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"Happy couple"-picture on Facebook


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I'mNotYours

Background story: Met XMM over a year ago. Had an A for some months until he ended it to "figure out what to do". We had NC and broke it several times and started to see eachother again during spring.

 

He's still confused and needs time to think, he says, but I know he'll never leave. So now we're NC again. Well..today I went on Facebook and saw that his W has put a picture of them posing like a happy couple as her profile picture. She never posted pictures like that before. I'm disgusted..and mostly sad. Are they really a happy couple? Is it just a show off, because things aren't going great?

 

I'm also angry. I want to text him and say something really mean. But mostly I'm just hurting so much..

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imperfectangel

of course there not happy he's had a affair!! what you see on FB and what the reality usually are completely different 5 minutes after that pic was taken they could've been arguing etc who knows?

 

just remember how much this hurts you and ask yourself if yu want to stay in the affair and keep hurting or break it off for good and move on

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I'mNotYours
of course there not happy he's had a affair!! what you see on FB and what the reality usually are completely different 5 minutes after that pic was taken they could've been arguing etc who knows?

 

just remember how much this hurts you and ask yourself if yu want to stay in the affair and keep hurting or break it off for good and move on

 

I don't know what to think :( They never had a d-day, but she was suspicious. Maybe they are happy (again). Right now I feel like evwrything was a lie..that he never cared for me..that he was just a caje eater. I don't want him anymore. Seeing that picture just killed everything..besides the pain :(

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Just remember that usually people who feel the need to advertise their happiness are the ones that have problems and/or one or both of the duo are living a lie. Just generally speaking of course.

 

Case in point.....married co worker hits on everything with 2 legs, yet professes his undying devotion to his wife on Facebook. It makes me absolutely nauseous.

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SunshineToday

I don't think a married couple using a happy photo of them selves is "feeling the need to advertise".

Married couples are allowed to post happy pictures on FB.

 

Iir should show the OW that things might not be as bad as the MM makes them out to be.

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I'mNotYours
do they know you know their facebook?

 

No. The only thing is that the W got suspicious, but he denied having an A, when she confronted him.

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Whatever is going on, it's between the two of them. They were happy enough at one point to get married, so it's not beyond the realm of possibility that they're happy again. I'm sure your time is better spent doing things other than stalking their FB pages.

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It could mean that his marriage is not as bad as he made it out to be, but it could also mean nothing. It's just a picture, and married people take pics together and some of them like to show those pics...some for "normal" reasons, and others do it to put up a front. We'll never know which one it is, but I wouldn't put much thought into a picture (easier said than done, because when I saw pics of xMM and wife it would throw my mind into turmoil trying to figure things out - but seeing from the outside, I tell you not to waste your time on this).

 

Besides, you know something she probably doesn't. He's a cheater and he doesn't seem to know what he wants. You don't need this man and this drama in your life. You're much better off without him!

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gettingstronger

Agree with the others, it's none of your business AND yes married couples or really any couple can post happy pictures and not be faking it.

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I'mNotYours
Agree with the others, it's none of your business AND yes married couples or really any couple can post happy pictures and not be faking it.

 

I don't think they're faking it. Quite opposite..I think they're happy, and that hurts..

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Whether they're happy or not at this point is irrelevent to your life.

 

Your best bet is to focus on taking care of yourself...finding your own happiness...and leave them to whatever their lives bring.

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Lovemesomehim

Maybe they are happy and he's doing what he told you he wanted to do, "work on his marriage."

 

If BS never displayed FB pictures of the two of them together before and she decided to do it now, doesn't that indicate that they may be working on their marriage? That its a possibility that he did tell her about you? Or maybe, she does not know but either way, she has the right to post any picture she chooses, after all, she is his wife.

 

Keep in mind, was anyone twisting his arm to take the picture. Did they seem genuinely happy?

 

Also keep in mind, people who cheat (some not all) also lie. He may have lied to you about being unhappy in his marriage. Maybe he wanted to have someone on the side who was willing to take the crumbs. Maybe his marriage was fine when he decided to cheat and BS was unaware.

 

Whatever the case, the proof is in the pudding and that picture says it loud and clear. Its time to dust yourself off and get on with you life, as he has. If he only wanted you for sex, do you think it would have turned out to be anything more?

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Background story: Met XMM over a year ago. Had an A for some months until he ended it to "figure out what to do". We had NC and broke it several times and started to see eachother again during spring.

 

He's still confused and needs time to think, he says, but I know he'll never leave. So now we're NC again. Well..today I went on Facebook and saw that his W has put a picture of them posing like a happy couple as her profile picture. She never posted pictures like that before. I'm disgusted..and mostly sad. Are they really a happy couple? Is it just a show off, because things aren't going great?

 

I'm also angry. I want to text him and say something really mean. But mostly I'm just hurting so much..

 

I understand you're hurting but there's no use in you dissecting what that picture means and whether they're really happy neither is it worth it to read into it and assume anything or think they're doing it for your benefit. Truth is: only she and he know what's happening with them. You can guess and he may give you one side, but the ins, outs, how they feel...you can't really know.

 

You said you know he isn't leaving....so if that's the case, does it actually matter if they're really happy or not? What matters is what he chooses to do ultimately.

 

Stop looking at their FB pages. Part of NC is no social media stalking. Don't text him. As they say, the best revenge is to move on and live your own life happily.

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whichwayisup
I don't think they're faking it. Quite opposite..I think they're happy' date=' and that hurts..[/quote']

 

Then with that and knowing he isn't leaving her, GET MAD soon once you get past the hurt. Decide once and for all you're done and you're not going to waste anymore time crying over him and wishing he was yours. He made a big mistake by cheating and going outside of his marriage and having an affair with you. And you made a mistake allowing yourself to have an A with him knowing he was married from the get go.

 

I hope you're able to grieve and move on with your life. Lurking his and her facebook page is just pouring salt into your own wounds and making you feel worse. if you want to feel better, stop looking at their pages. Block them both (if he has fb too) so you won't be tempted to peak.

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An affair is a zero-sum game. In order for two people to be happy, a third is usually terribly hurt. In this case, that third person who has lost could be you. You need to cut your losses.

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Learn to use the Block function so that these incidents don't hurt as much.

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Who knows if they are happy or not. Sounds like he put you on the backburner in order to convince the W he wasn't messing around.

 

 

 

 

I can say this: I have a good friend who sends out the most gorgeous Christmas cards every year. Arm and arm with the hubby and their 2 daughters dressed in matching outfits. This card looks like the picture of wholesome love. Well, I also happen to know that the H is an alcoholic and wants a divorce. The W had an affair with her ex bf from college and one of the daughters just got suspended from her private school for "lifting" papers off the internet. Go figure. Facebook profiles are the same as those Happy cards...a snapshot of what you WANT the outside to believe. Could be real, could be total bullsh*t.

 

 

I also know that I had a very difficult time letting go of my exMM as long as I was doing stuff like looking at his FB. Just not worth it...go cold turkey.

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I just don't understand why so many people believe what the WS tells them. Let's be honest if a married person tried to start an affair with, "My spouse is great, our sex life is good and I'm never going to leave, I just would like to use you to stroke my ego for a while then dump you on a moments notice when it gets uncomfortable" how many would jump in?

 

The truth is many happily married people have affairs. Men can do so without having it affect the way he feels about his wife.

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jellybean89

Posting or not posting pictures doesn't mean squat. My partner has no pictures of us on FB. I do t either. Doesn't mean we aren't happy; nor does it mean we are miserable.

 

Please stop looking at his wife's FB and move forward with healing from the affair. He's not yours to date unless he is divorced.

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I just don't understand why so many people believe what the WS tells them. Let's be honest if a married person tried to start an affair with, "My spouse is great, our sex life is good and I'm never going to leave, I just would like to use you to stroke my ego for a while then dump you on a moments notice when it gets uncomfortable" how many would jump in?

 

The truth is many happily married people have affairs. Men can do so without having it affect the way he feels about his wife.

 

 

 

Because one would assume that if a married person's sex life was "great" and the spouse was "great," and he never debated an end to things that he would not be out looking for an affair.

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Because one would assume that if a married person's sex life was "great" and the spouse was "great," and he never debated an end to things that he would not be out looking for an affair.

 

And we all know what's said about the word assume.

Edited by DKT3
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And we all know what's said about the would assume.

 

 

 

 

While your response is pretty clever (if you are 8); I wonder how you'd explain my answer. Not the assumption part, but the content. If the H/W is truly happy with sex, love, home...why the affair?

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Because one would assume that if a married person's sex life was "great" and the spouse was "great," and he never debated an end to things that he would not be out looking for an affair.

 

I know from personal experience that a married person with a great sex life, a fabulous spouse and a marriage they certainly did not ever want to end would have an affair. They have an affair because they are selfish, f*cked up and have really cr*p ways of communicating how f*cked up they are.

 

 

 

I was that married person.

 

 

 

OP - the times I cherished most were those with my husband. Those were the things I shared on FB with others I cared about. The exOM was "kept in his place". I was cruel to both of them but the one I feel shame for in how I treated them is my husband. He did nothing to deserve what I did to him.

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While your response is pretty clever (if you are 8); I wonder how you'd explain my answer. Not the assumption part, but the content. If the H/W is truly happy with sex, love, home...why the affair?

 

 

People have affair for a many reason. Some are unhappy because of the marriage. However the vast majority are unhappy with themselves or their situation be it job related, maybe just something to do for thrills and excitement, whatever.

 

Saying your unhappy in your marriage and using it as a catalyst to an affair is purely for justifaction purposes. A cop-out if you will. A reason not to explore the deeper meaning behind why one thinks its ok to willingly and knowingly hurt someone. Well adjusted people in unhappy marriages fix them or leave. Cheating is never the answer and only creates more issues and pain.

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