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church and morals with dating mm


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My family is very religious and I was brought up southern baptist. I myself like to think I have a strong faith but like everyone else I falter.

My question or series of questions is as follows.

 

I am dating a MM who is in the process of divorcing so does that make it a sin if he's trying to get out?

 

Am I going to hell for being the OW when he and I have planned a life together

 

I've prayed ans come to terms with my in justifications and part of me feels okay and part of me still feels guilty and I don't understand why.

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My MM is a very active member of his church, goes twice a week, hangs out with the pastor outside of church, mostly due to his W being highly religious. I often question how can he have sex with me and still go to church and be married, doesn't he feel guilty, etc. If there is a God, He knows what we are doing, but on the other hand maybe He put us in each other's lives for a reason. Who's to really say.

 

I looked all over the bible to make sure he wasn't going to Hell by associating with me. I was afraid he'd come back claiming I tempted him to sin, that it would be my fault when it was him who initiated it. Depending on interpretation, it's a sin to have sex with another man's wife but there's nothing about sin with single women. It basically puts favor in God's eyes that he's taking care of a woman who doesn't have a man. And because the fleshes have joined, that's being married in God's eyes (polygamy).

 

I get nervous when he starts posting scripture because if you are ever around him in person, you wouldn't know he's religious but when he post about repenting so that God doesn't get angry and "families that pray together stay together" I wonder if he's about to cut me off or if it's just for appearance sake.

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still_an_Angel

I don't think you will go to hell for planning a life with him. He is still legally married but D is on the way. This is like finishing your degree and everything and you're just waiting for graduation day to roll around to get your diploma.

Don't feel guilty, you're on a good path.

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I get nervous when he starts posting scripture because if you are ever around him in person, you wouldn't know he's religious but when he post about repenting so that God doesn't get angry and "families that pray together stay together" I wonder if he's about to cut me off or if it's just for appearance sake.

 

 

I think he just does it for appearances. He is just doing it bc that how she is an what she believes. I think no matter what people will do what they want to do bible or not. I think if he really was into scripture an God he would talk to u about that topic more so then saying I repented so we are good and can be together.

 

I'm from the south .... the bible belt and when my friends heard about me and my mm they called me mean names said I'm In an affair and I'm committing adultery and just horrible things that these were my friends saying and when I try explaining that it's not a typical a that he's is divorcing or she's been served it just doesn't get any better. I have friends who condemned me for my actions and it is hard to hear. I've cried many times over what my friends and family say and they always see it as wrong in the eyes of God but he's on the way out of his marriage and I see it differently and maybe it's bc in divorced.

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He's not yet divorced, so it is adultery, and that's contrary to one of the Commandments. Adultery has always been considered a very serious offense and sin.

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GollumsNightmare

Ap05, I suggest you make an appointment with a pastor or clergy person you trust so you can ask these questions. Living a life of guilt is no fun at all. Find someone with similar theological beliefs to yours, with experience in counseling, and let them help you make the best choices for YOU going forward.

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whichwayisup
I've cried many times over what my friends and family say and they always see it as wrong in the eyes of God but he's on the way out of his marriage and I see it differently and maybe it's bc in divorced.

 

When you met him, was he still living at home, living life with his wife and family? Or was he legally separated, moved out of the house and only 'married' on paper.

 

People are going to judge, try not to let their words upset you.

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I think that the best thing you can do is to talk with senior members of your church...your pastor preferably...and get his input on the situation.

 

And WWIU asked what most people will view as the most critical question...were you 'with him' when he wasn't in the process of divorcing, and/or were you a factor that led to his divorce?

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When you met him, was he still living at home, living life with his wife and family? Or was he legally separated, moved out of the house and only 'married' on paper.

 

People are going to judge, try not to let their words upset you.

 

He was still at home and he still is since serving her

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gettingstronger

JMO- if you set the bar of behaviors to "what will send you to hell" thats a pretty low bar - you should live your life where you don't harm yourself or others with your behaviors- you need to feel good about yourself and your actions not because it keeps you out of "hell" but because you have set boundaries for yourself that you know in your heart are right-

 

If you are not living in a way you are proud of, you need to figure out why and set a different path-

 

As far as men (or women too) that use religion as a shield-well, that just shows who they really are inside-

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I think that the best thing you can do is to talk with senior members of your church...your pastor preferably...and get his input on the situation.

 

And WWIU asked what most people will view as the most critical question...were you 'with him' when he wasn't in the process of divorcing, and/or were you a factor that led to his divorce?

 

He had been getting everything together since last July/aug a lot of money moving and transfer of funds that she didn't know protecting some assets and he said that is what took the longest and we actually didn't start anything until Aug 30th I say was our first date we did like group things but never one on one like that.....i wasn't the cause of the divorce but I'm the reason he wanted it done so fast

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gettingstronger

He had been getting everything together since last July/aug a lot of money moving and transfer of funds that she didn't know protecting some assets

 

 

 

THIS is how he treats his wife- moving and protecting martial assets without her knowledge- circumventing laws meant to protect martial property AND he claims to be religious AND he starting dating you before he file-

Ask yourself if this is the type of person you deserve/want to have a relationship with- remember, he probably once felt about his wife the way he feels about you and this is how he has decided to treat her when the relationship soured-is this they type of problem solver you want to have a life with- think long and hard and protect yourself-

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He had been getting everything together since last July/aug a lot of money moving and transfer of funds that she didn't know protecting some assets...

Of course, if the money is legitimately his separate property, he would have no need to conceal it. So in reality he is stealing from his wife. (Supposing the D story is true, which as I've mentioned on another thread is not.)

 

For the sleazy behavior of ripping off his wife while lying to her, I'd send him to hell for that alone.

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It's adultery, it's theft, it's lying and cheating, both you and the W are getting shafted, you risk an out-of-wedlock unwanted pregnancy which the MM would doubtless pressure you to abort....or he's abandon and ignore any child born.

 

THAT is likely a big part of why "God", your family and friends, and 97% of LS posters will tell you this r/s is wrong. Not just the abstract disapproval of God or any supposed consequences in the afterlife....which you seem to have already found a loophole for....but just the stark realities here and now on Earth.

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He had been getting everything together since last July/aug a lot of money moving and transfer of funds that she didn't know protecting some assets

 

 

 

THIS is how he treats his wife- moving and protecting martial assets without her knowledge- circumventing laws meant to protect martial property AND he claims to be religious AND he starting dating you before he file-

Ask yourself if this is the type of person you deserve/want to have a relationship with- remember, he probably once felt about his wife the way he feels about you and this is how he has decided to treat her when the relationship soured-is this they type of problem solver you want to have a life with- think long and hard and protect yourself-

 

he's not the religious one it's I who is. Sorry didn't make that clear. His wife doesn't work so she will be fine her life will be the same

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Huni, for WIW I would suggest you go back and read the Bible. This

 

"It basically puts favor in God's eyes that he's taking care of a woman who doesn't have a man. And because the fleshes have joined, that's being married in God's eyes (polygamy)"

 

yeah..ah NO. You are in the trap of putting yourself self before God and are letting your emotions drive decisions verses what is expected of you. This is not what the Bible says but what you want it to say.

 

Now I am NOT the morals or Christian police and I fail on so many levels but I do know when and why I fail and own it as a conscious decision, even when its a bad one, even when I know it is self serving. You are making a choice, a choice I think you already know is wrong when contrasted against what is in scripture. He is committing adultery. You are having sex outside of marriage. If you are a literal bible believer then you already know its wrong. You feel guilt because you also know its wrong but oh how do you correct it without impacting "your" happiness. He is not reflecting the characteristics of a devote Christian follower. It isn't the fact that he has made mistakes, its the fact that he continues to and it doesn't appear to bother him but them it sounds like he is ready to get all righteous through his post. The dude has some serious inner struggles and work to do.

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My family is very religious and I was brought up southern baptist. I myself like to think I have a strong faith but like everyone else I falter.

My question or series of questions is as follows.

 

I am dating a MM who is in the process of divorcing so does that make it a sin if he's trying to get out?

 

Am I going to hell for being the OW when he and I have planned a life together

 

I've prayed ans come to terms with my in justifications and part of me feels okay and part of me still feels guilty and I don't understand why.

 

It may be hard for folks here to answer the faith-based aspects of your question about if you're going to go to hell or what's a sin or not a sin. For those kinds of questions that specifically relate to your belief system it's best to seek the counsel and advice of people who belong to your faith and who can advise you based on the tenets therein...as not everyone here believes as you do so their opinions or advice on the faith aspects will probably be entirely irrelevant.

 

Is this married man "trying to leave" or has he already filed for divorced and is for certain leaving?

 

Are you having to lie to family and friends and does he have to? If so, then I'm sure that contributes to your guilt, as when something is okay you don't have to do that so if on one hand you feel okay but have to sneak around or lie then it contradicts that.

Edited by MissBee
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It may be hard for folks here to answer the faith-based aspects of your question about if you're going to go to hell or what's a sin or not a sin. For those kinds of questions that specifically relate to your belief system it's best to seek the counsel and advice of people who belong to your faith and who can advise you based on the tenets therein...as not everyone here believes as you do so their opinions or advice on the faith aspects will probably be entirely irrelevant.

 

Is this married man "trying to leave" or has he already filed for divorced and is for certain leaving?

 

Are you having to lie to family and friends and does he have to? If so, then I'm sure that contributes to your guilt, as when something is okay you don't have to do that so if on one hand you feel okay but have to sneak around or lie then it contradicts that.

 

Yes she is served and he is going to leave her and my friends and family know I think that adds other elements that can be good and bad depending on the day

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Ap05, most students of Christian ethics agree that the entire core is contained in Jesus' teaching of the two Great Commandments. I am sure you are familiar with them, but they are

 

"Thou shalt love the Lord thy God with all thy heart, and with all thy soul, and with all thy mind. This is the first and great commandment. And the second is like unto it, Thou shalt love thy neighbour as thyself. On these two commandments hang all the law and the prophets."

 

This is one of the toughest and most demanding moral codes ever promulgated. It requires a Christian to ask fearlessly, and without rationalization, if their choices, in their impact on all involved, truly mirror the way we ourselves would wish to be loved.

 

For the believer, Christian faith would require that you put yourself in the shoes specifically of your partner's spouse, and ask yourself, were I in her position, is this how I would want to be loved by my sister in Christ? Not, what I deserve, or might be fair, or any other question--the question is, is this the most loving way you can treat her, your sister?

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Quiet Storm

I'm not a believer, but I live by the golden rule. Do unto others as you would have them do unto to you.

 

This man has poor character, which is why he rationalizes cheating and hiding assets.

 

I think that if you believe that these character traits are circumstantial or situational, you are being very naïve. He isn't going to morph into some great guy just because he has you now.

 

Listen to your family & friends, they have your best interests at heart. I think you should dump him- not to save yourself from hell after death, but to save yourself from the living hell that men like this put their women through.

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whichwayisup
he's not the religious one it's I who is. Sorry didn't make that clear. His wife doesn't work so she will be fine her life will be the same

 

As it should be. She is home taking care and raising their kids so he has to pay her not only child support but spousal support as well.

 

He shouldn't be moving his money around, hiding assets. That may come back and bite him if this divorce ends up in court. Especially if she finds out that he had an A too.

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whichwayisup
Yes she is served and he is going to leave her and my friends and family know I think that adds other elements that can be good and bad depending on the day

 

And at summers end if he doesn't leave her and officially file for divorce? What then? Will you continue to allow him to string you along or will give him the big F-U and end it, move on?

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