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Never say Never.....


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It’s been a while since I’ve posted on LS, but many of you who reached out to me when I first posted back in February have been kind enough to check on me from time to time.

 

I had to take a break from LS for a while. I was hurt frequently from many of the comments from BSs and felt that with the exception of those in my exact situation, the posts were not helpful and I was not recovering. I hovered on every word said to me and analyzed every thread for similarities. I was obsessed in trying to find the answers that I knew deep down I never would. They had to come from within me.

 

Well, it’s been 6 months since his d-day and 5 ½ of NC. Except for my one slip up (which I’ll never know if he received), WE have both managed to remain NC and away from each other. As you recall, I HATED myself after I sent that one e-mail. I swore that I would NEVER again want to feel that hopeless and pathetic---begging for his attention which is how I felt after I sent it.

 

Everyone who remembers me knows how much pain I was in after he threw me under the bus on his d-day after a 3 ½ year affair. I never thought I’d see the light of day. The devastation was enormous---unlike anything I have EVER been thru. I could not get out of bed and was barely able to function. I prayed for contact from him daily---anything at all---and was actually jealous of those whose APs came back for a second or third time to rekindle the affair. I wondered why my AP left me alone. Why didn’t he change his mind and come back for me?

 

After 5 months of IC, anti-depressants, etc., what I thought was not possible has happened to me. I NO longer have the same feelings for my exAP. The blinders are OFF as they say….if he stood before me, he would not be the same man. I see him for who he was and the behavior and hurt that he continued to instill in me for two weeks after d-day was inexcusable. He should have walked away choosing his family and left me alone. But, he continued to throw into my face his new found happiness and mysteriously magnificent marriage. If he ever reaches out to me, I will never respond back. There is no reason to.

 

You know what---I just really don’t care. SHE can have him---Lordy, I don’t want him! I NEVER thought I would be able to say those words, but I can. “I don’t want him!” I’m happy now. I’ve seen sunny days again and I feel free of a man who was never what I thought he was. I would not trade this happiness without him for anything else in this world. It’s just too good.....

 

Hugs...........Mickey

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snappytomcat

mickey

im so happy for you,sounds like you are in a good place right now,and only better days to come,you deserve some peace and happiness,and im glad you finally see that jerk for who he truly is,i knew one day you would get to that point,and im happy you have

take care of yourself,and i think of you often

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Thanks for sharing some of your healing process. It's a pretty amazing capacity we humans have to choose to let others matter and forge such emotional bonds and then recover from the breaking of them by whatever function of life, or death. Pretty cool stuff. Good luck with your healing and in your future relationships.

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imperfectangel

I'm so glad you posted I've had a break from ls too and was wondering how you were doing

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Hope Shimmers

Mickey,

 

You have no idea how glad I was to read this post.

 

I told you that you would get there! It DOES get better.

 

I wish you didn't have to go through this, but what doesn't kill you makes you stronger Mickey - and you ARE stronger.

 

Congratulations for coming out the other side!

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Happy for you Mickey amd thank you.

my OW sympton and yours is pretty similar.

 

I've started the NC from two months ago, thought my mood still up and down, but this week I feel a bit better that I did not cry this week.

 

I feel I am stronger this week and I will keep moving.

 

when the affair fog start disapearing, he become not that attractive anymore, I also wish one day I can have no feelings for him anymore.

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Mickey, I logged in just to say how happy your post made me!! It was the same things for me. Awfully hard at first, and I still have down moments, it's not easy to let go of these relationships with all the emotional issues they leave us to deal with, but it is possible to get over them in a sense. I don't want xMM anymore either. Life is better now. We're free. :)

 

I'm so happy for you :)

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mickey

im so happy for you,sounds like you are in a good place right now,and only better days to come,you deserve some peace and happiness,and im glad you finally see that jerk for who he truly is,i knew one day you would get to that point,and im happy you have

take care of yourself,and i think of you often

 

 

Thank you snappytomcat---You were truly my biggest BS supporter and your PM helped me more than you will ever know. TIME was the answer for me---it opened my eyes to him and allowed me to heal. I still have moments where he will come into my mind, but the tears are gone and I no longer wish for what was. Thank you again form my heart!

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Thanks for sharing some of your healing process. It's a pretty amazing capacity we humans have to choose to let others matter and forge such emotional bonds and then recover from the breaking of them by whatever function of life, or death. Pretty cool stuff. Good luck with your healing and in your future relationships.

 

Thanks carhill. I never thought I'd get there---but, I did! and, I'm never going back!:D

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Mickey,

 

You have no idea how glad I was to read this post.

 

I told you that you would get there! It DOES get better.

 

I wish you didn't have to go through this, but what doesn't kill you makes you stronger Mickey - and you ARE stronger.

 

Congratulations for coming out the other side!

 

 

HOPE,

 

YOU will never KNOW what your continued support and encoragement did in helping me to recover.

 

YOU told me it would happen---and, it did.

YOU told me not to give up---and, I didn't.

YOU told me I'd see sunshine again----and, I do.

 

Thank you for helping me get thru one of the very worst times of my life and for giving me HOPE.

 

Hugs.

Mickey

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Happy for you Mickey amd thank you.

my OW sympton and yours is pretty similar.

 

I've started the NC from two months ago, thought my mood still up and down, but this week I feel a bit better that I did not cry this week.

 

I feel I am stronger this week and I will keep moving.

 

when the affair fog start disapearing, he become not that attractive anymore, I also wish one day I can have no feelings for him anymore.

 

You will get there---I thought I was hopeless and that it would never happen to me. All I can say is that TIME took me to where I am now. I see him for the selfish person he was and his true character is so clear to me now. I longed for the day when I woudl never want him back and it arrived. Believe me and have hope--it will happen.

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Mickey, I logged in just to say how happy your post made me!! It was the same things for me. Awfully hard at first, and I still have down moments, it's not easy to let go of these relationships with all the emotional issues they leave us to deal with, but it is possible to get over them in a sense. I don't want xMM anymore either. Life is better now. We're free. :)

 

I'm so happy for you :)

 

Yes, we are Cookie----we made it! He still will come into my thoughts, but I don't cry and more importantly, I don't wish to go back. I realized 'he is not all that!' I deserve more and as I said in my thread---SHE can have him. Her loss, my gain! :D

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Soverysad123

Hello.

 

What an amazing post to read. I was smiling from ear to ear when I read it. I can't tell you how amazing it is that you have finally been able to move on and not be in that fog any longer.

 

I felt you pain and have too felt that pain, I too see my exMM for what he really is and I so get how wonderful it is too be free. It's the best present ever.

 

Keep strong and I wish you well x

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It’s been a while since I’ve posted on LS, but many of you who reached out to me when I first posted back in February have been kind enough to check on me from time to time.

 

I had to take a break from LS for a while. I was hurt frequently from many of the comments from BSs and felt that with the exception of those in my exact situation, the posts were not helpful and I was not recovering. I hovered on every word said to me and analyzed every thread for similarities. I was obsessed in trying to find the answers that I knew deep down I never would. They had to come from within me.

 

Well, it’s been 6 months since his d-day and 5 ½ of NC. Except for my one slip up (which I’ll never know if he received), WE have both managed to remain NC and away from each other. As you recall, I HATED myself after I sent that one e-mail. I swore that I would NEVER again want to feel that hopeless and pathetic---begging for his attention which is how I felt after I sent it.

 

Everyone who remembers me knows how much pain I was in after he threw me under the bus on his d-day after a 3 ½ year affair. I never thought I’d see the light of day. The devastation was enormous---unlike anything I have EVER been thru. I could not get out of bed and was barely able to function. I prayed for contact from him daily---anything at all---and was actually jealous of those whose APs came back for a second or third time to rekindle the affair. I wondered why my AP left me alone. Why didn’t he change his mind and come back for me?

 

After 5 months of IC, anti-depressants, etc., what I thought was not possible has happened to me. I NO longer have the same feelings for my exAP. The blinders are OFF as they say….if he stood before me, he would not be the same man. I see him for who he was and the behavior and hurt that he continued to instill in me for two weeks after d-day was inexcusable. He should have walked away choosing his family and left me alone. But, he continued to throw into my face his new found happiness and mysteriously magnificent marriage. If he ever reaches out to me, I will never respond back. There is no reason to.

 

You know what---I just really don’t care. SHE can have him---Lordy, I don’t want him! I NEVER thought I would be able to say those words, but I can. “I don’t want him!” I’m happy now. I’ve seen sunny days again and I feel free of a man who was never what I thought he was. I would not trade this happiness without him for anything else in this world. It’s just too good.....

 

Hugs...........Mickey

 

Oh, your journey is NOT complete...its barely just begun.

 

WHY did you allow him to treat you like that?

 

But, congrats - it takes strength to get to where you are - the lifting of the fog. The fog that whispered to you "its ok to be treatred like this...its ok to be addicted to another...its ok to feel like this"...

 

Time to start a much HARDER path...

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Hello.

 

What an amazing post to read. I was smiling from ear to ear when I read it. I can't tell you how amazing it is that you have finally been able to move on and not be in that fog any longer.

 

I felt you pain and have too felt that pain, I too see my exMM for what he really is and I so get how wonderful it is too be free. It's the best present ever.

 

Keep strong and I wish you well x

 

Thanks soverysad123---it is a wonderful feeling which I know will only get better as time goes on. Kudos to us for staying strong and seeing our ex MMs for what they really are. LOTS of hugs.

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Congratulations, Mickey! Yes, that feeling: FREE.:bunny:

 

thanks Tornado and lots of hugs!!!!!

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Oh, your journey is NOT complete...its barely just begun.

 

WHY did you allow him to treat you like that?

 

But, congrats - it takes strength to get to where you are - the lifting of the fog. The fog that whispered to you "its ok to be treatred like this...its ok to be addicted to another...its ok to feel like this"...

 

Time to start a much HARDER path...

 

Well, I'd like to think the WORST is over and that what I have accomplished says something for the person I am and have become from this awful journey I've been on for the past 6 months.

 

Your pessimistic response and cynical outlook for my future is the reason I stayed away from LS for some time. Thanks but no thanks for the advice.

 

I've read your story and as we have no similarities. I'll take your comment with a grain of salt and move on with a weight off my shoulders and a smile on my face.

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ChasingHope
Well, I'd like to think the WORST is over and that what I have accomplished says something for the person I am and have become from this awful journey I've been on for the past 6 months.

 

Your pessimistic response and cynical outlook for my future is the reason I stayed away from LS for some time. Thanks but no thanks for the advice.

 

I've read your story and as we have no similarities. I'll take your comment with a grain of salt and move on with a weight off my shoulders and a smile on my face.

 

Mickey, you are an inspiration to those of us who are here to read stories like yours--please don't let negativity chase you away. I myself would love to see more postings on how you got where you are, and also to see any advice you have for others on this forum who are still "in the weeds" so to speak. But regardless, thank you for sharing, and may your healing process continue :)

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AlwaysGrowing

Mickey, your posts are so very different from when you started. There is a lightness now.... clarity.

 

I wish you well on your continued journey of self discovery that we all are on.

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Mickey I have not spoke to you before. But I am listening to this>

Taylor Swift - We Are Never Ever Getting Back Together

Thought you could sing along too :laugh:

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I think you need to give her much more credit than saying the hard part starts now. She has recognized that there is better and she deserve more and she followed thru. Of course there will be people in our live that we give a little more to, but she has made the hardest step and the first step by drawing the line in the sand. She will get stronger by repeating this in the future.

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I think you need to give her much more credit than saying the hard part starts now. She has recognized that there is better and she deserve more and she followed thru. Of course there will be people in our live that we give a little more to, but she has made the hardest step and the first step by drawing the line in the sand. She will get stronger by repeating this in the future.

 

I'll reply here instead of to the OP - laziness really.

 

The EASY part is walking away.

The HARD part is looking at oneself. No one LIKES to look inward and see ugly - though we ALL have it.

 

The HARD part is to dig INTERNALLY and explore WHY OP, and the thousands of others in similar circumstance, ALLOW themselves to be treated like that. OP ALLOWED herself to be treated like that.

 

The question is why.

And the answer is within.

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I'll reply here instead of to the OP - laziness really.

 

The EASY part is walking away.

The HARD part is looking at oneself. No one LIKES to look inward and see ugly - though we ALL have it.

 

The HARD part is to dig INTERNALLY and explore WHY OP, and the thousands of others in similar circumstance, ALLOW themselves to be treated like that. OP ALLOWED herself to be treated like that.

 

The question is why.

And the answer is within.

 

 

I have to disagree that one is the easy part and one is the hard part...in my case, they went hand in hand and were not mutually exclusive.

 

I would not have been able to move forward with my recovery having not looked at myself and the bigger picture of what I had been involved in. One cannot move ahead without examining the why.

 

If you read my thread from start to finish this is EXACTLY what I said (second paragraph). The answers were NOT found on LS, but had to come from within ME.

 

I am not sure why you continue to question the path I have taken to get where I am today...Can't you just be happy for someone who has finally found peace?

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Hope Shimmers
I'll reply here instead of to the OP - laziness really.

 

The EASY part is walking away.

The HARD part is looking at oneself. No one LIKES to look inward and see ugly - though we ALL have it.

 

The HARD part is to dig INTERNALLY and explore WHY OP, and the thousands of others in similar circumstance, ALLOW themselves to be treated like that. OP ALLOWED herself to be treated like that.

 

The question is why.

And the answer is within.

 

*sigh*

 

This reminds me of those Bible beaters who - no matter how many good things you do - continues to tell you that "You are evil and a sinner!"

 

"The EASY part is walking away"? Who told you that? Maybe that was true FOR YOU, but walking away was by far the HARDEST THING I have EVER DONE. (Since we are capitalizing things). It took me YEARS to walk away and it nearly killed me. Examining myself, and my reasons for staying in a relationship like that, was much easier once I had clarity from breaking out of the emotional hell I was in.

 

You don't know Mickey or even one-fiftieth of her story - you don't know how she ALLOWED anything in her A, to what extent, or why, and you don't know how much work she has done on herself to learn from it. So, I ask in all honesty, why do you find the need to push that generic advice on someone, particularly in a thread where they posted a positive status update? I'll never get it.

 

Somehow the "laziness" comment just added insult to injury.

 

My two cents. Mickey, keep on keeping on - you are doing great! You have much to offer others.

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