Hopefully not the other woman

[midkirby]

I dont know if I'm the other woman, but I need to know what others think of this situation.

 

I am friends with a married man. He hasn't hidden his attraction to me and has made it very obvious that he want to sleep with me. Things got heated sexually between text messages and phone calls. I finally told him that we couldn't continue, as I was feeling guilty. I am in a committed relationship also. I told him that I was beginning to question my own relationship. He backed down and said that he understood. I did say that if we were both single, that things would be different. Meaning that I was feeling extremely guilty. Previously, he had mentioned how he cheats on his wife sometimes. He has also mentioned before about how perfect I am and he would always want to have me as a friend, if nothing else. (we have had no physical contact at all).

 

Since I told him that we need to chill out, approx two weeks ago, we have just kept things on a regular friend basis with me continuing my own relationship. I've been doing okay trying not to think about him, as I know it is wrong.

 

So he tells me that he told his wife that he wants to split. He tells me that he has been thinking about it for a while. Before anyone says anything... I know for sure that he is splitting. I never asked him too an frankly don't want him to because I really don't need to fall in love with this guy because hes more available. I would prefer that he works it out. Honestly.

 

So my question. I find the timing on this very odd. I just told him less than two weeks ago that we can't do this anymore because neither one of us are single. Now, he tells me he's leaving? I don't know whether it is just a coincidence. I know he has seen or is seeing other women on the side.

 

Do you think he is leaving her with the hopes of getting with me, or something else? My head is telling me that it's just a coincidence and not to even think that it has a thing to do with me.

 

Help!

[Goodbye]

Oh my. This isn't a good scenario. I learned the hard way that these conversations he is having with his W are likely fiction. He is probably hoping to draw you into a full blown affair and THEN figure out if he if it is worth exploding his marriage. Not a good place for you, or anyone for that matter. I seriously doubt she has any idea or that he has really thought this through. Please, please seriously consider walking away from all of this before it goes any further.

[midkirby]

Thanks for the advice. Trust me that I'm not seeing this through rose-colored glasses. I know for a fact that he is leaving her. It certainly isn't something I'm believing because I want it to be true. It is fact. I just don't want to have any part in their split. I already have walked away. We only keep in touch as friends. I can't avoid him all together as we do work together.

 

Again, thanks for advice.

[QuakerOats]

Unless you've spoken with the wife, how do you really know? What evidence do you have other than what he has told you? I don't mean to be confrontational, I really am curious.

[midkirby]

I can't really go into how I know without revealing specifics. I'm certainly not naive to this game. I know men will tell you whatever you want to hear to sleep with you. I never said that I would split with mine, if he split with his.

 

I understand all of the questions about whether or not he is lying. Neither way, it doesn't matter to me.

 

Let's, for arguments sake, say it is true. I want to know what people think as far as why he did it. To be with me?

 

Any opinion on that, would be greatly appreciated.

[QuakerOats]

I can't really go into how I know without revealing specifics. I'm certainly not naive to this game. I know men will tell you whatever you want to hear to sleep with you. I never said that I would split with mine, if he split with his.

 

I understand all of the questions about whether or not he is lying. Neither way, it doesn't matter to me.

 

Let's, for arguments sake, say it is true. I want to know what people think as far as why he did it. To be with me?

 

Any opinion on that, would be greatly appreciated.

 

Oh, I thought you were single.

[PinkInTheLimo]

I dont know if I'm the other woman, but I need to know what others think of this situation.

 

I am friends with a married man. He hasn't hidden his attraction to me and has made it very obvious that he want to sleep with me.

 

I don't need to read any further. This tells all you need to know. He is married. He should not hint at a sexual relationship with you.

 

If you want to maintain your decency you have to stop this contact here and now.

[sunburned]

I dont know if I'm the other woman, but I need to know what others think of this situation.

 

I am friends with a married man. He hasn't hidden his attraction to me and has made it very obvious that he want to sleep with me. Things got heated sexually between text messages and phone calls. I finally told him that we couldn't continue, as I was feeling guilty. I am in a committed relationship also. I told him that I was beginning to question my own relationship. He backed down and said that he understood. I did say that if we were both single, that things would be different. Meaning that I was feeling extremely guilty. Previously, he had mentioned how he cheats on his wife sometimes. He has also mentioned before about how perfect I am and he would always want to have me as a friend, if nothing else. (we have had no physical contact at all).

 

Since I told him that we need to chill out, approx two weeks ago, we have just kept things on a regular friend basis with me continuing my own relationship. I've been doing okay trying not to think about him, as I know it is wrong.

 

So he tells me that he told his wife that he wants to split. He tells me that he has been thinking about it for a while. Before anyone says anything... I know for sure that he is splitting. I never asked him too an frankly don't want him to because I really don't need to fall in love with this guy because hes more available. I would prefer that he works it out. Honestly.

 

So my question. I find the timing on this very odd. I just told him less than two weeks ago that we can't do this anymore because neither one of us are single. Now, he tells me he's leaving? I don't know whether it is just a coincidence. I know he has seen or is seeing other women on the side.

 

Do you think he is leaving her with the hopes of getting with me, or something else? My head is telling me that it's just a coincidence and not to even think that it has a thing to do with me.

 

Help!

 

Both! I think he'd like to "get with" you and anyone else he can "get with."

 

Assuming your knowledge of his "split" is accurate (big assumption), he has nonetheless told you he has cheated on his wife several times. Furthermore, he sounds very blase about it. Is that someone you'd want to have a relationship with even if he does leave his W?

[cozycottagelg]

It's hard to say based on the little information that you gave...

 

Does he have children? how long has he been married? What is the age difference?

 

I don't want to come off as snarky because that's totally not my jam...but, if he is married with children, and has been married for a long time, I find it hard to believe he would leave for a girl he has never had a physical or emotional relationship with. It's certainly possible that his marriage was dead and he sees you and wants to be with you fully...and the old me would totally be on board with that...but being here and reading threads for almost a year, that is almost never the case. Sorry.

[midkirby]

Thank you for your opinion. If you would have read all of my comments, you would more clearly understand my position.

 

Again, I cannot cut all contact as stated previously.

 

I need to know if you think he left his wife for me? Anyone?

 

Thank you very much.

[midkirby]

Thanks for the two above comments. Age difference is 5 years. Marriage length, almost two decades.

 

I would think it would be for me either, but the timing seems rather odd to me.

 

No, I don't want to be with him nor do I want to be the cause of a breakup.

[midkirby]

I meant not for me.

[PinkInTheLimo]

I want to know what people think as far as why he did it. To be with me?

 

Why do you want to know? Who cares?

 

I don't believe you that you don't want a relationship with him. You are way too interested in him and it sounds like your own partner is just a footnote in your life.

[sunburned]

Thank you for your opinion. If you would have read all of my comments, you would more clearly understand my position.

 

Again, I cannot cut all contact as stated previously.

 

I need to know if you think he left his wife for me? Anyone?

 

Thank you very much.

 

Umm, I think I answered your question. Maybe you didn't like it? Let me elaborate:

 

The guy sounds like a player. Maybe leaving his W is the first decent thing he's done, so she doesn't have to suffer this fool anymore. It sounds to me (based on your post) like he is leaving to play the field. I'm sure he hopes you'll be one of many who'll play along with him.

[midkirby]

You're probably right about the many partners.

 

Why would I care? I don't know, (sarcastically). I don't want to be the cause of anyone's break up. If I knew it had nothing to do with me, I would feel much better.

 

No I don't want to be with him! I wouldn't date someone who is such a player.

[Snipercatt]

I know he has seen or is seeing other women on the side.

 

No, I don't think he left his wife for you.

[MissBee]

You guys did engage in emotionally inappropriate behaviors and it could count as an emotional affair.

 

I haven't a clue why you want to be "friends" with this man at all....and I also am curious about your own relationship and what you plan to do about that?

 

If you want no part in their split, forget the friends thing too. Although I don't see how you are even friends when it seems like he was looking for an affair from you all along and it was never a genuinely platonic friendship. Just leave him alone and only speak with him on a need to basis for work.

 

He hasn't left for you. For all we know, since he is a serial cheater, his wife finally tired of him and his ways and is leaving him. Or he isn't even divorcing at all. Either way, it shouldn't matter...as if he left for you or not, that's his choice and not your problem or fault. You never asked him to or forced him to and if I were you I would not entertain him...this man isn't good relationship material, so even if he did leave for you, I'd not take him up on his offer. But it is unlikely he left for you as you guys have had a casual texting relationship, nothing that deep or invested and I have the feeling this bunk he is spitting is stuff he is adept at since he cheats often.

Edited April 22, 2014 by MissBee