She's pregnant and I will need a lot of therapy........

[Wambo]

To be honest I'm surprised to be here! I never expected to be here because I planned to move on but right now I require one hell of a whisky......

 

To put out a quick summary recently I realised I made mistakes pushing her(exAP) away and maybe ending the affair wasn't the right thing to do. However this need to be said being in an affair is best avioded.

The emotional affair took place at work and part of the reason why I pushed her away is because of my manager and also many advices on the internet saying affairs need to end. Sadly my manager suffers from OCD and has a history of forcing workers out of his department or even the entire company. So yeah he picked on me when I was having problems with the affair and this caused me more encouragement to end the affair before it got found out. I was a brink of getting fired from the way he was bullying me and she popping out of the wood work to break NC.

 

So today I clicked on her social media page, which is a force of habit because there was some hope that things could go my way. However to my horror I found out she carrying her boyfriend child. Her boyfriend is well into his late forties and she haven't reached mid twenties yet.

 

The scariest thing however I was walking by her when she was discussing her pregnancy to one of her best friend the other day and she fell silent. She didn't want me to hear what she was saying. At the time I thought it was because I just happened to get something and my presence just put her off. To add fuel to the fire that friend of hers also been constantly looking at me and well now I know why.

 

The best thing to do right now is try to leave my work and find another job. The other thing I shouldn't do is beat up my manager for partly causing this mess. However end of the day I'm mostly to blame for pushing her away and also not destroying the questionable relationship in the first place. I'm just upset that I had messed up so bad and there is my manager claiming I got cancer when in reality I'm suffering from stress due to his behaviour.

 

I just don't want to be around and see that bump of her form. I miss her so much and I just can't believed I ****ed up so bad.......

[Got it]

First off (((((((((Wambo))))))))). Sorry dude.

 

Second, the issues with your manager should be addressed especially if he is telling others medical information about you, true or untrue. That is inappropriate and you should address with HR.

 

Second, I understand your surprise but that doesn't mean that she couldn't have become pregnant while you were still in the EA with her. Imagine how that would have made you feel.

 

I know it is hard, and can understand wanting a clean start. I do not know I would draw the same conclusions that this meant you should have stayed in the EA. Your choice but is that what you wanted?

 

Big hugs for you, what a craptastic day.

[MissBee]

Wambo,

 

I'm sorry for how you're feeling. I'm sure that must be a blow to you. However, I think you're off base in making it seem like this woman had no say in her own life and it was up to you to "not end the affair" to "prevent" certain things from happening. That sounds more like a codependent relationship than anything else.

 

As Got It said, she could have still gotten pregnant with her boyfriend's baby while in the affair with you. Those are all her choices.

 

I'm not sure why you've gotten it into your head that you are this woman's savior and it is solely up to you to save her from herself...you're not. She is a big girl and part of growing up is making choices, even hard ones, and learning from our mistakes. Hopefully though this latest news will aid you in seeing the reality of things and moving forward with your life.

 

Contrary to how you may feel now, she is not the last, nor probably even the best, woman on earth and perhaps this new turn of events will lead you to moving on to greener pastures.

[Wambo]

First off (((((((((Wambo))))))))). Sorry dude.

 

Second, the issues with your manager should be addressed especially if he is telling others medical information about you, true or untrue. That is inappropriate and you should address with HR.

 

Second, I understand your surprise but that doesn't mean that she couldn't have become pregnant while you were still in the EA with her. Imagine how that would have made you feel.

 

I know it is hard, and can understand wanting a clean start. I do not know I would draw the same conclusions that this meant you should have stayed in the EA. Your choice but is that what you wanted?

 

Big hugs for you, what a craptastic day.

 

That is also true and why I also pushed her away. I didn't want to be around and find out she became pregnant.

[Wambo]

Wambo,

 

I'm sorry for how you're feeling. I'm sure that must be a blow to you. However, I think you're off base in making it seem like this woman had no say in her own life and it was up to you to "not end the affair" to "prevent" certain things from happening. That sounds more like a codependent relationship than anything else.

 

As Got It said, she could have still gotten pregnant with her boyfriend's baby while in the affair with you. Those are all her choices.

 

I'm not sure why you've gotten it into your head that you are this woman's savior and it is solely up to you to save her from herself...you're not. She is a big girl and part of growing up is making choices, even hard ones, and learning from our mistakes. Hopefully though this latest news will aid you in seeing the reality of things and moving forward with your life.

 

Contrary to how you may feel now, she is not the last, nor probably even the best, woman on earth and perhaps this new turn of events will lead you to moving on to greener pastures.

 

 

You are correct and this is why some people become wacko when their love life doesn't go their way. However the point I'm trying to get across was I had made a series of mistakes and may of thrown a future with her away? However saying that I didn't want to be in this situation in the first place and it made worst is the fact I had fallen in love with her. But who could blame her choosing her primary choice when I refused to talk to her during her pre and post surgery. There no one else to blame except for me.

End of the day she wanted me in her life and she ended up getting the disgusting side of me which by know I thought I had grown out of. Worst still I gave my manager several more chances when he being a wrecking ball on my department, yet I didn't give my exAP hardly any.

 

Seriosuly no wonder she went for him instead of me. Afterall I broke her heart and refused to have anything to do with her. Now she starting a family which could of been mine.

[MissBee]

You are correct and this is why some people become wacko when their love life doesn't go their way. However the point I'm trying to get across was I had made a series of mistakes and may of thrown a future with her away? However saying that I didn't want to be in this situation in the first place and it made worst is the fact I had fallen in love with her. But who could blame her choosing her primary choice when I refused to talk to her during her pre and post surgery. There no one else to blame except for me.

End of the day she wanted me in her life and she ended up getting the disgusting side of me which by know I thought I had grown out of. Worst still I gave my manager several more chances when he being a wrecking ball on my department, yet I didn't give my exAP hardly any.

 

Seriosuly no wonder she went for him instead of me. Afterall I broke her heart and refused to have anything to do with her. Now she starting a family which could of been mine.

 

 

I still think you're putting far too much blame on yourself and boiling it down to "all your fault" and "no one else is to blame" and acting like she behaved so perfectly and you ruined things...even your last statement just sounds like you don't give yourself much credit or hold yourself in very high regard.

 

She doesn't sound like all that frankly and I think you're being a bit unrealistic to think you would have somehow had the perfect family with this woman after all the things you've said about her. This wasn't a happy or positive story ever...and I won't get into it because the last time you came here and pretty much made it seem like LS steered you wrong and made you think awful about her when in fact YOU were the one who first came here and told us she used you...and you posted multiple threads lamenting this...so given all that I hope you wake up to reality one day and stop making it seem like she was the greatest, most deserving, innocent woman ever instead of realizing she had choices like you did and she made hers and that is not your fault.

[jellybean89]

I'm confused...

 

You are blaming your manager for the break up with your EA partner? Is your manager the baby daddy? If not, I don't get why the manager is being blamed for you breaking up with someone who treated you poorly.

 

You are thinking if you had just been a better person you could be the baby daddy? Sorry, but are you married (haven't read the back story) cause I don't get how this is an affair vs dating.

[Wambo]

I'm confused...

 

You are blaming your manager for the break up with your EA partner? Is your manager the baby daddy? If not, I don't get why the manager is being blamed for you breaking up with someone who treated you poorly.

 

You are thinking if you had just been a better person you could be the baby daddy? Sorry, but are you married (haven't read the back story) cause I don't get how this is an affair vs dating.

 

To keep things short and simple. My manager has a history of bullying people and forcing to them to leave the department. He decided to pick on me while I was in a critical stage of the affair. So I pushed my exAP away while my manager was making things very difficult, partly to keep the EA a secret to protect her but also to prevent myself from getting fired.

[Wambo]

I still think you're putting far too much blame on yourself and boiling it down to "all your fault" and "no one else is to blame" and acting like she behaved so perfectly and you ruined things...even your last statement just sounds like you don't give yourself much credit or hold yourself in very high regard.

 

She doesn't sound like all that frankly and I think you're being a bit unrealistic to think you would have somehow had the perfect family with this woman after all the things you've said about her. This wasn't a happy or positive story ever...and I won't get into it because the last time you came here and pretty much made it seem like LS steered you wrong and made you think awful about her when in fact YOU were the one who first came here and told us she used you...and you posted multiple threads lamenting this...so given all that I hope you wake up to reality one day and stop making it seem like she was the greatest, most deserving, innocent woman ever instead of realizing she had choices like you did and she made hers and that is not your fault.

 

 

The truth is I don't know what is fact and what is speculation anymore. I just don't want to be in a situation where I get to see her every working day and having to tolerate my manager behaviour. Everyone knows I down in the dump and now I starting to open up to my problems.

It's difficult to play the blame game because there is a lot of blame to go around and the truth is I should of handle things differently. Either I should of ended her relationship ASAP or I should of kicked her out of my life. Having her as a platonic friendship with her trying to take things further was a bloody mistake and I paid the price for it. A few years of my life wasted while I watch friends of mine either getting married or having children.

 

This going to sound a bit crazy but there's a famous film director and he specialise in psychology. He did a series of films about a protagonist who bet his life on another woman and things goes drastically wrong for him. Looking at my series of events I think I can relate to the protagonist and in a way that's scary especially in the final film he has nothing left to live for.

[jellybean89]

To keep things short and simple. My manager has a history of bullying people and forcing to them to leave the department. He decided to pick on me while I was in a critical stage of the affair. So I pushed my exAP away while my manager was making things very difficult, partly to keep the EA a secret to protect her but also to prevent myself from getting fired.

 

Workplace romance is a bad idea - affair or not.

 

Did a quick read of your back ground and still confused....it seems like you are very young, correct? Her looking at you equates to her wanting to be in an affair, her talking to friends and you come by and she stops... all sounds very junior high schoolish.

 

she has a boyfriend. You don't like him and believe he is abusing her in some way. She is choosing to be with him and chose to get pregnant. Doesn't matter if he is twice your age and not in the same shape as you -- you are almost gleeful that an almost 50 year old doesn't have your physical shape (for all you know, he has a medical issue or genetics that don't 'allow' for him to have the body of a young adult..and what difference does that make anyway!). She is with him. She is now pregnant.

 

If you cannot handle seeing her at work, find a new job. You seem to have been suck on this girl for well over a year now and she has not left her boyfriend so you really need to move on.

 

I know you are hurting, but some of that is self inflicted so it is up to you to move forward.

[Owl]

I know you are hurting, but some of that is self inflicted so it is up to you to move forward.

 

Not trying to kick you while you're down, Wambo.

 

However, I think you need to realize that this entire situation is self-inflicted.

 

You keep blaming your manager, and the advice you got on the internet, for pushing her away and causing her to end the affair with you and seek solace with her boyfriend.

 

Reality check.

 

She was with her boyfriend the whole time. She never left him. Never stopped being with him.

 

She was never 'yours' that whole time.

 

You chose to have an affair with her. No guns were used, blackmail doesn't appear to have been involved. It wasn't an accident...no one fell onto the other person's 'stuff'.

 

You were attracted to her...you fed that attraction to her by pursuing her further, and let it blossom into a relationship. You could have ended it at anytime, but chose to end it when you did.

 

It wasn't your job to save her from her current relationship/situation/whatever.

 

You're not some weak, powerless child who had no options throughout all of this.

 

Nor are you a weak, powerless child now.

 

The situation is what it is. She's pregnant by her boyfriend...and she's still with him today. She too had choices. She made hers as well.

 

I agree with some of your decisions now. Find a new job someplace else...and move the hell on.

 

It hurts...but pain is temporary. You won't feel this way the rest of your life, no matter how much you think you will right now.

 

Get up, dust off, move forward.

[Redheaded Mistress]

I'm so sorry Wambo, I can only imagine how hard this is for you. It's hard to be around your AP going on without you and I'm not at all shocked that you feel regret over your choice. It's entirely common.

 

I hope that things will get easier for you sooner rather than later.

[Wambo]

Workplace romance is a bad idea - affair or not.

 

Did a quick read of your back ground and still confused....it seems like you are very young, correct? Her looking at you equates to her wanting to be in an affair, her talking to friends and you come by and she stops... all sounds very junior high schoolish.

 

she has a boyfriend. You don't like him and believe he is abusing her in some way. She is choosing to be with him and chose to get pregnant. Doesn't matter if he is twice your age and not in the same shape as you -- you are almost gleeful that an almost 50 year old doesn't have your physical shape (for all you know, he has a medical issue or genetics that don't 'allow' for him to have the body of a young adult..and what difference does that make anyway!). She is with him. She is now pregnant.

 

If you cannot handle seeing her at work, find a new job. You seem to have been suck on this girl for well over a year now and she has not left her boyfriend so you really need to move on.

 

I know you are hurting, but some of that is self inflicted so it is up to you to move forward.

 

 

First I like to say that everytime I type something out that I put a slight spin on it as a pre caution. This is why some of my series of events conflict with others.

 

As for the incident when she was talking to her friend and I just happended to walk by. I thought she stopped talking because of my presence and she was checking out what I was doing. However now knowing the recent series of events, I believe she didn't want me to over hear her conversation with her friend. Maybe she didn't want to hurt me or piss me off.

 

As for my fitness......... I hate to break it to you but I am fully aware it doesn't turn her on. She told me once while I was watching a game during my break that men with muscles isn't her thing.

[Wambo]

Not trying to kick you while you're down, Wambo.

 

However, I think you need to realize that this entire situation is self-inflicted.

 

You keep blaming your manager, and the advice you got on the internet, for pushing her away and causing her to end the affair with you and seek solace with her boyfriend.

 

Reality check.

 

She was with her boyfriend the whole time. She never left him. Never stopped being with him.

 

She was never 'yours' that whole time.

 

You chose to have an affair with her. No guns were used, blackmail doesn't appear to have been involved. It wasn't an accident...no one fell onto the other person's 'stuff'.

 

You were attracted to her...you fed that attraction to her by pursuing her further, and let it blossom into a relationship. You could have ended it at anytime, but chose to end it when you did.

 

It wasn't your job to save her from her current relationship/situation/whatever.

 

You're not some weak, powerless child who had no options throughout all of this.

 

Nor are you a weak, powerless child now.

 

The situation is what it is. She's pregnant by her boyfriend...and she's still with him today. She too had choices. She made hers as well.

 

I agree with some of your decisions now. Find a new job someplace else...and move the hell on.

 

It hurts...but pain is temporary. You won't feel this way the rest of your life, no matter how much you think you will right now.

 

Get up, dust off, move forward.

 

 

I do understand where you're getting at and you're right that I am confused. However there's a lot more than I'm letting on. The fact is the EA was started in the first place mainly because I wouldn't allow our friendship to develope outside work. There was multiple times where she wanted to meet up with me outside of work and I wouldn't allow it.

Now I could talk about their break up and how he forced her back into the relationship. However this doesn't change the fact that it's no longer my business and I need to focus on looking for another job.

[Darren Steez]

To be honest I'm surprised to be here! I never expected to be here because I planned to move on but right now I require one hell of a whisky......

 

To put out a quick summary recently I realised I made mistakes pushing her(exAP) away and maybe ending the affair wasn't the right thing to do. However this need to be said being in an affair is best avioded.

The emotional affair took place at work and part of the reason why I pushed her away is because of my manager and also many advices on the internet saying affairs need to end. Sadly my manager suffers from OCD and has a history of forcing workers out of his department or even the entire company. So yeah he picked on me when I was having problems with the affair and this caused me more encouragement to end the affair before it got found out. I was a brink of getting fired from the way he was bullying me and she popping out of the wood work to break NC.

 

So today I clicked on her social media page, which is a force of habit because there was some hope that things could go my way. However to my horror I found out she carrying her boyfriend child. Her boyfriend is well into his late forties and she haven't reached mid twenties yet.

 

The scariest thing however I was walking by her when she was discussing her pregnancy to one of her best friend the other day and she fell silent. She didn't want me to hear what she was saying. At the time I thought it was because I just happened to get something and my presence just put her off. To add fuel to the fire that friend of hers also been constantly looking at me and well now I know why.

 

The best thing to do right now is try to leave my work and find another job. The other thing I shouldn't do is beat up my manager for partly causing this mess. However end of the day I'm mostly to blame for pushing her away and also not destroying the questionable relationship in the first place. I'm just upset that I had messed up so bad and there is my manager claiming I got cancer when in reality I'm suffering from stress due to his behaviour.

 

I just don't want to be around and see that bump of her form. I miss her so much and I just can't believed I ****ed up so bad.......

 

What? Seriously? Why would someone lie about something so serious?

[Owl]

I do understand where you're getting at and you're right that I am confused. However there's a lot more than I'm letting on. The fact is the EA was started in the first place mainly because I wouldn't allow our friendship to develope outside work. There was multiple times where she wanted to meet up with me outside of work and I wouldn't allow it.

Now I could talk about their break up and how he forced her back into the relationship. However this doesn't change the fact that it's no longer my business and I need to focus on looking for another job.

 

And THIS is how you need to be thinking, my friend.

 

Keep yourself thoroughly immersed and entrenched in this mindset, and you'll heal.

[No Limit]

I think you really ought to get out of there before the guy goes for a paternity test, kicks her to the curb and she is going to want money to support her from someone...

[Wambo]

Just to add a minor update.

 

I got my blood test results in today and the pain in my stomach is caused by stress. I was hoping it would be medical related but nope this must be related to the crap I went through with my manager and post affair.

 

I know someone said I'm shifting a lot of the blame onto my manager. The truth is my manager was told to train me up so I could get promoted. Instead he knew I was having personal problems and used this chance to try to force me out. You see my manager has a history of bullying people and forcing them out. It was so bad I counted 9 people who almost punched him and not all of them are blokes.

When the bullying was going on, my exAP was breaking NC and this really did leave me open to manager hellfire and I kept pushing my exAP away just to survive my manager onslaught. This stress related pain must be caused when I looked back and realised how I mishandled things. People on my department are still being bullied, I had a few near scraps with him and yesterday another staff member left because of him.

[eye of the storm]

Wambo, this is just my personal recommendation. You need to find someone to talk to. When you are not happy that you are "just" stressed and there is not something medically wrong with you...you have to understand your thought processes are off kilter. Stress is something you can deal with, many medical issues are not so fixable.

 

I went to the hospital many times and they turned out to be stress related, i went to therapy, got antidepressants and made some changes on how I handled problems. No more ER visits.

 

This girl is a non issue, she made her choice. Sometimes it has nothing to do with you or what you did/didn't do. Focus on what you can do.

 

If this manager is as toxic as you say, and he was told to train you for a promotion then he has a boss. Go to his boss or HR and detail (just the facts) what is going on. Detail stress levels of employees, provide names of employees who stated they quit because of the manager. Now, if you are blowing this out of proportion, you may end up without a job yourself.

 

But if your claims are valid, you should be able to get him off your back.

 

Eat right, get some exercise, find a good therapist, and take care of yourself.

 

Good luck.

[Wambo]

Wambo, this is just my personal recommendation. You need to find someone to talk to. When you are not happy that you are "just" stressed and there is not something medically wrong with you...you have to understand your thought processes are off kilter. Stress is something you can deal with, many medical issues are not so fixable.

 

I went to the hospital many times and they turned out to be stress related, i went to therapy, got antidepressants and made some changes on how I handled problems. No more ER visits.

 

This girl is a non issue, she made her choice. Sometimes it has nothing to do with you or what you did/didn't do. Focus on what you can do.

 

If this manager is as toxic as you say, and he was told to train you for a promotion then he has a boss. Go to his boss or HR and detail (just the facts) what is going on. Detail stress levels of employees, provide names of employees who stated they quit because of the manager. Now, if you are blowing this out of proportion, you may end up without a job yourself.

 

But if your claims are valid, you should be able to get him off your back.

 

Eat right, get some exercise, find a good therapist, and take care of yourself.

 

Good luck.

 

Thank you for your input.

 

Sadly HR are fully aware of what going on and every now or then he causes some trouble. In a space of two weeks he picked on four people included myself and all these people made offical complaints.

 

Seriously I'm not making this up.......

 

Afterward my manager did my performance review and he marked me down for standing up to him. He said I have no right to shout at him and he had the cheek to ask me how his superiors responded to my allegations against him. Afterward he told me not to report any further bullying and to keep it as our secret.......

 

Recently we had our company survey done and my manager requested to supervise us filling out the forms. These forms is about how we feel and if we think the management is doing a good job. At the back there is a small comment section and my manager asked me what I was going to write........

Luckily we filled out our forms at different times of the day and without our manager being aware. Several of us wrote negative comments about the manager and one co worker requested three lined pages to write his feedback comment on.

 

Finally I want to add I never said anything horrible to or about my exAP. My manager on the other hand I would be living in poverty if my workplace has a swear jar.

 

I'm over the shock of my exAP getting pregnant and I just hope things goes alright for her. I just hope it her choice and not me drove her into that direction.

[Wambo]

This just get better and better.......

 

My situation now need to be offically class as f**ked up! I don't know if someone is trying to play a practicle joke on me or I had really screwed up? It turned out she is at least three months pregnant and that raise so many questions. First the reason why I didn't pick up on the pregnancy is because I try to aviod her and whenever she walked by, I make sure I aviod eye contact to the best of my abilities. The other reason is she is heavily dress and that help cover the bump.

 

So yeah she is carrying his child for all this time and she still looks at me or pay interest in what I'm doing. Worst still everytime she need to get to my department, she just happen to walk past me closely when there is a lot of space behind me and there is also alternative walking routes. It get even better because she backtrack instead of keeping going forward and looping around. So instead of not having to walk past me at all, she walk past me twice. Then there are times when she looks at me and then there was that strange incident with her mother. Was she pregnant then and this why she is upset then?

 

I think what makes the thing even more tragic is her home is rather small and not fit to raise a child. Mine on the other hand is good enough for one child untill he or she reach mid teens.

 

So yeah emotional affairs, love triangles and a dog can cause so much **** that they're best to be avioded.

[MuddyRock]

There is NOTHING tragic about her house being too small. Many people have been perfectly happy being raised in a one room cabin.

Some people don't show a pregnancy until 5 -7 months btw. So there really is no wondering why she wouldnt be showing. She shouldn't have any bump yet really.

 

No surprise she knew she was pregnant when flirting with you. She is just having fun and getting an ego boost. It doesn't sound like you had much of anything other then a flirting fest....

[Wambo]

There is NOTHING tragic about her house being too small. Many people have been perfectly happy being raised in a one room cabin.

Some people don't show a pregnancy until 5 -7 months btw. So there really is no wondering why she wouldnt be showing. She shouldn't have any bump yet really.

 

No surprise she knew she was pregnant when flirting with you. She is just having fun and getting an ego boost. It doesn't sound like you had much of anything other then a flirting fest....

 

 

Thank you for the insight(bold).

 

Now I completely disagree with your bottom paragraph because no flirting ever took place for months. In fact what you wrote is far from the truth and the worst advice possible. No offense btw because even most historians get it wrong......

 

At the moment I'm under the impression she been pregnant since early June and that because the questionable activities started to happen. When I mean questionable activity I mean checking up on me, the mother incident, her boyfriend looking concerned and looking at me. So yeah I think you are right that she maybe at least four months pregnant.

 

Anyway it time for me take a hike........ I'm off on a treking holiday and hopefully this will calm me down....... It nice to get away from my manager......

[Got it]

Wambo, what has HR said about the issues with your manager?

 

If they aren't doing anything then I am definitely in agreement to start looking for another place to work. Life is too short for a hostile work environment.

 

I would just start looking around. Maybe all of this coming to a head is actually a silver lining and creating an impetus to make a change.

[Wambo]

Wambo, what has HR said about the issues with your manager?

 

If they aren't doing anything then I am definitely in agreement to start looking for another place to work. Life is too short for a hostile work environment.

 

I would just start looking around. Maybe all of this coming to a head is actually a silver lining and creating an impetus to make a change.

 

 

The HR manager told me and others to continue reporting any issues to her. However I need to say this that she too is getting fed up with all these complaints and I honestly don't think anything will get done because he has a mental condition(OCD). It's my belief they think his actions are a result of his OCD which is partly true but also because he lacks empathy, he's **** at his job and he lacks discipline.

 

My company has a number of buildings nearby and very often there is a rotation of managers being transferred to various buildings. It's a way to keep things fresh and bring new ideas to what now become the standard practice. However this haven't happened to my manager and we believe it because of his bad track record. No manager charge of running the building/floor(site) wants him on their team.

Last year I do remember my manager was telling me how he had to go off and run another department for a few days. He couldn't work out why he was sent to another site and I was under the impression the site manager didn't want him. This happened when three members of staff left in a short period of time because of him.

 

Finally it should be noted my adventure holiday done me a lot of good getting away from things and I do feel a lot better. However I can't believe I now know the true meaning of "I'm SICK and tired of....." because end of the day my department is like a sitcom. It also carries a lot similitries with the Hannibal TV show where I'm Will Graham and my manager is Hannibal Lecture. It may sound silly but the writer of the show does read a lot into psychology and there must be studies how the disturb forms abusive relationships with people close to them. My working relationship does have a lot of similiality with domestic abuse. He was even angry over hearing me having a discussion with a co worker over a court case about domestic abuse.