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Broke NC after 5 months


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last Thursday. I know, I know, everyone regrets doing that, and I ended up feeling the same way. At first I was happy that he responded and was so nice and playful, I guess because I was uncomfortable with how I ended things before on a bad note (I was kind of angry and he knew it) then went NC without telling him. It made me uncomfortable ending things that way. I don't like not being at a place of at least semi-peace with someone I cared about. So, yeah, it made me happy to know that he doesn't hate me, but, then I found myself getting a little excited and started revisiting those fantasies again of us being together in my mind. Suddenly I was on fire for him again.... that quick. This is where I have gone wrong. Now I'm just left feeling down and dejected because I know deep down that he doesn't want me like I want him. If he did, he would have came after me.

 

Today I'm feeling like I'm going to go NC again. It's pointless to talk to him. Anyways, just thought I'd give a little update here.

 

Cheers, my fellow OW/OM.

Edited by Popsicle
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last Thursday. I know, I know, everyone regrets doing that, and I ended up feeling the same way. At first I was happy that he responded and was so nice and playful, I guess because I was uncomfortable with how I ended things before on a bad note (I was kind of angry and he knew it) then went NC without telling him. It made me uncomfortable ending things that way. I don't like not being at a place of at least semi-peace with someone I cared about. So, yeah, it made me happy to know that he doesn't hate me, but, then I found myself getting a little excited and started revisiting those fantasies again of us being together in my mind. Suddenly I was on fire for him again.... that quick. This is where I have gone wrong. Now I'm just left feeling down and dejected because I know deep down that he doesn't want me like I want him. If he did, he would have came after me.

 

Today I'm feeling like I'm going to go NC again. It's pointless to talk to him. Anyways, just thought I'd give a little update here.

 

Cheers, my fellow OW/OM.

 

Are you the OW or MW or MOW?

 

Whenever I felt rejected by the XMM cutting things off then reaching back out I'd feel the exact same way you did when yours responded back.

 

Can you two at least be cordial without the back and forth of cold hard NC?

 

Or do you think you'll slip back into the A again?

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last Thursday. I know, I know, everyone regrets doing that, and I ended up feeling the same way. At first I was happy that he responded and was so nice and playful, I guess because I was uncomfortable with how I ended things before on a bad note (I was kind of angry and he knew it) then went NC without telling him. It made me uncomfortable ending things that way. I don't like not being at a place of at least semi-peace with someone I cared about. So, yeah, it made me happy to know that he doesn't hate me, but, then I found myself getting a little excited and started revisiting those fantasies again of us being together in my mind. Suddenly I was on fire for him again.... that quick. This is where I have gone wrong. Now I'm just left feeling down and dejected because I know deep down that he doesn't want me like I want him. If he did, he would have came after me.

 

Today I'm feeling like I'm going to go NC again. It's pointless to talk to him. Anyways, just thought I'd give a little update here.

 

Cheers, my fellow OW/OM.

 

 

Oh Popsicle....WE've all done it. I did it last week as you know. BUT, I did feel 1000x times worse so I know that for me that one time was enough to learn my lesson. I WILL NOT do it again. I can't take the pain that follows. You KNOW how I love and ache for HIM, but I want him to wonder just how I am doing. And, mostly, I hope that someday he comes to me tocheck on me and see if I am still alive. And, if he never does, then I have some answers. Hang in there, friend. get tough!!!!! NC!!!!!

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Are you the OW or MW or MOW?

 

Whenever I felt rejected by the XMM cutting things off then reaching back out I'd feel the exact same way you did when yours responded back.

 

Can you two at least be cordial without the back and forth of cold hard NC?

 

Or do you think you'll slip back into the A again?

 

 

I am the OW, and yeah, I can be cordial as long as it's him reaching out to me first (fat chance).

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Oh Popsicle....WE've all done it. I did it last week as you know. BUT, I did feel 1000x times worse so I know that for me that one time was enough to learn my lesson. I WILL NOT do it again. I can't take the pain that follows. You KNOW how I love and ache for HIM, but I want him to wonder just how I am doing. And, mostly, I hope that someday he comes to me tocheck on me and see if I am still alive. And, if he never does, then I have some answers. Hang in there, friend. get tough!!!!! NC!!!!!

 

 

You know, I used to feel this way too, Mickey, but now, I'm even giving up on that. I just feel sad.

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I have deleted my XMM's # from my cell... I almost had a week moment and that helped a lot.

 

We rarely used our cell #'s (I was too scared of his wife catching him) so that's not a problem. Our thing was messaging on a networking site. Seeing him active on there just shows me that he could care less about me and is living his life. I probably need that reminder.

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We rarely used our cell #'s (I was too scared of his wife catching him) so that's not a problem. Our thing was messaging on a networking site. Seeing him active on there just shows me that he could care less about me and is living his life. I probably need that reminder.

 

 

Popsicle, that is what is hard for me too. I saw pics of my exMM on his FB account at a baseball game with one of his children. It hurt since he took me to one baseball game every year for the past three years!!!!! Point is that he is LIVING HIS LIFE while I sit here asking WHY WHY WHY on LS day after day.

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Popsicle, that is what is hard for me too. I saw pics of my exMM on his FB account at a baseball game with one of his children. It hurt since he took me to one baseball game every year for the past three years!!!!! Point is that he is LIVING HIS LIFE while I sit here asking WHY WHY WHY on LS day after day.

 

Yep. :(

 

A very hard pill to swallow.

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Yep. :(

 

A very hard pill to swallow.

 

 

So, in the end, do you feel better or worse? I wasn't sure from your post?

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whichwayisup
Suddenly I was on fire for him again.... that quick.

 

And this is why NC has to stick this time. And as you say it's pointless to be in touch with him. All it does is keep him in your head and feeds your feelings.

 

NC a way to heal. Not to punish him or be cruel or play games. When an A ends, it's impossible to be 'friends'. I think most come to this conclusion on their own when they realize trying to be friends or just keeping in touch doesn't work for them anymore and it's just too painful to continue on any contact.

 

You can do this if you really want to be over him and have him out of your life on all levels.

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So, in the end, do you feel better or worse? I wasn't sure from your post?

 

Worse. Mostly because it was confirmed that I didn't really matter that much to him.

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BrokenPrincess

It's crazy isn't it how fast your mind can jump right back in, despite everything. The good news is that your time of nc did let you heal a bit & you will bounce back much faster. Unfortunately I am speaking from experience. (((Popsicle)))

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It's crazy isn't it how fast your mind can jump right back in, despite everything. The good news is that your time of nc did let you heal a bit & you will bounce back much faster. Unfortunately I am speaking from experience. (((Popsicle)))

 

 

Yeah, I got sooo excited. It shocked me.

 

Thank you for your support, (((BrokenPrincess)))

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last Thursday. I know, I know, everyone regrets doing that, and I ended up feeling the same way. At first I was happy that he responded and was so nice and playful, I guess because I was uncomfortable with how I ended things before on a bad note (I was kind of angry and he knew it) then went NC without telling him. It made me uncomfortable ending things that way. I don't like not being at a place of at least semi-peace with someone I cared about. So, yeah, it made me happy to know that he doesn't hate me, but, then I found myself getting a little excited and started revisiting those fantasies again of us being together in my mind. Suddenly I was on fire for him again.... that quick. This is where I have gone wrong. Now I'm just left feeling down and dejected because I know deep down that he doesn't want me like I want him. If he did, he would have came after me.

 

Today I'm feeling like I'm going to go NC again. It's pointless to talk to him. Anyways, just thought I'd give a little update here.

 

Cheers, my fellow OW/OM.

 

So, the lesson was...getting the little fix reignited the addiction.

 

And while it initially feels oh so good - the crash usually renders any benefit (perceived) moot. And by crash, I mean those nasty little thoughts of "If I were better/worth more/prettier/<whatever>" and he'd come for me. He'd choose me.

 

Totally unhealthy. And not even true. Not even remotely true.

 

The little fix (of validation) isn't worth the crash -and self doubt and devaluation. Find a man worth you - it ain't him. THAT I promise.

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Worse. Mostly because it was confirmed that I didn't really matter that much to him.

 

Oh popsicle....maybe it will help you move ahead in the long run. You can love a person very much, and even have them love you, and still not be getting what it is you need to be happy.

 

Our exMMs have been the focus of our thoughts and life and it is hard to believe that they don't care about us. It is brutal. But the hard part is obsessing. I still want to know what is happening in his life, keep up, that kind of thing. But it is none of my business now. Hard to accept. But that is reality.

 

Hang in there. You will be OK....you really will. We'll be OK together.

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So, the lesson was...getting the little fix reignited the addiction.

 

And while it initially feels oh so good - the crash usually renders any benefit (perceived) moot. And by crash, I mean those nasty little thoughts of "If I were better/worth more/prettier/<whatever>" and he'd come for me. He'd choose me.

 

Totally unhealthy. And not even true. Not even remotely true.

 

The little fix (of validation) isn't worth the crash -and self doubt and devaluation. Find a man worth you - it ain't him. THAT I promise.

 

Oh popsicle....maybe it will help you move ahead in the long run. You can love a person very much, and even have them love you, and still not be getting what it is you need to be happy.

 

Our exMMs have been the focus of our thoughts and life and it is hard to believe that they don't care about us. It is brutal. But the hard part is obsessing. I still want to know what is happening in his life, keep up, that kind of thing. But it is none of my business now. Hard to accept. But that is reality.

 

Hang in there. You will be OK....you really will. We'll be OK together.

 

Thanks, Mickey and jwi. That means a lot.

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I think sometimes people think NEVER again in terms of speaking.

In some cases it should be this way forever.

But if you ended and allow lots of time to pass & indifference to set in, you can make a choice to be amicable with pure intentions.

Maybe not enough time had passed, maybe you didnt go through all the stages of greif and were in the bargaining stage when you reached out.

I think NC this time could be easier now that you know its peaceful & amicable.

The longing will grow, the insecurity of why wouldnt he write today will continue.

NC isnt a jail sentence, it gives you strength and your control & power back.

 

I dont think you did anything wrong by reaching out. Now let it be for you. Let him alone for YOU and celebrate the NC, dont let it make you sad.

Your doing great! Chin up!

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Maybe not enough time had passed, maybe you didnt go through all the stages of greif and were in the bargaining stage when you reached out.

 

I think you're right.

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whichwayisup
Worse. Mostly because it was confirmed that I didn't really matter that much to him.

 

Then always keep that close to you. Remember he isn't missing you and thinking of you as much as you're thinking of him. Get mad! He is a wasted space in your mind and not worthy to be there anymore.

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Then always keep that close to you. Remember he isn't missing you and thinking of you as much as you're thinking of him. Get mad! He is a wasted space in your mind and not worthy to be there anymore.

 

 

Well, I'm not mad. Just sad and accepting it.

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whichwayisup
Well, I'm not mad. Just sad and accepting it.

 

I hope soon you find 'mad' and accept it. Mad is good because it pushes you into the next level of healing.

 

Did you ever go read no foolin's thread in the coping section? If not, go there and read it. It's a sticky so it should be one of the first threads when you go into that section.

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I hope soon you find 'mad' and accept it. Mad is good because it pushes you into the next level of healing.

 

Did you ever go read no foolin's thread in the coping section? If not, go there and read it. It's a sticky so it should be one of the first threads when you go into that section.

 

I just don't think there's anything to be mad about. How can I be mad at someone because they don't want me? I think you can reach the next level of healing without having to be mad. That is what people do when they are coping with death.

 

I will check out that other thread though.

 

Edit: Oh you mean the No contact thread. Yeah I read that before I broke no contact. It's good though. I really don't feel like I'm at risk for breaking NC anymore. I just don't want to. There is nothing to rekindle.

Edited by Popsicle
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We rarely used our cell #'s (I was too scared of his wife catching him) so that's not a problem. Our thing was messaging on a networking site. Seeing him active on there just shows me that he could care less about me and is living his life. I probably need that reminder.

 

I ended up having to kick him off my FB friends list. He once broke things off with me but was posting as still liking my pictures... WHY? He was acting as if I had zero feelings.

 

The kicker was seeing there 6th wedding anniversary pictures....

 

Now we use to communicate via FB messenger but I believe his BS also had the password so that was more risky then using text message. Before they shared a cell plan we texted daily and called each other.

 

Try not to look at his profile it will only set you back.

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Soverysad123

Hello. Just thought I would add as I know a lot of you think that when your exMM choose their family they are all happy and don't think of you. I know from personal experience being a exMW that even though I ended it with my MM, I think about him all the time. I have a lovely family life and we as a family are always doing special things and we get some great photos from that, BUT my exMM is always in my thoughts and my heart and I would rather be doing them all with him and I know he feels the same. So please take the photos you see with a pinch of salt. I know you and I have to accept that it's over and move on but I am not sure anger or hate is the way forward, I know that has been suggested a few times. I believe what you had was special but just not possible. He will be thinking of you all the time just has to man up and be the father and husband he promised to be. But you are important and special and now need to find true love with someone that can give themselves totally to you - I know easier said than done. And the MM probably wont find true love within the marriage but acceptance of the life they need to live. So in the end you are the winner, one day finding true love with someone and you won't make the mistake of marrying the wrong person because you know where that leads. Sorry for my rambling post.

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