GettingOver Posted September 29, 2014 Share Posted September 29, 2014 Just curious - how long is/was your affair? Did you have break ups? What helped you to end it completely? Link to post Share on other sites
Nattie Posted September 29, 2014 Share Posted September 29, 2014 Going on 2 years now. We "broke up" twice (both initiated by me) but it only lasted about a week, and we grew closer after each split. Link to post Share on other sites
cocorico Posted September 29, 2014 Share Posted September 29, 2014 Just curious - how long is/was your affair? Did you have break ups? What helped you to end it completely? The A was about 3 years, maybe 3 and a half. It ended when he left the BW and we became a FT couple. We've been M for several years now. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
MissBee Posted September 29, 2014 Share Posted September 29, 2014 Just curious - how long is/was your affair? Did you have break ups? What helped you to end it completely? A little over 2 years. I think nearing the end of things I had initiated ending things and just "being friends" which was ridiculous really, as it meant nothing, and we still interacted as we always did. What helped me to end it? Him going NC and sticking to it. I tried the weaning off thing, the LC thing, the friends thing, none of which worked and after all that he made the NC decision and stuck to it and that forced me to stick to it as well and that's how things ended completely. After a year of complete NC, where we did not speak to each other at all, followed by reconnecting on my birthday after that year was up, but not really, as we only spoke sporadically, we did reconnect when he broke things off with his SO and tried at an open relationship for a while but that didn't work for lots of reasons. Link to post Share on other sites
Author GettingOver Posted September 29, 2014 Author Share Posted September 29, 2014 A little over 2 years. I think nearing the end of things I had initiated ending things and just "being friends" which was ridiculous really, as it meant nothing, and we still interacted as we always did. What helped me to end it? Him going NC and sticking to it. I tried the weaning off thing, the LC thing, the friends thing, none of which worked and after all that he made the NC decision and stuck to it and that forced me to stick to it as well and that's how things ended completely. After a year of complete NC, where we did not speak to each other at all, followed by reconnecting on my birthday after that year was up, but not really, as we only spoke sporadically, we did reconnect when he broke things off with his SO and tried at an open relationship for a while but that didn't work for lots of reasons. I respect him for stickimg to the decision to stay NC. I know that my MM is currently forced to do that by me, and I am flip-flopping cause I miss him. A Link to post Share on other sites
Imezru2 Posted September 29, 2014 Share Posted September 29, 2014 About 14 months. Still going on. We have had 2 breaks both her decision. Actually the first one was mutual. The first several months were more just sexual, the first break really made me realize i had feelings and it lasted about a month. Just finished the second break while she worked out some personal issues. it was also about a month. Were still very much in contact but no sexual / intimate contact during the breaks. Link to post Share on other sites
SusiePie Posted September 29, 2014 Share Posted September 29, 2014 10 months. At 8 months left him somewhat but he did that 'now I am the perfect bf' thing which didn't last of course. Also during that time he reconciled with his wife and moved back into his house. I found out that they went back and forth quite a bit but he never told me when he moved out before. They were never officially 'separated' - enough to date other ppl - per his wife. I believe her because he lied about so much all the time. I knew I had to end it, had tried maybe four times. He was a jerk in so many ways, married or not. He was toxic for me. I set up a "trap" so to speak, he failed. I told him it was over. Out of pride I don't reneg on those proclamations. He also had devalued me so much to the point I assumed a discard was coming up, I needed to beat him to the punch. I often had these loops of 'when will it end? It has to end sometime. why not now instead of later?" He was constantly chasing tail so even when he separated - which he didn't mention to me (fume) - I knew he'd have a bunch of women lined up. That was worse than when he had to be on the DL all the time. I still watch him online though. wish I didn't have the urge. Link to post Share on other sites
Redheaded Mistress Posted September 29, 2014 Share Posted September 29, 2014 Our emotional affair was about a year, the physical affair was about a year of off-and-on that was never really off, where he left and went back a few times. Then another 6 months of his being separated and living with me, then he went back for a week or two. The time since that last break with her was 5ish years ago. Link to post Share on other sites
Realist3 Posted September 30, 2014 Share Posted September 30, 2014 Just curious - how long is/was your affair? Did you have break ups? What helped you to end it completely? Almost 5 years, 4 years 10 months to be exact. Over the past year we had had numerous breaks, about 5-6 that never lasted any significant length of time maybe a week, sometimes two. Oddly enough the affair was its most intense during this past year when it was on. One person would break and the other would work to get it back going. This last time there was no formal break, we just both got so busy with a lot different things going on in our lives and it just fizzled out on its own. We still talk once in a while, but nothing like what it was. I believe that is where it will stay from here on out, just friends. The enormous effort that was required ended up becoming too much of a drain on both of us. And after we let it slide for a bit, both of us realized it wasn't so bad. It was the kind of amicable break I would have hoped for, and expected between us. Link to post Share on other sites
Got it Posted September 30, 2014 Share Posted September 30, 2014 About a year. We are married now. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
goodyblue Posted September 30, 2014 Share Posted September 30, 2014 A little less than a year. He left ex wife, we have been happily together for several years now. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Back2WhatUKnow Posted September 30, 2014 Share Posted September 30, 2014 ..A..4.5 years...Breaking Point..Another yearly family vacation...Plus me becoming more distant and less affectionate for 8 mo. I went NC almost 2 months now...been my longest and strongest. I slowly blocked things off and now everything has been blocked from him. Just grown tired of the lies and parttime love. Realizing by the day how it really hurt and wasted my life. I was M when I met him but started going thru a D when the EA started. ExMM never left..had talks but still never finalized. Link to post Share on other sites
Scarlet2 Posted September 30, 2014 Share Posted September 30, 2014 Known MM for almost 10 years, EA for 7 years, PA for 10 months, 3 breaks initiated by him (#1 one of his kids moved back into the house and didn't have the spare time to give until they left again, #2 I was being too persistent with wanting to see him) currently in a third break due to his dad dying so he's grieving and not sure when I'll be seeing him even though he said we're still on... I don't want it to end but I still feel he will reevaluate his choices and end it completely himself soon... Link to post Share on other sites
Author GettingOver Posted September 30, 2014 Author Share Posted September 30, 2014 Known MM for almost 10 years, EA for 7 years, PA for 10 months, 3 breaks initiated by him (#1 one of his kids moved back into the house and didn't have the spare time to give until they left again, #2 I was being too persistent with wanting to see him) currently in a third break due to his dad dying so he's grieving and not sure when I'll be seeing him even though he said we're still on... I don't want it to end but I still feel he will reevaluate his choices and end it completely himself soon... This is so sad! How old is that kid that he did not have time?... Were you really THAT persistent to see him that he needed a break?.. Sounds like weird excuses... Link to post Share on other sites
Scarlet2 Posted September 30, 2014 Share Posted September 30, 2014 Scarlet, I really do feel badly when I read your posts as you give this man ALL the power where everything is on his terms always and you just take what you can get and hope he sticks around....it's really no way to live IMO. You shouldn't be walking on egg shells constantly and "behaving" so he doesn't leave...this isn't what a loving relationship looks like at all. I do appreciate your concern and you are right that I put up with it so that he doesn't leave but there within lies my conflict because I get what I want when I'm subservient but on the otherhand it teaches him he can continue to treat me poorly because he knows no fear of losing me. This is so sad! How old is that kid that he did not have time?... Were you really THAT persistent to see him that he needed a break?.. Sounds like weird excuses... I know and some of our arguments we're due to me calling him out on the excuses he would give. I would say if he didn't want to see me, he could just tell me instead of give lame excuses and he would always say he'd much rather spend the time with me but all the various reasons had to come first, no exceptions. While he is in mourning I have been working on myself and I'm not as attached as I was, it feels like it never really happened, and I am prepared to start telling him no because I do deserve more than crumbs. Link to post Share on other sites
Lovelysweet2 Posted September 30, 2014 Share Posted September 30, 2014 MM and I were talking about this the other night, I believe a bit over 3 years. He corrected me of how long it has been, because I have always felt it has been longer than that. We have had tumultuous times, highly tumultuous, love and hate, but always find a way back. When we first passed one another, it took off from there, he pursued me, and we had the most natural rapport, right from the start. There was never that odd uncomfortable beginning stage. Link to post Share on other sites
GoldenAxe Posted October 5, 2014 Share Posted October 5, 2014 Just about 5 years, wasn't until 4 mths ago tho that my heart got involved. Link to post Share on other sites
solostand Posted October 5, 2014 Share Posted October 5, 2014 Two years. We had a few break-ups, caused by me having moments of clarity and getting pissed off. They only lasted a couple of days. This last stretch has been the longest ever. Link to post Share on other sites
teatotaller Posted October 6, 2014 Share Posted October 6, 2014 Just curious - how long is/was your affair? Did you have break ups? What helped you to end it completely? We first had a casual relationship (we were both single) 20 years ago (!) and went several years after that with no contact. Seven years ago we began an EA and, 6 years ago this month, a PA. We have had two periods of NC in the last six years. One lasted for 26 months and one for 18 months but things started up again in July. If I knew how to "end it completely", at this point, I would write a book! Link to post Share on other sites
couchcushion Posted October 6, 2014 Share Posted October 6, 2014 Just over 2 months. D-day happened and AP went back to wife. The only thing I am thankful for is that it didn't last longer. But it still hurts. Link to post Share on other sites
Phoe Posted October 6, 2014 Share Posted October 6, 2014 It was an emotional affair with a man who was not married, but had a girlfriend. We had been friends for 10 years. The first time, it lasted about 6 months. He told me he was leaving her, but needed the right time, had things to take care of. It didn't happen and I cut him off. 6 months later he contacted me again, the ea started up, and once again he gave me deadlines and said he was leaving, then never did. I left again, blocked him from everything, considered our friendship over. That was a year ago. It was easy to leave when I realized he was lying, didn't want me, and that I was becoming a foolish person that I did not like. Link to post Share on other sites
lovinDKT3 Posted October 6, 2014 Share Posted October 6, 2014 Just shy of 2 years. I was the MW and OM was single. It was a different dynamic then most of the stories because really I took the role of what is more common from MM. The A was on my terms, and had several long periods of NC/LC. It was mostly an EA where I used just enough sexual contact to keep my constant flow of validation. I tried to end it a number of times, but when I was down or mad at H I would reach out for a quick fix of validation. H figured it out even through all the denial, at that point it was easier to end, but I made the common mistake of thinking we could remain "friends". It was during this period that OM started to really push me to leave H, something I never intended. He even hinted that he would tell. It turned ugly after that, stalking, orders of protection. All of which I also had to hide from H who would have physically harmed OM even with the affair. That was that, never heard from OM again Not sure my story is in line with the others. Link to post Share on other sites
Got it Posted October 6, 2014 Share Posted October 6, 2014 In regards to marital status. We were both married, I left my marriage after a few weeks of the affair starting, he left about a year later. Link to post Share on other sites
WrinkledForehead Posted October 6, 2014 Share Posted October 6, 2014 The A lasted 6 months. It ended when I left him. He then left the R and we are together. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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