Searchin81 Posted July 7, 2014 Share Posted July 7, 2014 I posted a while ago. In between then and now there have been times I have stopped talking to the ex and we tried to not talk to each other. Within the past few months we have become closer than ever and talk almost every day.. But i started to feel scared and have pulled away and haven't text him in a few weeks. We have met twice in public just to talk, we held hands and hugged. It was very emotional. He finally said that he loved me and I told him the same, he then told me to ignore it and that he should have kept it to himself. He wants to see me again. We talked almost every day non stop 12 hours a day. He told me he was stressed out and couldn't sleep.. but didnt tell me why. Now the past few weeks I have pulled back away as i just dont know what to do anymore. Add to that I recently seen one of his friends who told me that my ex loved and kept telling me how much he loved me and that he would never love the one he is with as much as he does me, and told me my ex loves me. I asked how he knew and he wouldn't tell me. What i found is that my ex is just afraid and telling me things as I am him. Neither of us want to come on to strong so its hard to really say how we are feeling. I am always scared of being vulnerable so I still hold back alot. I don't know what to do. Brief Synopsis- We were together for a few years, We Broke up not because we fell out of love, he met someone new and married a rebound within 3 months, Then we started talking again. Link to post Share on other sites
Goodbye Posted July 7, 2014 Share Posted July 7, 2014 I don't get it. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted July 7, 2014 Share Posted July 7, 2014 He is your ex. Let go and move on with your life. You two broke up, he met and married someone else, you were in NC for a long long time, then contact started up again. It's so pointless to keep going like this! Even if he still has feelings for you, he's married and built a life with someone else. Tell him goodbye this time for real and close your heart off to him. You're wasting your precious love and energy on someone who isn't yours. Yeah maybe he was years ago, but not anymore. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Searchin81 Posted July 7, 2014 Author Share Posted July 7, 2014 Its hard when you love someone. Why let it go if there is a genuine love? He is married yes but I dont know how well its going. A mutual friend told me that his wife cheated on him and supposedly he is not bothered by it. I dont know the status of their relationship as that is something we never discuses. All i know is what he says to me, and there is a genuine love between both of us. Link to post Share on other sites
sisa Posted July 7, 2014 Share Posted July 7, 2014 why he chose to marry her but not you if he really love you? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Searchin81 Posted July 7, 2014 Author Share Posted July 7, 2014 Because at the time I wasn't an option Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted July 7, 2014 Share Posted July 7, 2014 Its hard when you love someone. Why let it go if there is a genuine love? He is married yes but I dont know how well its going. A mutual friend told me that his wife cheated on him and supposedly he is not bothered by it. I dont know the status of their relationship as that is something we never discuses. All i know is what he says to me, and there is a genuine love between both of us. You two broke up, 2 years passed with NC. Why didn't you move on knowing he got married? DO NOT believe gossip that a mutual friend has told you. You have no idea what is going on in their marriage. Genuine love? So does that give you the right to interfere in their marriage? Love him from afar. Remember the memories and treasure them. You don't have act upon your feelings. He isn't yours for taking! And he shouldn't be offering himself up as such. It's selfish of him to give you hope and/or lead you on. Because at the time I wasn't an option And now he isn't an option. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted July 7, 2014 Share Posted July 7, 2014 Tell him you will see him when he shows you his divorce papers. Other than that he is just trying to get some extra on the side. Don't let him use you. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
CarrieT Posted July 7, 2014 Share Posted July 7, 2014 Brief Synopsis- We were together for a few years, We Broke up not because we fell out of love, he met someone new and married a rebound within 3 months, Then we started talking again. It does not married WHY he married someone else. The fact remains that he is married and therefore UNAVAILABLE. Stop talking to him until/unless he is free and shows you divorced papers. 6 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Searchin81 Posted July 8, 2014 Author Share Posted July 8, 2014 (edited) Sorry i dont think its as black and white as yes show me papers then we can talk, and leave him alone. I have to let him know i want him. And its not something that happens all at once. things take time and progress. and we have progressed alot. Except the past month, i stopped it as i thought was moving too fast. I don't want to hear advice about leaving him alone, i need advice on how to get him back. I feel i have a chance and he is very receptive.. Not once has he tried to get in my pants so he not looking for something on the side. Edited July 8, 2014 by Searchin81 Link to post Share on other sites
AnyaNova Posted July 8, 2014 Share Posted July 8, 2014 (edited) I am sorry to ask this question. It will be a very painful one to answer. If he loves you so much and so truly why hasn't he either married you, or waited for you? He's kept you on through, it sounds like, more than one marriage. You deserve someone who wants you to be their wife. The primary relational focus of their life. This man clearly has some extreme issues. And this sounds to me like the very opposite of love. Sweet words and actions and lovemaking perhaps. But always poisoned by the shadow of what he is doing to his wife. And what he is doing to you by keeping you hooked to him instead of being able to find someone who truly wants you and only you. To me, it sounds more like poison in the guise of love, than actual love itself. Edited July 8, 2014 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Link to post Share on other sites
spookysonata Posted July 9, 2014 Share Posted July 9, 2014 Is this the same married ex from, like two years ago? And the situation seems to be exactly the same? Tell him, "Divorce your wife. I want you back." But you were already given that advice. Aren't you tired of playing games with this guy yet? And are you still telling yourself you aren't the other woman? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Searchin81 Posted July 9, 2014 Author Share Posted July 9, 2014 Well we didn't maintain constant contact at that time. I wouldn't say we are playing games, But more like no one knows what to do, he scared of me, im scared of him. I don't think I can blatantly say what i want as i am to scared. Sometimes he will say things like "I've been thinking, cant sleep, stressed, things keep him awake" but i don't ask why. Obviously this is not an easy situation. Link to post Share on other sites
spookysonata Posted July 9, 2014 Share Posted July 9, 2014 Well we didn't maintain constant contact at that time. I wouldn't say we are playing games, But more like no one knows what to do, he scared of me, im scared of him. I don't think I can blatantly say what i want as i am to scared. Sometimes he will say things like "I've been thinking, cant sleep, stressed, things keep him awake" but i don't ask why. Obviously this is not an easy situation. What you describe is game-playing, whether you would call it that or not. I suspect the advice you get now will be exactly the same as you got on that massive thread from two years ago about exactly the same subject. He. is. married. Tell him to divorce his wife because you want him back, or leave him alone and get on with your life and tell him to do the same. I'm assuming his wife still knows nothing about this affair? 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Searchin81 Posted August 12, 2014 Author Share Posted August 12, 2014 another update. Haven't text him in about two months. He kinda just disappeared and i haven't text him. I am just so confused about it all.. why would he tell me he loved me, misses me, talk with me 12 hours a day, make me promise him ill see him again ect then not talk? I haven't text him either as i rather be the one getting text. I feel I should just completely give him up. But i based on everything he says and how often he talked to me it makes me keep wondering if i have a chance. Even recently I heard from people that know him and said that he just got married to be with someone else close to him said they had to get married because the spouse needed health insurance... Also the spouse is a former drug addict. Course on Facebook they look happy. I have run into my ex a few times when he was out with spouse and he just ignores me. I just dont know what to do. Why do i keep holding on.. i try to let go but its hard. I have chances with other good people but I just always think of him. Why is this happening. I want to forget him. Link to post Share on other sites
Lovemesomehim Posted August 15, 2014 Share Posted August 15, 2014 Let me understand this. The two of you dated. He met someone else and married her. You're still holding out Hope that the two of you will become a couple again because he loves you. Am I right so far? If the above is true, take a big step back. If you were the one , he would have married you way before he met someone else and married her. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Searchin81 Posted August 15, 2014 Author Share Posted August 15, 2014 (edited) Its not that simple...I got mad at him and stopped talking to him thats when he met someone new 3 months later. Even less than a month ago i ran into a friend of his who said "he'll never love that girl as much as he loved you, he just wanted to marry someone, he loved you and wanted to marry you", and someone else very close to him said they just got married for health insurance reasons, that i think might be alittle far fetched.This of course shocked me because i thought exactly like you did, if he really felt that way he would have. But he did apologize to me and tried to talk to me again but i was on a high horse, so i stopped talking to him to teach him lesson, i blocked him in hope that he would try every means possible to talk to me. Edited August 15, 2014 by Searchin81 Link to post Share on other sites
Lovemesomehim Posted August 15, 2014 Share Posted August 15, 2014 Its simple. After four years of having this man on your mind and in your heart, sounds as if your loving him and he's moving on with his life. Despite what other say about him loving you, after four years of your initial post, he's still married to someone else. If he wanted to be with you, its' simple, he would leave his wife, despite health insurance, (Obama Care is in affect now) and be with you. Simple. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Searchin81 Posted August 15, 2014 Author Share Posted August 15, 2014 Then why does he text me, want to talk to me, says he loves me, says he wants to see me again. ect. Why doesn't he just tell me to get lost and say he has no interest. Link to post Share on other sites
Lovemesomehim Posted August 15, 2014 Share Posted August 15, 2014 The question is, why do you allow him to continue stringing you along? For a fact, you know that he's married, everything else that someone has told you about him and his love for you, is hearsay. If he wanted you, like you claim he wants you, what is stopping him from having you? He is an adult, capable of making decisions regarding his life, his love life, and who he wants to be with. He's married. He made a commitment with someone else. If you loved him like you say you love him and vice versa, neither one of you would be in this situation, and he would not have you sprung on him, while married to another woman. He would step back to give you closure so you can begin building on your life or better yet, you can walk away.... Staying stuck after all these years will not only confuse you but it will also take away your happiness. Stop allowing him to have this much control over your life. Go out and meet someone that you can love without worrying about a wife or another girlfriend. Give yourself that much respect. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Searchin81 Posted August 15, 2014 Author Share Posted August 15, 2014 I dont claim that. This is stuff he has said to me, not just what others have said. He will say things like, " I never felt that way about anyone else", "never wanted anyone so bad"...ect.. he said alot. I cant understand why someone would do this just for fun unless they really felt that way. Link to post Share on other sites
GorillaTheater Posted August 15, 2014 Share Posted August 15, 2014 I dont claim that. This is stuff he has said to me, not just what others have said. He will say things like, " I never felt that way about anyone else", "never wanted anyone so bad"...ect.. he said alot. I cant understand why someone would do this just for fun unless they really felt that way. Let's say he meant what he said. In that case I imagine that he's trying to do the honorable thing and stick to his vows after slipping up pretty significantly. You need to do the honorable thing as well and leave this guy completely alone. Move on. Link to post Share on other sites
Lovemesomehim Posted August 15, 2014 Share Posted August 15, 2014 Its not for fun but to boost his own ego. I wish you the very best. Really wish I could talk to you a little deeper. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Searchin81 Posted August 15, 2014 Author Share Posted August 15, 2014 (edited) why would he want to boost his ego? I just find that hard to believe someone would do that. I try to forget about him and move on but he always in back of my head. he said same thing, told me he wants to talk to me more. ect. I just dont understand why he wants to. I still have so many regrets about letting him go and then not taking him seriously when he apologized to me, and i just cut him off. Then he met someone new 3 months later. Its an awful feeling knowing you cant change anything. I can get private messages if you want to talk deeper. Edited August 15, 2014 by Searchin81 Link to post Share on other sites
Popsicle Posted August 15, 2014 Share Posted August 15, 2014 Sometimes two people fall in love but still can't be together due to circumstances. This is one of life's tragedies. You both just have to accept this and move on without each other. Link to post Share on other sites
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