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Depressed. Married and have a crush on someone else.


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I married and made out with a married man and I'm all messed up about it. My husband doesn't show any intimacy. We have sex maybe once a month. Maybe once every 2 weeks but I'm am pretty much begging. I talk to him about it and he doesn't seem to care.

 

So a guy I used to know from mutual friends started texting me. Very innocent. Through out the months he would slowly start complimenting me etc. Then it started to get sexual. I held back but he broke me down and I started to tell him about my husband and the issues we have. He started saying we should have sex and I need real man to satisify me.

 

I never thought it would turn me on but it did. I told him i couldn't sleep with him. Finally after a few months we met up and made out. Nothing but kissing. Now he continues to text me but there is no more sexual joking and he says he hopes I find someone to fulfill my needs but he has to stop so he can be a good spouse and father to his son. What did I do to turn him off? Maybe I'm ugly, too fat. It had been a few years since we saw each other except for pics.

 

I really feel guilty and don't think I would do it again but it bothers me that he just doesn't even seem phased by it like it was nothing and now it's done. He said he never cheated but the way he kissed me seemed like he knew every way to make me melt. He is young also, only 30 and I'm a little older. Now I'm all messed up and he seems to be fine. I take it so personally. If he was attracted to me wouldn't he be trying to suck me in again? Is he really feeling remorse, is he an avid cheater, is he playing games, or was I just not attractive enough for him?

 

I have a lot of guilt but I guess my ego hurts also and the fact that I can't get his aggressive kissed out of my head is just messing me up bad.

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Gently- you did not turn him off, but rather he has chosen not to participate in a destructive relationship.

 

Infidelity is a personal problem. You should be more concerned about the thought processes that led you to this as a solution. You deserve much, much better than this. You deserve a loving marriage, and a committed relationship where you are cherished.

 

If you are not getting that within the marriage, then end the marriage, and DJ a someone who can be the match for you. Please. So much less destructive in the longterm.

 

You deserve so much better. Hopefully the man's rejection , if you wish to call it that, can be a turning point and a saving grace.

 

Peace to you.

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HereNorThere

Because up until that point, it was all a fantasy. Once reality sets in, things become very different for lots of people.

 

Honestly, you should be happy it went down the way it did. Would you have been able to live with yourself if contracted an STD from him, spread it to your husband and eventually died from some preventable form of cancer?

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I wonder why go through so much to break me down and get me turned on? Also why keep texting me?

 

What you are basically saying is you want more. So go find another one.

There are lots of men out there who will sleep with someone who only wants to be loved sexually.

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No I don't want more. Especially not from someone else. He approached me. We talked for months. I don't persue men and I'm rarely attracted to anyone. I guess my ego is bruised. I have to beg my husband for sex and then after making out with this guy he gets weird.

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I read your story and I am absolutely saddened by the fact that you think thee is something wrong with you and that's why he broke it off.. you said maybe I'm to fat or ugly, think about that one. I know you probably feel horrible and your self esteem is clearly an issue right now because your husband won't sleep with you but in all honesty if he wasn't attracted to you he wouldn't have kissed you in the first place. The real reason he broke it off with you is because you wouldn't sleep with him, you told him NO I won't have sex with you and that is the only reason why he broke it off. He wasn't getting what he wanted so he wasn't going to waste his time. There are to many other women out there who will sleep with him with a lot less work. You may not realize it now but he did you a huge favor, he left before you fell in love with him, he would have anyway once he was done using you and that is all he would be doing. If you are having issues in your marriage talk about it or tell your husband you need more intimacy or your leaving. Trying to get it from someone else while still being married will only destroy you, trust me on this one. Find a man who is not married and leave your husband if he won't work on the marriage. There is nothing wrong with you don't ever let a man make you feel otherwise.

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No I don't want more. Especially not from someone else. He approached me. We talked for months. I don't persue men and I'm rarely attracted to anyone. I guess my ego is bruised. I have to beg my husband for sex and then after making out with this guy he gets weird.

 

Im sorry, did I not read you properly?

 

Your husband has been withholding SEX from you (nothing else according to you) and in 3 sentences you are playing hot and bothered with some guy who "suddenly" got in touch (pun intended) with you. Now this guy turns out not to want to take it to home plate and you are sitting there spending more time thinking about what is going on with him that what is going on with you!

 

Hello: You are married. You are getting sex at home, just not as much as you like. What part of "wanting more" did I not understand?

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Thanks easilyused for your words of encouragement. It took him a while to actually say we should hook up. At first he just said I needed someone to fullfill my needs. Unless that is all part of the act?

No there are a lot of issues in my marriage not just sex.

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The guy is playing with you. He thinks that if he acts disinterested, you'll beg him to come back.

 

As far as your husband is concerned, maybe he'll care when he gets served with divorce papers. That should resolve that little problem.

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Speaking as a man, I'd say he banged you, and it was not good enough to make him a regular, but he can tell that if he wants another round, you'll probably do it.

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No I did not bang him. I all I said is we made out. Kissed and nothing under the cloths. (Felt very teenagerish). He started getting sexual with me again a few days ago but then stopped again. The texting pretty much stopped also.

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  • 2 weeks later...
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<Moderation note: Similar topics merged>

 

Please no editorial comments about how horrible I am because I am not. My husband doesn't have any intimacy. I talk to him about it and he doesn't seem to care. So a guy I used to know from mutual friends started texting me. Very innocent. Through out the months he would slowly start complimenting me then asking selfies etc. Then it started to get sexual. I held back but he broke me down and I started to tell him about my husband and the issues we have.

 

Finally after a few months we met up and made out. Nothing but kissing. Even though he did try more and I stopped him. Now he continues to text me but there is no more sexual joking and he says he hopes I find someone to fulfill my needs but he has to stop so he can be a good spouse and father to his son. Then a few days later he gets sexual again. Then stops and gets weird if I respond to it. All through text . We haven't met in person again. First he says he feels guilty then he says kissing isn't cheating. He said he never cheated but the way he kissed me seemed like he knew every way to make me melt.

 

He is young also, only 30 and I'm a little older. He said we can hang out again but I have to promise to be good. Like its all me when he started it. So I invited him over on a day off just to see what he would say and he made an excuse. I just don't understand why he continues to stay in contact with me? I rarely text him first. If it's been a few days he text me and asks how I am or how my weekend is etc... I just can't stop thinking about him. Why all the sex talk and wanting to come over and once we made out he gets weird. Was I to ugly for him?

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betrayedandhurting

Maybe because he is feeling guilty and wants to be a better husband while at the same time can't control his behavior so he is keeping you in orbit. You have time to stop, don't destroy your life and family. Tell your husband the truth, that his lack of intimacy has you on the verge of an affair and your attracted to someone. If that doesn't wake him up, divorce and THEN find a good man, not a fake affair that WILL destroy your life. There is still time.

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That's makes a lot of sense. Again last night I had no intention of texting with him. And I get a text asking how my evening is. He won't really get too sexual now though just kind of like asking me what kind of things I want to do on my day off (even though he made and excuse not to come over) and that we should should get drunk together or something. Then I said something sexual to see his reaction and he says lol and that he is tired and time for bed. Maybe coincidence not sure but he could be playing mind games. He came over once before for a short time so not sure he's afraid of my husband coming home. And yes I think about him all the time but I'm not delusional (although he doesn't know that) I'm not going to be stalker. I know I'm so wrong in doing this. I've never done anything like this in my life and I would never seek it out. I really thought I had no sex drive now all I do is fantasize about sex with him. I wish he wasn't so cute. And also his wife is so pretty I don't get it. He says he just doesn't get sex enough (yes I know a lot of men use that excuse when probably 9 out of 10 times it isn't true).

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Kissing is cheating but one make out session may not end a marriage.

 

If you want to work on your marriage, stop contacting this other dude & when he pops into your head, banish him. Drag your husband to counseling. Communicate.

 

If you don't want to work on your marriage confess the kiss, move out & hire a divorce lawyer.

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I feel like such a terrible person. For betraying my husband but even more so the fact that he is married and has a kid. But the attraction and my ego I guess is the problem.

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You found your sexual drive.

Its sad that your husband dont take care of that and flirt with you.

 

Basically you need to tell your husband that you need the attraction and closeness/intimacy back. That you are a sexual woman who need his attention.

 

I dont know anything about your husbands age and work and stressors in life. But you really must talk with him. The courage to say whats important is the most important aspect of communication. Maybe read up on good methods to communicate. Tell him about this guy but dont blame him cause you equally responsible for what happened.

 

if you can be honest and truthful you live in a unhealthy relationship.

 

Ditch the texting guy and dont invite him over. Next step is you being completely unfaithful. And yes kissing is cheating. Its a very intimate thing and i dont think you like your husband/lover kissing someone else.

 

So solve it now. Be prepared for emotions and frustration. You guys clearly has skipped way too many talks and you have to think about how and when its best to talk....

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I feel like such a terrible person. For betraying my husband but even more so the fact that he is married and has a kid. But the attraction and my ego I guess is the problem.

 

Well there ya have it!

Since you asked for no editorials ( or advise) consider my conversation done.

You answered your dilema, as adults tend to do.

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He kept complimenting me but once we met in person (and he had seen me before just not recently except in pics) he stopped with the compliments. Do you think he just didn't find me attractive after we made out but just keeps texting me because he feels bad or afraid I will talk?

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As I barely had one to begin with.

 

Below is my post from earlier. My question is why after being so flirtatious and making out with me is he now continuing to text me but making excuses or rescheduling when I mention him coming over. Did I some how turn him off physically? Why even continue to stay in contact? Yes I know my husband issues should be addressed but that's a whole other post.

 

 

 

Please no editorial comments about how horrible I am because I am not. My husband doesn't have any intimacy. I talk to him about it and he doesn't seem to care. So a guy I used to know from mutual friends started texting me. Very innocent. Through out the months he would slowly start complimenting me then asking selfies etc. Then it started to get sexual. I held back but he broke me down and I started to tell him about my husband and the issues we have. Finally after a few months we met up and made out. Nothing but kissing. Even though he did try more and I stopped him. Now he continues to text me but there is no more sexual joking and he says he hopes I find someone to fulfill my needs but he has to stop so he can be a good spouse and father to his son. Then a few days later he gets sexual again. Then stops and gets weird if I respond to it. All through text . We haven't met in person again. First he says he feels guilty then he says kissing isn't cheating. He said he never cheated but the way he kissed me seemed like he knew every way to make me melt. He is young also, only 30 and I'm a little older. He said we can hang out again but I have to promise to be good. Like its all me when he started it. So I invited him over on a day off just to see what he would say and he made an excuse. I just don't understand why he continues to stay in contact with me? I rarely text him first. If it's been a few days he text me and asks how I am or how my weekend is etc... I just can't stop thinking about him. Why all the sex talk and wanting to come over and once we made out he gets weird. Was I to ugly for him?

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As I barely had one to begin with.

 

Below is my post from earlier. My question is why after being so flirtatious and making out with me is he now continuing to text me but making excuses or rescheduling when I mention him coming over. Did I some how turn him off physically? Why even continue to stay in contact? Yes I know my husband issues should be addressed but that's a whole other post.

 

He's struggling with guilt for what he is doing to his wife/family. That is why he is avoiding a face to face. He remains in contact because in his mind, while he can't see you and take it to that level, having some form of communication with you, provides the attention he needs.

 

My gf goes through this yo-yo with her MM. After months of refraining from seeing her throwing every excuse out there, he will meet her, get physical, then run away and struggle with the guilt. When it subsides after a few months, he will be back again. In the meantime, he stays in communication with her via phone/text.

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  • 3 weeks later...
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<Moderation note: postings relevant to this topic moved from another thread>

 

I talked with a guy I knew that persued me and we made out once. No sex or oral. Just kissing. Yes that is cheating and it was totally wrong. I just was so lonely years of trying to make things work. I guess I wanted to feel desired. Now I don't even hear from the other guy either. I feel like an absolute nothing.

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I talked with a guy I knew that persued me and we made out once. No sex or oral. Just kissing. Yes that is cheating and it was totally wrong. I just was so lonely years of trying to make things work. I guess I wanted to feel desired. Now I don't even hear from the other guy either. I feel like an absolute nothing.

 

Then divorce first.

 

Do what you want after the D is final.

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I talked with a guy I knew that persued me and we made out once. No sex or oral. Just kissing. Yes that is cheating and it was totally wrong. I just was so lonely years of trying to make things work. I guess I wanted to feel desired. Now I don't even hear from the other guy either. I feel like an absolute nothing.

 

Then tell your husband exactly this. That you are lonely and made out with someone and it made you feel desired. Let him know that you're very sorry for turning to another man but you're so sick and tired and hurt of being rejected by him, that it makes you feel unloved, not sexy or wanted by him. Maybe if he saw how much you were hurting, and of course, making out with someone else might make a fire under his butt so he will try harder.

 

Though with that said, your husband could have depression and low self esteem issues, his weight as well could be affecting his sexuality. Time for him to see a Dr and get a check up.

 

If you love your H and want to fight for your marriage, fight hard and communicate much more with him. Make him understand that he has to want to fight to save the marriage too, otherwise it might be divorce time.

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