In search of guidance

[Ragdoll01]

Hi I hope this the right place for this

 

I previously posted back in May on seeking advice on a situation (quick recap: I started a new job, met a girl during the training, we hit it off, thought she liked me, however on transferring to a new store she started seeing someone else on our department, me and the girl hung out a couple of times before I found out she was now dating him, I was crushed and wanted to move on)

 

Since then I spent quite a few months distancing myself from her and generally getting on with my life, this upset her and a mutual friend of our encouraged us to meet up to talk. So one day we enjoyed spending the day together but I made it abundantly clear I could not just be friends with her and wanted to move on with my life, even considering taking an opportunity to work overseas. She was rather upset by this and said she needed me in her life, that when we met she was instantly attracted to me but felt I was out of her league and so dismissed the idea.

 

We continued texting one another that night, me arguing that I wanted to move on since we wanted different things from our relationship and her wanting to spend time with me regardless.

 

Slowly we began talking to one another and spending time together again, getting closer even though she was in a relationship. I began to back off and do my own thing because I thought I was falling back into chasing after her, after a few days of not contacting her, she got in contact because she thought I was ignoring her and wanted to sort things out.

 

We actually got closer after this and somewhere between trying to arrange a meet up to talk about things, we ended up getting more flirtatious with one another, we kept texting one another with things now going from playful teasing to outright sexual, I was turning her so on so much, she was masturbating to the dirty texts I began sending her.

 

She revealed she wanted to arrange a talk because she felt we were getting too close before and wanted us to go our separate ways but this wasn't what she wanted any more. Now she enjoyed being with me and though part of her keeps holding back because she's still with her boyfriend, she enjoys me flirting with her and us getting physical, putting our hands on one another but every time I went for a kiss, she held back, even though when I whispered sexual things to her she struggled to contain herself.

 

She told me initially she thought her desires for me were just lust but she did have feelings for me, we enjoy each others company very much even without the sexual advances and though we haven't kissed, let alone slept together, we have been intimately touching one another, hugging, her allowing me to kiss her neck and even muck around feeding one another popcorn in the cinema.

 

We seem to keep taking a step back before getting more and more close to one another.

 

I made it clear that I wanted to be her and that if she wanted that too she would have to leave her boyfriend but that was a decision only she could make, she's struggling to make a choice and wanted me to set a deadline for her to make the decision, something I refused because I didn't want to pressure her into a rash decision.

 

Part of me still wants to give her time to make up her mind if she wants to leave her boyfriend (also of note they have been together for 8 months now) or not and that I don't want to just be the Other Man, but part of me is also frustrated that she doesn't just leave him if she really does like me.

 

I feel that he obviously isn't enough for her if she is joining me in sexting each other in more and more explicit manner and that not only does she want to spend time with me but when we spend time together there is a lot of chemistry between us that we have to restrain ourselves from crossing a line into full blown cheating. I'm very much a different man then when we first met one another, not only physically in better shape but I'm a more confident person than I have been in years.

 

I have probably rambled a massive wall of text but I need advice on if I should continue to wait on her or if I'm just wasting my time like before?

[gettingstronger]

She started seeing someone else AFTER she met you, yet she was instantly attracted to you? Move on... she is bad news for sure-

[DKT3]

She has a boyfriend, and you chasing her, stroking her ego, and giving her all the attention she desires. Its great for her. The thing is, had she wanted a relationship with you then this other guy wouldn't be in the picture, being that she started with him instead of you.

[CarrieT]

I'm just wasting my time like before?

Yep - you are wasting your time. She is playing you...

[Poppy47]

She's messing around with you. Just walk away from her.

Poppy

[Nattie]

This girl is going to keep you on a back burner and toy with you as long as you allow it. You are an option and a readily available ego boost. If you're able to pull yourself away and move on, I think it would save you a lot of grief in the long run.

[neverdonethisbefore]

Take my advice, get out before you get in too deep. Run in the other direction as fast as you can.

[trailrunner1975]

Been here before and found out the hard way. It's just your turn with her and nothing more. You are an option to her and this will not end well

[Ragdoll01]

Hi, first of all let me say thank you for taking the time to reply

 

Obviously there is a lot of consensus here that I should drop her and run, however if anyone could elaborate further on what exactly she gains from risking her current relationship to mess me around if there's no genuine interest on her part?

 

Quite frankly I would rather be 100% sure that there is no point to pursuing this further than walk away and find I shot myself in the foot

[Nathaniel Hawk]

Don't worry about her feelings because she doesn't about yours.

 

Please, run. Life is too short to wait for someone.

[jellybean89]

She enjoys the illicit secretive of flirting with you. You stroke her ego. If she wanted to be with you, she would be. She will keep you hanging on forever, if you allow it. Her boyfriend is benefitting from all the sexting and dirty talk...you are winding her up and she gets her relief from him.

 

But, you will probably keep talking to her, keep chasing her and keep sexting her because you don't believe us that she is using you. You are way more into her than she is into you. She is untrustworthy and disrespectful to you and her boyfriend. Sooner or later, the boyfriend will find out. When he dumps her, that is when she will choose you.