The grass is always greener on the other side.

[LovelySweet]

The MM in my life brought up a well known fact, the grass is always greener on the other side, when we spent time together the other night. The fact that I may find him boring, too introverted, if I had to spend a lot of time with him. This brings the question, how happy would we really be if we did end up with these men?

 

I do enjoy time with him and do think I would be happy, but this may not be reality. How much time is wasted on mind movies on what happiness we may find with the MM if we happened to end up in a true relationship with them?

 

He also recommended a children's book, 'The Blue Prince,' which is translated from it's Spanish Title, about a girl waiting for her Prince, when she should be out living for herself, he will come when she is not searching. I have not read it and I am not actively looking for a Prince, but it may be of interest to others. We both have young children, which we discuss, reason for book, not that he would think it was my reading level.

Edited August 10, 2014 by LovelySweet
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[Got it]

The MM in my life brought up a well known fact, the grass is always greener on the other side, when we spent time together the other night. The fact that I may find him boring, too introverted, if I had to spend a lot of time with him. This brings the question, how happy would we really be if we did end up with these men?

 

I do enjoy time with him and do think I would be happy, but this may not be reality. How much time is wasted on mind movies on what happiness we may find with the MM if we happened to end up in a true relationship with them?

 

He also recommended a children's book, 'The Blue Prince,' which is translated from it's Spanish Title, about a girl waiting for her Prince, when she should be out living for herself, he will come when she is not searching. I have not read it and I am not actively looking for a Prince, but it may be of interest to others. We both have young children, which we discuss, reason for book, not that he would think it was my reading level.

 

It is going to vary by couple, it always does. But this is not the case for everyone. I know it was a concern for me in the beginning for me but that isn't what reality has shown. Every day with him is wonderful. Sure we fight and get on each other's nerves but I love him more now than I did, even in the affair. We are married and together for, gosh, 8 years total and leaving him on a guys vacation (him and his boys) I was hit with sadness. I absolutely love being with him, from the beginning of the affair to now as my husband. He is a lot of fun, funny as hell, and sexy to boot. Oh and he is a great dancer. That one was the clincher.

 

So sure, me being more of an introvert and him an extrovert causes us to approach things differently and have different needs. We sometimes are disconnected and have had some definite hard times but we keep pushing through and it gets sunny again.

 

So maybe you guys wouldn't know what to talk about or get really bored with each other. And maybe you won't. Can't predict the future.

[LovelySweet]

What a beautiful story, and life Got it! We get each other, and have a quirky dynamic. I found it slightly amusing he was telling me his faults, I could of been offended, but it was quite fitting of us. I believe we would be fantastic, but that will never be, for too many reasons.

[EasternStandard]

The MM in my life brought up a well known fact, the grass is always greener on the other side, when we spent time together the other night. The fact that I may find him boring, too introverted, if I had to spend a lot of time with him. This brings the question, how happy would we really be if we did end up with these men?

 

I do enjoy time with him and do think I would be happy, but this may not be reality. How much time is wasted on mind movies on what happiness we may find with the MM if we happened to end up in a true relationship with them?

 

He also recommended a children's book, 'The Blue Prince,' which is translated from it's Spanish Title, about a girl waiting for her Prince, when she should be out living for herself, he will come when she is not searching. I have not read it and I am not actively looking for a Prince, but it may be of interest to others. We both have young children, which we discuss, reason for book, not that he would think it was my reading level.

 

I would suggest watching the 1960 movie "The Apartment."

[goodyblue]

My experience has been much like Got it. We are different for sure, but our differences are not big enough to make us not want a relationship.

 

Sometimes the grass IS greener. It certainly is for us

[LovelySweet]

I would suggest watching the 1960 movie "The Apartment."

 

I love movies, classics too. I have not seen this movie. I will have to watch it when I am more open to stomach anything affair related. (viewing wise) Thank you for the suggestion.

[EasternStandard]

I love movies, classics too. I have not seen this movie. I will have to watch it when I am more open to stomach anything affair related. (viewing wise) Thank you for the suggestion.

 

It is a little slow paced, but a great watch. A must watch for anyone involved in an affair.

[enya46]

It is a little slow paced, but a great watch. A must watch for anyone involved in an affair.

 

I love this kind of support. Sharing experiences and good movies, which may help others feel better and come to their own conclusions.

 

Thank you!

[HermioneG]

It is a little slow paced, but a great watch. A must watch for anyone involved in an affair.

 

I love this movie. A dark comedy, for sure.

[cocorico]

This brings the question, how happy would we really be if we did end up with these men?

 

I think it depends on a couple of things:

* how reality-based is your R vs how much of it is fantasy / "fog"? If the latter, it's likely the reality won't match the hope.

* if your R is very reality-based, how happy are you with the way it is, and the way you are with him (and him with you)? If you find yourself gritting your teeth, at times, wishing things were different and pinning your hopes on things changing once he dumps the BW, it's likely you'll be disappointed if you do end up together.

* how well do you like his friends and family, and how does he get on with yours? If you get on really well with those he loves and is close to, and he likewise with yours, it's less likely you'll be disappointed.

* likewise for values, interests and attitudes. Which is not to suggest you should be too alike - but rather, if your core values are aligned, and you share at least some interests in common, you're more likely to sustain shared interests and have things to share and enjoy together in the longer term.

 

Of course people change over time, and their interests change too. The situation a MP feels "stuck" in now may once have appealed, and so they worry that leaving he M for the AP may land up the same way down the line - and it might well. I guess for us, even having a few years of happiness made that risk worthwhile - yes, we may well become bored with each other at some future point, but we'll have had at least a wonderful decade together, instead of none of that. We haven't regretted it in the slightest - and we've been M now far longer than we were in the A.

[MissBee]

I think you pose a good question and something that's a real concern in any relationship but especially those that may lead to more "mind movies" like say a long distance one or an affair, where the built in space or obstacles lead people to create more of an imaginary idea of what things may be like if it weren't that way and of course the imaginary idea is often highly idealized and wonderful and our mind movies hardly ever factor in unpleasant stuff.

 

With an affair or long distance you simply can only guess what things may be like but living it in the open is the only true way to see what will happen. It may be wonderful or it may not...but of course when it's not currently a reality or if you never get that chance it's easy for people to assume it would be amazing or imagine that they lost an amazing chance. I think that's why lots of A breakups are especially hard because people are left with lots of questions and lots of ideas that it would have been so great "if it worked out" but heck, it may not have been. But in normal breakups I think that idealization isn't always as strong because you lived it and if it didn't work you didn't really have any outside factors or "if onlys" but can feel more closure that you tried but it wasn't meant to be.

 

 

But people are people and yes while in some cases perhaps the MP is a better fit with someone else, all relationships have their issues and in the same way many MM were in love with their wives, dated her, married her, had children, memories then one day cheated or didn't feel the same, a post-A relationship is no exception. He can fall out of love with you one day just the same or without any barriers and you're now his full time gf, issues will start surfacing and it's definitely happened that some people go back to their spouses even after leaving because they thought the affair and a new person was the answer but when they got it, it wasn't. Hence, if someone wants to leave their marriage they need to ask themselves if they would leave regardless of who was waiting and not do it for someone else or think someone else is their savior, as just like any other romance, an affair relationship turned open can also fizzle out. Just like you don't marry or go the long haul with every bf... a MM is no different IMO. The intensity may feel different given the A...but in the open it may cool down and you may find that just like any other bf, you were happy for a time but incompatibilities reared their heads or you just oveetime don't want it anymore and vice-versa.

[Jonah]

He said this to keep you from getting to close. A warning to protect you from getting hurt. His fear of commitment to you is revealed. Other than that. It means nothing. For all you or he knows, you might live happily ever after.