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Are there any single OM around here involved with a MOW or OW in another relationship? I feel like most stories I have read here are with MOM regardless of the status of the OW...

 

If you are a single OM, how did you get involved?

 

Did you ever truly think she will leave or still will?

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Are there any single OM around here involved with a MOW or OW in another relationship? I feel like most stories I have read here are with MOM regardless of the status of the OW...

 

If you are a single OM, how did you get involved?

 

Did you ever truly think she will leave or still will?

 

Well I read this and registered just to reply to it.

 

I am a single OM and we got involved online on a social media site; she initiated this by sending me an email seeking friends, and it escalated from there to real life. At the time we got in contact she was freshly separated from her H.

 

H didn't seem to care about the separation (i.e. no attempts to R, etc) till one day when he was visiting with the kids and saw a message from me on her phone. Then he went nuts! The full spectrum from begging & crying to verbal abuse.

 

She went so far as to investigate a legal separation, but after several weeks of pressure and being judged by family, friends and H being nuts which was upsetting the kids, she gave in and they went to MC, and H moved back in.

 

So nowadays we communicate online now and then. I think if it wasn't for the kids and family / peer pressure she wouldn't be with him.

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Surely there's not just one or two single OM here?

 

There are but some of us has the luxery of working with our exAP and in the end the whole experience is just exhusting.

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I'm a single OM.

 

Maybe she will leave, maybe she won't. I prefer the former, but I'll accept the latter. I find as a group us OM are more laid back and less demanding than OW.

 

If I don't like the situation, eventually I'll find another single woman. I have no real respect for the institution of marriage, so I don't really feel any moral qualms about what I am doing.

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veritas lux mea
I'm a single OM.

 

Maybe she will leave, maybe she won't. I prefer the former, but I'll accept the latter. I find as a group us OM are more laid back and less demanding than OW.

 

If I don't like the situation, eventually I'll find another single woman. I have no real respect for the institution of marriage, so I don't really feel any moral qualms about what I am doing.

 

I can understand having no respect for marriage but what about lying, betrayal, deception, and trickery?

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I prefer she would leave as well. However I don't ask her or pressure her to because I know how people react to that i.e. do more of the opposite.

 

She has had ongoing problems with the H for several years before I was even on the scene and they have nearly split in the past too.

 

How many of you have had a situation where the H didn't care about the MW till she started seeing the OM... and when the H finds out about this goes nuts, suddenly decides he deeply loves and cares about her... then they R and he does everything she wants to try to please her?

 

How long can a marriage like that last?

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As a BS whose WW chose a single OM I am very interested in hearing about their experiences. Im hoping that other BS's will try not to use this thread as an opportunity to slam them. It's only going to exascerbate the issue that these OM's will be reluctant to be open about their experiences.

 

While your post is unclear, it can easily be read as sarcastic, provocking, or genuine. I cannot see which it really is.

 

The OM in my WS's case, although I have not had the opportunity to discuss it with him, entered into the A with my WS because as they were both mature adults, he had no contact with me, and my WS was pushing him so hard through her flirting, finally decided (so it seems) to go for it because he figured she, an equally intelligent consenting adult, seemed to know what she was doing.

That said, he wanted only some "moments" to "hang" with her but he quickly fell in love with her. But it's really impossible to know what his version of events is unless he were to communicate it honestly. All I know is he eventually wanted my wife. Pure and simple, and was, as a poster above said, prepared to complicate his entire career as a professor in a small university to do it.

 

I can understand having no respect for marriage but what about lying, betrayal, deception, and trickery?
Edited by fellini
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veritas lux mea
As a BS whose WW chose a single OM I am very interested in hearing about their experiences. Im hoping that other BS's will try not to use this thread as an opportunity to slam them. It's only going to exascerbate the issue that these OM's will be reluctant to be open about their experiences.

 

While your post is unclear, it can easily be read as sarcastic, provocking, or genuine. I cannot see which it really is.

 

The OM in my WS's case, although I have not had the opportunity to discuss it with him, entered into the A with my WS because as they were both mature adults, he had no contact with me, and my WS was pushing him so hard through her flirting, finally decided (so it seems) to go for it because he figured she, an equally intelligent consenting adult, seemed to know what she was doing.

That said, he wanted only some "moments" to "hang" with her but he quickly fell in love with her. But it's really impossible to know what his version of events is unless he were to communicate it honestly. All I know is he eventually wanted my wife. Pure and simple, and was, as a poster above said, prepared to complicate his entire career as a professor in a small university to do it.

 

I am not a BS and the quesions is genuine. It is easy to say that you don't respect marriage so that is why MW aren't off limits but what about the things I asked. If a sOM won't answer the tough questions and are "scared" off then you aren't really going to get much answers from them either.

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veritas lux mea
I prefer she would leave as well. However I don't ask her or pressure her to because I know how people react to that i.e. do more of the opposite.

 

She has had ongoing problems with the H for several years before I was even on the scene and they have nearly split in the past too.

 

How many of you have had a situation where the H didn't care about the MW till she started seeing the OM... and when the H finds out about this goes nuts, suddenly decides he deeply loves and cares about her... then they R and he does everything she wants to try to please her?

 

How long can a marriage like that last?

 

Competiveness is very strong in some people. Possesiveness too. That's why we have had for years stories crop up where one spouse murders another when they go to leave or cheat. Thankfuly most people aren't that disturbed and use other means. Maybe it wasn't her alone either. Do they have kids? The thought of step dads is hard for many people. I know if I had kids and my H and I split one of the hardest things would be them having a new mother. My logical side would want her to be loving and good step mom but my maternal side would feel she was on my territory. If there are no kids that obviously is not a factor. There is also the whole when you see someone else who wants something suddenly the something looks more appealing.

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If you are a single OM, how did you get involved?

 

She was an employee of a customer and didn't disclose she was married for some weeks.

 

Did you ever truly think she will leave or still will?

 

I did, mostly during the second iteration about six years after we first met and about two years after we had last seen each other. That iteration lasted about three years, part of which time she was 'separated' and her H apparently had a separate place and a 'girlfriend'. Ultimately they did divorce about seven years after that iteration ended, I would later find out from her (and verified independently). Water long under the bridge but that's how it went and it was quite an education in the ways of MW's. Ultimately, as a result of the first iteration, I became very skeptical of women's relationship status and this skepticism saved my bacon with a number of women who turned out to be MW's. It still helps today. Trust but verify.

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In my book there is a huge difference between sharing your story and feeling that you are obliged to either hear what others think about what you have done, or subjected to an inquisition. The OP has asked two non-threatening questions and even provided us with a pre-text to why he asks them. Im hoping LS community can respond in kind.

 

I am not a BS and the quesions is genuine. It is easy to say that you don't respect marriage so that is why MW aren't off limits but what about the things I asked. If a sOM won't answer the tough questions and are "scared" off then you aren't really going to get much answers from them either.
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eye of the storm

In regards to lying, betrayal, deception, and trickery, unless the OM/OW knows the BS they usually don't do any of those things. The WS does.

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Competiveness is very strong in some people. Possesiveness too. That's why we have had for years stories crop up where one spouse murders another when they go to leave or cheat. Thankfuly most people aren't that disturbed and use other means. Maybe it wasn't her alone either. Do they have kids? The thought of step dads is hard for many people. I know if I had kids and my H and I split one of the hardest things would be them having a new mother. My logical side would want her to be loving and good step mom but my maternal side would feel she was on my territory. If there are no kids that obviously is not a factor. There is also the whole when you see someone else who wants something suddenly the something looks more appealing.

 

Yes, they have kids. Even when she was with me she was very honest with me that may be she should try to make the marriage work for the kids.

 

So when her H went crazy, crying, abusing, threatening my life and stalking me, etc and then pulled out the story about how deeply he loved her, cared, etc and they should go to MC, she decided to give it a go.

 

And now because she's done that she has to at least put on a happy families facade for friends and family, whether she is truly happy or not.

 

Its interesting also how the tone of our conversations can change before and after she's had a couple of drinks. It seems like alcohol uncovers the real feelings of the heart?

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how did you get involved?

I had a platonic friendship with a co worker and I let my guard down. During the platonic stage I'd failed to spot all the redflags surrounding her and her relationship. I was more concerned keeping it friends only and not getting any illusion she's the one. With my mind occupied by building boundaries, I was unaware the reality of the situation. It's only when I let my guard down and didn't put her advances down, I ended up in an EA and unaware I had fallen in love due to the high excitment of the affair.

It's only now I'm going through social media pages and my not deleted emails I learned she was gunning for me for sometime during the platonic days.

 

 

Did you ever truly think she will leave?

 

I do believe her boyfriend has some sort of control over her. I have seen some evidence of this on her facebook page, like when she split up with him and he blackmailed her back into the relationship. After this she throw me back into another EA.In total we had two EAs. I do think there's a good chance she will be seeking someone else for an EA like how she sought me out. I don't think she will be leaving him anytime soon but I had seen some questionable signs like coming into work and not wearing the correct clothing? Maybe a possible sign she left his place and try to find refuge at her perents?

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how did you get involved?

I had a platonic friendship with a co worker and I let my guard down. During the platonic stage I'd failed to spot all the redflags surrounding her and her relationship. I was more concerned keeping it friends only and not getting any illusion she's the one. With my mind occupied by building boundaries, I was unaware the reality of the situation. It's only when I let my guard down and didn't put her advances down, I ended up in an EA and unaware I had fallen in love due to the high excitment of the affair.

It's only now I'm going through social media pages and my not deleted emails I learned she was gunning for me for sometime during the platonic days.

 

 

Did you ever truly think she will leave?

 

I do believe her boyfriend has some sort of control over her. I have seen some evidence of this on her facebook page, like when she split up with him and he blackmailed her back into the relationship. After this she throw me back into another EA.In total we had two EAs. I do think there's a good chance she will be seeking someone else for an EA like how she sought me out. I don't think she will be leaving him anytime soon but I had seen some questionable signs like coming into work and not wearing the correct clothing? Maybe a possible sign she left his place and try to find refuge at her perents?

 

Woman in general don't seek out random Men just to have an A with because some of us work with a connection first before the physical. Chances are... She'll be bothering YOU again.

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loozerinluv
Are there any single OM around here involved with a MOW or OW in another relationship? I feel like most stories I have read here are with MOM regardless of the status of the OW...

 

If you are a single OM, how did you get involved?

 

Did you ever truly think she will leave or still will?

 

I was a single OM. I posted some absurdly long details in the past about how I got involved. I wont go in to it again, but if you want details here is one of the threads from the past.

 

Yes, I truly believed that some day we were going to be together, but I learned that there is a lot of truth in the old saying "there is no honor among thieves".

 

I haven't had any contact with any of the people involved in my situation in about 3 years. But, the fact that I still read this board occasionally says that I've never really gotten over it all and probably shouldn't. I don't think that you ever really get your self-respect back.

 

My advise would be not to fool yourself in to thinking that there is really a future there for you.

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loveandsorrow
"I learned that there is a lot of truth in the old saying "there is no honor among thieves".

 

Now that is a truth i didn't want to hear either :eek:

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I read your last post, and it's quite a story. A little fuzzy on holding each other's responsible, but hey, that's infidelity for you!

 

The actual, original quote, is honor among thieves :)

 

But, and this has nothing to do with your case, it's just a general observation.

 

Love for me is not like an investment, an investment in which on the day you pull out you decide, what are your profits or losses.

 

I think that while we are in a loving relationship, that the emotions are real. Later, when the relationship fails, falls apart, ends badly, etc. there is a tendency to take the last feeling and map it backwards on the whole relationship. And when I think about doing this, I'm going to have to use a lot of self-deception that all those relationships I had, if they turned out badly, were the wrong relationship to be in.

 

If I am to be honest with myself, regardless of how BADLY things ended, I will not allow me to say "I regret ever meeting that woman".

 

Of all the relationships I have had, and Ill just say more than 15 LT and committed relationships, I only regret HOW I started and thus regret my decision in one of them. I would have preferred not to enter into one.

 

Because it doesnt matter if I ended the others, it doesnt matter if they walked out, cheated, disappeared, or broke my heart in a 1000 pieces, I would not have traded the time I had with each and every one of them.

 

Now I have to ask myself, how do I feel about my WS who engaged herself in a 1 year LTR with a single OM. The mature thing would be to apply my rule for her, now that it is over, and accept that she regrets HOW she cheated, but probably NOT the feelings she experienced during their time together. But that is for her to work with.

 

In her case, the OM told her on what later became our D-DAY that he was in love with her. He probably regrets that now, but I don't doubt that he was expressing a genuine emotion. As bad as it turned out for him. Love is not an investment. The returns are in the moment, not down the road.

 

 

 

Yes, I truly believed that some day we were going to be together, but I learned that there is a lot of truth in the old saying "there is no honor among thieves".

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i was a single OM. I never expected anything really it was just fun getting to know her and skyrocketing thru each phase of the relationship. In our case we held off getting physical for as long as possible and then of course when we did it became very intense. I never pushed for it but she would always talk of a future together and kids and all that stuff but every time she was on the verge of making a move she'd get caught.

 

In my case multiple D-Days, a confession on her part to her BS, outside interferences, and a bunch of other nonsense really just thru the whole thing into a whirlwind of craziness. This caused my xAP to totally change from the person that i started out knowing.

 

If you are going to pursue this my advice to you OP would be to just take it casually and light as it comes, because the longer it goes on and the heavier it gets she's gonna slip into a weird place and be very confused and irrational like all waywards and then the emotional burden will fall DIRECTLY upon you.

 

If you aren't totally enamored with this chick i would suggest that you move on and find somebody else because its not worth it, she's not worth it, this wonderful person you think she might be she's really not, all the things you think she might be im sure her husband thought at some point and look where its got him. Not trying to be cruel but just illustrating a point. Best of luck dude.

Edited by XenoMouse
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Woman in general don't seek out random Men just to have an A with because some of us work with a connection first before the physical. Chances are... She'll be bothering YOU again.

 

 

Spoken to soon. There was an incident today and I had to give her some credit.:laugh: I spent the whole day wondering if she was playing mind games with me or it was a coincidence and I was being paranoid. Then I realise she been watching me the other day and getting to know my routine.:rolleyes:

 

I do agree the connection is the most important thing and this occured in my EA. However some women are fully aware there are problems in their marriage/relationship. Instead of doing something about this, instead they seek a man with oposite qualities to their husband/partner. In doing so they are able to fill in the gigantic viod in their relationship and ignore the problems in their primary relationship.

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I can understand having no respect for marriage but what about lying, betrayal, deception, and trickery?

 

I don't feel bad when I speed and lie to the cop either.

 

Generally speaking, I'm a very nice person, but I have a very individual view of right and wrong. Things are right because I think so, not because you say so. Things are wrong because I think so, not because you say so. I have little care for the ethical views of others, beyond an academic interest in them.

 

I don't really feel that affairs are all that wrong. I think they are an artifact of a society that is emerging from religious control.

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