PreciousOne Posted April 14, 2014 Share Posted April 14, 2014 I recently found out that when u get checked for stds they dont test for herpes so throughout my entire sexual life I ve never been tested for it well I paid for the test to be done and found out that I in fact do have both herpes 1 & 2. Ive been involved with a married man for about 8 years and have been having a hars time ending things but it seems herpes has done the trick because I went from seeing him everyday and talking to him everyday to barely seeing or talking to him he said he went and got tested and his results came back negative although I dont believe he went and got tested because his story didnt add up butI hope that he doesnt hav3 it I cant really say where I got it from or how long ive had it because this was my first time getting tested for it but I know I did alot of dumb ****t when I was a teenager. This has been very emotional for me and he is treating me as if I am a disgusting person, I want things to end but not this way and im worried about future dating I wanted to talk to other people to get my mind off him but now I just feel like I cant becaubecause who would want someone with herpes. Any feedback is welcome thanks!!! How does one dats with this virus how would you react if you found out you were dating someone who had herpes. Link to post Share on other sites
Tullyseptember Posted April 14, 2014 Share Posted April 14, 2014 PreciouseOne, You are not disgusting and yes of course there is the right person out there for you regardless of herpes. If you can finding a support group or counselling could be very beneficial in helping you process your feelings on the affair and the results of your test. It's time to think about yourself and to protect yourself from bad behaviour. Link to post Share on other sites
mimi53751 Posted April 14, 2014 Share Posted April 14, 2014 Most adults (~80%ish) have herpes. We get it as children from kisses from our parents, aunts/uncles, family members. It's nothing to be ashamed of. The only negative thing about herpes are the outbreaks (cold sores) or the genital lesions. Most people will not have outbreaks. I don't know if I have herpes, but if I went and got tested for it now and found out I was positive, I wouldn't think twice about it. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Hope Shimmers Posted April 14, 2014 Share Posted April 14, 2014 Most adults (~80%ish) have herpes. We get it as children from kisses from our parents, aunts/uncles, family members. It's nothing to be ashamed of. The only negative thing about herpes are the outbreaks (cold sores) or the genital lesions. Most people will not have outbreaks. I don't know if I have herpes, but if I went and got tested for it now and found out I was positive, I wouldn't think twice about it. Whoa....! in your two sentences, you are referring to type 1 (not genital herpes). Very important distinction! If you tested positive for type 2, you should definitely think twice about it - you need to protect your sexual partners from exposure. I agree with tullyseptember. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
A.Moscote Posted April 14, 2014 Share Posted April 14, 2014 Hi Precious. Sorry about the news and the whole problem. Please don't let yourself to become too emotional, there's always a way to manage any trouble. Be optimist and patience. Every situation has its pros and cons. As you implied, maybe this can really help you break free from this affair dilemma. I can't imagine holding a woman for eight years, it is really selfish. Hopefully you will start to bleach this emotional grips he has on you. Plan your actions, take time, and move forward even by little steps. Don't worry too much about future date. Your sacrifice for eight years, unfortunate though it is, attests to your tremendous capacity to love someone. There are many people with good heart, who is not looking for that perfect woman. Surely you'll meet someone attracted to you, just give the time for that chance to come. At the moment give your attention and effort on the current situation. Grow from this time to become a better person. Now I don't quite agree with mimi, you shouldn't take this lightly and obviously should think much more than twice about this. Yes herpes is quite common, but it still comes with a variety of risk some of which are very serious. Please read more about this, and work with your GP on how to manage it. Be careful and responsible in sexual activity. Take care and good luck. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Cocochai Posted April 14, 2014 Share Posted April 14, 2014 I recently found out that when u get checked for stds they dont test for herpes so throughout my entire sexual life I ve never been tested for it well I paid for the test to be done and found out that I in fact do have both herpes 1 & 2. Ive been involved with a married man for about 8 years and have been having a hars time ending things but it seems herpes has done the trick because I went from seeing him everyday and talking to him everyday to barely seeing or talking to him he said he went and got tested and his results came back negative although I dont believe he went and got tested because his story didnt add up butI hope that he doesnt hav3 it I cant really say where I got it from or how long ive had it because this was my first time getting tested for it but I know I did alot of dumb ****t when I was a teenager. This has been very emotional for me and he is treating me as if I am a disgusting person, I want things to end but not this way and im worried about future dating I wanted to talk to other people to get my mind off him but now I just feel like I cant becaubecause who would want someone with herpes. Any feedback is welcome thanks!!! How does one dats with this virus how would you react if you found out you were dating someone who had herpes. I'm so sorry you are going through this! Reality is that a lot of people have the virus but don't know it themselves. Yes it's possible that your MM may not have it either. There are couples who are together for years where one has it, then out of the blue it flares and the other partner tests and doesn't have it. You never know who gave it to whom unless you were a virgin from the person who gave it. Link to post Share on other sites
Cocochai Posted April 14, 2014 Share Posted April 14, 2014 Most adults (~80%ish) have herpes. We get it as children from kisses from our parents, aunts/uncles, family members. It's nothing to be ashamed of. The only negative thing about herpes are the outbreaks (cold sores) or the genital lesions. Most people will not have outbreaks. I don't know if I have herpes, but if I went and got tested for it now and found out I was positive, I wouldn't think twice about it. Well you really should tell if you know your status but there are ways to prevent passing it on... Not 100% and condoms don't fully protect but your right... Docs don't randomly test for it so a lot of folks have it and are unaware. Link to post Share on other sites
Quiet Storm Posted April 14, 2014 Share Posted April 14, 2014 Whoa....! in your two sentences, you are referring to type 1 (not genital herpes). Very important distinction! If you tested positive for type 2, you should definitely think twice about it - you need to protect your sexual partners from exposure. I agree with tullyseptember. Conservatively, 1 in 6 Americans have genital herpes, so while it is not 80%, a good portion of the population does have it. Many statistics place the figures as high as 25% of adult women & 20% of adult men. I think this is important knowledge, because many people do not realize how widespread it is. Also, blisters appear all over the private region, so using a condom can only protect against blisters on the penis. Many people do not even realize they have it, because outbreaks can be mild & unnoticeable. Precious, I know this is hard news to take, and his reaction makes it even harder. Hang in there. You should definitely tell future partners, but due to the large numbers of those affected, it may not be as difficult as you think. If your MM truly did test negative, this was probably a wake up call for him. Link to post Share on other sites
gettingstronger Posted April 14, 2014 Share Posted April 14, 2014 No advice but wanted to say, what a jerk. Millions have unprotected sex and we all know the risks, just because it ended badly for you doesn't make you any less than the rest of us. We have just been luckier. Take care. Link to post Share on other sites
KaliLove Posted April 14, 2014 Share Posted April 14, 2014 I know it sucks because it's forever, but really..it's just zits. There are much worse STDs out there that can do a lot more damage. If you take the suppressive medication it's unlikely you'll be bothered much by it. The guy I'm dating has it and I don't, and I'm ok with it. But you really should let his wife know in case he hasn't. Link to post Share on other sites
Cocochai Posted April 14, 2014 Share Posted April 14, 2014 Wait, did you have an outbreak or you just know you've been exposed to it? Link to post Share on other sites
amaysngrace Posted April 14, 2014 Share Posted April 14, 2014 Whoa....! in your two sentences, you are referring to type 1 (not genital herpes). Very important distinction! If you tested positive for type 2, you should definitely think twice about it - you need to protect your sexual partners from exposure. I agree with tullyseptember. I tried to send you a PM but couldn't. If you get a chance, please PM me? Link to post Share on other sites
obladi Posted April 14, 2014 Share Posted April 14, 2014 my xwife had pos test for herpes after she found out about my ap she wigged out cause herpes gives you more chance for cervix cancer.I dont know if i gave it to her from my ap dont know if me and gf have it, but its bad if u dont tell and u need to tell dates so they dont get surprized find out aftrer. Link to post Share on other sites
Author PreciousOne Posted April 14, 2014 Author Share Posted April 14, 2014 Thanks for everyone being so encouraging, I just got tested out of curiosity really and it turned out to be the way it was I will get over the initial shock.... eventually but I cant help but be hurt by his reaction because even though I know the situation was wrong between us I did however spend the last 8 years of my life with him and in the blink of an eye after telling him about it its like I was someone who was a one night stand to him like I never meant anything to him at all, When I was 16 I got pregnant later miscarried and Im pretty sure that when your pregnant they test you for everything so Im guessing it happened after that I met him soon after and have only been with him since besides when I get sexually assaulted a year later and of course he didntt use protection but I went to a rape crisis center and they gave me a lot of pills where it was supposed to knock out any type of infection. Im not sure where it came from and it really doesn't matter but I just felt like love aside that we had a friendship and he could've gave me some emotional support in the least but it just confirmed that Im not really important in his life and its making no contact a lot easier and showing me that Im stronger that I thought I was but Thanks for not being a holes about the situation I love you guys. Link to post Share on other sites
Cocochai Posted April 14, 2014 Share Posted April 14, 2014 my xwife had pos test for herpes after she found out about my ap she wigged out cause herpes gives you more chance for cervix cancer.I dont know if i gave it to her from my ap dont know if me and gf have it, but its bad if u dont tell and u need to tell dates so they dont get surprized find out aftrer. That's not true obladi... HPV causes cervical cancer... Herpes just causes irritation and discomfort. But if your W should ever get pregnant and she has an OB during delivery then the docs would take precaution. Link to post Share on other sites
Cocochai Posted April 14, 2014 Share Posted April 14, 2014 Thanks for everyone being so encouraging, I just got tested out of curiosity really and it turned out to be the way it was I will get over the initial shock.... eventually but I cant help but be hurt by his reaction because even though I know the situation was wrong between us I did however spend the last 8 years of my life with him and in the blink of an eye after telling him about it its like I was someone who was a one night stand to him like I never meant anything to him at all, When I was 16 I got pregnant later miscarried and Im pretty sure that when your pregnant they test you for everything so Im guessing it happened after that I met him soon after and have only been with him since besides when I get sexually assaulted a year later and of course he didntt use protection but I went to a rape crisis center and they gave me a lot of pills where it was supposed to knock out any type of infection. Im not sure where it came from and it really doesn't matter but I just felt like love aside that we had a friendship and he could've gave me some emotional support in the least but it just confirmed that Im not really important in his life and its making no contact a lot easier and showing me that Im stronger that I thought I was but Thanks for not being a holes about the situation I love you guys. They don't test for herpes during pregnancy... Remember you must ask to get the test. Link to post Share on other sites
KaliLove Posted April 14, 2014 Share Posted April 14, 2014 Herpes is a virus, not an infection. Pills wouldn't do any good against it. Link to post Share on other sites
Cocochai Posted April 14, 2014 Share Posted April 14, 2014 Herpes is a virus, not an infection. Pills wouldn't do any good against it. If your talking about pills that help the parter not catch it 100%... Then your right but herpes meds help suppress the virus and lessons the chances of the partner catching it. Plus pills help while your having an outbreak. If a lot of people knew of their own status this would help not to pass it on. Also cold sores are herpes and a lot of partners are catching the virus via oral sex. I did a study on this a few years back. Link to post Share on other sites
KaliLove Posted April 14, 2014 Share Posted April 14, 2014 If your talking about pills that help the parter not catch it 100%... Then your right but herpes meds help suppress the virus and lessons the chances of the partner catching it. Plus pills help while your having an outbreak. If a lot of people knew of their own status this would help not to pass it on. Also cold sores are herpes and a lot of partners are catching the virus via oral sex. I did a study on this a few years back. I'm talking about the pills she mentioned to help ward off infection. Link to post Share on other sites
FoolishOW Posted April 15, 2014 Share Posted April 15, 2014 There are prescription meds available that significantly lower the incidence, and severity of flare ups of HSV-2, (genital herpes), which, left untreated, will vary in severity from uncomfortable to agonizingly painful. It really runs the gamut. Some are available as generics now, as they've been on the market for almost 2 decades. One of the first branded scripts was "Valtrex", but your doc will provide more info on which agent is best for you. Typically, the first, "active" breakout can be extreme. It can also lay dormant for years. It tends to flare more often when undergoing high stress levels, and other general health circumstance can effect how it presents in individual patients. It is, however, a manageable diagnosis. See your PC doc, or OBGYN, and prepare some questions ahead of time so you have all the info you need. As I said, it is a very manageable diagnosis, especially with available meds, but you need to stay informed with the most accurate information, and move forward responsibly. Your own health, as well as the health of others, is a matter you don't want to fool around with or take lightly. Since there's often a pinhead, or three, around ... No, I don't have herpes. This just falls within my profession. Good luck to you! Link to post Share on other sites
Author PreciousOne Posted April 15, 2014 Author Share Posted April 15, 2014 I would never have sex with someone without giving them the decision to take the risk, as of now I actually don't have the desire to be intimate because Im so worried about passing this to someone I don't want to do that. I understand that a lot of people say its only a skin infection and I can say Im very blessed because I don't have any major problems I have noticed some things in the past but its not as bad as some pics Ive seen on the net and Im thankful for that Im just going to try hard to get through this but I would never lie about my status or withhold the info from a potential partner Im just not that kind of person. As soon as I found out I let my partner know and I haven't been "intimate" with him since and I wont with him or anyone else in the future Link to post Share on other sites
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