Act or not to act [update]

[Hopelessromantic25]

My affair ended about a month and half ago. My affair partner who was already in a relationship ended it with me via email. I havent responded and I don't think I will but I'm tempted. I miss her but this wasn't the first time she sent me an email to end things, which made this worse for me being that she knew what it did to the first time. She knows she was a coward about the whole thing and she said that she was afraid of relapsing if he did it in person or over the phone. Neverthless it still stung a whole lot. However I've accepted it and it is what it is but she just recently sent me an email and it stated:

 

"Just in case your wondering, you did everything right."

 

After a month and a half and during the day she ended it she didn't want to talk about anything and couldn't explain herself.

 

Any advice?

 

Thanks.

[whichwayisup]

I miss her but this wasn't the first time she sent me an email to end things, which made this worse for me being that she knew what it did to the first time.

 

Why did you go back to her after she broke up with you the first time? You know what that 1st break up did to you, so going back shows her you don't respect yourself so why should she worry about how you'll feel after another break up?

 

Bottom line is, she will behave in the way you allow her. Your A is over (again) and I hope you find it in you to pick yourself up and go on, grieve the loss and heal. Don't go back to her a third time.

 

Keep busy, be around good friends and family.

[trailrunner1975]

I'm a guy, heres my take. I will give her this: she at least ended it with you in some way rather than leaving you hang, wondering what the staus is. That said, you know that things have come to an end and it is time to move on. My advice is as follows: do not respond as there is nothing more to be said. She made a decision to end it and it is iiin your best interest to make sure it is done for good. Emotional rollercoasters suck. Join a meetup.com grouup that shares your interests. Go to the events and stay busy as idle hands are the devils workshop. Do not answer her no matter what as she made her mind up already. You will be amazed at the number of single, awesome women in the meetup groups you join and will be able to move on much faster as a result of just interacting with them, even on a platonic basis. After a period of time you will look back on your ex and see that she did you a huge favor. No contact works wonders. Enjoy!

[fellini]

I have read online advice to people who want to know how to "end" things with someone. What she did is considered the way to do it.

 

The idea is this: End a relationship if you know it is over. If a relationship is over, tell the other person, but you do not need to get into a discussion of what went wrong, whose fault, because this just muddies the waters.

 

Say its over. Allow them to respond. And leave. And don't leave with some cryptic thing like "I hope in the future... or sorry it had to end this way or whatever which will create a lack of closure while the dumped one looks for some clues in those words to say, "she'll be back"...

 

 

 

My affair ended about a month and half ago. My affair partner who was already in a relationship ended it with me via email. I havent responded and I don't think I will but I'm tempted. I miss her but this wasn't the first time she sent me an email to end things, which made this worse for me being that she knew what it did to the first time. She knows she was a coward about the whole thing and she said that she was afraid of relapsing if he did it in person or over the phone. Neverthless it still stung a whole lot. However I've accepted it and it is what it is but she just recently sent me an email and it stated:

 

"Just in case your wondering, you did everything right."

 

After a month and a half and during the day she ended it she didn't want to talk about anything and couldn't explain herself.

 

Any advice?

 

Thanks.

[trailrunner1975]

My advice above assumes you are single. If you are not, disregard the single women in meetup groups portion. Still join, but set solid boundaries so as not to get in this position again.

[Wambo]

After a month and a half and during the day she ended it she didn't want to talk about anything and couldn't explain herself.

 

Any advice?

Thanks.

 

 

Affairs are a horrible situation to be in and there no escaping the damage they can do if the affair is serious. For your situation there is no advice because you know what need to be done and you can't accept this. You can't accept this because you are now free and she liberated you from her problems. She didn't end the affair just for hersake but yours aswell. She knew exactly the damage the affair is causing to you and she want the best for you by letting you go.

[FoolishOW]

Hopeless...

 

 

Having only the benefit of what you mentioned in your post (and feeling relatively sure that details wouldn't change my thoughts much), I think I'd take a glance back for about a minute, then continue moving in the direction you're currently facing... forward, not back.

 

 

I can only tell you how I view her comment, but the first thought that came to mind was, "Wow... that was really Big of her." If anything, for me, it would simply eradicate any desire I may have still had to communicate again, and here's why...

 

 

She didn't reach out to say, "Sorry if you felt hurt," or "Sorry I wasn't able to have a discussion, here's why...", or anything even similar to indicate she felt regret or badly for her inability to talk with you or consider your confusion/questions at the time of the breakup (which you seem to indicate would have been helpful to you). Instead, she makes a really self-centered assumption that surely YOU must be thinking or wondering what YOU did wrong, so she does you the favor of reassuring you that, in fact, you didn't.

 

 

Two words run through my mind... Pound sand.

 

 

Personally, I wouldn't give it, or her, a second thought, but again... that's just MY view. Hope you're not too thrown by her contact. Best to you!

[Hopelessromantic25]

it's going on two months now since the affair I was ended. Since then I've only got one email from her (AP who's in a commited relationship) and I only responded to that email once and that was it. That very last email was her reassuring me that I didn't do anything wrong that led to the affair to break.

 

However for the past couple of days, I've been contemplating and thinking irrationally. I almost sent another email, I still miss her. I know I shouldn't, I know it's over and I'm slowly, one day at a time accepting the reality of it. I honestly think it's better this way, but I can't seem to jake it off. I'm back and forth, like a roller coaster. Some days I'm good, some days I dwell and want to text or write her an email asking her why..

 

I know it's a terrible idea, I know I'm just settin myself up for more pain of I do. So I guess I'm wondering if any of you good people have been through the roller coaster of emotions, the want/need to break no contact? Mind you, I'm still circulating, going out on dates when I have my free time, but at the end of the day I get tempted to break no contact just to to know if she misses me or even thinks about me. I know that sounds elementary but it's what I think about when I'm contemplating about her, which I think is kind of normal.

 

It ended two months ago, via email sent by her which destroyed me at first and it was cowardly I think. Since then like said, there was only one other email sent by her reassuring me that I didn't do anything wrong, I responded to that saying that she did her best and that's it. I keep telling myself to just let go...freakin roller coaster!

[RickFox]

it's going on two months now since the affair I was ended. Since then I've only got one email from her (AP who's in a commited relationship) and I only responded to that email once and that was it. That very last email was her reassuring me that I didn't do anything wrong that led to the affair to break.

 

However for the past couple of days, I've been contemplating and thinking irrationally. I almost sent another email, I still miss her. I know I shouldn't, I know it's over and I'm slowly, one day at a time accepting the reality of it. I honestly think it's better this way, but I can't seem to jake it off. I'm back and forth, like a roller coaster. Some days I'm good, some days I dwell and want to text or write her an email asking her why..

 

I know it's a terrible idea, I know I'm just settin myself up for more pain of I do. So I guess I'm wondering if any of you good people have been through the roller coaster of emotions, the want/need to break no contact? Mind you, I'm still circulating, going out on dates when I have my free time, but at the end of the day I get tempted to break no contact just to to know if she misses me or even thinks about me. I know that sounds elementary but it's what I think about when I'm contemplating about her, which I think is kind of normal.

 

It ended two months ago, via email sent by her which destroyed me at first and it was cowardly I think. Since then like said, there was only one other email sent by her reassuring me that I didn't do anything wrong, I responded to that saying that she did her best and that's it. I keep telling myself to just let go...freakin roller coaster!

 

The roller coaster goes on.....you have to deal with it. Breaking nc will break you.....been there, done that....you won't ever forget, but you need to leave her be