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Jumbled thoughts MOW/MOM


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The past week has been plenty of jumbled thoughts, even the words I type could be jumbled/ misspelt...

It has been more than a week since his email explanation on that he will be out of touch to work on his marriage. I wonder how to categorize us really: co-workers for years in the grey zone, drawn and withdrawn from each other due to life events (his marriage, birth of my kid, his kid). Due to work, he has to leave the country but he had to know if I felt the same all these while. So we had a little confession, hugged and kissed. I cannot stop the plane from taking him away so it kind of became a EA via emails/ Skype.

His last email was sort of comforting, logical goodbye letter. I knew it wasn't me, he had issues with the wife all along but he loves his kid and he needs to make things work. I respect that and the most loving act I think is to leave him alone- which I am doing. What I want to say is... Goodbye is hard, acceptance is hard, letting go is hard, missing him is terrible.

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My heart felt like broken china. I am not noble but I believe me keeping away and NC with him is the most loving act for him and for myself. Didn't keep the thoughts of missing him away, dreamt of him last night/ dreamt of his wife (acquaintance, spoke briefly on few occasions).

I just booked my appointment for IC, not sure what to expect but I suppose I needed to tell someone/ let it off my chest. slightly depressed, self doubt, low esteem, whatnot that are dragging along like pests...

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((((((((MayP)))))))

 

I wanted to stop in and tell you that you have been heard. I am sorry you are going through the pain. It is like the ocean, at first the waves are hitting you in rapid succession but things will calm, the waves will subsided and the sun will come out. Please take care of yourself, drink plenty of water, get sleep and exercise and journal to get the emotions out. Be gentle with yourself. ((((()))))

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Thank you Got it for the affirmation and kindness.

 

IC is on Thursday. Wondering if I am 'mad' for making that appointment. I am certainly not mad. For those whom have been, can you share how it will be like? That's one hour session. Just someone to talk to? I am not sure if it will make me feel any better. Or perhaps help me organize my thoughts/ clear my thoughts.

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I had sessions with a Psychoanalytical Psychotherapist it's one of the Freud based talking therapies (correct me if I'm wrong). So many different types of therapy out there. I chose this one as the therapist has to undergo years of therapy before they can practise. Would be great to have a thread explaining what each type does as some suit you better than others. Also I'm in the UK and therapy is not discussed openly like it is elsewhere.

 

I sent mine an email beforehand bullet pointing my main issues - I had quite a few and the affair was the major one. Had therapy before a few years back and it didn't work as I was not upfront initially.

 

She was very chatty, we laughed and talked lots. I liked her as she was very personable.

 

Mad people don't go to therapy. It can only work if you're not mad :)

 

I'm sure it will be fine, they will have heard it all before.

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Feel miserable today, cried thinking of him. Selfish me, missing him.

I should be happy if things sort out with him and wife. I should. Here I am messed up. I cannot send him a concern email. Because in doing so, I will expect a reply and what will it do to me? Worry, overthinking. And will it help him? Probably not.

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Feel miserable today, cried thinking of him. Selfish me, missing him.

I should be happy if things sort out with him and wife. I should. Here I am messed up. I cannot send him a concern email. Because in doing so, I will expect a reply and what will it do to me? Worry, overthinking. And will it help him? Probably not.

 

Of course you don't have to be happy if things work out with his wife! How can that cause you anything but pain? Stop expecting superhuman acts of empathy and sympathy from yourself when you're obviously hurting. Like any normal person would be, by the way.

 

Yes, you're overthinking. Yes, you're over worrying.

 

Can you and your girlfriends just have some time for you to cut loose and indulge in 'f*&k MM'?

 

PS, STOP thinking about helping him. Help YOU!!!!!!

Edited by SolG
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Of course you don't have to be happy if things work out with his wife! How can that cause you anything but pain? Stop expecting superhuman acts of empathy and sympathy from yourself when you're obviously hurting. Like any normal person would be, by the way.

 

Yes, you're overthinking. Yes, you're over worrying.

 

Can you and your girlfriends just have some time for you to cut loose and indulge in 'f*&k MM'?

 

PS, STOP thinking about helping him. Help YOU!!!!!!

 

I actually like that knock on my head! I haven't make contact and think it is wiser to take care of myself for this period of time. Why does 2 weeks feel like such eternity?

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((((May)))))

 

Sorry sweetie. I know how days can suddenly start dragging, every minute feeling like a day.

 

I have been in therapy a few times in my life for different reasons. Therapists have different approaches so experiences will vary but usually the first few sessions are just get to know me sessions. I have thoroughly enjoyed therapy and find it very useful. It's like having a great friend where you get to talk about yourself and never have to listen to there side! :p I will say, be completely honest with your therapist. They will use the information to best help you and working on different exercises to change unhealthy patterns, coping mechanisms, heal old hurts, etc.

 

What you get out of therapy depends on what you put in. Please note that you aren't going to mesh with every therapist so don't have any qualms for shopping around. I had one that was really into talk therapy but it lacked any real direction for me. I like to talk things out but I need them to highlight points, give homework, etc. So I stopped going to her. Don't be afraid to pull the plug if you feel like it isn't working. BUT don't use this as a way to escape addressing issues.

 

I hope you are feeling better. Are you taking care of yourself? Do something nice for yourself today. A bubble bath, a mani or pedi, a great work out, some cuddle time with a little two legged person or a fuzzy four legged lovebug.

 

And remember exercise will give you those endorphin to make you feel better. So don't wallow too long, make yourself start moving your muscles. It will help I promise.

 

Sorry pookie. I know it royal sucks the big one right now.

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((((May)))))

 

Sorry sweetie. I know how days can suddenly start dragging, every minute feeling like a day.

 

I have been in therapy a few times in my life for different reasons. Therapists have different approaches so experiences will vary but usually the first few sessions are just get to know me sessions. I have thoroughly enjoyed therapy and find it very useful. It's like having a great friend where you get to talk about yourself and never have to listen to there side! :p I will say, be completely honest with your therapist. They will use the information to best help you and working on different exercises to change unhealthy patterns, coping mechanisms, heal old hurts, etc.

 

What you get out of therapy depends on what you put in. Please note that you aren't going to mesh with every therapist so don't have any qualms for shopping around. I had one that was really into talk therapy but it lacked any real direction for me. I like to talk things out but I need them to highlight points, give homework, etc. So I stopped going to her. Don't be afraid to pull the plug if you feel like it isn't working. BUT don't use this as a way to escape addressing issues.

 

I hope you are feeling better. Are you taking care of yourself? Do something nice for yourself today. A bubble bath, a mani or pedi, a great work out, some cuddle time with a little two legged person or a fuzzy four legged lovebug.

 

And remember exercise will give you those endorphin to make you feel better. So don't wallow too long, make yourself start moving your muscles. It will help I promise.

 

Sorry pookie. I know it royal sucks the big one right now.

 

Got it... HUGS.

 

I might sound very petty here. But I got a WTF moment when I received a message from an ex-colleague (returned to the country where he has gone), she text me her new phone number- I am a friend to her.

When I asked him if he has have a new number, he couldn't answer (admit he does) and he thought it is better we remain on emails. I am silly for allowing that, isn't it? Now it dawns upon me that I am not even a friend. He is afraid of exposing himself? Afraid I will go crazy and call him? I don't know how to rationalize it.

 

On the side note, yes. I worked out quite a bit. My weight just refuses to drop. Some people say it is muscle mass (strength training & HIIT). Depressing I can't fit into my old jeans though! Aarrgghh!

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counseling was... not too enlightening. she didn't say very much, explaining that any advice from her will be an opinion of her own.

after which I went for a cup of coffee alone to rest my mind...and got an email.

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It is okay if you don't click with her style. Find someone else. It is an interviewing process and like I said, everyone has their own style.

 

I am sorry about the email. Yes it depends on what you are willing to accept. If that is good enough than fine, if not then tell him thanks but no thanks.

 

When my MM and I broke up then my decision was to cut all ties. I wanted him to see what life was like without me, and like pulling off a bandaid, I wanted to deal with the full pain right away so I could get through it.

 

I was not going to be a safety net or security blanket for him. And he needed to see what life was like without me in it. My life did not revolve around him (that was mantra when I was crying my brains out ;) ) and I deserved all or nothing. And I knew that my romantic life wasn't going to end with him. As hard as being with someone else seemed I knew that statistically the odds were in my favor. :p

 

So I said screw it and kept tapping into my anger and knew I was better than anything less than what I wanted. I was on other side so had a list of great sayings, advice, wisdom that I had printed off and I reread. I posted there, and journaled a lot.

 

Just know, no matter how bad now, it can and does get better. I promise.

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Majormisstep

May, MM just ended things with me last night. Over 4 years gone in one heartless sentence. I am devastated. Thought I also wanted this, was tired of playing by his rules but now all I want is to hear his great voice and to tell me he loves me. This hurts so much. Please tell me it gets a bit better after two weeks.

 

Hope IC works for you. When I went we really didn't focus on MM or why I felt the need to chase an unavailable man.

 

I'm going to come here instead if I can find out how to start my own thread.

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counseling was... not too enlightening. she didn't say very much, explaining that any advice from her will be an opinion of her own.

after which I went for a cup of coffee alone to rest my mind...and got an email.

 

The purpose of a counselor is not give you answers but, rather, to guide you to realizations about yourself. Give it time. You may not see it at first, but while you may think that you are rambling on aimlessly, your counselor is paying attention and will eventually begin to direct your focus to issues that require deeper consideration and thought.

 

A few years back, after seeing a new therapist a few times & feeling as though I was paying her just to listen to me vent for 50 minutes a week, I was walking down the street (thinking about what I wanted for lunch), and had an epiphany! All of the pieces suddenly came together & I realized that all the different stressors that I was experiencing had the same root cause. I couldn't wait to get to my next appointment! A few more sessions later and I had the insight I needed to continue my progress on my own.

 

By the way, I did find it helpful after a session to spend an hour or so alone to think about what we had discussed while it was fresh on my mind. I also made notes in my journal about the general topics as well as specific things that had been discussed. I think that that had a lot to do with me finding the "common denominator" and led me to identify the core issue I was having.

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Got it: Me and MOM? Odds are against us. Especially we are mega LD now. We can't be there for each other, both ways.

 

Survivorr12: yes, I understand your point on IC. My next appointment is two weeks later, will see. She asked about my marriage. Like a key to a lock what I adore about my friend is what I always thought lack in my husband. I know I know, I get all the theory talk. Serious. Sigh, I am upset in turmoil.

 

Majormisstep: hey sorry darling. I guarantee you will not feel better in two weeks. That's the truth. But welcome. Vent journal cry argue shout take comfort here please...

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