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Online affair now over - why can't I move on?


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RegretfulAlways

I'm having a down weekend and coming to post on LS like everyone advises you should do to keep sane. I've posted here before, you can read my story in earlier threads, etc.... I'm married to a good guy and trying to move past an online A.

 

Summary - More than 15 years ago this guy and I had a very brief PA while co-workers, I was single, he was married. We went our separate ways, I got married ... etc. Then he connected with me online about 5-6 years ago, we kept things platonic for all that time, then reconnected (online only) early in 2014. Although this time around we never had a PA, got together or even heard each other's voice on the phone, I feel like it was an intense online A since we texted, sexted, exchanged pictures, shared songs with each other, etc.

 

It's over now, but not without some bumps. (I ended it 6 weeks ago, then he tried to contact me, I ignored him, then had second thoughts and reached out to him about 3 weeks ago, then it was his turn to ignore me. Haven't heard from him since ... although I do think he's been posting songs related to what's going on to a social media music site we both subscribe to.)

 

Here's my thing... I was doing well moving on, especially by being kept busy at work. But this weekend has been particularly trigger-worthy and bumpy. I know how good it is that I got out of that relationship, but I miss him. Or at least I think it's him I miss. Why am I so hung up on a relationship that was all online? Oddly, I think I might miss the rush/thrill I got when we did stuff online. Like I am addicted to THAT rather than necessarily him. It does feel very much like an addiction and I'm just wondering what else I can do to help tackle the withdrawal symptoms. Anyone else in a situation like this? What did you do to cope?

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I think it must be the attention the secretive nature, the ego stroke, the craving for elicit talk to find he comes online seeking the same.

That forbidden Fruit, nothing like it. I liked it when there wasn't a damn thing missing in my marriage. A happy marriage but I still craved that forbidden online sex.

I'll never understand it, but I feel its the wanting what u cant have, or maybe just feeling wanted REALLY wanted.

Trouble is when thats mistaken for love....sadly...just lust.

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RegretfulAlways
That forbidden Fruit, nothing like it. I liked it when there wasn't a damn thing missing in my marriage. A happy marriage but I still craved that forbidden online sex.

I'll never understand it, but I feel its the wanting what u cant have, or maybe just feeling wanted REALLY wanted.

Trouble is when thats mistaken for love....sadly...just lust.

 

THIS. So true.

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Remind me... Online EA due to distance? I am having a hard time too... I miss him and wish there is a moment through those many years as coworkers he had took me aside and told me his feelings. It didn't sound right at all, I know.

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RegretfulAlways

Yes, online EA due to distance. He travełs to my area for work a few times per year, though, and we talked a lot about getting together the next time he came. I know it would've happened too. It's all for the best but the withdrawal is so very hard...

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Don't know I am better off or worse off. He doesn't travel much for work, but possible 1-2 times a year and might transit my area. If so I am certain we will meet up. I miss him so much and yes... THIS is all for the better. Distance plus time.

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IfWishesWereHorses

An online LDA leaves plenty of room for fantasy! Beware! Stick to what you unequivocally know! What is that? Not what you FEEL, what you know!

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RegretfulAlways

Best advice I've read in a while, IWWH. Thanks for the splash of cold water on the face! Appreciated.

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gettingstronger

A few thoughts

 

Its still pretty early so its pretty normal to still be hurting and confused

 

Can you ignite some of that on-line fun with your husband- can you guys flirt and tease- can you make plans for a romantic night a few weeks from now and enjoy the build up to that-

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I'm having a down weekend and coming to post on LS like everyone advises you should do to keep sane. I've posted here before, you can read my story in earlier threads, etc.... I'm married to a good guy and trying to move past an online A.

 

Summary - More than 15 years ago this guy and I had a very brief PA while co-workers, I was single, he was married. We went our separate ways, I got married ... etc. Then he connected with me online about 5-6 years ago, we kept things platonic for all that time, then reconnected (online only) early in 2014. Although this time around we never had a PA, got together or even heard each other's voice on the phone, I feel like it was an intense online A since we texted, sexted, exchanged pictures, shared songs with each other, etc.

 

It's over now, but not without some bumps. (I ended it 6 weeks ago, then he tried to contact me, I ignored him, then had second thoughts and reached out to him about 3 weeks ago, then it was his turn to ignore me. Haven't heard from him since ... although I do think he's been posting songs related to what's going on to a social media music site we both subscribe to.)

 

Here's my thing... I was doing well moving on, especially by being kept busy at work. But this weekend has been particularly trigger-worthy and bumpy. I know how good it is that I got out of that relationship, but I miss him. Or at least I think it's him I miss. Why am I so hung up on a relationship that was all online? Oddly, I think I might miss the rush/thrill I got when we did stuff online. Like I am addicted to THAT rather than necessarily him. It does feel very much like an addiction and I'm just wondering what else I can do to help tackle the withdrawal symptoms. Anyone else in a situation like this? What did you do to cope?

 

I'm new to this forum are you happily married now?

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RegretfulAlways

Yes, Brigid I am. My H and I have been married more than a decade and he is a good guy. Being candid, we do have our issues. He's on medication due to anxiety/depression, recovered alcoholic, etc. which I am happy for because he's taken care of these things and I am glad he has, but the side effect is that it has all diminished our sex life. Probably explains a lot in terms of the hole I was trying to fill with an online A. Everything else with my H, however, is solid.

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