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three years and I still don't know


justsimplyconfused

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justsimplyconfused

So I am an OM. I had an affair with an co-worker that I worked with and things seemed great at first. We had a ton in common, we enjoyed each other company, we complained about spouses, etc. Then about six months to a year in I got attached. All the sudden it wasn't about the chase, it was about becoming what we never had a home. Fast forward today and we still talk and she has moved on to a new job.

 

I ended the relationship this weekend because even though she complains about hating her husband like she has done for the past three years, she goes out with him to the movies and even clubs. Her friends/co-workers have texted me to tell me that is what happens what do I expect. But just like I told them, I can't do it. Emotionally I feel broken inside - I am not the type of guy who can separate sex from emotions.

 

Now I am sitting at work and thinking....she's going to call. I'm going to be weak, we'll continue to fight and/or she'll try to resolve things and I have no clue how I can stop this. I've deleted her from facebook, I've resolved to stop communicating with her with text messages and to leave her alone.

 

Sad thing was I was going to leave everything behind and drop everything at a moments notice. She never was. All this time I've just been tricked and fooled. I feel so hollow inside and I am dreading the phone call or text message that will send my life spiraling out of control. :(

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we complained about spouses, etc.

 

Are you also married?

 

Sad thing was I was going to leave everything behind and drop everything at a moments notice. She never was. All this time I've just been tricked and fooled.

 

It sounds as though the A was symmetrical until you fell in love and she didn't. This doesn't mean you were "tricked and fooled", it just means you were more invested than she was. You chose to involve yourself with her, knowing she was married, knowing there was a risk she would stay - just as she knew there was a risk you might not "drop everything". In fact, it sounds as if neither of you has - you say you *were* ready to "leave everything behind and drop everything at a moments notice", but obviously haven't or you'd report that you'd left everything and she hadn't. Instead, you are reporting that you _would have_ done so, but on the evidence of her not having done so, you think she "tricked and fooled" you. In reality, she may feel exactly the same - waiting for evidence that you had left everything, and seeing nothing but your professions that you were ready to, so she stayed put - just as (it would appear) you have.

 

If you wanted to leave your R because your R was unsatisfactory, then do so, whether she is waiting for you or not. But if your R is basically OK, just not as good as your R with her was, then I'd question your motivation.

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justsimplyconfused

I am married too. My marriage has hit some very rocky spots and we've even gone to therapy. She courted me and I ended up pursuing the relationship further after she showed interest.

 

She says she does love me. She says she stays with him because of her daughter and that is what keeps her with him. Even though she complains about him everyday and even goes out of her way to tell me all the horrible things he does. She painted him in my mind as this big villain in her life and I realize that is what commonly happens.

 

My biggest issue is I feel like if she calls that I am going to be weak and I'll be willing to meet to discuss but I dunno. I know it wouldn't end well and I want to over and it still feels like its going on currently even though I ended it.

 

I am currently trying to leave my marriage. This experience combined with other things that have happened in my marriage have left me in a really rough spot. I've talked to friends but at this point, I don't see any good outcome from saying or trying to pursue her further.

 

I just feel so empty and hollow inside. Like a shell of my former self. I know I need to accept responsibility for what has happened and I can't blame anyone but myself. But none of this changes the fact that I feel like I am being ripped in half.

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whichwayisup
Sad thing was I was going to leave everything behind and drop everything at a moments notice. She never was. All this time I've just been tricked and fooled. I feel so hollow inside and I am dreading the phone call or text message that will send my life spiraling out of control.

 

Leave and divorce your wife anyway since you were gonna leave on a moment's notice if she left her husband. It's obvious that you don't love nor care about your wife, so set her free so she can find love with someone who won't cheat on her.

 

Your MW (btw, you're not the OM, OM is single, MM is married and you are married) is not leaving her husband. She seems into an affair to fulfill her needs, but never wanted to give up everything and start over. Many of times one person leaves or wants to and the other doesn't.

 

Please seek some counseling and figure out your life.

 

Do you have children to consider?

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