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Unblocked by xAP


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Hey LS i just had a quick question thats been bothering for a week or two now. I tried to just let it go but keeps stirring in my mind so i just wanted some opinions.

 

About two weeks ago my xAP unblocked my from facebook. I know this isn't a huge deal or maybe it is but its just really nagging me. In Jan my xAP MW told me definitively (which she's done a couple times before) that it was over and that she couldn't do it anymore then she promptly deleted me and blocked me from everything. Even though i didnt want that i understood that she was going NC and that disappearing was all part of the process. I came on LS and vented,got some excellent advice, and without any contact started moving on.

 

However, i went on fb to just waste time as usual and i went to type in my friends name in the search bar and as soon as i hit the first letter her name popped up. Then i noticed her comments and likes on our mutual friends walls and realized i'd been unblocked and then the next day she changed her pic from one of her and her husband to just her.

 

My question is why do this? to unblock someone you have to actively do it its not something that just happens after a certain amount of time, so it was an active decision and move on her part. if she's trying to get over the situation then shouldnt she just leave me blocked? even if she was over it shouldnt she keep the block on for her H's sake? shouldnt she not give a s*** whats happening in my life? I feel like this is a breach of NC because its got me thinking about the whole situation again and every time i go on fb her and her husband are at the top of my list and im not friends with either of them (obviously lol). Plus this also opens up a line of communication as we can now message each other if need be.

 

The few i've told about this say she obviously wants you to contact her or she wants to contact you but as of yet she hasn't said anything. Im not gonna lie and say i dont want her to contact me because i do i just dont want the A again but we were such good friends before hand i wonder if she's cooled out and we can talk again. I don't want to block her because i dont ever go to her page or search for her and i dont wanna get pulled in to the blocking/unblocking game. Anyway, thoughts????

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I tell people to try not to read too much into FB when it comes to pics but I know my XMM has changed his profile pic and cover of him and his BS out of spite because of an argument we had once... He changed it days later after we starting the A at that time.

 

I've blocked/unblocked my XMM before and sometimes I ask myself is it worth it? Sometimes it's for the XMM to see if that will spark enough fuel to reach out again. Maybe in her case she just misses you and wants to keep that wedge open.

 

And in my case... Everytime I upload a new pic my XMM seems to reache out.

 

Maybe it's just a coincidence..

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Sometimes, when they decide they want estrangement and awkwardness, rather than the passion and connection you had, they resort to 'customizing their echo chamber' to feel at peace about what they are trying to achieve re: the relationship and all the stops get pulled out to control you and themselves in a contrived way; blocked on Facebook, Pinterest page gets renamed/taken down, texts get ignored or blocked, etc. Then, when they realize they are actually ok, they take all that silliness down.

 

In your case, it could mean something (she's open to contact), but probably means nothing (she can just feel normal again).

 

In my experience, the changing of pictures, or posting of new pictures (i.e., hey I'm at this bar with my bff = come see me), they almost always mean something...

 

Good luck.

G

Edited by Gunthar
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yeah i know theres a chance that its her settling down and stabilizing. But even if that were the case wouldnt she just leave me blocked if every thing was back to normal at home? I know if i were a BS and i found out my WW had unblocked he xAP after promising no contact i would be furious and read it as nothing else other than she wants contact or she's still interested on some level.

 

My profile has always been public so i know she can stalk away if she wants to...she hasn't sent me a friend request but just the other night she changed her profile from private to public which i feel further opens us up to see whats going on with each other which seems like the opposite of NC. I know i might be speculating a lot but it just seems like the opposite of what an apologetic wayward should do and more like what someone who's looking for a re-connection would.

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yeah i know theres a chance that its her settling down and stabilizing. But even if that were the case wouldnt she just leave me blocked if every thing was back to normal at home? I know if i were a BS and i found out my WW had unblocked he xAP after promising no contact i would be furious and read it as nothing else other than she wants contact or she's still interested on some level.

 

My profile has always been public so i know she can stalk away if she wants to...she hasn't sent me a friend request but just the other night she changed her profile from private to public which i feel further opens us up to see whats going on with each other which seems like the opposite of NC. I know i might be speculating a lot but it just seems like the opposite of what an apologetic wayward should do and more like what someone who's looking for a re-connection would.

 

Anyone that says they Never go back every now and then to see what's different on their AP FB or social media page is secretly lying to themselves.

 

 

I'm nosey anyway and why would anyone want their stuff public if your trying to move on? My stuff is private but you can see if someone post on my page and my profile of course is public.

 

I usually stay logged out of my FB on my mobile so I'm not tempted to look at my XMM's page. It seems like your XMW fishing for something..,

 

But I could be wrong.

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Ure thinking so much about it, you've already been reeled back into the pull push . Trust me , I played the block unblock game so many times , it wasn't even funny .

 

This is definitely a breach of NC and she wants a reaction . Give it to her only if you want to be pulled back into your unhealthy A .

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Yep, she wants contact. If she truly didn't want anything to do with you then she would have left you blocked, it's a game and she's got you hook line and sinker. Why do you even think you can go back to being friends since you crossed the line and you saying you don't want to block her because you don't go to her page, that's a load of crap.. Blocking has nothing to do with whether you go to her page or not. It had to do with keeping her from going to your page, from contacting you and to a lesser extent you from seeing anything she posts or her you. If her unblocking you causes you this much turmoil, you couldn't handle simply being friends.....

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Apologies, if I missed this detail, but if your xAP's H doesn't know, she may be cleaning up settings, so he doesn't see suspect/something.

 

My xAP is horrified that her H may find out what happened between us. She genuinely believes he monitors her phone, PC, etc. He can see her Faebook account on their home machine. I've been asked for NC, in every way, FB/ text, etc. only "organic" contact (a word which is increasingly redefined in a more restrictive manner it seems as time goes on).

 

Anyway, when I mistakenly thought my xAP had blocked me on FB, I INSTANTLY defriended her only because I didn't know what else to do at the time. I mean, if he saw she was blocking me, what would she say?? So I figured it better that I give her the 'luxury' of not having to deal with that aspect at all. She can just claim my W is jealous so I defriended her (which is the line we give everyone about why we aren't 'friends' now/any longer). Too bad I did, since it turns out she wasn't blocking me, it was actually just a posting glitch. I overreacted, like the fool I am...

 

She may just be making it all look normal for her H, in case he goes snooping. Perhaps?? IDK.

 

G

Edited by Gunthar
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Hey LS i just had a quick question thats been bothering for a week or two now. I tried to just let it go but keeps stirring in my mind so i just wanted some opinions.

 

About two weeks ago my xAP unblocked my from facebook. I know this isn't a huge deal or maybe it is but its just really nagging me. In Jan my xAP MW told me definitively (which she's done a couple times before) that it was over and that she couldn't do it anymore then she promptly deleted me and blocked me from everything. Even though i didnt want that i understood that she was going NC and that disappearing was all part of the process. I came on LS and vented,got some excellent advice, and without any contact started moving on.

 

However, i went on fb to just waste time as usual and i went to type in my friends name in the search bar and as soon as i hit the first letter her name popped up. Then i noticed her comments and likes on our mutual friends walls and realized i'd been unblocked and then the next day she changed her pic from one of her and her husband to just her.

 

My question is why do this? to unblock someone you have to actively do it its not something that just happens after a certain amount of time, so it was an active decision and move on her part. if she's trying to get over the situation then shouldnt she just leave me blocked? even if she was over it shouldnt she keep the block on for her H's sake? shouldnt she not give a s*** whats happening in my life? I feel like this is a breach of NC because its got me thinking about the whole situation again and every time i go on fb her and her husband are at the top of my list and im not friends with either of them (obviously lol). Plus this also opens up a line of communication as we can now message each other if need be.

 

The few i've told about this say she obviously wants you to contact her or she wants to contact you but as of yet she hasn't said anything. Im not gonna lie and say i dont want her to contact me because i do i just dont want the A again but we were such good friends before hand i wonder if she's cooled out and we can talk again. I don't want to block her because i dont ever go to her page or search for her and i dont wanna get pulled in to the blocking/unblocking game. Anyway, thoughts????

 

 

2. Hook, line and sinker

 

False hope and sweet nothings aren’t the only signs your ex is hedging their bets. Shutting the door on reconciliation can lead a resentful ex to attempt to get your attention by any means necessary. If they can’t appeal to your rosier side, they can attempt to keep you in their lives by acting like they can’t stand you.

 

If they seem hell-bent on attempting to bring you down, see the charade for what it is. A desperate attempt to keep you planted in their lives, and a last-ditch cry for attention. Anger stems from hurt, and hurt from caring. If they genuinely wanted to have nothing to do with you — they wouldn’t.

 

[alert-note]Fighting fire with fire means playing a game of their choosing. If you refuse to take the bait the game will cease to reap its desired rewards.[/alert-note]

 

 

5 Signs Your Ex Is Playing Games

 

 

 

 

Xenomouse by any chance do we share the same exAP?;)

 

 

I'm in the same boat as you and it's possible there's more 'hints' coming your way. I do not wish to go into depth about the petty things my exAP is doing to gain my attention but it's working. Sadly we are both co workers and the temptation is there and there is no way around it. In my situation it slowly start building up and slowly reaching out.

 

 

There is also the possibility she testing you to see if you still thinking of her and she risking NC to see if things between you two had calmed down. I done this to my exAP and the only results I got are mixed.

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whichwayisup

Do yourself a huge favour right now. Block her. This way YOU are in control and don't see the times she blocks or unblocks you.

 

Your A is over, she's moved on and NC is in place.

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I was unblocked on Whatsapp 2 months ago by my xAP. At the time I analysed it to death and wondered if he was going to contact me but so far he hasn't and I haven't contacted him. Sometimes I think that we are just playing a game with each other and checking each other's last seen times on there, or maybe that's just me! I feel tempted to msg him but cldnt face it if he didn't reply, and I know that it would be a bad thing anyway, we've been NC since early Nov. I am single, he is married, and he cut contact with me.

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My exAP only recently started doing the same thing and add salt to injury she is also doing petty things towards me at work. It got to the stage I was wondering if I should post my experience here or try to man up and experience the fun of these mind games. ;)

 

I did try to do two posts on this before and each one kept being blocked. I can only imagine I posted a link to an article outside of Loveshack, must be a big no NO to them. It's a good artilce and in a brief summary explain how some normal exes use a type of mindgame as a last ditch effort to remain in their ex lives WITHOUT being BURNT.

 

 

My advice is if you want to leave the door open to them, just in case their marriage/relationship fail then go ahead. However please remember at present none of us here were good enough for our exAP to leave their situation. However there is a chance the exAP will use this 'open door' to re start the affair and none of us want to be in this position AGAIN. So the question is it worth the risk? Also what prevent them creating an alternative facebook account if you block them.

I think the best thing to do is just ingore them and pretend to move on. Don;t give them any satisfaction or dismay by blocking them. They want to know if we are still interested in them and after that they could easily shut us out again.

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Apparently all the APs play the same stupid games in NC, myself included . Where's the integrity, the honesty when we indulge in these mind games? We all hurt more as a consequence ad hurt others too .

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This is taken from unknownbreakup and therefor I do not take any credit from this text.

 

 

2. Hook, line and sinker

 

False hope and sweet nothings aren’t the only signs your ex is hedging their bets. Shutting the door on reconciliation can lead a resentful ex to attempt to get your attention by any means necessary. If they can’t appeal to your rosier side, they can attempt to keep you in their lives by acting like they can’t stand you.

 

If they seem hell-bent on attempting to bring you down, see the charade for what it is. A desperate attempt to keep you planted in their lives, and a last-ditch cry for attention. Anger stems from hurt, and hurt from caring. If they genuinely wanted to have nothing to do with you — they wouldn’t.

 

[alert-note]Fighting fire with fire means playing a game of their choosing. If you refuse to take the bait the game will cease to reap its desired rewards.[/alert-note]

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thats exactly why i dont wanna block her, i may be in hook line and sinker but i dont wanna get pulled into that game and i want it to seem like i just didnt notice (highschool i kno).

 

txgrl when you played the unblock/block game with your xAP would you unblock and then eventually contact him or was it to let him know it was ok to contact you again.

 

I wanna think that she's just over the whole thing but from reading waywards posts it seems like 3 months isnt enough time to completely get over an A, i know my own progress has been painfully slow. The only thing that kinda bugs me about this whole thing is that i was starting to gain some clarity and kinda shake this shadow but as soon as this happened it feels like....all my progress was knocked down and im back to wondering what the hell she's doing and thinking. Sometimes i think it wouldve been better for both of us if she just left me blocked.

 

Like i said before tho, i do want to talk to her for reasons that aren't totally clear to me but RickFox is totatlly right in that im not ready for a friendship.

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A while back I posted how reconnecting worked, or rather didn't work out after I.baited xmw. I realized that for the first two years of no contact she was stalking my Facebook. At first I found it flattering but then realized she's getting her fix and I was left pining for someon who still wouldn't talk to me. I blocked her for a short time and then UN blocked her. She did the same. As of recently, after our previous re connect, I decided to block her again, but this time it was for me. I know she probably has a secondary account, I know she still knew my phone number after two years, but I blocked her so I don't look for her, which I knew I would do. She denied sending me two messages one year after we ended, she Invited me to bring my daughter to the park so our kids could play. But denied it was to see me even though our kids aren't friends, she wouldn't even give me an honest answer as to what she was or wasn't feeling and left me being the one feeling stupid all over again. I realized as hard as nc was, it was harder to return to that whole scene. I did it for me because I don't want to have an avenue to contact her and for her to know I'm done. No more messages in my about me section for her, nothing. And my marriage is doing much better

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veritas lux mea

I unblocked my xMM because I don't care anymore. We have mutual friends and pretending he doesn't exist just doesn't matter. If he was harassing me I would block him. My husband never had him blocked. He liked to know when he would show up at group invites. So no push and pull and no deep meaning and no hidden message. I realize that there can be games played but not always. And I change my profile pic because I get bored. Just for me.

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See when I played these games, I wasn't aware if the psychology of it all . I blocked him because I wanted to stop because it was so wrong , and unblocked because I missed him terribly and the withdrawal used to be horrible .

 

I still felt pretty stupid blocking and unblocking and frankly used to be quite surprised when OM always either responded to me or got in touch himself after all this push and pull . I wondered why he didn't get fed up an walk away .

 

I don't think these games stop till YOU stop them .

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Social media is one thing but having an exAP not respecting boundaries at work is a totally different ball game and there is some fun to be had.:D

 

The fact she went out of her way in an attempt to enrage me and to keep her on my mind my of kinda back fired. Yes I know I'm playing the game and I do promise I will stop but I just want give her a taste of her own medicine before I do. The look on her face when her mind games not working and made herself to look like a right t*t is incredible. Very often these mind games can ricohcet back towards the player and I'm hoping it does towards her.

 

I do remember last year my exAP went to great effort to talk to me and our conversation never mention about our affair or the tension it created between us. It was a general chit chat and it shows how well we get along. Afterward she had left me alone and never spoke to me again untill a few weeks later. I'm just wondering if it was a test to see if I was still interested in her and this is why she stole my ************** recently to see how I react. :rolleyes:

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Hey LS i just had a quick question thats been bothering for a week or two now. I tried to just let it go but keeps stirring in my mind so i just wanted some opinions.

 

About two weeks ago my xAP unblocked my from facebook. I know this isn't a huge deal or maybe it is but its just really nagging me. In Jan my xAP MW told me definitively (which she's done a couple times before) that it was over and that she couldn't do it anymore then she promptly deleted me and blocked me from everything. Even though i didnt want that i understood that she was going NC and that disappearing was all part of the process. I came on LS and vented,got some excellent advice, and without any contact started moving on.

 

However, i went on fb to just waste time as usual and i went to type in my friends name in the search bar and as soon as i hit the first letter her name popped up. Then i noticed her comments and likes on our mutual friends walls and realized i'd been unblocked and then the next day she changed her pic from one of her and her husband to just her.

 

My question is why do this? to unblock someone you have to actively do it its not something that just happens after a certain amount of time, so it was an active decision and move on her part. if she's trying to get over the situation then shouldnt she just leave me blocked? even if she was over it shouldnt she keep the block on for her H's sake? shouldnt she not give a s*** whats happening in my life? I feel like this is a breach of NC because its got me thinking about the whole situation again and every time i go on fb her and her husband are at the top of my list and im not friends with either of them (obviously lol). Plus this also opens up a line of communication as we can now message each other if need be.

 

The few i've told about this say she obviously wants you to contact her or she wants to contact you but as of yet she hasn't said anything. Im not gonna lie and say i dont want her to contact me because i do i just dont want the A again but we were such good friends before hand i wonder if she's cooled out and we can talk again. I don't want to block her because i dont ever go to her page or search for her and i dont wanna get pulled in to the blocking/unblocking game. Anyway, thoughts????

 

She's fishing.

And you took the bait.

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i know this might sound like a stupid question but: what do you mean by she's fishing?

 

fishing for what?

 

and why would she after all this time? (if 4 months is a lot of time for NC)

Edited by XenoMouse
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She wants your attention and is baiting you. My xMM did the same thing on social networking site and it worked. I reached out to him and now we are in contact again after 5 months of NC. I should note that it's LC though and I think he just wants to be friends.

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Blocking and unblocking on fb for no contact reason is silly. Anyone knows you can have a secondary account and still have access to his/her page. So when someone block/unblock you on fb it is to give you a distinct message that they want you out of their life, or they want you to contact them again.

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i know this might sound like a stupid question but: what do you mean by she's fishing?

 

She KNOWS how to get to you - to pique your interest - to get in your head.

Its simple human nature - she's playing on it to get to you - an innocent move to get YOU to contact her.

fishing for what?

 

Ego feed. Can I get him to call me again? Do I matter? Does he still think of me?

 

And not in a healthy way but a selfish one. She's out to stroke her own sense of worth at YOUR expense.

 

Don't believe me? What is on your mind right now?

She is occupying head space and setting you back....and for what?

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