Second Dday

[Patna]

Yesterday MM had a mini Dday. His wife called him at work constantly to grill him if he still keep in contact with me. MM and I had an on-off relationship ever since the first Dday last December. We had NC on-off too (always initiated by me) and suddenly a few weeks ago, he has been contacting me and treating me very well these past weeks. I guess his wife became suspicious.

 

Both of us had no idea if his wife has any proof but I doubt it. He doesn't know the full extent of the Dday or if the wife was just feeling the triggers as he had to work late and didn't see her. They only spoke over the phone. He believed his wife must have sense something since we had been getting closer.

 

He told me he cannot see me so often anymore or call me so often, but he will still make an effort to call or see me as much as he can. It seems he didn't want to let go of me yesterday. We talked for hours on the phone each day. However, this morning he didn't contact me at all. I'm having panic attack. I don't know how things are yesterday night or changed in his home overnight. I don't know if he had change his mind about me after seeing his wife. I felt so easily disposed.

 

The last few weeks were the best period we had since the first Dday. Just a day before this second Dday, he finally confessed he loves me. He stopped saying all these since the first Dday. I felt so happy the past few days, felt a turning point finally. An affair is so fragile. It's like honeymoon one day and the next day, it can all just disappear into thin air.

 

Please, no condemnation or whatever here. I would love to hear how second Dday is like for OW/OM.

[adna89]

Just open this thread you wrote,and re-read it:

 

https://www.loveshack.org/forums/romantic/other-man-woman/470197-reality-everything

 

 

Do you need more? seriously'?!? if he loved you,he would not give a damn what she thinks,he would be scared to loose you,not scared to loose her(as now)

[Redheaded Mistress]

I'm so sorry and I know how hard it is for you. Repeated d-days are almost worse than one big one. When I was an OW, we had a big d-day initially, then maybe one or two smaller ones (smaller only because his wife knew he had no intention of ending the relationships), then a lot of blowups in between. Each time it was so hard... Is he going to stick up for himself? For us? For our relationship? Is he going to go NC for awhile? Is this the end forever? Is she going to reach out to me? What's going to happen?

 

So many question marks. And I think that period of time between knowing something went wrong and hearing what happened, even if it is the worst possible outcome, is the hardest.

 

Going from "I love you, you're my everything" to "we never meant anything" the next day is so hard, but worrying that's what's going to happen is even harder. Especially if you know the "we never meant anything" is something you both know a lie.

 

Just be strong, hope for the best. You sound fairly confident he'll reach out and that's what his track record has been so far. Maybe this is just the blip before things go back to normal.

[whichwayisup]

An affair is so fragile. It's like honeymoon one day and the next day, it can all just disappear into thin air.

 

Why do you think that is? You don't have to answer that here if you don't want to, just give it some thought.

 

Have you and him talked about what happens next? I mean, does the affair go on the down low until the dust settles, then you start up the affair again? Or is he planning on leaving her to be with you? You may end up with him by default, she may kick him out.

 

Decide what it is you want too, is it an affair you're after with him or are you hoping he'll divorce and marry you, have children with you etc?

[jellybean89]

Yesterday MM had a mini Dday. His wife called him at work constantly to grill him if he still keep in contact with me. MM and I had an on-off relationship ever since the first Dday last December. We had NC on-off too (always initiated by me) and suddenly a few weeks ago, he has been contacting me and treating me very well these past weeks. I guess his wife became suspicious.

 

Both of us had no idea if his wife has any proof but I doubt it. He doesn't know the full extent of the Dday or if the wife was just feeling the triggers as he had to work late and didn't see her. They only spoke over the phone. He believed his wife must have sense something since we had been getting closer.

 

He told me he cannot see me so often anymore or call me so often, but he will still make an effort to call or see me as much as he can. It seems he didn't want to let go of me yesterday. We talked for hours on the phone each day. However, this morning he didn't contact me at all. I'm having panic attack. I don't know how things are yesterday night or changed in his home overnight. I don't know if he had change his mind about me after seeing his wife. I felt so easily disposed.

 

The last few weeks were the best period we had since the first Dday. Just a day before this second Dday, he finally confessed he loves me. He stopped saying all these since the first Dday. I felt so happy the past few days, felt a turning point finally. An affair is so fragile. It's like honeymoon one day and the next day, it can all just disappear into thin air.

 

Please, no condemnation or whatever here. I would love to hear how second Dday is like for OW/OM.

 

You and so many other OW seem to think the wife is this witch for "grilling" the cheater, as if she has no right. She's his wife. She knows he's a cheater, and for whatever reason, she chose to give him a 2nd chance. He more than likely minimized you to her, told her you were a friend, told her you wouldn't leave him alone or told her any other excuse so as to not have to admit the truth.

 

It is very concerning that you are having a panic attack after not hearing from him for a couple hours. He said he had to be less in contact with you -- you do know that means he is busy gaslighting his wife and trying to keep her in the dark...which eludes to the fact that he wants his marriage/his wife. If you are panicking after a couple hours, how in the world are you going to truly do LC?

[kalimata]

I am the mother Kali and devour all such things which breed hate and animosity. You and your lover are clearly living in blissful sin, aware of the tempest which rages around you, but yet hide from the painfully obvious truth.

 

What is it that you really seek? Affirmation of your selfish intentions? More fire for your attention-seeking soul? The mother goddess will eventually seek your retribution.

 

Make peace with yourself and your family. Do everyone some good and get out of your current marriage and continue on in the affair in the open. If he dumps his wife and comes to you, then go on with your lives. Don't continue to devastate the lives of two families by living in duplicity.

[Patna]

You and so many other OW seem to think the wife is this witch for "grilling" the cheater, as if she has no right. She's his wife. She knows he's a cheater, and for whatever reason, she chose to give him a 2nd chance. He more than likely minimized you to her, told her you were a friend, told her you wouldn't leave him alone or told her any other excuse so as to not have to admit the truth.

 

It is very concerning that you are having a panic attack after not hearing from him for a couple hours. He said he had to be less in contact with you -- you do know that means he is busy gaslighting his wife and trying to keep her in the dark...which eludes to the fact that he wants his marriage/his wife. If you are panicking after a couple hours, how in the world are you going to truly do LC?

 

I seriously don't think there's anything wrong with his wife 'grilling' him because she has the right to. I knew he continued to lie to her about me because the fact that he could immediately continued our affair even after the 1st Dday, it simply mean he must had minimize our relationship drastically such that he could still earn her trust to still continue calling and seeing me.

 

I am panicking because I don't know where we are heading after this. I had always known he would not leave his wife and he had never future fake with me.

[Patna]

He contacted me shortly after I posted. He refused to talk about what was going on at his home because he said me knowing doesn't help anything. I expected him to cut down the contact but he didn't. In fact he still continue to call me for hours and spent even more time with me in the day. The only change he told me I'm expecting is we will probably not be able to date in the evening after his work for a period of time.

 

Honestly, I'm puzzled by what's going on. His actions are not normal. He's avoiding spending time at home. I'm guessing he's trying to avoid the face to face confrontation with his wife. I told him to spend more time at home because I feel he should be there for his wife during this period of time. It makes me think there's more to what he told me. He has been using work as an excuse to go home late to his wife, which is partial truth because he has to work late this week. But I know he didn't head home straight after work, but rather late suppers with his colleagues, which I don't think his wife is aware of.

 

I know he didn't lie to me about his wife suspecting because his wife will keep contacting him, and I know and witnessed some of the calls. I also know he is with his colleagues (all males) in the evenings because he will tell me his whereabouts and I can always hear his colleagues talking in the background when I called him.

 

I know I may sound like a hypocrite but I feel worse when he seems to be so oblivious about his wife's feelings and I feel he's 'endangering' our relationship. I had no idea what cards he's playing or I'm simply reading into too much.

[whichwayisup]

I know I may sound like a hypocrite but I feel worse when he seems to be so oblivious about his wife's feelings and I feel he's 'endangering' our relationship. I had no idea what cards he's playing or I'm simply reading into too much.

Just keep in mind the way he is treating his wife, the woman he said vows to in front of family and friends, he could very well treat you the same way some day.