It took me two years to leave him

[Meretchen]

My first post was in the early spring of 2012. So here I am, two years later, still in the A with my MM, untill today... I am so exhausted from this morning but I finally did it. I left him and it took all my energy to stand fast, but I did it - even when he cried and tried to hug me and kiss me.

 

Now I feel completely wasted and frankly, I want to get really wasted right now.

 

Sorry if all of this makes zero sense right now - I will elaborate, I promise.

[glow worm]

congratulations Meretchen. You've been so strong and done the right thing for yourself. I don't know exactly how you feel because no one does, but I am going through the exact same thing right now. I know how awful it feels. Like you, I knew the A was bad for me but it took me years to get the strength to end it.

 

Sometimes I feel like I just want to die. Getting wasted sounds pretty good right now too, except I have huge exams coming up in a few weeks so I have to try to function somehow.

 

Well I just wanted to offer some support. You've done a great thing for yourself. I hope that soon you find some relief from your pain. Exercising has been working quite well for me as well as reconnecting with friends who truly care about me.

[sam98]

whatever you do stay strong! when I ended things with mine he said "i thought we were friends". wow. just wow. what bull. they are master manipulators. don't fall for it!

[Meretchen]

Glow Worm and Sam98, thank you, allthough reading my backstory here, I am not exactly proud of myself so far.

 

I did try to use my anger 2 years ago to free myself from MM and the A, but the pull was too strong for me. I failed.

 

So here I am, exactly where I tried to begin my journey in 2012, and I want to make a fresh start, even if it hurts like hell, one step at a time.

 

Let's walk!

[whichwayisup]

My first post was in the early spring of 2012. So here I am, two years later, still in the A with my MM, untill today... I am so exhausted from this morning but I finally did it. I left him and it took all my energy to stand fast, but I did it - even when he cried and tried to hug me and kiss me.

 

Now I feel completely wasted and frankly, I want to get really wasted right now.

 

Sorry if all of this makes zero sense right now - I will elaborate, I promise.

 

I wish you peace. Glad you ended it. Be strong and protect yourself now. Block ALL ways he can contact you this way you won't be tempted to reply back.

 

Congrats on ending it.

 

Do yourself a favour, don't go off drinking, that'll just mask your feelings and make you feel like crap. Allow yourself to cry and let go, grieve the loss. Be around good friends and family. Keep busy. Join a gym, work out and/or do yoga.

[whichwayisup]

Glow Worm and Sam98, thank you, allthough reading my backstory here, I am not exactly proud of myself so far.

 

I did try to use my anger 2 years ago to free myself from MM and the A, but the pull was too strong for me. I failed.

 

So here I am, exactly where I tried to begin my journey in 2012, and I want to make a fresh start, even if it hurts like hell, one step at a time.

 

Let's walk!

 

Pain is pain, don't be afraid of it. For 2 years were you in constant pain, feeling the roller coaster ride of the affair. You ended it and now this pain is final. No more of that crap you put up with for so long. You won't die, you won't fall apart and not function. If anything, (much sooner than you probably think) I'll bet within a few weeks you'll actually start to feel much better. Less stress, less drained, less thinking and wondering. You'll just go through the stages of a break up. You'll be "you" back. No more lying, sneaking around, hurting yourself, his wife, betraying hiding etc..etc..

 

You'll see more of his flaws and see he's far from perfect or the person you thought he once was.

[Back2WhatUKnow]

First of all congratulations. Secondly, I hope you stay strong to get away. 6 years of my A being the OW...emotional roller coaster. I tried breaking him off several times the first few years. But I always went back Id cave in. 2 years ago I stoppes talking for a month. Then he came back and I let him. So I gave up let myself emotionally let go over time. Let the hurt build up finally when he hurt me this last time. I just stopped talking. It felt different this time. I didnt miss him. I was tired of it. Tired of the lies. Hes gone on vacation with his fam for a week. Its been great because i dont talk to him. Even when he does try to text me. I delete. The challenge is when he tries to stalk me and me not break down. I hope to keep the strength and pass it on to you. Keep yourself busy. Write down why you dont deserve this and post it. There will be a better tommorow.

[gettingstronger]

Walk on girl, walk on !!!'

[Meretchen]

I wish you peace. Glad you ended it. Be strong and protect yourself now. Block ALL ways he can contact you this way you won't be tempted to reply back.

 

Congrats on ending it.

 

Do yourself a favour, don't go off drinking, that'll just mask your feelings and make you feel like crap. Allow yourself to cry and let go, grieve the loss. Be around good friends and family. Keep busy. Join a gym, work out and/or do yoga.

 

Thank you, whichwayisup - I did drink a few glasses of red wine to calm down a bit, it did help me fall asleep yesterday. As for keeping busy and working out, I am currently in a very good fitness and diet regime, which helps me keeping healthy and in a good balance. Actually, I have been living strictly low carb/high fat for 5 months now and it has changed my life quality for the better. I think it has helped me gain more confidence, hence confidence to end the A, which ultimately is not good for me.

[Meretchen]

Pain is pain, don't be afraid of it. For 2 years were you in constant pain, feeling the roller coaster ride of the affair. You ended it and now this pain is final. No more of that crap you put up with for so long. You won't die, you won't fall apart and not function. If anything, (much sooner than you probably think) I'll bet within a few weeks you'll actually start to feel much better. Less stress, less drained, less thinking and wondering. You'll just go through the stages of a break up. You'll be "you" back. No more lying, sneaking around, hurting yourself, his wife, betraying hiding etc..etc..

 

You'll see more of his flaws and see he's far from perfect or the person you thought he once was.

 

I this.

 

Edited to add, I do not fear the pain anymore, it is perfectly normal to feel this way, I know, even if it hurts physically and emotionally, like a rash on my soul and flu symptoms all at once! Earlier today I started to shake and felt so depressed, when it hit me like a ton of bricks what has happened.

Edited August 13, 2014 by Meretchen

[Meretchen]

First of all congratulations. Secondly, I hope you stay strong to get away. 6 years of my A being the OW...emotional roller coaster. I tried breaking him off several times the first few years. But I always went back Id cave in. 2 years ago I stoppes talking for a month. Then he came back and I let him. So I gave up let myself emotionally let go over time. Let the hurt build up finally when he hurt me this last time. I just stopped talking. It felt different this time. I didnt miss him. I was tired of it. Tired of the lies. Hes gone on vacation with his fam for a week. Its been great because i dont talk to him. Even when he does try to text me. I delete. The challenge is when he tries to stalk me and me not break down. I hope to keep the strength and pass it on to you. Keep yourself busy. Write down why you dont deserve this and post it. There will be a better tommorow.

 

 

This is great to hear - all my BEST wishes to you! I tried to break it off at least four times before, ugh.

[Meretchen]

As you might now, I work with the now XMM and I felt a huge pain and nervousness this morning by the thought of seeing him today. The lump in the throat and stomach was there all day long, but if it is not getting any worse than this, I think I can cope fine. He tried to talk to me about the break up, and I told him that there is nothing to talk about, unless he is getting a divorce.

 

He is not leaving his wife, but he wants to continue the A. He tried to make me feel pity for him - that he could not sleep last night because of the break up. That his children had to cook for him. The pity card did not work. And then he tried another tactic, blanking. Well, at least he is not talking to me any more, which helps.

[jwi71]

... I think I can cope fine. He tried to talk to me about the break up, and I told him that there is nothing to talk about, unless he is getting a divorce.

 

So...you really AREN'T done with this yet are we?

Still pining for the the magic words of "I'm getting a D" from him.

Until then, I predict, you hang around on the periphery of his life...hoping.

I would counsel otherwise.

 

I do have a question though - what is different NOW from the last breakup? In short, what makes you think this time "its for real"?

[Meretchen]

So...you really AREN'T done with this yet are we?

Still pining for the the magic words of "I'm getting a D" from him.

Until then, I predict, you hang around on the periphery of his life...hoping.

I would counsel otherwise.

 

I do have a question though - what is different NOW from the last breakup? In short, what makes you think this time "its for real"?

 

I am in pain. Eff off, at least for now, will you? I owe you nothing.

[jwi71]

I am in pain. Eff off, at least for now, will you? I owe you nothing.

 

Maybe you should go back and read your initial post from 2 years ago. I did.

And I was struck by how similar it was to this one.

And then I noticed the part I quoted.

 

And I asked those questions not for my benefit but YOURS.

 

You, I presume, want to break this cycle? To end this emotional hell you imprison yourself? Then DO it. Today. Tomorrow is ALWAYS the best day to begin that which we do not (diets, exercise, root canals, etc). And tomorrow never comes. Always another day.

 

Witness your tomorrow was first stated TWO YEARS ago. Yet here we are. Back at square one.

 

Care to break that cycle? Now. Not tomorrow. Never put off what you can do TODAY.

 

I, personally, would prefer you to wallow less in self-pity at the "loss" of your repeatedly cheating (your words, previous thread) MM and find a better life TODAY.

 

Or not.

 

Always tomorrow I guess.

 

Either way...good luck to you.

[Meretchen]

JW, you know what? I kind of pity you. You have ZERO idea of who I am or where I am coming from. You have been hanging around these boards since 2008 so what are you doing here, except from being condescending towards me, seriously.

 

I have been LOVING this man for 4 years, and I am letting it rip, right here, right now - and frankly, I am not impressed.

[Meretchen]

Maybe you should go back and read your initial post from 2 years ago. I did.

And I was struck by how similar it was to this one.

And then I noticed the part I quoted.

 

And I asked those questions not for my benefit but YOURS.

 

You, I presume, want to break this cycle? To end this emotional hell you imprison yourself? Then DO it. Today. Tomorrow is ALWAYS the best day to begin that which we do not (diets, exercise, root canals, etc). And tomorrow never comes. Always another day.

 

Witness your tomorrow was first stated TWO YEARS ago. Yet here we are. Back at square one.

 

Care to break that cycle? Now. Not tomorrow. Never put off what you can do TODAY.

 

I, personally, would prefer you to wallow less in self-pity at the "loss" of your repeatedly cheating (your words, previous thread) MM and find a better life TODAY.

 

Or not.

 

Always tomorrow I guess.

 

Either way...good luck to you.

 

My "today" started on Tuesday August 12th. There has been many tomorrows for the last couple of years and, as I stated in the beginning of this thread, I am not proud of myself for not keeping the promise to myself: to cut MM off and move on. I am creating a new start. And it feels different this time, because there is no hope of a future with him. It might seem pathetic to you that I still have feelings for him, feelings that will fade in time, but what helps me right here and now is, that there is no future with him. I have to move on.

[EnderA]

My "today" started on Tuesday August 12th. There has been many tomorrows for the last couple of years and, as I stated in the beginning of this thread, I am not proud of myself for not keeping the promise to myself: to cut MM off and move on. I am creating a new start. And it feels different this time, because there is no hope of a future with him. It might seem pathetic to you that I still have feelings for him, feelings that will fade in time, but what helps me right here and now is, that there is no future with him. I have to move on.

 

Yes, it is hard. Almost impossible. You are taking the first step. I think everybody does these things in the same incremental steps as you. Take the first step and let the future sort itself out. Be strong, find ways to occupy your mind because there will be hard times ahead. Your progress will not be linear: you'll have great days -- days where you "forgot" to be miserable -- only to have it crash down when you hear a song or pass a restaurant. Know this will happen.

 

Just know that you can get through it. You are strong enough and worth it.

[Meretchen]

Thank you, EnderA, for your kind and empowering words.

[ThorntonMelon]

Hey there Meretchen -

 

Proud of your effort - it is so easy to accept less than what we deserve! It's going to take you a little while to see things in perspective. Remember right now that he is showing his true colors - you're asking for the chance to be in a whole relationship and he is selfishly begging you to be a side piece. Remember that. He wants you for what he needs, not for what you deserve. If you keep it simple like that, you'll make it through the darkest days until you can see things clearly. It will happen.

[Poppy47]

You can bet he isn't getting a divorce. I wonder why you are belittling yourself so?

I guess at one time we all wanted the AF partner no matter what.

 

Put a lot of time and distance between yourself and him. Eventually you might look at him and think you wouldn't touch him in a million years. You know too well what he is capable of doing to you and his wife.

 

Cheers,

Poppy.

[FusionCutter]

Thank you, EnderA, for your kind and empowering words.

 

It's been about a week. How do you feel?

[Meretchen]

Hi FusionCutter, thanks for asking - I really appreciate everyone's interest

 

I am hanging in there and doing better - it helps me a lot to have good friends around me, keeping me busy. XMM has been keeping his distance and NC has been in effect from both sides since my last post, which is a good thing. Even if a part of me still would wish to hear from him. I just hate that, because it is no good and still I want to hear from him. It is crazy!

 

I guess I can count myself lucky so far.

[Poppy's sister]

Hi and well done

I am 3 years in and despite a while back thinking it was going to be ok.

I am not exhausted, and fed up of crying

Need to end it.

It's going to be tough but you have inspired me.

Are you married yourself?

[OWAmy]

Ah the first few weeks are unsettling. I know I wished I'd said more in my final NC email, but now I think I said enough.

 

It's been two months for me now. I just kept reminding myself in the beginning that even if I did feel bad, the situation I'm in now (i.e. free of him) was so much better!

 

I don't miss him any more.

 

A year and a half in I attempted to end it, but he reeled me back in so easy. I then went on for another two years. I knew I had to bring it to an end December 2013 and finally did it mid June. Proud of myself that I did the right thing in the end as I didn't want to be the one to end it - I kept pushing him to do it, but he never would.

 

I feel for you having to work with him. I didn't have that to deal with, must be hard.