Desperation14 Posted September 2, 2014 Share Posted September 2, 2014 (edited) Our story is a little unorthodox so please don't judge. We met a yesr and 8 months ago at work, and it wasn't a love at first sight, but as soon as we started interacting with each other the attraction was clearly there. I spend more and more time getting ready in the morning and he would have a crazy stuoid smile on his face when i walk in and by him. We always looked for reasons to talk to each other, and we worked really late hours, so we would spend a lot of time together at wotk and it was clear we were hooked. One day we stayed alone in the office and he walked me to may car, tried to kiss me 3 times and i pushed him off. We were both married. I got into my car all flastered, wanting him to just slam me against athe car and kiss me, but my mind said no. Soon after we actually kissed and that was it. We were in an intense oassionate relationship, couldn't keep hands off each other, constantly talking and gigling... it ws just dreamy.... he was falling for me faster and harder than i was, but not to mistake my feeligns, I was falling for him too. The sex was AMAZING, Earth shattering, yet we could make love so gently and passionatly.... We were two fools in love. As the time went, he was getting impatioent and started urging me to leave my husbnad, and i just couldn't, I loved him more than anything, but I've been with my wonderful husband for 10 years, and he's just an amazing man, only i had no romantic or sexual feeling for him... Anyway, my lover, my love, asked for a divorce andgot it, and yet i was still with my husbnd. This was a year into our relationship, and we were constantly fighting, arguing, he was pleading, begging, suggesting things..and i wanted it all so badly but this was stronger than me, hurting my current family, losing all i got....but i owuldn't let him go... i just couldn't. We finally came to an agreement to do it this summer, and the summer came and more complications on my side and he was done..furious, hurt, disapointed.... And we faught more than ever and just needed to step away from each other for a little while... This was at he begining of Augyust. the previous weekend we spent a wonderful weekend together and the next we were taking a break. We talked a little bit, he still told me he loved me, he missed me, that he'll help in anyway i need, just to do it already. In the course of this month, i've come to some piece and conclusions, told my mom what was going on and was going to leave home this Labor day weeked. I wanted to surprise him. On Thursday before the weekend, I found out he had found someone...My crazy stalker radar kicjed in and i found out all about her, when they met and went out and he filled in some blacks. I realized that the night i came over to his house desperately needing him, and he needed me i thiught, he took me in his arms, held and loved me as always, said repeatedly i was love of his life and that he is so in love with me as he always did, I "serviced" him and then he went out to "a poker game with some buddies". My investigation proved that he went out with her, suposedly for the first time. And i was broken, devastated, crushed. I cannot accept the fact that he would do that to us, after all the "love, pleading, begging, promises of marriage,kids, loving me forever...And the worst part is, they spend a whole weekend at the local resort, stalker i know... I have been bed boud this whole weekend, not eaating and loading my self with sleeping pills just to forget the pain for a moment, but nothing is helping... I love him so much and i know he loves me, I just can't understand and accept, forgive, that he went and found her intentionaly while we were trying to end this frustration in our relationship.. He got tired and claims told me he was moving on.... I am desperate and i can't function, I love him and i am hurting like a wounded animal. Please help me, please give me some hope, some direction, something to get him back! Edited September 3, 2014 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Paragraphs and moved to OM/OW Link to post Share on other sites
No Limit Posted September 2, 2014 Share Posted September 2, 2014 You fell for a player who wanted sex. Don't put yourself on a pedestal, this isn't love, you're one of many women in those 8 years. You were just his main one. Oh, and divorce your husband. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
mightycpa Posted September 2, 2014 Share Posted September 2, 2014 Hi, No judgment, but I'm curious where your head is at...is there any sympathy for the two former spouses, and any kids (if there are any), or is your distress all about you? 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Smarty Pants Posted September 2, 2014 Share Posted September 2, 2014 Wow. I feel bad for your husband. Link to post Share on other sites
Zahara Posted September 3, 2014 Share Posted September 3, 2014 I feel sorry for your husband. Being the wonderful man that he is, it's unfortunate that's he's stuck in a situation whereby he's being utilized as a place of comfort and benefit for you. You don't love your husband. Love and cheating cannot co-exist. Leave your husband. Stop using him. As for the OM, let him go. It is most likely now that he's divorced, he's loving his freedom. I don't believe you or OM understand the concept of love, let alone him loving you in the healthy sense. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
lauri Posted September 3, 2014 Share Posted September 3, 2014 (edited) WOW. Okay, so let me get this straight. You "love your husband" but you were interested in another man, trying to seduce him and get him interested in you? You make me sick for even saying you love him. Lust is completely different then love. Your spark with that new guy would have burnt out just as fast as it started. You just feel hurt because you got burned...kind of like how you were going to burn your husband for a new man. Leave him and let him find a woman who is loyal. Edited September 3, 2014 by lauri Link to post Share on other sites
Lingo1 Posted September 3, 2014 Share Posted September 3, 2014 This is a first u love ur husband but then u wanted someone else ....Thats a no no leave that alone he seems happy without u tell u truth let him be free and happy with whoever the new girl is Link to post Share on other sites
MissBee Posted September 3, 2014 Share Posted September 3, 2014 (edited) I think you're being a bit unreasonable here OP. You were in the affair and he got a divorce and you did not. He begged, pleased, was frustrated and even suggested he'd help you...nothing. Come summer it was supposed to happen again where you left and could be together and you had complications, in other words, still weren't leaving, so he was frustrated and done and decided to date someone who was available. Think about it...he didn't do anything to hurt you or the relationship. Your inability to leave is what led to it. It's one thing when both are married and never leaving but as most OW/OM can attest, it is very emotionally draining and difficult to wait for someone or be in limbo while they don't seem to be doing anything. It feels awful. Did you want him to wait forever? You can't expect that when you talk to your mom and decide you're ready he should intuitively know it or be sitting around waiting. It doesn't work like that. If you're leaving your husband because you're done, do it. Don't leave for this guy as there is no telling how long your relationship will last, so make sure it's not just about thinking the grass is greener.Chances are he does not love this new woman yet and if you actually left and divorced he'd come around, but at the moment he's just sick of waiting while you stay put. Edited September 3, 2014 by MissBee 2 Link to post Share on other sites
DKT3 Posted September 3, 2014 Share Posted September 3, 2014 I recall a thread a few weeks ago when a couple fOW asked where all the good men where. They are married to women like this. Why are you with your husband if your so in love with this guy? I think your blinders are about to fall off and your going to find that this guy has many women. I betting if you talked to this other woman you will find there is much more to their realtionship. As to what you should do. Let your husband go, if your not there to be his wife in every sense and you still care for him set him free to find a woman that will. Then you will be free to battle it out with the other women for your "lover your love" and when it doesn't work out, do go trying to run home. Just leave your husband alone. Link to post Share on other sites
ThatsJustHowIRoll Posted September 3, 2014 Share Posted September 3, 2014 Wow, the fog is thick I love him so much and i know he loves me, I just can't understand and accept, forgive, that he went and found her intentionaly while we were trying to end this frustration in our relationship.. /QUOTE] This "ffrustration" is actually your marriage, not some slight annoyance. Its your husband, your vows, your promise. To speak of that so flippantly speaks volumes to the weight of your word....aand your OM knows this. Its simple, if you wanted to be with him you would have. Life is not a flipping Mills & Boon novel. Pick yourself up out of your little pity party for one and get some couselling to uncover and addressthe series of decisions you made which left you in the spot you are now. This hole is of your own making. Put on your big girl panties and dig your own way out. And for gods sake divorce your husband. He deserves a true and authentic relationship with someone who will love him. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
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