mandy17 Posted September 5, 2014 Share Posted September 5, 2014 i started a new job and really really loved it. a few months into it my boss was starting to like me. He would say things that were crossing the line, left me notes etc. At first i didn't respond to it but the more I got to know him I really became such good friends with him and started an emotional affair. We never had sex but we did meet up after work and kiss and text all night. I would keep on telling him that I like my job more than him and I didn't want to ever lose my job. Anyway, one weekend he for some reason felt he needed to tell his wife that he was falling in love with me. When he said this to me I was so shocked and said well there goes my job. He insisted that that wasn't the case. A week later he sees me at work and says to me that we need to set up an exit strategy because his wife won't come in as long as I'm there. (rightly so) I'm just reeling right now because even though I did fall for him I'm devastated about not working there anymore. It was the best job I ever had. I'm just sick that it's over like that because he is the boss and I feel so helpless and hopeless. I realize it was wrong and I feel really bad about it all. I'm just sitting here sad and confused. And needed to vent. (sorry about being grammatically incorrect..don't have the energy to type proper right now.) Link to post Share on other sites
evanescentworld Posted September 5, 2014 Share Posted September 5, 2014 Start looking for other positions. Tell him you expect a glowing reference, and that you would appreciate help in securing a lucrative post elsewhere. Once you get THAT job - cut off all contact with this man, never speak to him, see him or refer to him again, and never ever mess with the boss, ever again. EVER. Link to post Share on other sites
Author mandy17 Posted September 5, 2014 Author Share Posted September 5, 2014 thanks for the input. He did call another job in town and gave me a glowing review. I told him to pay me for 2 months, also. I did receive a phone call about the new job today and they offered it to me which I'm really excited about. The thing that upsets me the most is he comes out looking like the good guy and all my co workers are still confused why I left so quickly. I had to let my manager know what was going on (just that I felt uncomfortable with his behavior.. I didn't go in detail protecting him..ugh) but anyway I know she doesn't believe me. It feels like I was dismissed and quickly gone and he is just wiping his hands clean of it all. And the thing is...he really really liked me and i have all the texts to prove it. It's sickening. Link to post Share on other sites
evanescentworld Posted September 5, 2014 Share Posted September 5, 2014 You have two choices: You can either let this eat you up, somehow send her the texts and then devise a damage-limitation strategy to protect yourself from the seismic emotional fall-out - OR - you can suck it up, put it down to experience, and leave the past behind. Cut off all contact, don't speak to him, of him or with him, ever again. The colleagues wondering, will soon be ex-colleagues. Move on. Let it be. Don't let it eat you up. It's not even as if you had a long, convoluted, wild, romantic, intimate, torrid, risky, passionate affair. It was just a foolish interlude. Focus on your new job, look forward to new beginnings and make the best use of your time, you can. In a year, this won't even be a significant memory. Link to post Share on other sites
BeholdtheMan Posted September 5, 2014 Share Posted September 5, 2014 ... Dear mandy, If you jump into a swimming pool, you will get wet 9 Link to post Share on other sites
Toodaloo Posted September 5, 2014 Share Posted September 5, 2014 What an inconsiderate ass... Enjoy your new job. Leave this behind and chalk it up to experience. So sorry you had this happen. Being wooed by and idiot is not fun even less so when its your boss... Link to post Share on other sites
Thruster Posted September 5, 2014 Share Posted September 5, 2014 Mandy: It happens good news is you have a new job to look forward to and (lesson learned) good luck girl Link to post Share on other sites
amaysngrace Posted September 5, 2014 Share Posted September 5, 2014 Don't worry about what people think of him. He's the one who signs their paychecks so workers there are going to take his side no matter what. It's not your fault that you're so lovable. Let it go and just focus on your new job. And take a really long hot shower to get the bad chi off. You'll be fine. Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted September 5, 2014 Share Posted September 5, 2014 The thing that upsets me the most is he comes out looking like the good guy and all my co workers are still confused why I left so quickly. I had to let my manager know what was going on (just that I felt uncomfortable with his behavior.. I didn't go in detail protecting him..ugh) but anyway I know she doesn't believe me. It feels like I was dismissed and quickly gone and he is just wiping his hands clean of it all. And the thing is...he really really liked me and i have all the texts to prove it. It's sickening. You played the game too Mandy so I don't think it's fair to put all of the blame on your boss. You knew what you were getting into. Anyway, I hope you learned a lesson and all the best with your new job. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
2sunny Posted September 5, 2014 Share Posted September 5, 2014 You've learned a life lesson...don't get involved with men at work-especially married men. And take responsibility for your actions. You participated too. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author mandy17 Posted September 5, 2014 Author Share Posted September 5, 2014 I totally take responsibility. I just regret that I caved to his ways. All I was trying to convey is him being the boss and gets by with no dirt on his hands. I guess I'm just mourning my job. And then alsoas I left he said to me not to wait per say but he said he wanted to end well just in case out paths crossed either professionally or personally. Link to post Share on other sites
IfWishesWereHorses Posted September 5, 2014 Share Posted September 5, 2014 Seriously???? I'm surprised at the advice! Is there an HR department? If so go talk to them. Why do you lose your job? He knows better in a position of power not to cross the line with subordinates. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Pinklotus Posted September 5, 2014 Share Posted September 5, 2014 Seriously???? I'm surprised at the advice! Is there an HR department? If so go talk to them. Why do you lose your job? He knows better in a position of power not to cross the line with subordinates. I totally agree with this. Granted, you may be better off leaving, but you should not be forced to leave. You have rights as an employee. He was the boss, and he knows he should not be messing with subordinates. You could prob file for harassment and win. Link to post Share on other sites
loveboid Posted September 5, 2014 Share Posted September 5, 2014 Why do bosses do this? Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted September 5, 2014 Share Posted September 5, 2014 Why do employees get involved with married men? 3 Link to post Share on other sites
loveboid Posted September 5, 2014 Share Posted September 5, 2014 Attention? Is that why bosses do it? Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted September 5, 2014 Share Posted September 5, 2014 Bosses do it to get some on the side. Employees usually end up giving it up and then losing their job. Link to post Share on other sites
herself Posted September 5, 2014 Share Posted September 5, 2014 If hr knew he would be GONE. HE should be the one resigning. Unreal, guarantee he told his wife he fired you. Link to post Share on other sites
Poppy47 Posted September 5, 2014 Share Posted September 5, 2014 I am sure Mandy wouldn't want to work near him any longer. Best to cut all ties and move onto another job... no matter how much it hurts. Mandy knows she was responsible too. Poppy Link to post Share on other sites
bathtub-row Posted September 5, 2014 Share Posted September 5, 2014 Your boss absolutely crossed a line and he could be fired over this. It actually sounds to me like he's the owner of the company. If he is, that doesn't absolve him from anything. He could be sued for his actions. What he did was an abuse of power, and persuading you to leave was his worst move yet. Since you have found a job, I'd walk away and never look back. But keep copies of those texts and whatever other form of correspondence you have from him, just in case something comes up. I honestly doubt that he actually told his wife anything but if he did, then I don't understand what happened in between the "I'm fallen in love with someone else" and shoving you out the door. I guess we can assume that either she told him to get rid of you or else, or he has some brilliant strategy of getting you out of the office and then continuing the affair with you. Please don't be flattered by this and please don't let it happen. Once you leave the company, do not respond to any other form of contact from him again. And, be prepared, he WILL contact you again. I was involved with the owner of the company I'm with for years and it has been a huge challenge staying there. I've tried finding another job but have had no success. I now have an exit strategy and I'll be happy when I can finally walk away. It's not because I don't like or love xMM, it's just a situation that I need to get away from. But, xMM has protected me every step of the way and has made it clear that he doesn't want me to leave his company. Even when someone very significant in his life found out about us, he told that person not to blame me, that it was all his fault. If he had acted any other way, it would've cut me to the core, and I would've never spoken to him again. What your xMM did to you was mean and I hope you'll never find a reason to excuse it. Link to post Share on other sites
bestplayer Posted September 7, 2014 Share Posted September 7, 2014 Excuse me for sounding like a dumb but why the hell did YOU leave YOUR job if HE was busted by HIS wife ? What bothers me isn't that you left its the way you were made to leave by this immoral boss as if he is the owner of the company and there isn't anything like HR that exists. Isn't there any manager that is above him ? If you loved your job you should never leave . Your boss may as well go to hell if his wife wants him to leave his job . His wife his problem. No sympathy for him. Bed made now lie. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted September 7, 2014 Share Posted September 7, 2014 Seriously???? I'm surprised at the advice! Is there an HR department? If so go talk to them. Why do you lose your job? He knows better in a position of power not to cross the line with subordinates. They both deserve to lose their job. He is a boss, in a position of power. She knew this, and also knew he was married from the beginning. Neither are victims here. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
siochana Posted September 7, 2014 Share Posted September 7, 2014 They both deserve to lose their job. He is a boss, in a position of power. She knew this, and also knew he was married from the beginning. Neither are victims here. You wont find a HR department in the developed world that can prohibit romantic relations between staff. Frown upon, discourage, yes. But if two people who work together want to screw in their own time that is their business. As for not getting involved with anyone through work? If people followed that rule half the marriages in the world would not have happened. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted September 7, 2014 Share Posted September 7, 2014 I'm not talking about co workers dating, I'm talking about management, bosses, supervisors etc. Many companies have a strict policy when it comes to employers dating employees - Hence break ups and the aftermath. Link to post Share on other sites
bubbaganoosh Posted September 7, 2014 Share Posted September 7, 2014 Sorry but I have no pity for you. You knew he was married and you let it continue. Not a real smart thing to do but you did it anyhow. Link to post Share on other sites
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