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Glad I discovered this board. Please help and be honest. I have been married for 18 yrs, no kids. I went to my friends carpet store to look at some carpets for the living room. The sales person, nice man helped me, very quiet relaxed guy. Didn't really like any carpets that were in stock. Long story short, I told the guy I would come back in a few weeks when new stuff gets delivered. He asked me where my shop is, I am a hairdresser. I told him and told him my usual hours. Figured nothing of it. He stops by 2 days later for a trim (didn't even need one) basically he is married and seems miserable for 26 years. He is 54, I am 42, he did not bad mouth his wife but he isn't happy. He has 2 kids, 14 and 11. He asked me how I like married life, I made a joke out of it and gently said it isn't always easy. He shared that his wife is not one to work, spend money left and right while he works 2 jobs, and occasionally drives a cab too. He is super nice. I felt an attraction, I really think he likes me. He tested me thanking me for the haircut, and said he enjoyed talking to me and he will be back in a few weeks for a trim. Does he sound interested. I am totally interested and willing, but don't want to seem like a slit. I have never cheated, I honestly never felt tempted to, not like I feel with Mike. He seems different. Thank you

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At the very least he's looking for an emotional connection.

 

My advice to you, don't cheat. If you no longer love your husband divorce him but don't cheat. What kind of an example is that for your kids?

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ThAnks. I don't have kids. Mike has 2, he is really sweet, unlike other big mouth macho types that I have been cutting hair for, for over 20 years. He is so well spoken, I think we could start as friends.

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ThAnks. I don't have kids. Mike has 2, he is really sweet, unlike other big mouth macho types that I have been cutting hair for, for over 20 years. He is so well spoken, I think we could start as friends.

 

 

Don't start at all. It's a slippery slope. If you want to be his friend & just his friend, introduce him to your husband & arrange a double date.

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basically he is married and seems miserable for 26 years.
He is 54, I am 42, he did not bad mouth his wife but he isn't happy. He has 2 kids, 14 and 11.

 

You've assume a lot about this guy. Maybe he isn't happy for other reasons. Maybe he has a sick family member, or had a bad day. You know absolutely nothing of his personal life.

 

After 26 years, NOBODY is 100% happy all the time in their marriage! Throw in 2 kids, 1 young teen and 1 pre teen, life can't be easy at times.

 

ALL THE MORE REASON TO RUN from this guy. He is a father, so please don't open that door. Don't tempt him or don't fall for any of his attempts to get you into bed, to have an affair with him. He is a family man and you'll be putting yourself in a situation that will turn his family's life upside down and ruin young kids lives, as well as his wife. And your husband...

 

Which leads to this - If you aren't happy with your husband and things aren't going as well as it should be, then fix it! Don't go fishing somewhere else, all that will do is complicate your life and hurt your innocent husband. If you feel unhappy, and want out of your marriage, then divorce. Don't go and cheat.

He asked me how I like married life, I made a joke out of it and gently said it isn't always easy. He shared that his wife is not one to work, spend money left and right while he works 2 jobs, and occasionally drives a cab too. He is super nice. I felt an attraction, I really think he likes me. He tested me thanking me for the haircut, and said he enjoyed talking to me and he will be back in a few weeks for a trim. Does he sound interested. I am totally interested and willing, but don't want to seem like a slit. I have never cheated, I honestly never felt tempted to, not like I feel with Mike. He seems different. Thank you

 

Hmm, probably because they have 2 children and they decided he would work and she would stay at home with the kids. I doubt very much he has painted the proper picture of his home life. A wife who refuses to work and spends "his" money left right and center. Doubt it!

 

Hey, MM LIE. Fact.

 

bolded part.

 

THEN DON'T cheat. Don't become someone you won't like. You'll be LYING to your husband. Going against your vows. You could very well lose him, your in laws, then have to face your own parents, siblings, nieces/nephews, etc.. You'll lose your house and all that you've grown to accustom to. You want to throw away your marriage and your husband? Then go have this affair. If you feel a hot roll in the hay is worth risking, do it. Help this man break up his family unit. Be that person who you won't like and lose self respect along the way.

 

OR, you can wake up and go home, talk to your husband and go out on a date night with him. Remember why you married him and wanted to spend your life with him.

 

Your choice here.

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whatatangledweb

That is an awful lot of personal info to give a hairdresser during a short trim. I know people share with their hair dressers but it is normally one you go to all the time.

 

You don't know this man. He could and was most likely telling you bs just to see if you would fall for it. You did.

 

If you have never cheated and never been interested then do not start now. This guy is looking for a fling not a romance.

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ThAnks. I don't have kids. Mike has 2, he is really sweet, unlike other big mouth macho types that I have been cutting hair for, for over 20 years. He is so well spoken, I think we could start as friends.

 

NO. Do not 'befriend him'.

 

Go read some stories in the infidelity section. Read how betrayed spouses lives are turned upside down. How all the love, respect and trust is INSTANTLY gone as they find out the ONE person who was supposed to be the most trustworthy and have their backs, lets them down. How kids are hurt too, and how a marriage totally changes.

 

Don't go there. Really think what it is you want and if you feel something is missing , like maybe you need the extra attention to feel good about yourself, then seek counseling. Find a hobby that brings passion into your life. Do not open the door and have an affair. It'll ruin your life as well "Mike's" and your H/his W.

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ok now i feel like I am being judged. I asked for honesty, and I appriciate it. I didnt go into any details at all. My husband is an alcoholic, who does not work, who has 2 horrible sisters who have tormented me for being infertile. I have done nothing but stand up for him. And sometimes I feel nothing but pity for him. His family could kiss my behind, I took care of their dying mother for 3 years, supported him through times of sobriety and not. He is the thing that wouldnt go away. So maybe, i fell for this guys line of bs, but maybe it isnt bs. It was refreshing to meet someone who is attractive and well spoken,and not a jerk. I will leave it alone, and not persue him.

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ok now i feel like I am being judged. I asked for honesty, and I appriciate it. I didnt go into any details at all. My husband is an alcoholic, who does not work, who has 2 horrible sisters who have tormented me for being infertile. I have done nothing but stand up for him. And sometimes I feel nothing but pity for him. His family could kiss my behind, I took care of their dying mother for 3 years, supported him through times of sobriety and not. He is the thing that wouldnt go away. So maybe, i fell for this guys line of bs, but maybe it isnt bs. It was refreshing to meet someone who is attractive and well spoken,and not a jerk. I will leave it alone, and not persue him.

 

You came here for help, people are just trying to open your eyes. There are consequences to every decision you make. Sorry if my post was harsh, but I was just trying to open your eyes.

 

You don't have it easy at home with your husband but that isn't a justification to have an affair.

 

Though glad to read that you've chosen not to go down that road.

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ok now i feel like I am being judged. I asked for honesty, and I appriciate it. I didnt go into any details at all. My husband is an alcoholic, who does not work, who has 2 horrible sisters who have tormented me for being infertile. I have done nothing but stand up for him. And sometimes I feel nothing but pity for him. His family could kiss my behind, I took care of their dying mother for 3 years, supported him through times of sobriety and not. He is the thing that wouldnt go away. So maybe, i fell for this guys line of bs, but maybe it isnt bs. It was refreshing to meet someone who is attractive and well spoken,and not a jerk. I will leave it alone, and not persue him.

 

Its not judgement its "been there done that" on one side or the other for most of us posting.

 

He is married, you are married there maybe something wonderful between the two of you but not likely. Its most likely to just cause you pain from all ends. Pain for your husband and his wife because of the betrayal, pain for you once you fall for his BS and he doesn't leave his wife.

 

If your not happy in your marriage fix it or end it. Adding this guy isn't the anwser to anything.

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Its not judgement its "been there done that" on one side or the other for most of us posting.

 

He is married, you are married there maybe something wonderful between the two of you but not likely. Its most likely to just cause you pain from all ends. Pain for your husband and his wife because of the betrayal, pain for you once you fall for his BS and he doesn't leave his wife.

 

If your not happy in your marriage fix it or end it. Adding this guy isn't the anwser to anything.

I understand what you are saying. Thanks, I asked for honesty and got it. The girl in me was hoping to hear, go for it Rach he likes you. The attention felt nice. But ya'll are right, he is not available. He has alot on his plate with the kids. Thank you

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You came here for help, people are just trying to open your eyes. There are consequences to every decision you make. Sorry if my post was harsh, but I was just trying to open your eyes.

 

You don't have it easy at home with your husband but that isn't a justification to have an

 

Though glad to read that you've chosen not to go down that road.

No worries. I got what you are saying thank you

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No worries. I got what you are saying thank you

 

Hung around, there are many sections here that can help. Read our stories it will become clear as day not going down that road is best.

 

Welcome and good luck.

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You have cause for divorce but no cause for cheating. In your opening post you say you have no children and yet you're considering an affair with a married carpet salesman with children. You both seem miserable and yet you both would rather cheat than get divorced.

 

I feel bad for your situation, but shouldn't you free yourself from your marriage and find a man who can be 100% yours instead of a married man.

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Hung around, there are many sections here that can help. Read our stories it will become clear as day not going down that road is best.

 

Welcome and good luck.

 

Thank you. He really seems like he is on the fence about leaving his wife. I am staying out of it. I have not gone by the store, I would be lying if I said that I don't want to. But I won't. If he leaves, it has to be something that he does. I had such a good feeling about him. But I have been known to rescue strays. I will focus on me and my shop. My marriage is rocky, and I see how this could be risky. The hopeless romantic has me thinking of somehow things ending with them, and me with my husband and having this fabulous life. I will control myself

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I understand what you are saying. Thanks, I asked for honesty and got it. The girl in me was hoping to hear, go for it Rach he likes you. The attention felt nice. But ya'll are right, he is not available. He has alot on his plate with the kids. Thank you

 

Nobody here is going to encourage you to cheat on your husband and have an affair.

 

Obviously you were looking to not do this, otherwise you wouldn't have posted, you would have just gone and done it. ;):)

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ok now i feel like I am being judged. I asked for honesty, and I appriciate it. I didnt go into any details at all. My husband is an alcoholic, who does not work, who has 2 horrible sisters who have tormented me for being infertile. I have done nothing but stand up for him. And sometimes I feel nothing but pity for him. His family could kiss my behind, I took care of their dying mother for 3 years, supported him through times of sobriety and not. He is the thing that wouldnt go away. So maybe, i fell for this guys line of bs, but maybe it isnt bs. It was refreshing to meet someone who is attractive and well spoken,and not a jerk. I will leave it alone, and not persue him.

 

Yes those are grim circumstances and not the Disney Fairy Tale...

 

However, the vast majority of people on here have at some point been the other woman, are working their way out of being the other woman or are utterly miserable because they are the other woman. Please note none of those is in a happy fairy tale ending.

 

If you are unhappy and want to leave your husband and date others make sure you are single first with divorce proceedings in place and you have time to sort out your affairs and get yourself to a good place in your life.

 

If this guy wants to date you make sure he is single first. Divorce in place and has had time to get over his wife.

 

That way at least you have a chance. Any other way and you are 99.99% guaranteed to end up very hurt with low self esteem and break yourself. Don't.

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still_an_Angel

If you are not happy with your home life, you can try to fix the situation with your hubby. This guy appeals because you do not have a life with him, to be his OW is bound to be more heartache as he has his kids, wife, 2 jobs to prioritize before he can spend time with you. You can read a lot of OW stories here and see for yourself that this is not an easy path.

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An alcoholic husband with a mean family is no picnic. Nobody says you have to stay in a marriage that is that unhappy. Go ahead & get out. A divorce is far more honorable then cheating.

 

Of course the attention felt good. It's like a cold drink of water when you have been parched for soooooo long you forgot what it's like to not be thirsty.

 

However, you don't know that this other guy wasn't feeding you a line of BS.

 

You will make your life worse, not fix it, by having an affair.

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ok now i feel like I am being judged. I asked for honesty, and I appriciate it. I didnt go into any details at all. My husband is an alcoholic, who does not work, who has 2 horrible sisters who have tormented me for being infertile. I have done nothing but stand up for him. And sometimes I feel nothing but pity for him. His family could kiss my behind, I took care of their dying mother for 3 years, supported him through times of sobriety and not. He is the thing that wouldnt go away. So maybe, i fell for this guys line of bs, but maybe it isnt bs. It was refreshing to meet someone who is attractive and well spoken,and not a jerk. I will leave it alone, and not persue him.

 

 

 

You met someone who ignited something within you that you thought you no longer had. You are now interested in this man but since you are married, you are seeking advice on what to do. Here's my honesty, either divorce your husband so you can once again feel alive or go to mc to deal with the issues you have in your marriage.

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This guy is looking for the thrill of an affair and not another relationship.

 

You may feel flattered by his attention. Obviously, you are attractive and personable. This should give you some confidence knowing that if you do not feel like honoring your current vows and staying, you can leave and when ready find someone else. Being that your husband is an alcoholic, it is understandable why you would have the desire to leave.

 

This is all okay.

 

He enjoyed your company and will be back. You will enjoy his too. You both will push the flirting forward one step at a time because it feels good and you both "know" it will never go farther.

 

This is not okay.

 

Ask yourself this question. If you were single and this guy came on to you, how would you respond? If you were happily married and this guy came on to you, would you be as flattered and willing to pursue him?

 

Point is....he is flirting with you and you are responding to him simply because both of you are unhappy in your current relationships and NOT because you desire each other.

 

Right now you say Wow! with excitement. When the affair ends, then the wow will be more of an unbelievable and hurt wow.

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Glad I discovered this board. Please help and be honest. I have been married for 18 yrs, no kids. I went to my friends carpet store to look at some carpets for the living room. The sales person, nice man helped me, very quiet relaxed guy.

 

Whoa, whoa, whoa...this was your friend's carpet store and this employee hit on you (yes, at your shop)...maybe let your friend know that their employee is behaving this way toward female customers?

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neverdonethisbefore

Please, heed the advice of people on this forum. Don't even start. It only leads to heartache and pain. Run a mile from this man.

 

Divorce your husband if that's what you want but don't, whatever you do, get involved with a married man. I honestly wish I never had.

 

I really really do. I'm in a world of pain now because I decided to get involved with a married man.

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Redheaded Mistress

When entering into an affair, you have to honestly weigh out if the reward is greater than the risk, for both you and him. For you, maybe it is. For him, that's really something you can't gauge yet as you only really know him on a very superficial level at the moment.

 

Ask yourself if the worst day of your affair and what could come of it, his breaking up with you, a D-day that results in yours/his/both of your messy divorces, relapse from your husband, maybe even violence, is better than the best day of your marriage. Only you can answer that for yourself right now.

 

I think it's apparent that the temptation to have an affair is there and I'm sure there are reasons you think that the affair is preferable to a divorce, even if it's just that the satisfaction of an affair now is more immediate than the satisfaction of a prolonged divorce later. But if the affair is at all attractive because you suppose it means skipping the divorce part and can maintain the marriage as it is (which makes you unhappy) and the happiness of an affair, I'd strongly suggest still considering that, ultimately, the result may be divorces.

 

For some, the reward is greater than the risk and they can justify the affair. If you're at that place, tread lightly. You're still not sure of his intentions and you want to be as safe as possible before engaging him in something with so much risk. If his contact with you has been those two encounters and a promise of a return "in a few weeks," maybe he's not as into the proposition as you are or you think he is. If he is, you need to make sure you're entering into the affair fortified for not just the good, but also the potential bad. Be careful, be safe. Read stories here to see how affairs turned out for the better and how they turned out for the worse. It will give you a better idea of all the "coulds" that affairs bring with them.

 

If you think the risk is greater than the reward, then I'd encourage you to step back, discontinue contact, and let somebody else trim his hair. It's important to nip it in the bud if you're in any way unsure of what you want to do.

 

Ultimately, it's up to you. Either with initiating or ignoring this opportunity, be decisive, safe, and thoughtful. Impulse is attractive, but it's not your friend. Whatever you do is better done after a lot of thought and introspection as opposed to impulse, be it an affair, a disconnect, a divorce, whatever.

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