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Affair with a married woman and the pregnancy (update)


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I have been in a relationship with a married woman for the last 5 years.

She was undergoing treatment for PCO and her attempts to get pregnant with her husband had failed. However an year ago me and my girl friend both felt like having a baby and we both had agreed that we need to raise the baby together and take care of it.

 

 

Couple of months back, she told she had positive results from her PCO treatment and doctor had given her a date on which she should have sex to get pregnant. So on that particular day we made love. Two days after that her pregnancy was confirmed and she was jubilant and I was happy too. We did also agree that I need to take care of all the expenses towards the baby including the schooling once it is grown up. We had planned that one year from now I will take an apartment for rent - where she can meet me often.

 

And she is now few months in to her pregnancy. And since she is married to her husband, I could not curb my curiosity and after querying her got to know that she had sex with her husband prior to her pregnancy. So her husband definitely thinks that it is his child. She told that she would not like anybody apart from me and her to know that the child is actually mine and not her husband's. If that happens she and the child will die, she said.

 

Now I think that is a very serious and sensitive issue. So I have blocked her contact number, facebook, whatsapp etc. More over I do need to focus now on getting married to someone and my girlfriend said me getting married to some one will be safe for her as well as me. I should have no contact with her henceforth since I need to focus on marriage. But since last 4 years I have taken care of her monthly expenditures. Her dresses, beauty parlor, sandals and any expense related to her, I took care of that. We used to go to markets, temples, shops, films together and used to meet few times a week.

 

Since last one year we began to meet 5 times a week and I was also taking her to her doctors, swimming pool, dance classes. Now my question is whether i need to support her financially. I asked her how can her husband not bear expenses towards her and baby now. She said she will work somewhere to take care of the expenses towards the baby.

 

Obviously I will remain out of contact with her. But should I keep transferring money to her account during her pregnancy period. Do I have an obligation here towards her and the baby. It is another matter altogether that though she says the child is mine, I can not be sure since she slept with her husband prior to pregnancy.

 

But a precarious situation may result due to all this. She is having a very delicate pregnancy. Ideally there should be no stress at all on her, at this juncture. She has been advised total rest and lot of care is being taken of her. She should not even step outside her house. Some stress and her pregnancy may end. If that happens she will come searching for me where ever I may be and will seek me to console her. But she may never ever become pregnant again.

 

I knew about the complications that may result due to her pregnancy. But I had seen her struggles last five years. And I genuinely wanted to help her. I always thought whether she gets pregnant by me or her husband should not matter. Her pregnancy will make her happy in life and that is what I wanted. My thoughts on her were if she had plans to stay with me after her pregnancy I should wait for her, or else I should move on.

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bentleychic

Until/unless you find out that child is yours, you have absolutely no financial obligation to that woman. It sounds like she will not find out the paternity unless you force it. I guess you need to ask yourself if that is your child, are you okay with another man raising it as his own and having no contact or responsibility for it?

 

She sounds like she's handing you a big line to put you at arms length, to be honest. I'm sorry for any pain you are suffering due to this. My suggestion would be to move on, if you discover this child is not yours or you decide not to pursue seeking to find out if the child is yours which is what it sounds like she wants (other than your financial help, that is).

 

For the record, I've had several very "delicate" pregnancies which required many months of bed rest. It's impossible to remove stress from your life. Yes, it's best not to have a stressed expecting mother, but for her to lay all of this on your shoulders and tell you not to stress her out or risk her losing the child is ludicrous. :(

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Quiet Storm

My understanding is that you can't test for pregnancy until the egg attaches to the uterine wall, which happens about six days after fertilization. The pregnancy hormone is not produced by the body until the fertilized egg attaches.

 

I think she was already pregnant by her husband.

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Ummmmm, yeah. Something isn't right here. You cannot confirm pregnancy two days after intercourse. And saying "her and the child will die if anyone finds out...." Whack job alert. I'd keep far away from this girl, with the exception of a possible paternity test after the baby is born. Tell her she can do a discreet test willingly, or you can bring the courts into the situation and expose everything.

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In some website I had read that it is possible to confirm pregnancy after 2 days.

Some tests are there, like testing harmone level in blood or a urine test, I don't remember correctly.

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bentleychic
My understanding is that you can't test for pregnancy until the egg attaches to the uterine wall, which happens about six days after fertilization. The pregnancy hormone is not produced by the body until the fertilized egg attaches.

 

I think she was already pregnant by her husband.

Ohhhh yeah. I read that wrong. There's no way you can find out if someone is pregnant two days after conception when they got pregnant "the normal way". I believe you can find out sooner when they have IUI, but still not sure about two days after.

 

In my "normal" pregnancies/conceptions, the SOONEST I ever got a positive test was 10 days after conception (i.e after intercourse).

 

Good luck

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bentleychic
In some website I had read that it is possible to confirm pregnancy after 2 days.

Some tests are there, like testing harmone level in blood or a urine test, I don't remember correctly.

No. Not two days after conception. Not from regular conception (i.e intercourse). Hcg is not present that soon after conception. It takes longer than two days to implant. Even if she were to have a blood test to check for pregnancy, it takes longer than 2 days. Closer to a week.

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In some website I had read that it is possible to confirm pregnancy after 2 days.

Some tests are there, like testing harmone level in blood or a urine test, I don't remember correctly.

 

Nope. It takes 6-10 days for the egg to implant and until it does the pregnancy hormone HCG is not present. Google it. Your "girlfriend" is playing you for a fool. She doesn't want anyone to "know" you are the father because she knows you are not.

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After 2 days? Nope. A week after last period was due is the normal earliest testing date iirc (long time since it was an issue for me!). I think she may be telling you a fairytale.

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Should I talk to her once or never talk to her again? I have blocked her totally since yesterday and I see in blocked call history that she has called some 10-15 times. She did even call from some body else's number, but I immediately disconnected.

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whichwayisup
But should I keep transferring money to her account during her pregnancy period. Do I have an obligation here towards her and the baby. It is another matter altogether that though she says the child is mine, I can not be sure since she slept with her husband prior to pregnancy.

 

Do not pay anything, not one dime, until you know if that baby inside of her is yours.

 

As soon as its safe for her to do so, get a DNA test done and get a lawyer too.

 

Come clean with your girlfriend too, she deserves the truth of what is going on under her nose.

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I always thought whether she gets pregnant by me or her husband should not matter.

 

Aside from all the other advice you've received, I think you should consider that it does matter. At first I was confused because I thought you were referring to your MW as your girlfriend. Now I realize it's two separate people. I think you've been roped into this situation by a woman with some serious issues. It's too calculated, too perfect for her.

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bentleychic
Aside from all the other advice you've received, I think you should consider that it does matter. At first I was confused because I thought you were referring to your MW as your girlfriend. Now I realize it's two separate people. I think you've been roped into this situation by a woman with some serious issues. It's too calculated, too perfect for her.

Oh. I thought he was referring to the MW as his girlfriend, too. Hmmmm....

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Oh. I thought he was referring to the MW as his girlfriend, too. Hmmmm....

 

I could be wrong. I've re-read it a few times, and may need to retract that.

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bentleychic
I could be wrong. I've re-read it a few times, and may need to retract that.

I've read it a few times and am still confused, too. lol

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Tell her that you are no longer giving her money. That you are happy to help support the child if it is yours, but that she needs to have a paternity test done to confirm.

 

If she DOES confirm that it is yours, then she needs to make a choice. She can continue to pretend the child is her husband's, and if so, he should be on the birth certificate and you will no longer be involved. OR, she can choose you as the father, and in that case, you will work with an attorney to work out child support and custody (if you want to know your child, which I encourage).

 

But don't bring that part up until you get paternity confirmation. This woman has issues and needs to deal with one thing at a time.

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I might be wrong but I thought I read somewhere that the birth certificate will name the husband as the father unless she specifies otherwise. He would also be responsible for child support until she brings action against you even if he proves that he's not the father. (Courts look out for the child's best interests, not the cuckolded husband's.) I don't believe you owe her anything unless she proves that you are the father.

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I can't really be the only one who reads stories like these and gets sick to my stomach at how evil some people are?

Evil and sometimes a little blind?

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I meant that the married woman herself is my girl friend.

Today I cross questioned her. She tried to bring out the sentiment. But I stuck to my questions. And for the first time in five years she came out with clean explanations. May be she wanted me to understand all the things so that I will not be causing any disturbances to her family.

She told the child is her husband's. She said that she lied to me that the child is mine, since she had the fear of loosing me. She had sex with her husband two weeks before she met me and based on the week count that the doctor gave, she could confirm that the child was her husband's. She also lied about the test being taken in two days after we had intercourse. She said she wanted to try with me for pregnancy as the tests after she had intercourse with her husband had not still confirmed pregnancy.

But what I feel is she had intercourse with her husband when within a day she had ovulated. Two weeks after that she had sex with me. So she definitely must have known very well that two weeks after her ovulation, she could not get pregnant by me. She would have had sex with me knowing this fully and also wanted to make me feel that I made her pregnant and wanted me to be happy about that. And probably I would feel responsible and be nice towards her in her pregnancy. Otherwise if I knew that she was pregnant by her husband, I would have perhaps been upset and caused distress to her. So she would have thought that, if I was kept under the impression that she was pregnant by me, I would act responsible towards her.

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She did also add that, if it turned out that she got pregnant by me, she would still be with her husband and she would have still wanted me to get married to some girl.

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It's probably best that you forgot about this woman and find one who is actually single.

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Yes, thankfully she did not get pregnant by me. Because she anyway wants to be with her husband and if she had my child, I would have been in a dilemma. I would have probably kept waiting for her. But now that is not the case.

She has ensured that the child she will have is due to her husband. So that will make me untied from her and I can move on.

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