RegretfulAlways Posted June 23, 2014 Share Posted June 23, 2014 So I posted "Such a Sad Day" yesterday. (Sorry, I don't know how to link back to it - I'm a LS newbie!) Oddly, this morning I get a message from xMM. It's weird, this happened once before a few months ago: we went NC and I had a particularly sad day (like really sad, crying, etc.) and then I hear from him the next day. Not trying to read into it but it is weird that we both seem to have our bad days at the same time. (Some days are definitely better than others.) What do I make of this? And yes, I'm trying REALLY HARD NOT TO WRITE HIM BACK. Link to post Share on other sites
fellini Posted June 23, 2014 Share Posted June 23, 2014 What ever it is you would be doing NOT writing him back, do that. So I posted "Such a Sad Day" yesterday. (Sorry, I don't know how to link back to it - I'm a LS newbie!) Oddly, this morning I get a message from xMM. It's weird, this happened once before a few months ago: we went NC and I had a particularly sad day (like really sad, crying, etc.) and then I hear from him the next day. Not trying to read into it but it is weird that we both seem to have our bad days at the same time. (Some days are definitely better than others.) What do I make of this? And yes, I'm trying REALLY HARD NOT TO WRITE HIM BACK. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
LaylaSings Posted June 23, 2014 Share Posted June 23, 2014 Yes it's happened to me more than I can count. Sometimes the weirdest things.. Like I'll set alarm to a time when I can message him if I'm thinking of him, it's a way to stop myself from mindlessly sending texts. And he will call or text minutes before the alarm goes off. And days I'm emotional and sad it's like he senses it and gets in touch. It's weird. It's because there's a real connection there. But doesn't make it healthy. Link to post Share on other sites
learning_slowly Posted June 23, 2014 Share Posted June 23, 2014 It's weird. It's because there's a real connection there. But doesn't make it healthy. It may seem like there's a unique connection there, but as you can see from this site, its not that uncommon to believe there is a soul mate. However if they really were meant to be your soul mate, do you think you'd need to be on here discussing it? Hopefully you'll realise there's somebody else out there for you and not waste alot of your life like others have, (me included). I know this might appear to be me being bitter, but its not. I was stupid, I'm just trying to save you from repeating my mistakes. Good luck. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted June 23, 2014 Share Posted June 23, 2014 So I posted "Such a Sad Day" yesterday. (Sorry, I don't know how to link back to it - I'm a LS newbie!) Oddly, this morning I get a message from xMM. It's weird, this happened once before a few months ago: we went NC and I had a particularly sad day (like really sad, crying, etc.) and then I hear from him the next day. Not trying to read into it but it is weird that we both seem to have our bad days at the same time. (Some days are definitely better than others.) What do I make of this? And yes, I'm trying REALLY HARD NOT TO WRITE HIM BACK. Don't write him back. NC is in place for a reason and each of you are having withdrawals, so reaching out may make you feel better for an hour, but tomorrow it's back to day ONE of NC and you'll regret it. What happens next time you have a bad day and miss him? Reach out? Go through that whole process again.. Not worth it. Stay strong. Keep busy and try to do NC in your mind too (don't let yourself remember and feel, look back at what you two shared etc..). Time too to block him so you won't get his emails. Even if you don't write back, reading his email is breaking contact on some level. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
Author RegretfulAlways Posted June 23, 2014 Author Share Posted June 23, 2014 WhichwayisUp, can't thank you enough for those words; they are exactly what I need to hear. Especially the "continue NC in your mind" part... I'm finding the relief that comes when I literally block him from my mind - on and off all afternoon here at work - and it is so refreshing. The other interesting thing (and good for me to keep reminding myself) is that his message was very brief, and simply along the lines of "thanks a lot for giving me the silent treatment." In other words, nothing kind or caring, more of a "WTF?" kind of tone. It's like the entire universe is telling me to keep away from this guy, but the damn withdrawal symptoms can be so scary sometimes! Definitely an addiction I need to break. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted June 23, 2014 Share Posted June 23, 2014 Allow yourself a certain amount of time each day to grieve. Cry it out, then go take a shower, put on music, get some nice clothes on and keep busy. If he isn't missing you, why should you miss him? Think of it like that. do you think he's sitting and pining, thinking of you 24/7? Get mad, get fed up and say F-U! It'll make you feel better. You're very welcome! Keep posting and venting here. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
AmyBamy Posted June 24, 2014 Share Posted June 24, 2014 You two obviously miss each other and understandably. Why did you go NC? I have found that forcing something that isn't our natural inclination isn't always a good thing. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author RegretfulAlways Posted June 24, 2014 Author Share Posted June 24, 2014 Eh, I'm pretty sure this isn't the right thing. See "Need to stop romanticizing my xAP" for my story. I'm nervous because we were never discovered and in weak moments I feel like I could've kept it going. Reading posts here about the misery and loss of self esteem people tend to feel when they do so, however, really helps. I also think my xAP is a textbook narcissist so thinking about not feeding into his need for narcissistic supply is empowering. Link to post Share on other sites
NotSoInnocent Posted June 26, 2014 Share Posted June 26, 2014 I'm nervous because we were never discovered and in weak moments I feel like I could've kept it going. Reading posts here about the misery and loss of self esteem people tend to feel when they do so, however, really helps. ^^ This. I would have continued with my A for a really long time, probably. Keeping it going. Several times I called him out on things he did to me that hurt. He always apologized, then said he didn't want it to end. I could have ended it at any point, but always said I didn't want it to end either. And I didn't. At least I didn't want the highs of when we were together to end. I didn't want the daily emails to end. The feelings of being desirable. The feelings that I found someone I connected with. I DID want the pain to end. It's all pretty normal. We all want to feel good, right? In some ways, I am glad he ended it after 6 months because he was moving, since it saved me from "keeping it going." Good for you for what you are doing. It's important to keep that NC going. It is ok to grieve. Allow yourself that. And yes, be kind to yourself. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author RegretfulAlways Posted June 27, 2014 Author Share Posted June 27, 2014 Appreciate these words so much. Thanks. Link to post Share on other sites
adna89 Posted June 27, 2014 Share Posted June 27, 2014 (edited) How is it going? NC will get easier with time,I had hard time even 2 months into NC,but now it has been 4 months and i feel very good .Just block him from every possible site and ignore all his messages..he will write 2,3 times then after no replies he will stop. Edited June 27, 2014 by adna89 1 Link to post Share on other sites
jwi71 Posted June 27, 2014 Share Posted June 27, 2014 Oh...go on. Write him back. Hell, call. Double hell - just meet him. Because THIS time, it'll be different...right? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author RegretfulAlways Posted June 27, 2014 Author Share Posted June 27, 2014 Appreciate the proactive words of wisdom. I had a bad night last night - made the mistake of drinking, so you know how that messes with one's thought processes! Not sure if I'm just stressed or what, but today I've spent most of the day trying hard not to listen to that little voice in my head saying, just write him back. What's the harm? You never got caught. I need to stay away from wine for at least the next 30 days. And find a good, solid hobby/distraction/friends to keep me busy. Right? On Day 17 of NC and counting... Link to post Share on other sites
killerheels Posted June 28, 2014 Share Posted June 28, 2014 It's like the entire universe is telling me to keep away from this guy, but the damn withdrawal symptoms can be so scary sometimes! Definitely an addiction I need to break. Yes it is an addiction. I am going through the same feelings. Honestly, the only thing we had in common was sex. But...... it was mind-blowing. I know what I did to him... and he to me. But that was all. I'm telling myself that the flipside is that he was selfish and a liar (he was married with more than one girl on the side) who also betrayed his wife. I can get through the day easier if I realise that was the real person I'd fallen for...... You can too! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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