Jump to content

Deep Connection


Recommended Posts

So let me get straight to it. I am a 29 year old woman who has now been in a 5 year relationship with a man i am planning on spending the rest of my life with. Anyways, i recently went on a random trip with a family friend to help out with her children and relax. Like i said it was a random trip, something i wasn't expecting it just popped up i packed and went.

 

There were a few of us there, some i knew and some i just met. A married couple, about 12 years older than me, were there with their son. I knew the wife and their son, who is also special needs, but the husband i met for the first time. Right away there was a connection between me and him. Something i have a hard time explaining. I felt energy pulling us together, i tried to brush it off and not think anything of it. It was more than physical attraction.. i felt weird... just wow amazing.

 

I noticed he wouldn't look me in the eye and was very shy with me, again i tried to block this thinking somewhere far in my brain but i just couldn't. I felt the need to be close to him, like sitting next time him, walking past him or really anything. Nothing happened between us it was as if we both felt what we felt but tried to keep a certain distance. I later realized how much we have in common when we got to talk. I even noticed i would think something and he would say it because he was thinking the same. It was crazy or maybe just a coincidence. I had a hard time sleeping in my hotel room because i would be thinking of him. I tried to avoid him and focus on helping my friend out with her children. It helped a little.

 

Now his wife and him completely don't get along. She extremely overweight, smokes a lot of weed and argues with him 24/7. He told me one night that he is only with her because of their son, i just shook my head and did not say a word because it's not my place. They have been together for 20 years.

 

I am so lost, i have been texting with him everyday since we got back from that vacation. The things he has told me are exactly the same things i feel. He told me how he felt on our trip and i couldn't believe it. We have not attempted to meet up or anything we just chat. I can't sleep, eat or stop thinking about him. I feel sick to my stomach and I'm upset about this whole situation! He told me he can't sleep and doesn't know what to do because he's never felt this way before. We are on the same page but what the heck am i going to do?! Break up a marriage? Break up with my boyfriend and end up having an affair? Just have an affair? I don't want to do any of those things. I feel horrible.

 

I am so lost and confused. I am in love, i feel like this is someone i am meant to be with. The situation is messed up maybe i really need to stop right where i am with this man before people get hurt. It's going to be awkward seeing him at family events but what can i do? I am not a bad person i just feel such a deep connection to this man as if he's my soulmate and i am completely broken. He feels exactly the same and i can feel this, i am very intuitive and i doubt he wants to just have a fling or just jump into bed with me. But of course i could be wrong.

 

Any advice on what i should do? Has any one else been in this type of situation? Thanks!

Edited by thumbolina
Link to post
Share on other sites

Read through the infidelity threads and realize that you are not the first person to have this experience and that IT NEVER LASTS.

 

Peruse the pages and pages of threads about marriages ending over these "I'm meant to be with" relationships which come out of infidelity. Analyze the posts from people who state emphatically, "this has never happened before" and "it was more than just physical."

 

Decide what you really want - the man you have spent five years? If so, block this guy's number and never text him again. If you don't think you can spend the rest of your life with the man you thought you were going to be with forever, end that relationship immediately.

  • Like 5
Link to post
Share on other sites
Lovemesomehim

Really? You are in love? How can you be in love with someone you just met?

 

This is a married man. Am I correct? How could you help him disrespect his marriage? Regardless to the issues he claims to have with his wife, or how you may feel about her being over-weight and smoking weed, he is a married man and should be off limits to you. If he was that unhappy in his life, meeting you would not be his eye opener.

  • Like 3
Link to post
Share on other sites

You meet a guy you were physically attracted to and simply filled in the blanks to make yourself feel less crappy about want to bang a married man. Just as you have tricked yourself into thinking you "IN LOVE" you can convince yourself that your not.

 

Physical attraction happens, its normal, what's not normal is finding excuses to find a deeper connection when your both in relationships.

 

Honestly this sounds like every other affair, the guy is perfect his wife is a bit*h who treats him poorly but you get him...yeah right.

  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites

You don't have to be a slave to your emotions. Attraction is normal, but it's not an excuse to betray the man you have been with for five years.

 

Sexual attraction is just chemicals and hormones designed to further the species. Chemistry isn't some once in a lifetime connection, its really just our bodies doing what they are programmed to do. But due to our intellectual capability, we can rise above that. We can choose whether to feed that attraction, or to starve it. By allowing your mind to go there, by sharing your feelings, by communicating with him, you are intentionally choosing to fuel that attraction. You keep feeding it, watering it, nurturing this attraction with your thoughts-so naturally it is going to get bigger, stronger and keep growing.

 

Yes, you feel drawn to him and want to be near him. This does not mean you have to act on those feelings. Instead of honoring your relationship and being true to who you are as a person (assuming you are not a liar or a cheater), you are choosing to explore the attraction. You are using the intensity of the feelings as an excuse, telling yourself "this must mean something", "it just happened", it's an amazing connection, etc.

 

If you don't want to be with your boyfriend, break up. Don't sneak around behind his back. He deserves your honesty and respect. Really consider what you're giving up , though. If you did have a real relationship with MM, these feelings are probably not sustainable over the long term. Is MM really a good guy, if you look at his character, and not judge him by the way he makes you feel? If it wasn't for the chemistry, would this guy be worth losing a five year relationship?

  • Like 4
Link to post
Share on other sites
Thanks everyone for their replies from what i got it was enough. I know what to do now. Cheers.

 

What are you going to do?

Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Author

Big eye opener for me and I'm glad i wrote on this thread. I have never been a cheater and i can't imagine going further with the MM and how ****ty i'd feel if i ever did. I told him i need to be with someone i can grow with and he clearly needs to change something in his life if he's that unhappy or try to work it out with his wife. He understood with no questions and said "You're right we got to stop because i already feel hurt" and i said "Exactly." I feel ****ty and relieved at the same time. Ill take that as a good sign. I will never put myself in this situation again. As for my 5 year current relationship it's time to work on it and work on my myself.

Link to post
Share on other sites

You had a crush on somebody... it happens.

If he is telling you he feels hurt he could be trying to hook you back in.

 

I hope you have cut off all contact with him and are thinking about your partner.

Poppy

  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites
He's deleted, blocked and I'm moving on!

 

What are you going to do to prevent this from happening again? Fact is, you did have an affair, and it will have an impact on your relationship if you confess or not.

 

Something, somewhere within said it was ok to get involved, if you don't figure that out this will likely repeat in the future only it will be a little easier because you've already pushed your boundaries pass what they were before.

 

You've made the correct first step, but it doesn't end there. I'm not suggesting you tell your BF, in fact, if nothing physical happened maybe you shouldn't. Yet there are some behavior modifacation needed.

 

Good Luck, and stay strong when OM contacts you because he will try.

  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites

Wish you all the best it was a brave step you took. Many of us here were not strong enough to cut it off and thats why you got harsh advice because folks would want to spare you all the pain. It was likely the flattery and a bit of the forbidden that is such a draw but honestly these ap arent gods...they are just people who are willing to give us alot of attention but at the highest price ever. Self esteem suffers, shame, guilt, the list goes on.

Wishing you all the best.

Link to post
Share on other sites

As a newly betrayed loving and commited husband.

I plead with you to not to take this any further than it already went.

Only pain and suffering will come of it. Have respect for your partner and yourself.

IT IS NOT WORTH THE PAIN THIS CAUSES.

Link to post
Share on other sites
×
×
  • Create New...