OW Who Became Pregnant During the A??

[GypsyHeart83]

As the OW.. the fear of becoming pregnant during the A is something that you have to be twice as conscious about. My question is, have any OW become pregnant during an A by your MM?? Did it happen while you were still in the A, or did you find out after you decided to end it?? And if it was after you ended it.. did you tell your AP the truth??

[ja123]

I knew someone in this position.

 

 

She told the AP, but he didn't want anything to do with it.

 

 

They split. She raises the child alone.

[myname]

I had MM's baby.

 

He knows and is somewhat involved, but i am really doing this alone and he is staying married and his wife does not know.

[Meretchen]

I became pregnant during the A and told the exMM.

 

I had a miscarriage very early on in the pregnancy, during the first trimester.

[lilmisscantbewrong]

I was pregnant and lost the baby shortly after DDay - at that point xmm couldn't care less about anything I was going though emotionally - he threw me under the bus and I went through it alone

[CarrieT]

My best friend got pregnant during her affair.

 

She was 38 years old when she found out she was pregnant. The MM kept promising he would tell his wife and leave her. He never did.

 

On the day my friend started to give birth is when the MM finally told his wife that there was another woman giving birth to his child and he had to go to the hospital.

 

That was 10 years ago. Because of finances, my friend foolishly never sued for any type of assistance. She never even put his name on the birth certificate as she raises her child as a single parent.

 

The father sees his child two- to three-times a year; a week during the summer, and usually during long weekends in the spring and fall (her birthday).

 

Thankfully for the MM's wife, the child has been acknowledged and put on their family insurance, otherwise the child might not have medical care.

[gettingstronger]

I teach, I know of several children that were born of affairs and none have the fathers in their lives. We only know this because the child has academic, social or financial issues. There may be more that we don't know about.

[imperfectangel]

Yes but I miscarried. I never told him.

[Popsicle]

I teach, I know of several children that were born of affairs and none have the fathers in their lives. We only know this because the child has academic, social or financial issues. There may be more that we don't know about.

 

You don't know that. Some of those kids where you see the mom and the dad who are not together anymore, but both on the forms, may be the product of an affair. Or maybe some of the single parents had an A and don't want to blast their business. You have no idea and not everyone will disclose.

[ThatsJustHowIRoll]

My mother got pregnant during an affair as a MOW.

Unknown whether my sister is my fathers or OMs...35 years later.

 

My father has accepted her as his own regardless.

 

My sister doesnt know the truth. My mother, who has NPD, has treated her as 'special' her whole life.

[gettingstronger]

Popsicle , sadly we do know that from either the mother or the child or both. You have no idea how much we learn from parents of a struggling child. In my mind how a child was conceived is not the issue, the jerk fathers in these cases are!

[solostand]

30 years ago, when I was 17, I dated a boy for awhile who we will call A. Then I started dating another man who we will call G.

 

But I felt I was in love with A, he had broken up with me, and we started an affair where I was cheating on my boyfriend G.

 

I could not break up with G, I was so young and I could not bring myself to hurt his feelings. I thought I could fall in love with him.

 

Meanwhile A and I were having a very deep affair. So finally I got up the nerve and broke up with G. A and I starting dating. One night when A was in my bed, G came to my door drunk and crying, and A left by the fire escape, good times.

 

Anyway, the break up lasted about three weeks until I caved to G's pleas. Shortly after I found out I was pregnant. G wanted to get married immediatly, my family kind of pushed me into it as well (we were catholic) so I get married six months pregnant. A is at the wedding, he gets drunk and makes a little scene, then asks me if I would have married him if he had asked (I would have)

 

Anyway, baby gets born, I think he looks like my husband and just don't even consider A as the father.

 

Of course I continued the affair, it started up again when the baby was a month old and lasted eight more years. My marriage lasted three.

 

I never ONCE considered my son was my affair partner's until he was about 15. Then he turned into a carbon copy of my affair partner, and even showed his mannerisms. It was plenty obvious to all who knew us and people started mentioning it. Many people in our neighbourhood knew about my affair with A and even teased him the night my son was born.

 

Then I ran into my affair partner and we were at our old high school, looking at our grad pictures and I said my son looked like him. He said "I always wondered." He agreed to get a DNA test, so we did. 99.99 per cent his.

 

I told my son, and I told my son's father who absolutely ADORED our son. To his credit, my ex-husband changed nothing, even kept paying child support, and if anything, it made my son closer and more protective of his Dad.

 

He has met his biological father several times, he has four half-siblings who he has only met once. His father, my ex-husband, passed away several years ago at the age of 47, so this opens the door to my son trying to establish a relationship with his biological father. He isn't quite sure how to do it though, he wants a relationship however and just by the similarities in personality and looks I think they should.

 

Sorry for the long drama. I was a kid.

Edited August 27, 2014 by solostand

[Lernaean_Hydra]

My ex- stepfather impregnated two of his OW, including one who was an ex gf of his who'd been pregnant by him and had an abortion once before; because of this she decided to keep it. The OOW who got pregnant (both women conceived within weeks of each other disturbingly enough) was unaware of all my stepfather's proclivities, nor that he already had an heir, a spare and another over there and thought she was birthing his first born son.

 

Both women gave birth within days of each other and my SD denied their very existence for months. It got so bad that once my mother found out it was she who pressed him to do something for them. Child support was never levied against him, he gave one (the ex-gf) some money here and there for a while but she's gone on to move back in with her mother. The OOW - last I knew - was on welfare.

 

Both are pretty much doing it "on their own" or at least with very limited involvement on his part. His other children from his first marriage don't even know they have two little brothers running around the same county. He does not acknowledge them publicly.

[SoleMate]

We've had quite a few cases on Loveshack of OW who became pregnant by MM during the A. The suffering the OW and innocent child go through in almost every case would be my Exhibit #1 in the case against affairs. The usual result for those who carry to term (or even show signs of wanting to) is OW goes under the bus and any eventual child follows her there. I applaud and support every exOW who climbs out of that mess with her head held as high as possible, but the lifelong consequences for the child are heartbreaking.

 

Sure, maybe 0.04% of the time, it works out well.

[Hope Shimmers]

My daughter by ex-MM was born prematurely (22 weeks) 4 years ago but she died a few hours after birth. It was after we broke up and the last time we were together. He wasn't with me in any way then.

 

She was my 4th child - the other 3 with my now ex-husband were premature, but I was in my 40's with my last daughter and she was much more premature. I would give anything to have her here now. Not because she is ex-MM's child, but because she is mine. I think about her every day.

[BurnedAndLost]

My daughter by ex-MM was born prematurely (22 weeks) 4 years ago but she died a few hours after birth. It was after we broke up and the last time we were together. He wasn't with me in any way then.

 

She was my 4th child - the other 3 with my now ex-husband were premature, but I was in my 40's with my last daughter and she was much more premature. I would give anything to have her here now. Not because she is ex-MM's child, but because she is mine. I think about her every day.

I am so so sorry. *hugs*

[Back2WhatUKnow]

I am a result of an A baby. My mother never told the whole picture until I told her I was in one. It was sickening really because he was a serial affairist it sounded like she told me I was 1 of 6. Which I always thought was because they broke up. But no it was 3 different women. She was one that wished for me and it happened. Then he bailed when I was 3 months. Child support payments was all I never known of him. I tried writing letters when I was younger but he never replied. He would type my mom random letters to ask of me but it was sporadic. The letters stopped when child support stopped. I have no inclination to find him. I am the forgotten child so to speak. It scared me knowing I fell in the same path kind of...weirdly my sister has too but got out..my mom found new single love of course. I am scared to death of it happening knowing my own story but I finally put a stop to it. Learning from that was hard but I grew up kinda ok haha.

[Popsicle]

Popsicle , sadly we do know that from either the mother or the child or both. You have no idea how much we learn from parents of a struggling child. In my mind how a child was conceived is not the issue, the jerk fathers in these cases are!

 

My point was that not all kids from this scenario struggle, so you would not know every case.

 

I know two children in my family who came from affairs (and the teachers never knew) and neither of them struggled in school. In fact, one excelled to a higher academic level than most people.

Edited August 29, 2014 by Popsicle

[Hope Shimmers]

My point was that not all kids from this scenario struggle, so you would not know every case.

 

I have to agree with this. It's a case of population bias in that the only ones who come into awareness of others are those in need (and in whom someone determines they are an "affair child" for this point). But no one has determined the proporton of "affair children" who are NOT in need and that is the only comparison that means anything. Those NOT in need are - by definition - not in need, so you aren't aware of them - or their status of being in an affair or not - so there is no comparative to use and therefore nothing can be said about it either way.

[Hope Shimmers]

I am so so sorry. *hugs*

 

Thank you.

[ascendotum]

One of the women I used to be friends with got pregnant while having an affair. She told another friend how she wanted a baby by the age she was. She was 33 when this happened, and went ahead with the baby and used it to put pressure on him to leave his family (maybe not an oops baby). The pressure didn't work so she dropped in at his place to tell the wife and show her belly. That caused a shyte storm no doubt but they did not split. I don't think she got any $ support, but she may have and kept quiet about it, as she was bitter.

[sweet_pea]

My point was that not all kids from this scenario struggle, so you would not know every case.

 

I know two children in my family who came from affairs (and the teachers never knew) and neither of them struggled in school. In fact, one excelled to a higher academic level than most people.

 

Where did she say that all kids from this scenario struggle? All she said was that several children from the class(es) that she teaches who do fall under this scenario have struggled and she knows they fall under this scenario because they/their mother disclosed the information. Never did she say that ALL kids suffer or that she knows of every case.

 

Obviously not everything is ever going to be 100% one way or the other.

[MayP]

Thank you.

 

I have been reading your comments and it doesn't surprise me, how much you have went through to get to this much wisdom and strength.

Looking at myself, I just made another blunder. I miss him, I sent an email. Totally juvenile. I must admit the hardest (although the smartest) is to learn from other people's mistakes. Most have to go through that gut wrenching, heart rending experience to learn.

[gettingstronger]

I addressed the number of possible children that were born from an affair in my original post here

 

"There may be more that we don't know about. "

 

My point was to answer the question-yes, I know of children that were born of an affair- my following post indicated that I do not believe it was how a child was conceived that is important, what is important is the adults in their lives remain active-

[jellybean89]

You don't know that. Some of those kids where you see the mom and the dad who are not together anymore, but both on the forms, may be the product of an affair. Or maybe some of the single parents had an A and don't want to blast their business. You have no idea and not everyone will disclose.

 

Where did she say something wrong? She was telling about HER situation where SHE KNOWS about children at school. Don't understand why you are so defensive.

 

My point was that not all kids from this scenario struggle, so you would not know every case.

 

I know two children in my family who came from affairs (and the teachers never knew) and neither of them struggled in school. In fact, one excelled to a higher academic level than most people.

 

She never said she knew every case. Neither do you. She never said all children of affairs are dumb, living in poverty and have horrible lives. She was stating situations that she personally knows of.

 

I have a coworker whose child is from an affair. The mother was on welfare for several years. She married a man who raised the child (a girl). The biological father of the child sends a check monthly, nothing more. The child has struggled academically and barely graduated. Was it because her biological father wasn't in her life? No one will ever know.

 

A friend of mine has a friend who is the biological father of a child born from an affair. He has nothing to do with the child. He gave up parental rights and the child was adopted by another man and that man is the child's dad. The child is entering his senior year, plays soccer and has been offered scholarships at various colleges. Its interesting as the biological father wanted nothing to do with the child, yet lives in the same town as the child and follows the child's 'life' via facebook, local newspaper and other means. The child has excelled and it has nothing to do with the biological father except for possibly the sharing of DNA.