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One year on


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Or it will be Sunday and as I owe so much to the members of this forum I thought I should take the time to come back and update to hopefully give others hope.

 

I went no contact on 3rd August 2013. I held it. I deleted immediately any emails sent and blocked his number. I have never for one second looked back or felt it was the wrong thing to do. Even in the really early days when the pain and confusion was quite bad. I have heard on the grapevine that his wife is still as controlling and cruel as ever and that he has once again had to take time off work. He has to own that not me. After a 3 year seperation and an 18 month relationship with me that I thought was good he walked himself into that mess.

 

My life has gone from good, to better, to fabulous. I have spent a year getting myself back to fitness and now workout 5 days a week, my job just gets better and better, the circle of friends I have is massive and they are all really good friends who get me and who I love dearly........

 

I also recently decided I was settled enough to dip my toe back into the dating pool after taking virtually the whole year out of it. I have met the most fantastic man, its early days but we are both extremely happy. No baggage, no hang ups, no control, no passive aggresive bull and he treats me with great respect at all times. He allows me the time and space to breathe and continue to be who I am whilst complimenting me perfectly and enabling me to relax and have fun when we spend time together.

 

I really hope this helps just one other person. There is more to life than being second best or even a split 50/50. You deserve more and its out there but whilst you stay in the destructive, blind loop that a 3 way relationship keeps you in you will never find it and you will never get what you truly deserve xx

 

To all those who were here last year and took the time to help me along the way thank you and I hope that you and many more people are in a much happier place thanks to this forum.

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Congratulations on moving on maidai! I am a fow and may of this year marked my 2 yrs out of the affair.

 

I, like you am seeing a wonderful single man as well.

 

I am so happy that I finally gathered up the courage to put an end to

the deadend A that I was in for nearly 6 years. Wasted years, that I can only learn from.

 

I wish you continued happiness.

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Awesome post.

 

I'm not looking to judge any OM/OW's here, but I have always had a hard time understanding how anyone could be OK with being anyones OTHER. Why you would willingly put yourself through that.

 

Im happy for you that you've allowed yourself to open up to the chance of having a man that will give you 100%.

 

Good luck to you.

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Thank you soooo much for writing this post. I needed a big dose of positive energy after feeling my heart hit the floor tonight. I still have to deal with my xMM a bit as we are in the same industry, and when I do, it takes a toll on me.

 

In any case, your post is a huge reminder that life goes on and healing happens. Your words inspire me :)

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Awesome post.

 

I'm not looking to judge any OM/OW's here, but I have always had a hard time understanding how anyone could be OK with being anyones OTHER. Why you would willingly put yourself through that.

 

Im happy for you that you've allowed yourself to open up to the chance of having a man that will give you 100%.

 

Good luck to you.

 

 

Thank you to everyone and I really hope it does help someone else to get out of the soul destroying mess you find yourself in...

 

DKT3 Mine was not a classic OW situation it was even weirder than that! He had been seperated for nearly 2 years when we started our relationship... We were together for 18mnths openly, families involved, children involved a fully functioning relationship just batting out the divorce. The day of the decree nisi he just packed up not a word said and went back to his wife :rolleyes::D His marriage was hell, causing 2 nervous breakdowns etc and from that split second on I just thought well....... good luck with that one and I am best off out of it. 12 months on I can now catogorically state I am best off out of it. I never chose to be 2nd best when I entered the relationship with him and from the second he made it clear that I suddenly became that I was gone x;)

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Thank you so much for your post. I'm still in the very early days of NC (three weeks) and I'm still drowning in the pain of it and struggling to find peace and meaning in life. I'm so glad to see that people like you get through this successfully and move on and have meaningful happy lives. Thank you.

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Awesome post.

 

I'm not looking to judge any OM/OW's here, but I have always had a hard time understanding how anyone could be OK with being anyones OTHER. Why you would willingly put yourself through that.

 

Im happy for you that you've allowed yourself to open up to the chance of having a man that will give you 100%.

 

Good luck to you.

 

 

Most of us didn't view ourselves as The other woman or second best. Somehow we convinced ourselves that these poor MMs were just victims in a situation that they were trying to get out of. We thought we were the #1 person in their hearts.

Of course, now that im out of the A too and am seeing someone where I really am # 1, I see how blind I was with MM.

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Congrats maidai!!! and to everyone who got out and chased your right to live!!!

I too have been out of my A for... lemme calculate....2 years now? Wow, i even stopped counting, cool! As maidai said, my life went from bad to good , to great, to fabulous and is still going forward!!! I have learned alot from my A to the point i am grateful for it. I just wish it could have lasted less!

 

In order for someone to place him/herself in such relationships, to volunteer to be second, one is obviously not in a good mental state. Either it is called depression or low self esteem or ...whatever. The trick is to find what that is and fix it. If you are struggling with no contact, focus on that, focus on you. This is not only a way to get over MM or MW, but the key to happiness.

 

Our lives and happiness do not depend on others. Work on your happiness alone. Choose to be happy.

 

All the positive energy to everyone!!

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