Blocking versus LC

[Cocochai]

Wanted to get some opinions on these two ways of slowly or permanently leaving the A.

 

Which one worked for you and why?

 

Blocking.. Are you still currently blocking years after ending the A or did you eventually unblock and care not to think about the AP?

 

LC... Did it eventually fizzle out and you decided to cut all ties or did you and the AP actually stay in contact non sexual?

[Ailsa1983]

LC will never work is one or both parties still have feelings for the other, boundaries will be crossed again. If only one is still attached then again it will prevent them from moving on.

 

No Contact is the only way if you really 100% want to end things.

[Waverly]

LC... Did it eventually fizzle out and you decided to cut all ties or did you and the AP actually stay in contact non sexual?

 

We stayed in non-sexual contact for five excruciating months, just going around and around about our feelings, how it was a dead end, trying to make polite "friend" talk and ending up fighting, all while painfully watching each other try to go back to our lives. He started drinking again, I lost ten pounds, couldn't stop crying, and seriously wished at moments that I had had the courage to drive into a tree. I don't recommend this approach.

 

I fought SO hard against going NC, and I'm still not sure it's the right answer for me/us for the rest of my life. We're only three weeks in, so who knows. But the alternative was, no exaggeration, completely ruining us both.

Edited April 10, 2014 by Waverly

[Mickey1982]

I don't understand NC. Outside this forum, I've never heard it.

 

The end means the end. When his timeline expired, I was done. I knew everything I needed to know by that date coming without him ending his marriage. I told him not to contact me, deleted my email address, and that was it.

 

It's over. He's no longer a part of my life. Period.

 

Over isn't the same thing as NC... At least it's not the intention by so many on this forum. Over is permanent. NC seems to be a strategy around here. One that only makes the whole situation worse. Saying it's over and then playing cat and mouse simply encourages a MM to lose respect for you.

 

Unfortunately, many OW believe they are in NC. To the MM they were with, it's over.

 

 

Can you share 'your story?'

[tornado]

I've been NC with the MM for one month now. He's found all my other FB accounts... He is harrassing me with messages. He is saying it was all my fault, that I planned to break the affair, that I made an excuse etc... He is going on about a FB friend that I have, and is saying I lied to him, that I know him before I met him (the MM), seems he is jealous... It seems he is angry I don't reply. He just said he was going to block me on all apps, and it will be done tomorrow. I bet he doesn't feel good because he feels he doesn't have control over me anymore... so he is accusing me to be a "lying ****er" and so on. We will see if he continues to message me. Probably not, he will get tired soon.

He is telling nonsense, the NC is turning him crazy.

[Cocochai]

I don't understand NC. Outside this forum, I've never heard it.

 

The end means the end. When his timeline expired, I was done. I knew everything I needed to know by that date coming without him ending his marriage. I told him not to contact me, deleted my email address, and that was it.

 

It's over. He's no longer a part of my life. Period.

 

Over isn't the same thing as NC... At least it's not the intention by so many on this forum. Over is permanent. NC seems to be a strategy around here. One that only makes the whole situation worse. Saying it's over and then playing cat and mouse simply encourages a MM to lose respect for you.

 

Unfortunately, many OW believe they are in NC. To the MM they were with, it's over.

 

Your right NC I've never heard of either until I came here. To me you don't have to use NC if it's already over and your not analyzing the last thing you said or events that happened. I've never even cut a person off from my life unless he was harassing me or crazy.

 

Yes the MM may lose respect after awhile but at the same time... Where was it to begin with? He has cut if off only to come back and I've done the same. He's tried cold turkey without trying to give an explanation only to break his silence to say he couldn't do it.

 

Right now I'm at a state where I don't want to break NC but simply get over him emotionally and move on. I know he can't give me what I want but at the same time, I was apart of the A and decided to play with fire. Now my feelings are hurt.

 

Honestly thinking about NC is just a reminder of how long I haven't heard from him. Which only makes getting over him harder. Reminding myself that this just might be a game to him to see how I'll react when he contacts me, helps to only respond on my terms to help myself move on.

 

Everyone does what helps them tho.

[Cocochai]

I've been NC with the MM for one month now. He's found all my other FB accounts... He is harrassing me with messages. He is saying it was all my fault, that I planned to break the affair, that I made an excuse etc... He is going on about a FB friend that I have, and is saying I lied to him, that I know him before I met him (the MM), seems he is jealous... It seems he is angry I don't reply. He just said he was going to block me on all apps, and it will be done tomorrow. I bet he doesn't feel good because he feels he doesn't have control over me anymore... so he is accusing me to be a "lying ****er" and so on. We will see if he continues to message me. Probably not, he will get tired soon.

He is telling nonsense, the NC is turning him crazy.

 

He sounds crazy tornado good luck with that lol

[tornado]

He sounds crazy tornado good luck with that lol

Lol, thanks Cocochai, I just noticed he blocked me on FB or erased his account.

[Mickey1982]

Your right NC I've never heard of either until I came here. To me you don't have to use NC if it's already over and your not analyzing the last thing you said or events that happened. I've never even cut a person off from my life unless he was harassing me or crazy.

 

Yes the MM may lose respect after awhile but at the same time... Where was it to begin with? He has cut if off only to come back and I've done the same. He's tried cold turkey without trying to give an explanation only to break his silence to say he couldn't do it.

 

Right now I'm at a state where I don't want to break NC but simply get over him emotionally and move on. I know he can't give me what I want but at the same time, I was apart of the A and decided to play with fire. Now my feelings are hurt.

 

Honestly thinking about NC is just a reminder of how long I haven't heard from him. Which only makes getting over him harder. Reminding myself that this just might be a game to him to see how I'll react when he contacts me, helps to only respond on my terms to help myself move on.

 

Everyone does what helps them tho.

 

 

"thinking about NC is just a reminder of how long I haven't heard from him. Which only makes getting over him harder."

Oh so very true....

[Cocochai]

Lol, thanks Cocochai, I just noticed he blocked me on FB or erased his account.

 

You know that's just for attention right? Lol

 

Sounds like your the strong one in all of this. I'm happy for you!

[Wambo]

LC will never work is one or both parties still have feelings for the other, boundaries will be crossed again. If only one is still attached then again it will prevent them from moving on.

 

No Contact is the only way if you really 100% want to end things.

 

No contact doesn't always work, especially if both parties working in the same environment. As long the cause of the affair isn't dealt with, there's always the 'what if' and the feelings for each other will always linger.

 

For the affair to truly end the culprit need to go back and try to fix his or marriage/relationship. If this doesn't happen and their exAp/AP happen to be aceessiable then tough **** because 100% NC will never happen.

 

I'm currently experiencing 11 weeks of NC and coming up to the aniversery when I ended our second affair. There still tension between us and the other week she tried to break NC before going all pissed off with me. Judging by her facebook page and I know I shouldn't look but hey she's advertising herself. This tells me I'm not off the hook epscially the way she looked at me today.

[Cocochai]

No contact doesn't always work, especially if both parties working in the same environment. As long the cause of the affair isn't dealt with, there's always the 'what if' and the feelings for each other will always linger.

 

For the affair to truly end the culprit need to go back and try to fix his or marriage/relationship. If this doesn't happen and their exAp/AP happen to be aceessiable then tough **** because 100% NC will never happen.

 

I'm currently experiencing 11 weeks of NC and coming up to the aniversery when I ended our second affair. There still tension between us and the other week she tried to break NC before going all pissed off with me. Judging by her facebook page and I know I shouldn't look but hey she's advertising herself. This tells me I'm not off the hook epscially the way she looked at me today.

 

Yes people do things out of anger which results in looking for attention/response. My XMM decided to put up a pic of his whole family in his FB profile picture (something he never did before) then a pic of him and his wife on his cover pic, after I told him to "never contact me again". I ignored, never mentioned it but he broke NC and weeks later changed his pics.

 

I shouldn't look at his FB page either

[Hope Shimmers]

Over isn't the same thing as NC... At least it's not the intention by so many on this forum. Over is permanent. NC seems to be a strategy around here. One that only makes the whole situation worse. Saying it's over and then playing cat and mouse simply encourages a MM to lose respect for you.

 

It is a strategy. It's not supposed to be a game. It is meant to be a process to deal with the end of a relationship.

 

As for the bolded - usually it's the MM who comes back around after NC to play 'cat and mouse'.

[gettingstronger]

Over isn't the same thing as NC...

 

 

What a great way to look at it- and it made me finally understand what a friend said to me not so long ago- she knew she was over her former husband when she started referring to herself as single and not divorced-I nodded and smiled, happy for her, but did not understand the idea of self identification as sign of healing-

[Lady2163]

I've had three abusive, neglectful, narcissistic ex-boyfriends, who I essentially blocked from my life. This is before the Internet and cell phones. But, I moved a couple of times in one year, only had a post office box and pager (back when only supposed drug dealers had pagers). After a few moves and state changes, I got an unlisted phone number and actually rented an apartment above the table rather than under the table.

 

Now, 10+ years later, I don't care of they were to find me. The one that is slightly computer savvy I have blocked on Facebook. I've never done an email that is my name. They could find me, but I do regular google searches on myself and they would probably have to pay a private investigator to get my email and/or phone number. However, since I own a house, they could track my address through the county property page.

 

While all those were single men, the same idea applies. If you are blocking someone or making an attempt to prevent them from contacting you, it could be out of spite or to protect yourself. The opposite of love is not hate, but indifference. I think I have finally healed from those awful relationships because I just don't care if they find me or not. I would NEVER resume a relationship with them.

 

In a perfect world, LC would work. All relationships could just go from fully involved to only partially involved to mere acquaintances. But that isn't how it happens when emotions are involved.

 

I'd like to think my married friend and I could just drop to, I don't know, 12 - 18 calls a year. Maybe a couple dozen texts.