goodyblue Posted May 6, 2014 Share Posted May 6, 2014 Am I the only one who ended up in a happy, fulfilling relationship with their MM? I rarely hear of it. What happened with yours? Link to post Share on other sites
rae_lana Posted May 6, 2014 Share Posted May 6, 2014 Our divorces won't be final until fall, so we are not in a completely open relationship but we are together almost every day. Coaching our kids teams together this spring has given us the opportunity to be together more often publicly without people asking questions. Was the best decision of my life to choose him. We are very happy together but are still both dealing with a lot of pain we caused. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Friskyone4u Posted May 6, 2014 Share Posted May 6, 2014 You are certainly not the only one, but you are part of a very small minority. Since you are now happy with your ex AP, what happened to your spouse or partner and his wife. My guess is they are not too happy now are his children if there were any involved. Anything is possible in relationships, and since there is no detail here I am guessing you are just looking for a cheering section on how great affairs are. Not sure you will find that 11 Link to post Share on other sites
bentleychic Posted May 6, 2014 Share Posted May 6, 2014 I think those are happy in R's after A's aren't generally here on boards like this because they are not looking for support. 20 Link to post Share on other sites
Allumere Posted May 6, 2014 Share Posted May 6, 2014 It happens. The difficulty comes in how it happened for some as they acknowledge the guilt and mistakes made in the process. In fact I would say that burden is why many times it doesn't last long term when these folks are free to pursue each other. Of course there are many reasons things happen the way they do. In some cases, outsiders can empathize but I can't think of one instance where that particular route would be commended. If the drama and pain were at a minimum (ex-spouses were more indifferent than destroyed; kids adjusted; efforts made to own the mistake etc.) or the change took you out of a desperate or abusive situation, any friends and family that stuck around will be glad to see you happy. If on the other hand the aftermath was and continues to be painful then that will tend to always weigh on the minds of those that know all involved. Some will judge, some will be indifferent. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
WasOtherWoman Posted May 6, 2014 Share Posted May 6, 2014 (edited) I've been happily married to my affair partner for nearly 15 years. His ex-wife has remarried (to a younger guy, good for her!! LOL). I have a great relationship with my step kids, and as I have gotten to know his ex over the past years, we have found a way to become friends. That said, as much as I love my husband and am thankful every day to be his wife, how we came to be is certainly nothing I am proud of. Edited May 6, 2014 by WasOtherWoman edited: I will also add that we had probably the most drama-free affair on the planet. 12 Link to post Share on other sites
snappytomcat Posted May 6, 2014 Share Posted May 6, 2014 I've been happily married to my affair partner for nearly 15 years. His ex-wife has remarried (to a younger guy, good for her!! LOL). I have a great relationship with my step kids, and as I have gotten to know his ex over the past years, we have found a way to become friends. That said, as much as I love my husband and am thankful every day to be his wife, how we came to be is certainly nothing I am proud of. I love your honesty,and compassion happy it worked for you,and good for the xwife,to snag a younger guy 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author goodyblue Posted May 6, 2014 Author Share Posted May 6, 2014 I think those are happy in R's after A's aren't generally here on boards like this because they are not looking for support. I hear this. I am here offering it. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
Author goodyblue Posted May 6, 2014 Author Share Posted May 6, 2014 I've been happily married to my affair partner for nearly 15 years. His ex-wife has remarried (to a younger guy, good for her!! LOL). I have a great relationship with my step kids, and as I have gotten to know his ex over the past years, we have found a way to become friends. That said, as much as I love my husband and am thankful every day to be his wife, how we came to be is certainly nothing I am proud of. This is kind of where we are. MM is divorced, we are happily in a R and while his ex is not all that happy, the kids are, and we are. I wish she would get on the ball and find happiness for herself. She wasn't happy to begin with. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
AmyBamy Posted May 6, 2014 Share Posted May 6, 2014 I can't predict the future obviously but could have "ended up" with my exMM if had chosen to. I decided not to for a variety of reasons, none of them to do with him really. Most of them to do with his wife and her behaviors and because of my own stuff. I do think that we could have made it for the long term though had I given him the chance. Sometimes people just fit and other times they don't. He and I just fit and had that connection that carries people through everything. And I know a few people that have started as affairs and are now happily married and have been for years. I know of less people that have successfully reconciled. Sometimes it's really hard for people to let go of misery that they know for what they think will be misery that they don't know. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Poppy's sister Posted May 6, 2014 Share Posted May 6, 2014 I like hearing it can work, but it's also so painful because I don't know if I will get my happy ending. Hate myself for wishing he was so unhappy he would make that decision to leave. Hate myself for not having courage to do it either....one of us has to go first I guess. Hate myself when he says his weekend was ' relaxing' his code for they didn't have screaming rows all weekend. Goody ...how old we're your children when you both left marriages for each other ? Our biggest issue on both sides is children and custody....we live 150 miles apart, to be together means me moving to him....so what about my children and their relationship with their father and his wife has already threatened to move their children 200 miles in opposite direction....so what about his relationship with them ? Today I am despairing over this . Link to post Share on other sites
WasOtherWoman Posted May 6, 2014 Share Posted May 6, 2014 I love your honesty,and compassion happy it worked for you,and good for the xwife,to snag a younger guy Thanks Snappy. Her younger guy is adorable, too 2 Link to post Share on other sites
WasOtherWoman Posted May 6, 2014 Share Posted May 6, 2014 This is kind of where we are. MM is divorced, we are happily in a R and while his ex is not all that happy, the kids are, and we are. I wish she would get on the ball and find happiness for herself. She wasn't happy to begin with. In our case, we were definitely an exit affair for him. This certainly made things much easier. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Raena Posted May 7, 2014 Share Posted May 7, 2014 This is kind of where we are. MM is divorced, we are happily in a R and while his ex is not all that happy, the kids are, and we are. I wish she would get on the ball and find happiness for herself. She wasn't happy to begin with. There's a really good chance that the reason she's not "happy" as you put it is because the two of you hurt her. There is no limit on how long it takes to get over being deceived and hurt. The pain goes very deep for some people and some never really get over it and have a difficult time trusting again. In my situation, no it didn't work out well at all. He did to me what he did to his ex and he's doing it all again to his newest victim. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
William Posted May 7, 2014 Share Posted May 7, 2014 (edited) Folks, I realize most people here couldn't care less about forum guidelines and/or moderation, but most assuredly we do care and we're actively paring down the ranks of the membership of those who apparently demonstrate that lack of care consistently, and without fanfare and a lot of 'chances'. You'll simply disappear from our forums. A number have in the last day. As a program note, some of them were posting in this thread so I cleaned up their postings, and others, as part of this review, which is now completed. In line with what our head moderator often states, the thread went off-topic after about six posts! Here, a member asks if fellow members have ended up in a happy relationship with their formerly married partner. If you have, or tried and it didn't work out, share your thoughts. This isn't another thread to inject affair-related rhetoric. That's not the purpose of this thread. Take those politics elsewhere. They're not welcome here. In this thread, we're discussing how things worked out with a former affair partner and if you're happy. That's it! Edited May 7, 2014 by William Review complete Link to post Share on other sites
NotOW35 Posted May 7, 2014 Share Posted May 7, 2014 There is always Camilla and Prince Charles. There are lots of couples out there who started as affairs . As was already said, they are just not looking for websites to talk about their problems because they've moved beyond them. I know two couples in real life who ended up with former affair partners. One was an exit affair, one was one of these slow burn things over several years. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author goodyblue Posted May 7, 2014 Author Share Posted May 7, 2014 There's a really good chance that the reason she's not "happy" as you put it is because the two of you hurt her. There is no limit on how long it takes to get over being deceived and hurt. The pain goes very deep for some people and some never really get over it and have a difficult time trusting again. In my situation, no it didn't work out well at all. He did to me what he did to his ex and he's doing it all again to his newest victim. Eh. She was unhappy long before any of this happened. She's always been a sad person. I hope, for her children's sake, that she finds happiness. As for the thread, I think all of the stories are so interesting. Thank you all for sharing. Link to post Share on other sites
bentleychic Posted May 7, 2014 Share Posted May 7, 2014 As I've said many times, I know several couples that ended up together after A's, including my mother (to the man she left my father for). I cannot speak for if they are actually happy or not as we know what people see on the outside is rarely the true story of how people are. They've been married for like 16 years now, though. (Wow, cannot believe it's been that long!!!) I wasn't trying to be a smartie in my previous comment. Just seemed surprised there weren't more people touting happiness after an affair and I really do think it's simply because they're not coming to boards like this. I hope I don't feel the need to come to boards like this once the A is over, whether I'm with him or not, tbh. Just b/c it's something that I'd really like to put behind me. Link to post Share on other sites
Author goodyblue Posted May 7, 2014 Author Share Posted May 7, 2014 I like hearing it can work, but it's also so painful because I don't know if I will get my happy ending. Hate myself for wishing he was so unhappy he would make that decision to leave. Hate myself for not having courage to do it either....one of us has to go first I guess. Hate myself when he says his weekend was ' relaxing' his code for they didn't have screaming rows all weekend. Goody ...how old we're your children when you both left marriages for each other ? Our biggest issue on both sides is children and custody....we live 150 miles apart, to be together means me moving to him....so what about my children and their relationship with their father and his wife has already threatened to move their children 200 miles in opposite direction....so what about his relationship with them ? Today I am despairing over this . His children were adults. Mine were still small and their father was/is a non factor. I definitely think you need to look at your children's welfare first. Link to post Share on other sites
Author goodyblue Posted May 7, 2014 Author Share Posted May 7, 2014 As I've said many times, I know several couples that ended up together after A's, including my mother (to the man she left my father for). I cannot speak for if they are actually happy or not as we know what people see on the outside is rarely the true story of how people are. They've been married for like 16 years now, though. (Wow, cannot believe it's been that long!!!) I wasn't trying to be a smartie in my previous comment. Just seemed surprised there weren't more people touting happiness after an affair and I really do think it's simply because they're not coming to boards like this. I hope I don't feel the need to come to boards like this once the A is over, whether I'm with him or not, tbh. Just b/c it's something that I'd really like to put behind me. I get this. And this will be my last post. I wish you all well. My life goes forward and we are very happy. I know there are those who don't wish to believe, that is okay. Those that sought me out IRL. Who use my name, it makes no difference to me. The thing that matters to me is, I am happy. WE are happy. Our lives are better because of one another, as opposed to those who talk about my still being here when I am happy (not you Bentley, I understood your question). Look at your own bitterness. Indulge it, you deserve the misery it brings. You have earned it. Enjoy Link to post Share on other sites
WasOtherWoman Posted May 7, 2014 Share Posted May 7, 2014 As I've said many times, I know several couples that ended up together after A's, including my mother (to the man she left my father for). I cannot speak for if they are actually happy or not as we know what people see on the outside is rarely the true story of how people are. They've been married for like 16 years now, though. (Wow, cannot believe it's been that long!!!) I wasn't trying to be a smartie in my previous comment. Just seemed surprised there weren't more people touting happiness after an affair and I really do think it's simply because they're not coming to boards like this. I hope I don't feel the need to come to boards like this once the A is over, whether I'm with him or not, tbh. Just b/c it's something that I'd really like to put behind me. I was not an OW for very long and, afterwards, was very active on TOW for many years (here because things really slowed down around there). That said, I have learned a TON about infidelity over the past years and, for whatever reason, it is a subject that I find the psychology of, very interesting. And, I work from my house and can pop in here and there during the day. That's why I am "still coming to boards like this." We can all learn from one another. For whatever that is worth, WOW 1 Link to post Share on other sites
bentleychic Posted May 7, 2014 Share Posted May 7, 2014 (edited) I get this. And this will be my last post. I wish you all well. My life goes forward and we are very happy. I know there are those who don't wish to believe, that is okay. Those that sought me out IRL. Who use my name, it makes no difference to me. The thing that matters to me is, I am happy. WE are happy. Our lives are better because of one another, as opposed to those who talk about my still being here when I am happy (not you Bentley, I understood your question). Look at your own bitterness. Indulge it, you deserve the misery it brings. You have earned it. Enjoy Please do know that I didn't mean it in negative to you AT ALL. I'm still in an A and going strong. This is a part of my life that I am so ashamed of and, honestly, I hope that some day I can put it behind me, whether I end up with MM or not. I guess for me, coming here regardless of where I end up, would continue making me feel as $#itty as I currently do for what I'm doing. I know I'll never be able to forget it or what I've done, but hopefully hide it back in the very back of my mind some day. Does that make sense? I know some people still need to come here and I know some come to help others out and I am very grateful for that. What I said was just personal for me. This A has been my own personal hell of my own creating and yet I'm still here. Loving and suffering because that's the choice that I am making at the moment. And yes, I deserve every bit of this misery. I choose it daily by staying in an A. Because I don't know if leaving and suffering will hurt worse than loving and suffering while I wait for the elusive moment that may never come. (Sorry, I'm super extra emotional atm.) Edited May 7, 2014 by bentleychic Link to post Share on other sites
Poppy's sister Posted May 7, 2014 Share Posted May 7, 2014 Oh goodyblue please don't go, I don't know your back story but your posts are giving me a much needed dose of optimism. So many on here are of opposite poles. It's all 'he is future faking, cake eating, end it now ' type advice. Or the staying for the children is an excuse, or just get divorced. Life is just not so simple and your posts always come across calm and rational and I want to ask more. Bentlychic... You have summed up how I feel so eloquently. Though it hurts so badly I am pretty sure it would hurt more to end it. A lot of the time he and I are happy together in our affair,. The pain comes because we want more and the logistics just do not work for our children I am emotional every day Xx Link to post Share on other sites
bentleychic Posted May 7, 2014 Share Posted May 7, 2014 Oh goodyblue please don't go, I don't know your back story but your posts are giving me a much needed dose of optimism. So many on here are of opposite poles. It's all 'he is future faking, cake eating, end it now ' type advice. Or the staying for the children is an excuse, or just get divorced. Life is just not so simple and your posts always come across calm and rational and I want to ask more. Bentlychic... You have summed up how I feel so eloquently. Though it hurts so badly I am pretty sure it would hurt more to end it. A lot of the time he and I are happy together in our affair,. The pain comes because we want more and the logistics just do not work for our children I am emotional every day Xx My story is a bit different. There's a definite end in sight to their marriage (and I have some proof), is just a matter of if I can wait as long as that takes. But it would kill me to walk away now and then find out in two weeks they were done, kwim? Such a hard dilemma. Link to post Share on other sites
cocorico Posted May 7, 2014 Share Posted May 7, 2014 Am I the only one who ended up in a happy, fulfilling relationship with their MM? I rarely hear of it. What happened with yours? No, you are not the only one. We are blissfully happy together. Link to post Share on other sites
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