it when you are together but do not reach out, don't cyber stalk him, & certainly don't go out with him but there's a lot to be disappointed about, there's nothing to be mad about

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He's married.

 

Period.

 

Went back and read a bunch of your old posts and you seem to "fall for" every guy you come into contact with.

 

I think you need to see a counselor and try to find out why you keep attaching yourself to weirdos and then being all weepy when they use you/play you.

 

He's married. That's it. He's not going to date you - he has a wife, sure he will probably sleep with you, but why is this good enough for you?

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The Like Fairy

 

 

when we talk he always tells me how much he is attracted to me and if he gets the chance,

 

 

 

he'd do all these things to me.

 

 

 

his not sleazy but very respectful.

 

I'm so glad you posted this post here! :bunny::D

 

More than just venting - you are about to learn something! ;)

 

Regardless of whether he maintains a respectful tone of voice, what he is doing by flirting with you is wrong.

 

He's married.

 

He is breaking his solemn vows within his marriage by flirting with you, particularly by going so far as to say what he'd like to do to you!

 

Here's what he should be doing.

 

He should be communicating with his wife to work on and resolve issues within their marriage.

 

NOT flirting with other women and making sexual suggestions as to what he'd like to do to them.

 

And NO, he is not just 'blowing smoke'. A man who goes so far as to say these things is VERY LIKELY to be willing to following through.

 

He lacks integrity.

 

Integrity means choosing to do the right thing in a situation.

 

He is not choosing to do the right thing in many areas (including ultimately choosing to either work on his marriage, or seeking a divorce if he's unhappy. I'm betting he's a major douchebag at heart that can't keep it in his pants, if I had to bet money, by the way).

 

It is NOT the right choice to flirt with, and proposition women when you are married.

 

Don't waste another minute with this individual or any other married man.

 

Save yourself so much time and misery!!

 

ONLY interact, flirt, date, and pursue relationships with men who are single. And even then, make sure they are worthy of your time, possessing honesty and integrity. It takes time to evaluate guys that you date, to determine if they have these characteristics. So, don't hop in bed with them right away. Always take it slow.

 

You're worth it!!! :bunny: :bunny::bunny:;):D

Edited by The Like Fairy
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Been there, done that. Now one of the first things I ask a guy is if he's married. This is a wise thing to do if you are over 35, as most men are married past that age, and yes, they will continue to flirt with you despite being married.

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Lurkeraspect
He's married.

 

Period.

 

Went back and read a bunch of your old posts and you seem to "fall for" every guy you come into contact with.

 

I think you need to see a counselor and try to find out why you keep attaching yourself to weirdos and then being all weepy when they use you/play you.

 

He's married. That's it. He's not going to date you - he has a wife, sure he will probably sleep with you, but why is this good enough for you?

 

Dear one,

 

I to went back and read all your posts. Seems like you are in a loop of picking messed up men and relationships. Please take some (man free) time to figure out who you are, and what you want. It seems you're stuck and getting yourself into messed up situations. Perhaps, you can slow down. Take the men (and women) out of the equation and just figure out you. What you want, who you truly want to be with. What does a good relationship look like to you?

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Thanks everyone for taking the time to read n respond to my post . I really appreciate the diff points of view

 

It's true sometimes I think it's something wrong with me that I keep getting into these messed up situations.

 

I never dated much til my mid 20s from then on I've felt like I can't be happy without a man. I'm down right miserable. I really don't want to be like this but I need constant validation from guys.

 

I was never like this when I was younger n never concerned with guys much. I had so many interests n was never bored. Now I'm the opposite no hobbies except men n always bored. I don't know how I became like this.

 

I'm 27 now n have constant pressure from my parents to meet the one n get married. As if they feel my life is not right if I'm not getting married.

 

Sometimes I think I'm depressed but other times I'm a really happy person.

 

Sorry for digressing. I think this married man maybe just a symptom of deeper problems. I was so hopeful that we were meant to be n that he would change my life for the better. I wanted it so bad ignoring red flags about him n even didn't want to give up even after finding out his married.

 

Does anyone know what is wrong with me n how I can improve? I tried to not date but it only lasted a few weeks I felt I had literally nothing to do. I do work full time btw.

Edited by lil_missy
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Stop for a minute. Take a breath and just calm down on the ol' dating front.

 

Who you go out with is non of your parents/ friends/ family/ Joe Bloggs at number 27's business.

 

You are far from old.

 

You need to hit the reset button, go back to doing the things you enjoy and stop worrying about the rest.

 

Make up some boundaries (Never date a married man can go at the top :D) and stick to them.

 

It all works out one way or the other in the end.

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You don't have to be married to have a good life.

 

If your parents are so all fired interested in getting you married off, a). there is something wrong with them IMHO and b). they should help you meet somebody. Especially since your "picker" is clearly off, perhaps one of them has a friend or co-worker with a single son.

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thenotemakers

I’m really glad you’ve shared your heart out, lii_missy. I know for myself there are times when I just need to talk to someone who’ll listen, and what better way than to post it on a forum like this. I really like it where you said “im resolved to not contact him anymore as i know it is wrong and wont go anywhere…”. Do you think talking to a counselor will help you feel better? I just said a prayer for you, friend. Cheer up!

 

TheNoteMakers

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Thanks I guess I want to be settled down too I feel everything else in my life is fine and the right guy is the only thing missing. It's so hard to meet ppl these days I have gone on so many online dates it's exhausting.

So today I found out his wife actually gave birth to their baby recently, I'm so shocked I didn't even know she was pregnant. He hasn't talked to me for over a week I guess he decided to move on n focus on his family. Honestly I'm disgusted by him and I know he is a huge scumbag. But I still feel very sad seeing these happy pix of him n his wife n baby on Facebook. Why am I sad over this scumbag? Why do I still wish he cared about me? :( I just wish he could have been honest with me n told me he was married from the start n if he decides to not talk to me anymore just say so, no matter what we had been chatting everyday for almost 2 months, instead of disappearing all together. He makes me feel so disposable.

Edited by lil_missy
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