Brokenminnie Posted April 22, 2014 Share Posted April 22, 2014 Hi I'll try to explain the situation briefly I have been with my partner for 14 years we have child together not married. I met the other man a year ago he pursued me I tried to resist but the spark was gone in my relationship and I fell into an affair with him. I love him deeply although he is not my usual type balding, no consistent job, still lives with his parents (in his 30's) no children. We have been seeing each other for a year him playing hot and cold at Christmas I ended it completely as I couldn't take the mixed signals. He was persistent again and drew me back in but this time was not hot and cold told me loved me wanted me to be his wished I would leave my partner etc. so I fell even deeper in love and was considering leaving my partner (I did not tell him this the OM) just an internal battle. But the last 2 weeks I have felt insecure with him again feeling the hot and cold sometimes he seems to ignore me then he's all over me again. I spoke to him said I was deeply in love with him and if was breaking my heart not knowing where I stood - he said he did have feelings for me but he is scared he has nothing to offer me scared I will ruin my life if I go to be with him. I said he needs to let me go but he said he can't let me go. So this is my dilemma I'm in love with someone who won't commit but also won't let me go. It's like torture and I don't know what to do. I think I should ignore him but I can't and he will not stop contacting me and I'm so weak. Please I need help and advice x Link to post Share on other sites
STM206 Posted April 22, 2014 Share Posted April 22, 2014 Please step away from the situation and really think about what you want. You're basically cheating on your partner and if you're going to end it, just do it instead of holding onto 2 men at the same time... It isn't fair, put yourself in their shoes, how would you like it if your partner of 14 years was doing this behind your back? I'm not trying to sound insensitive but you need to figure out what's more important to you. I think you're getting caught up in the excitement of this new guy but you don't see any potential future with him. Link to post Share on other sites
Strength in Healing Posted April 22, 2014 Share Posted April 22, 2014 If the spark is gone, leave him. Stop cheating, that is despicable. Also, for the love of God, please learn how to use periods and paragraphs. Basic grammar. Link to post Share on other sites
skywriter Posted April 22, 2014 Share Posted April 22, 2014 Hi I'll try to explain the situation briefly I have been with my partner for 14 years we have child together not married. I met the other man a year ago he pursued me I tried to resist but the spark was gone in my relationship and I fell into an affair with him. I love him deeply although he is not my usual type balding, no consistent job, still lives with his parents (in his 30's) no children. We have been seeing each other for a year him playing hot and cold at Christmas I ended it completely as I couldn't take the mixed signals. He was persistent again and drew me back in but this time was not hot and cold told me loved me wanted me to be his wished I would leave my partner etc. so I fell even deeper in love and was considering leaving my partner (I did not tell him this the OM) just an internal battle. But the last 2 weeks I have felt insecure with him again feeling the hot and cold sometimes he seems to ignore me then he's all over me again. I spoke to him said I was deeply in love with him and if was breaking my heart not knowing where I stood - he said he did have feelings for me but he is scared he has nothing to offer me scared I will ruin my life if I go to be with him. I said he needs to let me go but he said he can't let me go. So this is my dilemma I'm in love with someone who won't commit but also won't let me go. It's like torture and I don't know what to do. I think I should ignore him but I can't and he will not stop contacting me and I'm so weak. Please I need help and advice x It doesn't sound like your deeply in love with this OM. In fact, it sounds more like you are avoiding dealing with for lack of a better word, issues with your long term partner. If you didn't have contact with this OM for , say, a couple of months, I'd imagine you'd probably feel relief and move on, be it towards being single or getting your long term relationship back on track. What you describe with the OM as hot and cold, I describe as push, pull, pushing you away, then pulling you back in. It's unhealthy, emotionally and physically. It makes you believe it's love, and you crave their validation. Definitly not relationship making dynamics. You don't need him to let you go, you need to make the decision to let go . Good luck. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
txgrl Posted April 22, 2014 Share Posted April 22, 2014 Just read some threads here and also if you want, on the infidelity forum here . It really helped open up my eyes . Strength in healing: grammar 'police'?!:) Link to post Share on other sites
AlphaC Posted April 22, 2014 Share Posted April 22, 2014 Hi I'll try to explain the situation briefly I have been with my partner for 14 years we have child together not married. I met the other man a year ago he pursued me I tried to resist but the spark was gone in my relationship and I fell into an affair with him. I love him deeply although he is not my usual type balding, no consistent job, still lives with his parents (in his 30's) no children. We have been seeing each other for a year him playing hot and cold at Christmas I ended it completely as I couldn't take the mixed signals. He was persistent again and drew me back in but this time was not hot and cold told me loved me wanted me to be his wished I would leave my partner etc. so I fell even deeper in love and was considering leaving my partner (I did not tell him this the OM) just an internal battle. But the last 2 weeks I have felt insecure with him again feeling the hot and cold sometimes he seems to ignore me then he's all over me again. I spoke to him said I was deeply in love with him and if was breaking my heart not knowing where I stood - he said he did have feelings for me but he is scared he has nothing to offer me scared I will ruin my life if I go to be with him. I said he needs to let me go but he said he can't let me go. So this is my dilemma I'm in love with someone who won't commit but also won't let me go. It's like torture and I don't know what to do. I think I should ignore him but I can't and he will not stop contacting me and I'm so weak. Please I need help and advice x You know what, don't be surprised if your partner (of 14 years) is cheating on you too. If he is smart he knows what you are doing, men are just as intuitive as women, never under estimate your opponent. I honestly hope your partner (of 14 years) lets you go so you can be with that loser who lives with his mama. Link to post Share on other sites
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